Chapter 4

J4

As he started telling me all about his past I figured that he actually doesn't deserve to be killed. I wonder what all those others I killed before did to get ordered dead by someone else. With this contract I finally found out that this is not a job I want to do forever. As a matter of fact - I wanted to get out of all that right now. I really didn't feel like killing another one. And especially not James. But if I wouldn't do it someone else would try it and also would try to get rid of me. I was always the one my intermediaries could count on - no mistakes in every contract. Never ever happened to me a fault before - but now there happened so many. Reason enough for them to be suspicious. If I would try to get out of this now - they wouldn't let it just happen - they know what to do against it.

I tried to breath - but it felt like there was no air in the room. I couldn't believe it. This seemed like a horror nightmare. I jumped off the bed and looked at him. He didn't look like he was thinking what I had in mind. After a few moments of starring at him he finally looked up to me - his eyes widened of shocking surprise. He didn't say a word - he seemed the first time to be speechless. Tears shot into my eyes. In any other case I would go take a shower by now. But I needed to get out of here - as fast as I could. I put on my clothes as fast as I could. James was still sitting there on the bed - sunk into thoughts trying to realize what was going on. I don't think he even noticed as I opened the bedroom door in order to leave. I looked back at him but then walked straight out of the house. I got into the car and sat there for several minutes my head leaned against the steering wheel. A knocking on the driver's side window made me startle. James was standing out in the driveway only wearing shorts and T-shirt. "Open up!" I heard him say. I shook my head "No, James!". I started the engine and put the car in gear. I drove off without saying another word and not looking back either. I looked at my watch - it was already past midnight. It would be hard to find me a hotel room. I suddenly felt really tired.

I pulled into the parking lot of a motel. I needed a few moments to get out of the car. The night watchman quickly gave me the keys to a room after I gave him more of what I was supposed to charge him. He even wanted to help me with my suitcase. I told him to just leave me fucking alone and headed towards the room I would spend the night in. I didn't even undress to go to bed - as soon as my head hit the pillow I felt into a dreamless but deep sleep.

I jumped up in the middle of the night - it must have been past two by now. I felt awake and not tired at all. I got off the bed and went into the bathroom. I took a long hot shower and my mind kept slipping back to the adventure I had earlier that night. I didn't feel disgust coming up - I didn't feel bad about what happened between me and James. He could be my father - only could though. My mother had her wild times after she was with him. That's how much I know about it. So I'm pretty much just an accident. I wasn't planned. I could also be the daughter of any other of those men she had when she was young. After I got into the shower I put on some fresh clothes and gathered out the picture of James. I took it and went to the bathroom with it. I looked at myself in the mirror for several minutes. I looked at his picture and tried to see anything familiar in my face. I couldn't really see anything that would show a similarity between him and me. I dug another time into my bag and found a bottle Tequila. I needed a drink badly right now. I took a deep drink right from the bottle and could barely catch my breath. I hadn't drunk any alcohol in a while and this one just hit me straight. I sat down and kept taking a few drinks out of the bottle. I tried to think of anything what would be good to do right now.

I must have drank too much already - that would explain why my mind suddenly had this idea. I grabbed the keys to my car and my gun and headed out to the parking lot. I knew where my intermediary had booked a hotel room. He had a routine - same hotel same room. Dangerous to have such a silly one. I headed with my car to his hotel and didn't have any problems finding the room he was in. I put the muffler onto my weapon and shot open the lock of his room. I switched on the light and went up to where the guy whom I've met earlier laid in bed snoring his ass off. I pointed the gun at him, grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at him. He startled and sat up. I obviously scarred the shit out of him. He seemed a little sober now. "Alright, asshole!" I said. I went back to the door and slammed it shut. "What... what do you think are you doing, girl?" he asked. "Get off the bed!" I ordered and released the safety catch which I'd locked again after I shot the door open. He quickly got up and raised his hands. The fear has left his eyes already. I think I wasn't looking too self confident at that moment. "What's your name?" I asked him moving towards him. He stepped backwards and felt the couch standing right behind him. "Sit down!" I told him. He complied. "I asked you a question I expect an answer from you!" I raised my voice to a louder level now. He was really pissing me off with his ignorance. I moved closer and gave him a hard slap with the handle of my gun. I knocked him aside. That scarred him! "My... my name is Trevor," he spoke up and looked up to me with fear in his eyes. "Okay, Trevor, now you tell me who wants me to kill James." He wrinkled his forehead. "Who's James?" I gave him a harsh laugh. "Oh c'mon, man. Don't start fucking with me!" I raised my gun again in order to give him another slap. He raised his hands and started to speak up again: "I don't know."