Chapter 8

Before Ruth left for the SS Kamp she was given new clothes. She could hardly believe it. She had not worn anything but the regulation dress, which was not at all becoming to her, since arriving at Kamp East. Upon receiving the dress she fondled it for a long time. It felt to her like silk, which it wasn't. She was also given a pair of high heel shoes, the first pair she had ever possessed. She practiced walking in them in the seclusion of her own cabin. The most unbelievable thing to Ruth however, was that she was allowed to apply make-up to her face.

The Frau Direktor, Hilde, instructed the girls in the use of the cosmetics. That would have been distressing enough to Ruth but the idea of the new clothes, new high heel shoes and make-up was almost disabling to her. She was quick of mind, however, and she knew enough to know instantly that Nurse Hilde was trying to make her look like a clown rather than a woman of the world. She did as the nurse told her, however, and decided that once out of the range of her supervision, she would change it all.

Ruth was cautioned again and again that she was not to reveal the fact that she was Jewish. Each time Ruth would look coldly at Nurse Hilde feeling as though she wanted to kill her. But she held her tongue and let herself be instructed. She knew that she would one day be able to even the score between herself and Nurse, Direktor, Hilde. She wasn't sure how, but she was determined that she would never miss a chance nor an opportunity that should present itself.

Ruth was extremely nervous as the day of departure came. She had on her new clothes and she was able to walk somewhat sedately in her new heels; she planned to change the make-up during the journey. She did just that as she thought over the myriad instructions, which sometimes had been nervously given them by Hilde. They were under no condition to let the knowledge of their present employment slip out. They were, they had been told, catering to the most exclusive bunch of soldiers of the German Fatherland. The SS did not expect to have prostitutes and would be driven to no one knew what if they should find out that the four girls were plain Kamp Frauleins.

Hilde had told them over and over, "It is a sickness that you Jewish sluts should be passed off on the SS as genuine and pure German womanhood. But we are at war! War! We all must make sacrifices and so must they. Do not forget that you are to be with the cream of the Aryan race!"

Ruth had heard the words so many times that she knew them by heart. She let off thinking and reviewing them in her mind and permitted herself to enjoy the ride in the car. The country side slipped by easily. She enjoyed the fresh air and the scenery since it was uncluttered by the uniforms of the soldiers. She glanced out the window and caught a quick view of a meadow full of fog. For some reason, it reminded her of Elizabeth.

She had made friends with another girl and made her promise to look after Elizabeth. She had also told the girl what she did about earning extra food coupons. Her mind was at ease about Elizabeth and she couldn't figure out just why she had suddenly thought of her. Then it came to her. The fog in the meadow reminded her of Elizabeth's mind. There were clear patches in the meadow where the wind had blown the fog away; there were, at rare times, clear thoughts that Elizabeth managed to speak. The fog obscured all that lay under it; so did the conscious thoughts of Elizabeth obscure her inner thoughts.

Ruth smiled at her analogy and sank back into the softness of the car seat and decided that she had done all that was humanly possible for her to do for the girl. She was certain that she would be all right. She smiled, pleased with herself, then folded her hands in her lap as she had been taught to do, at school.

Ruth's reverie was interrupted by the slowing of the automobile. She peered out the window and saw that they were approaching something that looked like a castle. The chauffeur directed the car through a heavily guarded gate onto a driveway that curved up to the door of the large house. Ruth breathed deeply and heavily to calm her agitated nerves. She wanted to make an entrance that would stay in the memory of whomever might be watching.

The driver stopped the car in front of the formidable door and a soldier sprang to attention. He jerked open the car door. He reached out his hand to help Ruth out of the car. She drew back automatically from the outstretched hand then giggled at her own fears. She placed her hand on his arm, at the wrist, and stepped lightly out of the car. She breathed deeply of the pine- scented air then started up the steps.

The door was jerked upon abruptly and she was ushered inside as though she were a queen. She looked in wide-eyed astonishment at the beauty of the place. It certainly didn't seem to her to be a camp for soldiers in any sense of the word. She loved the feel of the almost forgotten softness of rugs under her feet, the elaborate furnishings of the long corridor and even the carving of the door leading into the main salon. She decided before she was through the door that her time spent would not be a total waste. At least she might live in human surroundings again, even if she did have to work for it.

Once inside the main salon she was introduced to the other people there as Anna, the name she had had to select in preference to her Jewish one. She was handed a glass of champagne before the introductions were finished. It was her first taste of the bubbling stuff. She liked it. She drank it down in two swallows and was rewarded by a dizziness that she might have really enjoyed under different circumstances. But she forced herself to remember her purpose for being there. The thought did not delete from her enjoyment of just sitting and enjoying a drink like a civilized human being.

A soldier-servant came with a bottle of champagne and refilled Ruth's glass. She permitted him to do so. Then she got up and walked about the room, glass in hand, taking small sips from it. She marveled at the paintings, the tapestries, the heavy furniture and the ornaments of past-pleasures of long dead people. She knew enough about painting to know that they were for the most part French. She realized that the ivory-eggs and snuff boxes which were in such abundance on the table tops, had to have come from Russia. She placed her small hand on the surface of a snuff box and enjoyed the coolness of it.

She picked up a small ivory egg and held it in her hand, dazed at the minute detail of it. Some one spoke to her. She jumped, almost dropping the small treasure. "Please, Fraulein, do not break it. Many men have died to have that here for your pleasure." He laughed, taking the egg from her and placing it back on the table. "Do you like it?"

"Oh, yes. Very much. It is very lovely," Ruth replied, trying to smile.

"Your name, Fraulein?"

"Uh... Anna."

"You are beautiful, Fraulein Anna. So much more beautiful than the egg." He laughed easily. "You are what all German girls should be. It is you and others like you that must bear and rear the children of the future. You are truly lovely."

Ruth smiled crookedly at him. She had the impulse to ask him to write down what he had just said and sign it so that she could carry it back to Direktor Hilde.

"I want to be the first with you, Fraulein. You are a virgin, are you not?"

"Ha!" Ruth laughed, then caught herself. "Yes. You are so right, Lieutenant."

"I am Herr Lieutenant Staedt, Fraulein," he said, clicking his heels. "You may call me Wilhelm."

Ruth smiled. She liked him. He was very handsome in his uniform and its blackness gave emphasis to his pale gray eyes. She could discern nothing about him to indicate a cruel nature so she wrinkled her nose at him and permitted him to escort her to dinner. She was laughing inwardly because of the two things: first, he seemed to be younger than she although he had a good six years on her; secondly, the idea of her being a virgin appealed to her sense of humor.

Ruth found the food delightful. She liked the table, the uniforms of the SS, the chandelier that sparkled above the table and the beautiful dresses of the other girls. It was then she suddenly realized that she felt better than she had in over a year. She wanted to store all the images that she could in her mind so that she could drag them forth when she returned to KampEast. She knew she would need them. She smiled over the rim of her wine glass to all and sundry.

After the dinner of venison everyone returned to the salon. A small rug had been removed to make a place for dancing. Ruth's heart leaped with joy when she realized that there would be dancing. It immediately sank with despair when she recalled that she had never danced, not once in her life.

The music started and the Herr Lieutenant clicked his heels and reached for her hand and asked her to dance. Ruth stumbled toward the floor, which now seemed like a pit of despair to her, and let herself be enfolded into his arms. He crushed her softness to him and within a matter of seconds Ruth felt a pole like hardness pressing against her belly. She forgot to worry about dancing.

The lieutenant smiled and talked to her as he worked his loins against her. She giggled. The wine that she had consumed before and during dinner had caught up to her. Before the second dance had ended the lieutenant spoke.

"Come, Fraulein. We go upstairs now." His voice was deep and hoarse.

Ruth smiled up at him and let herself be led out of the room and up the stairs. She knew it was silly, but she hoped that she was not the first girl to be taken up the long staircase. She reminded herself that all the girls there were there for the same purpose. And, even if she had been an unknown to those she met for the first time today, there were at least three others that knew all about her. But she failed to explain to herself why she felt as she did, why she had suddenly developed the sense of propriety that she had. She guessed that it had been the total evening, the gowns of the women, the handsome uniforms of the men, the politeness shown to her by the lieutenant and many other things. All of it was such a break in her monotonous routine.

Before Ruth could examine her feelings to satisfaction she found herself in a large bedroom. The Herr Lieutenant dropped her hand as soon as they entered the room. He went to a large armoire and selected a robe. He held it out to Ruth and said, "Undress and put this on. Leave your things here. Come down the hall to the third door on the left." He grabbed her roughly to him and kissed her, then just as abruptly pulled away from Ruth and left the room.

Ruth turned to look at the large bed. There were girl's clothes scattered all over it. She smiled with satisfaction. She was not the first.

Ruth took off the beautiful clothes that she had on very slowly. She was reluctant to do so because she had enjoyed wearing them to the fullest. But she did so, slowly, folding each garment with care. She stacked the entire ensemble neatly and placed her new shoes alongside the small stack of other clothes. She straightened and looked slowly about the room. Her glance was riveted to a small object that she had forgotten existed - a lady's evening bag.

With trembling hands Ruth opened the purse. She rummaged inside it, not with a preconceived idea of theft, but one of exploration. She withdrew a small billfold that contained papers. Her excitement knew no bounds. She pulled the papers from the leather pockets of the billfold and looked through them quickly. The picture of the girl bore an amazing resemblance to herself. The papers certified that the girl pictured there was a pure- breed, unflawed, Aryan German girl. She almost wept with joy. Ruth knew beyond doubt that she would leave the SS Kamp with those papers. How she would manage It she didn't know, but she was certain that they would help her escape the horror that had become the hell of her life.

For now, she replaced the papers and closed the small purse with a snap. She opened the door to the hall and stepped through it. Then she headed for the third door on the left.

She tapped gently at the door and then entered. The Herr Lieutenant was standing with his back to her gazing out the large window. He did not turn around. She approached him and said softly, "Herr Lieutenant?"

He turned abruptly and looked quizzically at her. Her eyes met his and she shuddered. Ruth would never have been able to explain what she saw in the depths of his eyes, but they contained everything frightening in the world to her. His eyes were flat and cold gray. She knew immediately that they had seen horrors on earth that could not possibly exist in Hell. She wanted to cry out and flee from him, to run until she forgot for all time what she had seen in his eyes, but that was impossible. Instead she swallowed loudly and said, "Lieutenant, what were you thinking about?"

"Ah, you have asked a formidable question, Fraulein. Most formidable. I am the much decorated Herr Lieutenant Staedt. You caught me remembering how I earned a couple of my decorations. Anna," he cried, clutching Ruth's small body to him. "I pray that a decent German girl like you will never know of the horror of war, the bestiality of it." He breathed deeply and pushed her to his arms length and continued, "But we must do it for the Fatherland. Ya. That is so. We return almost to German soil to plant our seed in a flower such as you and hope that it will grow to bursting and come roaring out of your stomach a gusty male so that he can one day replace me and plant a seed of his own." He smiled at her and once again pulled her to him.

Ruth felt his body trembling against hers and wondered why it was so. He seemed so strong and sure of himself and then suddenly he was a little boy holding on to her for safety. She ran her hands down the broad expanse of his back and patted him gently at the waist. She tilted her head back to look at him and he covered her mouth with his.

Ruth accepted the lieutenant's burning lips with her own and enjoyed the feeling. She could not figure out the mood he was in because as strong as his body was its trembling was very pronounced against hers. It had not seemed to be so before. He abruptly shoved his tongue deep into her mouth, blocking whatever speculation she might have made. She tried to draw back from the unexpected, but to no avail. He rammed his tongue over hers and continued deep into her throat. Then, just as swiftly as he had kissed her, he stopped and tilted her head back. He looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Fraulein. I forgot myself." He searched her face, then said, "Let's get into bed."

Ruth walked to the large bed and stood mutely by it. He ordered her to take off her robe. She did so. She laid it carefully over the back of a chair. She turned, then, and looked at the Lieutenant. He stared back at her in turn. His eyes still had the flat cold look that she had noticed before. She mustered her strength and dropped her eyes to his chest and smiled.

"Come here, Michen," he said, his voice hoarse.

She stopped one foot in front of him. "You are to undress me," he told her.

She glanced at him shyly, "Well... all right. You'll have to show me how."

"You will learn as you go along. Start with the top button of the tunic." He spoke in a dispassionate voice.

She reached out her small hands to the top button of his tunic and undid it as gently as she could. She prayed that he would not know how frightened she was.

"STOP TREMBLING, FRAULEIN!" he shouted.