Chapter 7

The days at Kamp East became harder and harder for Ruth. She had to look after Elizabeth, at best a full-time job, her days began early at roll call. Standing in the cold frosty morning air, she could see dust in wave after wave on the horizon. This meant only one thing to Ruth: there was another large detachment of soldiers coming to camp. The soldiers were either coming from the Eastern Front or heading there.

Ruth had difficulty deciding which was worse - the ones going to war or the ones coming back from it. The ones returning were in a sad state: they had been starved, frozen, beaten and at times some of their friends had been murdered by their own troops, the hated SS. They were missing eyes, limbs, and other parts of their bodies. They brought back tales of the Eastern Front that would have been impossible for her to believe if she had not heard them repeatedly from the original sources.

The ones coming from the FATHERLAND were just as bad, however. Ruth supposed that they did manage to talk to and socialize with the soldiers who were returning although she knew that the powers in charge tried to prevent such social intercourse. They were so shaken mentally by the appearance of those returning that they were often as depraved as the others. Fear of the unknown was disabling to many of them.

Ruth had to deal with both groups and she never hesitated to help her own cause along. She passed on the tales of horror to those going to the Eastern Front and made up a few of her own for those returning from there. She rather enjoyed doing this and felt that she was in some small measure getting her revenge upon the whole of Germany.

The food supply at the Kamp became less and less plentiful. The vehicles were used for the transport of men, not supplies. It required five coupons a day for Ruth's meals, which were actually insufficient for survival, and also five for Elizabeth. Ruth hit upon a plan shortly after Hans left, about three months after, when the coupons he had left began to run out.

She decided to devote herself entirely to looking after Elizabeth. As sick as the girl was she was the only thing in the world for whom Ruth felt love. So she permitted Elizabeth to earn the major amount of their food coupons. It was a simple plan, actually, that Ruth had worked out.

Ruth knew that she was aging. She often looked at herself in the mirror and saw reflected there a grown woman, not a child of seventeen. It never failed to startle her when she saw herself. The first time she had cried. The second time she had shrugged it off and smiled at her reflection. She realized that her mental process had grown amazingly beyond her physical age. All the romantic notions had long since fled from her mind. She was concerned with day to day survival for herself and for Elizabeth. And, she thought, she often had to act as mother for men much older than she.

Ruth would often answer the door and receive clients at the rate of ten a day. Never did a single soldier come. Two or three soldiers would arrive there with yellow coupons clasped firmly in their grip. She would take the coupons from their dirty hands, then put them carefully away so that they would not be able to steal them back. Then she would direct them to Elizabeth's bed, often she had misgivings about her "Plan." It made her feel guilty but she could not decide of another way out of their dilemma.

When Ruth would feel guilty about what she was doing, she had only to remind herself that Elizabeth seemed near death half the time and the only time she was alive was when she had a man with her. Ruth had to lead her from one place to another, had to force her to eat and do other things to keep herself clean. It was only when Elizabeth was being fucked that she was happy. Then she was alive. Then she was happy. Then she would smile. Her white arms and legs would encircle some dirty, battle-worn soldier and she would pull forcefully at him as though she were trying to draw the whole of him into herself.

Ruth did not kid herself for a moment. The very word psychology would have had little meaning for her. But she knew that whatever was wrong with Elizabeth was partially the girl's own doing. She felt that the girl was purposely blocking out the horror of things about her. And she knew that her managing of their affairs somehow saved Elizabeth. The girl did become happy and alive every day - sometimes several times a day - and even if momentarily she did return to the world of the living.

The Frau Direktor who took roll each morning and who each day added a new rule for the girls to follow to the ever-growing list, disappeared. One day she was there bellowing at the girls; the next day she was gone. There was a big scandal in the Kamp about her but Ruth was never able to learn the complete truth. They were promised a new Direktor.

Ruth had laughed shortly to herself when it had been announced to them that they would get a new Direktor. It mattered not to her whether there was an old one, a new one or none at all. The number of girls had not been increased but the number of arrivals of soldiers had increased ten fold. Ruth had to work for herself and manage for Elizabeth and still she was getting just enough food to keep the two of them alive. So the fact that a new Direktor was to be installed was completely immaterial to her.

One morning, however, she awoke abruptly to the scream of loudspeakers calling the girls to roll call. She dressed hurriedly and dragged her tired body to her appointed position. She was shocked to see Nurse Hilde Schmidt standing on the raised platform! Nurse Hilde introduced herself as the new Direktor and then glanced coldly over at Ruth. Ruth shuddered to the very core of her being. She knew that Nurse Hilde hated her. Although it seemed to Ruth now like years ago, she thought back to their arrival and wondered what had happened to the Nurse because of her own defiance (Ruth's) of the Kapitan on their arrival.

Ruth hugged her arms to her body to regain control of herself. She did not want the new Direktor to feel that she could take advantage of her in anyway. Ruth was relieved to hear the words of dismissal. She was still trembling. She bit her tongue hard to make herself stop. She returned to the cabin where she had left the naked Elizabeth sandwiched happily between two soldiers. She felt that her long ago worked out plan was on the verge of crumbling.

Since the girls were not allowed to work after two o'clock in the morning, and since Elizabeth was never expected to fall out for roll call, Ruth had spread the word among the soldiers that Elizabeth would be available in the mornings during that time. She didn't know how the soldiers managed but at least one would always arrange to be there with his coupon. That meant an extra roll to be shared by the two girls. And at times two of them would show up. Ruth figured that she was doing well even though she was breaking the rules.