Chapter 19

There was a fresh spring breeze in the air as Tim sat on his deck outside the bedroom the following morning. He was in his robe and had a cup of coffee in his hand. As he looked over the horizon, he could see the green foliage of the trees rippling in the breeze. It was a warm, late spring morning and the flowers were in full bloom, the birds were singing. He looked back in the bedroom and saw Janice sleeping peacefully, serene, her body lying carelessly with the sheet twisted around her. Her face was glowing, almost smiling. God she looks beautiful, he thought.

Tim had gotten up early because of a nagging though on his mind. It seemed that his insecurities were always more apparent in the mornings. He was still struggling with what he had done to their marriage and where it would go from here. Yet, there was a more personal concern on his mind.

"Penny for your thoughts," Janice said as she stood in the open door. She had put on the same little bathrobe that she had worn last night and was bare footed.

Tim turned and smiled. He hadn't heard her get up. She looked gorgeous, even with her hair messed and makeup smeared. She looked like a well-used and very satisfied woman. He opened his arms to her.

Janice walked over, feeling a little tender between her cheeks, and sat on his lap, kissing his lips. "Opps! I need to brush my teeth," she giggled.

"Here, take some coffee. That should help," Tim said holding his cup up to her mouth as she took a sip. He watched her lips on the cup and had a sudden flashback of them stretched around Steve's penis. He closed his eyes and shook his head. It's too early for that, he thought.

"So what were you thinking a minute ago, before I came outside?" Janice asked.

"Just how much I love you," Tim said. It wasn't a lie, just not the entire truth.

Janice could see that something was bothering him. "Come on, you were looking very pensive. I was standing there for a couple of minutes watching you."

Tim sighed and looked out toward the trees again. "I don't know. Sometimes, in the mornings, I have these feelings. It's nothing, really."

"Tell me, please." Janice pleaded.

Tim hesitated and then said, "It's... it's what we've been doing. I've read stories on the Internet about guys like me... you know guys that like to watch their wives with other men. They always seem to be... to be... you know... wimps!"

Janice looked at Tim startled.

"Do... do you think I'm a wimp?" he asked suddenly.

"Lord no!" Janice said with amazement in her voice. "That thought has never occurred to me," she added. Then, suddenly she understood. It was the "male" thing, the pride of ownership, and maybe ego. She hugged Tim to her and said, "Truthfully, I'm not sure what the word really means. However, I know that you're not a wimp. You're as much a man as anyone I have ever known!" she said sincerely, then paused. "I know this sounds incredibly self-serving, but I think you are more of a man because of what we do."

"What do you mean by that?" Tim asked curiously.

"Well, I don't believe most men could handle it. A man has to be very secure in his masculinity to allow his wife to be with other men. Think about it. A jealous, possessive man is an insecure man. That's a wimp to me. However, that doesn't mean that you have to let your wife be with other men to be a man either."

"I guess that makes sense," Tim said thoughtfully.

Then the two of them sat quietly for a few minutes, deep in thought.

Janice was a little worried about Tim. She had enjoyed their adventures immensely. However, she was ready to give it up in a second if it jeopardized their relationship or made him feel uncomfortable. "Do you want to stop what we are doing?" she asked.

"No!" Tim blurted immediately. His face turned red with embarrassment. Then he said in a quieter tone, "I love what we've been doing. As I said, I'm just being silly. I... I... don't want to stop."

Janice still felt that she had to do something to cheer Tim up. There was something that she thought he would be excited about, but she also knew that there was a risk he wouldn't. It was their agreement that they would start trying for the baby soon. She had gone off the pill soon after the night with Dan but she hadn't told Tim. Not because she was hiding it, she just assumed that he was okay with it. She took a big breath and said, "I wasn't going to tell you this until a special time but..." Janice said and paused.