Chapter 4

Saturday passed in a whirlwind of activity for Sally. The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for four-thirty in the afternoon; it was to be followed by a dinner for the bridesmaids and ushers. She felt awkward when she met Dick at the church that afternoon; she had planned to apologize to him, to hold him and have him hold her. Yet, the second she saw him, an unwanted thought boiled up in her mind: He is going to hurt me tomorrow night... I know it!

Dick, however, surprised her by apologizing for his short behaviour the night before. He seemed somehow different today -- more relaxed and at ease. Abruptly, Sue felt all her doubts dissipating. He was to be her husband; he would protect her. He would never knowingly hurt her.

And so the rehearsal passed, and Sue was in a glow of happiness as she sat holding hands with him during the prewedding dinner, listening to the idle gossip and chatter of the other couples. When he kissed her goodnight at the front door, it was almost midnight. She responded warmly to him. "This will be the last time," Sue said softly, her voice full of love.

"The last time what?"

"The last time you'll have to say 'goodnight' like this." She knew her face was aflame as she said, boldly, "Tomorrow night you can whisper it before we go to sleep."

Then she was inside the house. The spell was broken immediately. Aunt Margaret, her mother's sister, was talking loudly in the front room. Her strident voice cut through the hallways like a runaway robot harvester cutting down everything in front of it. "I still say Sue should have had a surgeon inject a local anesthesia and then have the doctor cut her hymen. And maybe he could prescribe some sort of suppository she could insert each time before, which would deaden the pain. Why should she suffer needlessly?"

Mrs. Ogden's whining voice came. "Oh, I tried to talk to her -- to explain the disgusting thing that is going to happen... but she just sat there with a look on her face that said, 'Maybe it'll be different with me, Mother.' I just don't know what else to say to her; I don't want my only daughter to be hurt -- to be degraded by some... some..." Her emotions obviously were getting the better of her.

There was a short pause before Aunt Margaret said, "Did you ever think... that Sue might not be a virgin still?"

"Margaret! What a horrid thing to say!"

"Well?"

"Of course she is. I'm positive she hasn't cheapened herself that way."

There was another moment's silence, then Margaret said musingly, "Yes... I suppose you're right. She couldn't hide that from you. She would have been in pain for days when it happened. You would have known."

She could listen to no more. Why, oh why! did everyone have to conspire to ruin the most beautiful moment of her life, she thought. Why? Her Mother and Aunt Margaret quibbling over her virginity -- discussing it as though Sue were some animal to be trained or doctored. Wasn't this something between her and Dick? Was it anyone's business but hers? She fought the impulse to run in and shout at them, fought another impulse to run up the stairs. Instead, she forced herself to tip-toe quietly up to her bedroom. There, hanging on the closet door like some ghostly figure mocking her, was her bridal gown and veil. Sue reached out one trembling hand to the nylon mesh. She shuddered at the feel of it. Maybe, she thought in sudden dismay, I should call the whole thing off while there's still time. But she knew that it was already too late.

When she heard Aunt Margaret and her mother's querulous voice in the hall forty minutes later, she pretended as if she were asleep. Her door opened and the two women whispered in the darkness. Her mother said, "She must have come in while we were in the kitchen and not wanted to bother us."

Sue felt someone standing next to the bed. Then Aunt Margaret's soft voice said, "Look at her... the poor child. Sleeping so innocently. For the last time."

Her mother's sniffle was the only answer.

That night was spent with Sue's body as rigid as a railroad tie. She tried to sleep, but it was an impossible task. When she glanced at the luminous hand of her watch, it was three o'clock, and she thought: Only twelve hours more.

When dawn finally came, Sue was slumped dejectedly in a chair in front of the window, and was thinking that she still had nine hours in which to extricate herself from the trap of marriage. Sounds began in the kitchen a short time later as her mother and Aunt Margaret began the day's activities.

Breakfast -- unwanted and tasteless -- followed a shower, then Mary Corona arrived to do Sue's hair. Sue woodenly answered everyone's questions and made light conversation with the hairdresser. And during it all, she was thinking: Still three hours to call it off.

Then, with a flourish, Mrs. Martini arrived to assist with the wedding gown; she was followed moments later by the first two bridesmaids.

And, abruptly, all of the sands had run out. It was time! Sue had absolutely no cognizance of being taken to the church; in many respects it was like a condemned man spending his last hours before taking that long last walk.

She heard organ music. She was walking -- because someone had told her to begin walking and had nudged her. She saw a sea of smiling faces. She saw Dick's face, strained and smiling at her from the altar. She saw the bridesmaids in front of her scatter out like brilliantly colored petals of flowers unfolding.

A face: the minister? "Do you accept this man..."

Her nod and voice from a million miles off, "I do..."

"Do you accept this woman..."

And Dick's voice -- hoarse -- answering...

"I now pronounce you..." The strident roar of the organ, the brilliant blindness of the sunlight outside the chapel... the flash of the photographer's camera. The sting of thrown rice... the shouted congratulations and, from a couple of the junior high school kids who had been invited, "You'll be sorr-eeee." The reception line -- a never- ending line of faces and kisses and mouths uttering words she couldn't comprehend. The cutting of the cake. Everything all blur. Then Mrs. Martini again -- removing her gown -- helping her dress in a new tweed suit for travelling. A corsage being pinned to her coat.

Then Dick again... meeting her in the hallway of the second floor outside her bedrooms... holding her. A shout as the reception guests saw them. A mad dash down the front stairs to Dick's car all painted with signs. The car door slamming. People shouting gleefully. The sound of Dick's car starting, the screech of his tires as he attempted to elude the jokers who wanted to follow with horns blaring.

And the last -- the very last -- view of her house. Mother, and Aunt Margaret... like two dark accusing angels of doom, standing there silently -- not waving... merely watching as the car drove off... an expression of grief on her mother's face...

She began weeping.

Dick patted her hand. "Okay?" he asked solicitously.

"Yes," she lied, through a muffled handkerchief, "I'm just happy."

"This time tomorrow, we'll be in Ireland. And tomorrow night we'll be at the castle."

So full of dread was Sue at the thought of this first night stretching in front of her that she didn't respond to his excitement.

"Just think of it," he continued eagerly. "Two weeks of doing nothing but lying in the sun and swimming all day and making loving all night."

"Yes, darling. It will be lots of fun," she said, not believing her own statement. The fright was beginning to boil up in her again.

Sue became more tense -- more silent -- with each passing mile as they drew closer to the international airport hotel where they would stay tonight prior to boarding the plane early tomorrow morning. She tried to purge her mother's voice from her mind, but it came creeping back like a freezing bone--numbing fog. "Dear God," she prayed silently, "don't let me be like mother and Aunt Margaret. Don't make it repulsive or painful..." The dread, however, continued to raise in her. She was close to tears when they checked into the motel. The manager almost seemed to smirk at her when he led the way to their suite. Inside, there was a bottle of champagne on ice -- courtesy of the owner -- and inscribed, "To the honeymooners".

Almost frantic now with fear and nervousness, Sue pressed the manager to stay for a "toast." She didn't want to be left alone with Dick.

The manager merely smiled and said, "Oh, no! The champagne is just for the two of you lovebirds. Congratulations to you both. Have a goodnight."

The door clicked behind him, and the nightmare began. Dick tried to take her in his arms, but She reflexively put both hands against his chest and pushed back. "What's wrong?" he asked genuinely perplexed.

"Nothing," she lied. "Just a splitting headache... I'll take an aspirin and be all right in a little while. Maybe you should take a shower?"

He looked concerned. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No. It'll go away. Take a shower."

Dick grinned in mistaken understanding. "Ah... I bet I know. You want to get rid of me while you change your clothes... and get into something more... ah... comfortable." He wriggled his eyebrows.

Sue anxiously seized the remark. "Yes! yes, darling!"

"All right. One shower coming up." Dick laughed and took off his coat. He opened the suitcase and brought out a new pair of blue silk pajamas. He held them up for her inspection. "Pretty sexy, eh? Just wait until you see them on me." He kissed her passionately, then disappeared into the bathroom. A moment later, she heard the water being run and his voice raised in song.