Chapter 2: Dancing to the Maca-Lorena

Twelve superheroes were assembled outside the Bobbitt Club headquarters.

The entire Y-Men team was there: Meatier Man, Captain Canada and Buttplug, the Smelly Pit and Kid Testosterone.

The core of the JLA was represented by the three remaining old-timers: Sexual Harassment Woman, Inappropriate Joke Man and Racial Discrimination Man. Their numbers were filled out by the newer recruits: Hayfever Lad, Worry Girl, Princess Gymnast and Schoolbell Boy. They had waited for the Crimson Blush, but she hadn't shown up yet.

"We cannot wait any longer," Racial Discrimination Man spoke. "We need to move in now."

"Did you..." Captain Canada quietly asked Meatier Man, "... DO anything to keep Miss Blush from showing?"

"Well... we can't have her spilling the beans of the plan. So I sexed her up and locked her in a closet."

"Cruel, cruel man," the Captain shook his head.

"Move up," Racial Discrimination Man ordered.

The group moved to within a block of the building.

Suddenly, the front double doors burst open, and a busty brunette in a blue spandex thong and a low-cut blue spandex halter, wearing ruby-red goggles, came running out, shrieking, boobs a'bouncin'.

Captain Canada moved to intercept her. He caught her and held her, trying to calm her down. "Easy, lady."

"I'm NOT a lady!" she shrieked.

"Well, that's between you and your boyfriend, I'd say, ma'am."

"No! I'm NOT a lady! I'm NOT female! I'm Ojo Rojo!"

"Of the KS-Men?!"

"They massacred us! It was a bloodbath!

"President Savior got hit by the Ovulator! Now he's wheeling around, an insipid motherly smile plastered on his face, patting his own swollen belly, making plans for the delivery!

"Monsoon got sucked in by Seargant Dyke! I can tell you that she DOES have snow-white fur between her legs, and she's up there now, bending over for and clinging to the dyke!

"Ferret got hit by the Detesticulator, and he's up there beating on the walls, cursing up a falsetto storm!

"And the Effeminator struck me! And now I'm-- I'm-- I'm like THIS!" he shrieked again.

"Well, you DO make a busty -- sexy, if I may say so -- woman. Are you a, uhm, 'she' now, or a very strange 'he'?"

"I don't-- I don't rightly know." Ojo Rojo reached his hand down inside his thong, gasped, then pulled it out. "They're-- they're GONE!" he (author's note: make that "she") sobbed.

"Hey, babe!," Meatier Man called, "You hang around here, sugar-tits. I may hook up with you after this mission."

This caused another round of sobs from the gender-violated superhero.

"NEXT!" came a booming voice from the building.

"Get the feeling they know we're coming?" Meaty asked Captain Canada.

"Time to make our stand," Captain Canada told Racial Discrimination Man.

"Send in the fodder!" RD-Man barked. The four junior JLA members half-charged, half-were-pushed towards the building. Racial Discrimination Man gave a significant cough, and Captain Canada nudged the Smelly Pit and Kid Testosterone forward. Swallowing hard as a group, the six charged slowly and dreadfully up the stairs.

The six superheroes burst into the large penthouse of the building.

There the four members of the Bobbitt Club stood to take them on.

Schoolbell Boy was the first to strike. He concentrated, hoping to disperse this congregation with an end-of-schoolday bell, and the ring started to sound. The Detesticulator immediately fired upon him, and the sound climbed in pitch until it was the delicate lace tinkling of little silver Christmas bells. Schoolbell Boy sat down cross-legged and sobbed into his hands, mourning the loss of his gonads.

The Smelly Pit took his chance to make the next move. Hoping to force everyone from the area, where they could take on the Bobbitt Club one at a time instead of as a united front, he parted his shirt and began fanning his armpits. The Effeminator stepped forward and pointed a hand. Within moments, all he was getting from his pits was perfumed elegance. Realizing that he now had a C-cup of boobs, he pulled his shirt closed, uncomfortable bearing his chest any more. Seargant Dyke yelled, "Boo!", and he spooked and ran.

Princess Gymnast began doing flips and cartwheels, covering the distance to the four villains. The Ovulator pointed. Gymnast's flips slowed as her belly swelled, until she stopped and stood, nine months pregnant. "Oh! We have to CLEAN this place and get READY for the BABY!" she said, then squatted and began straining.

"You leave her alone," Hayfever Lad charged forward. You see, he and Princess Gymnast had a thing going. The Ovulator moved her pointed finger to aim at him, and he, too, slowed as his belly swelled.

Princess Gymnast grunted, and popped out a foot-long egg. She grabbed it and positioned it under her ass to keep it warm while she strained to lay the next one.

"Oh shit, man! She just laid an egg!" Hayfever Lad blurted out in astonishment, then howled in pain. He clawed his pants off to reveal that his penis had a huge bulge in it. He strained, and a moment later, a similar egg popped out of his pecker. "Jesus Christ!" he gasped, but then the next egg was descending, and he concentrated on passing it.

"Not faring very well!" Seargant Dyke commented loudly.

Kid Testosterone stepped forward, hands on hips. "Let's go," he slowly said with grit and determination.

The Detesticulator pointed.

"I'm sorry," he said, backing up timidly. "Please just ignore that squirt of testosterone. I don't know what came over me."

The Detesticulator just smiled.

"Mother of God!" he cried out in his now high-pitched voice. "That's just MEAN! You're just MEAN PEOPLE!"

The Detesticulator moved her index finger, then pointed it at Kid Testosterone again.

"No! You're just BRUTES! BAD people! Leave me ALONE!" He turned tail and ran back down the stairs then.

That left Worry Girl wringing her hands as Seargant Dyke stepped forward. "Aren't you... uhm... feeling a little anxious right about now?" Worry Girl asked as her powers seemed to be having no effect.

"Oh, I'm sure not as anxious as you. Strip for me, little kitten."

"But-- "

"Strip out of your clothes. Now."

Worry Girl began undressing and didn't stop until she was naked before Seargant Dyke.

"Beautiful little kitten. Now bend over for me."

"Bend... OVER?"

"Yeeeessss..."

Worry Girl turned her back to her opponent, then bent over far at the waist. "Like this?" Seargant Dyke pressed two fingers up Worry Girl's stunningly wet hole. "Oh! Yes! YES! EXACTLY like this!" Worry Girl exclaimed, wriggling her ass against Dyke's hand.

Back on the street, the remaining six saw Hayfever Lad come running out of the building with no pants on.

Captain Canada caught him. "Hold on, Lad. What happened?"

"They slaughtered us! The Smelly Pit has boobs! Kid Testosterone no longer has any balls! Princess Gymnast is laying eggs! So am-- rrrrght!" -- an egg fired from his penis at that moment -- " so am I! And Worry Girl bent over for Seargant Dyke! We lost! We lost miserably!"

Captain Canada let the boy go, and he fled up the street.

"Well, men-- " Captain Canada started.

"That is SEXIST!" Sexual Harassment Woman barked.

"AND women!" the Captain gave her a dirty look. "Let me finish my statements, please. Well, men and women-- "

"That's SEXIST! It should be 'women and men'!"

Captain Canada scowled and continued. "Looks like it's up to us now."

"Send in the second wave of fodder!" Racial Discrimination Man bellowed.

"That's us," Meatier Man told him.

"Right. You all go in. I'll direct from out here. Good luck, men."

"That is SEX--!"

"AND women!"

Meatier Man did not like having his statements misconstrued by cowards. "I said, that's us. All of us. Including you, kimosabe."

"That is RACIAL discrimination!" RD-Man sang in front of him, jabbing a finger.

Meaty glared at him. "Okay, including you, toots."

"That is SEXIST!" SD-Woman sang behind him.

"I don't care WHAT it is! All of us are going in there TOGETHER! Now!"

Captain Canada saw the reluctance in the eyes of the three JLA members, so spoke up, "For the sake of the wooo-o-o-oorld!"

"Oh, all right," Inappropriate Joke Man said.

"Why don't you three go in, Y-Men, and we'll provide backup," Racial Discrimination Man said. "My race has been sorely put upon by you and your kind, and we deserve reparations!"

"What race is that?" Captain Canada inquired.

"That question itself is racial discrimination, man!" RD-Man bellowed.

"Look, you boobs are coming in there with us right now!" Meatier Man said, his patience at an end.

"That's sexual discrimination!"

"That's inappropriate humor!"

"AND... it's racial discrimination to deny me my REPARATIONS!"

Well, that track didn't work. Captain Canada tried a different angle. "Hey, Buttplug. Are your videotape powers rolling now?"

"Yeah, Cap'm!"

"Videotape?" SD-Woman asked.

"Rolling now?" RD-Man asked.

"Yeah, Buttplug was born with the marvelous ability to record events and then later commit them to videotape. I want him to film this so that future generations can see us fighting villainy in all our glory."

"In that case," RD-Man said in his best FM radio voice and posed, hands on hips, "Let us engage the enemy. Onward ho, men!"

"AND women!" SD-Woman declared with a similar stance.

The six senior superheroes marched forward, Meatier Man and Captain Canada distinguished by their slouched walks compared to the bold, forceful strides of the JLA members for the imaginary camera.

"What took you guys so long?" Seargant Dyke taunted them when they finally appeared. "Trying desperately to find your missing balls? Hmmm?"

"THAT'S sexual discrimination!" came a voice from the new group.

"Effeminator, the cheeky one has a flat ass and no boobs. Pretty her up for me, will you?"

"THAT'S sexual discrim-- oooooh!" SD-Woman looked down. "Where'd my AAA-cups go?!" she asked in her new high-soprano voice.

"I'd say those are nearly C-cups, wouldn't you?"

"Look! This is ENOUGH! Any further, and I call this RAPE! Understand?!"

"Sorry, babe. All my bitches have at least D-cups. Effeminator: again."