I know what many of you are thinking :)

I'm a pedophile with the hots for that little virgin that just copped a gold!

Then there's either of those two gold medalists - forget their partners!

There's that Aussie blond girl (what Aussie girl isn't blond?)

The possibilities are endless, and legal, for fantasizing, and feel free to indulge yourselves, likewise.

But unlike politicians, who I've jibed and caricatured and will continue to do so, these neo-celebrities shall earn my "non-treatent", for one because it may not be totally covered under the celebrity parody laws, and for another because until we have a female clone, 'every girl is somebody's daughter'!

But inspiration IS protected under the first amandment, so let us move ahead to 2006 and Cortina, Italy, for the next Winter Olympics and keep it fictional!

My first glimpse of Cortina came in the form of the James Bond movie: For Your Eyes Only (and yes: that was Sheena Easton singing the title song, topless, over the opening credits!)

The movie featured a severely underaged non-virgin ice skater pursuing James Bond for sex while he pursued...

Never mind about them - rent the movie!

I work as a stunt co-ordinator for one of Hollywood's studios and have devised many chase scenes.

When I found out they were shooting a movie around the same time as the Olympics, I brainstormed that I could get in to see my sister compete in the 1500 meter speedskate.

Working sunup to sunset, during the shoot, I found myself unable to get away.

But weekends, when actors demanded their time off, especially during the Olympics that they also wanted to see, was an entirely different story.

I met up with Trudy at the practice rink on a Saturday at 6AM, along with three other medal hopefuls, and they were bummed out!

It seems that their red blood cell counts were too high. This had happened to another girl four years ago, and she was DQ'ed, despite her federation claim that it was menstrual.

Our federation wasn't even going to allow them to compete in their various sports on Sunday unless they did something about it.

There is always the spectre of drugs, even when it seems innocuous.

After all the pissing and moaning, last time around, they were clamping down hard, pre-emtively!

I remembered the counter claim from 2002 about mensies, so the lecher in me suggested that I might alleviate virgins of just enough to allow them to pass their next blood tests.

Getting into the compound would be impossible for me, but my accomodations were far better, and I had three takers!

The first girl, a figure skater from Montana, wanted to make her first trip from home into something memorable.

She was the third straight teeny bopper to steal gold from nowhere, having won the 'Worlds' in 2004, coming from almost nowhere.

She was so petite, like her predecessors that I decided to let her climb over me and sit down on it, and she was quite game, but lo and behold, there was no blood!

I worried that somehow, it was backed up inside her, but when I lifted her off me, she didn't leak a drop, then quickly scambled back onto me until we furiously grunted out a couple of orgasms!

I cooed to her as we separated, "You really weren't a virgin, were you?"

She said, "I'm from Montana. We skate. We screw. I just needed to relieve the tension. Thanks."

One fantasy blown away, I beckoned the next candidate, a half piper from Squaw Valley, California.

Needless to say, our little half piper took the whole pipe, and thank heaven for the K-Y that I kept with my brace of condoms. She left not shaken, but quite stirred!