© Copyright 2002

By most people's standards I live a kind of quiet almost sedated life. I guess that's partly because of my Uncle Tim. He came to live out the last days of his life with us when I was 13. Uncle Tim had a problem with alcohol. He drank too much of it, 'cause his liver was rotted out (so my Mother said) and every time he took a drink he got the tremors, started picking up pennies that weren't there; that kinda stuff. Anyway, I don't touch the stuff, never have, and since most of my former buddy's started drinking as soon as possible, why I kinda lost touch with them after high school. Oh, I see 'em around all right, but we don't hang together 'cause I don't go into the bars and such. My athletic skills weren't good enough to pull any scholarships my way either. So no college for me, but hey, my grades sucked and I was unfortunate to play the same position (shortstop) the same years as the best player ever to come outta the state. Hey, I mean, I was pretty good, but not in his league. If I told ya his name you'd know him right away. He's starting in the majors now, although he ain't a shortstop anymore. Anyway, I got this job in my other Uncle's appliance store that would be Uncle Al, known far and wide as Al's Appliances. If you're ever in the neighborhood drop in and say hello, we're friendly folks. What I do these days is mostly deliver stuff like refrigerators, freezers and televisions. Of course I hook 'em up too. In fact I guess you could say I've hooked up a lot of this town's newer residents as part of their household moves. Anyway, I was covering for Al, who was off to some convention. You know the kind ya spend two hours at looking around to size things up and the rest of the time chasing broads and getting fucked up. But, hey... Al's the boss... he's entitled, right? So I'm sitting at the front desk reading Hustler, checking out the pink, you know? When this old geezer pops in and wants to buy a HDTV. Hey, we ain't sold many of those babies yet, so I give him my full attention. He seemed to know what he wanted and the sale went quickly. He wanted it delivered the next day and I promised him I'd have it there around lunchtime. While I'm writing up the sales receipt, a very attractive brunette in extremely tight jeans entered the store. I'm psychin' myself up for another sale and wondering if I left the Hustler open where anyone could see it, when she greets the old guy. Calls him Uncle Flavian, or something. Never heard of anybody named Flavian before, probably never will again either. Well I get busy on the paperwork and she's chatting up the old guy enough so's I can see she's got a lotta class. After a moment or two, she turns to me smiles, and says she'll be there the next day around noon to let me in so's I can hook up the TV. I give her my Ipana smile and my Three Stooges, "certainly" and got a great smile right back. Then they turned and left the store. I went back to my Hustler magazine, but couldn't get her out of my mind. So I moved to the back room and stroked myself off, thinking about her without panties and wanting me to eat her. It's a wonderful life, ain't it?

The next morning was uneventful and I loaded the HDTV into the van around 11:30, hung the closed sign on the front door of Al's shop and drove over to the old geezers place, thinking 'bout that brunette and building on a fierce hardon. I pulled into the driveway and got out, walked to the front door and rang the bell.

"It's open," rang out the chick's voice, real cheerful like.

"Okay," I said, "It's Al's Appliance. I'll be right back with the TV."

After easing the TV out of the van and onto a dolly, I sauntered up the walk to the door, turned around and backed into the foyer, facing the living room.

"Where do ya want it?' I called out. There was no reply.

"Hello?" I called again as I set the dolly down and turned around.

Jesus Christ! She was sitting half-naked, spread-eagled on the carpet, her back against the sofa, working a banana into her cunt.

My eyes locked on her pussy. The heady aroma of her sex hit me at that same moment.

"Close the fucking door Henry, or whatever the hell your name is."

I closed the fucking door. Now I've seen weird shit before, but nothing like this! My jaw gaped as I could only stare at her working that banana in and out, in and out.

A bunch of bananas lay next to her. No shit! Musta been two, three dozen of 'em.

"That's my name alright," I managed to get out without choking.

"Well, my name's Joanne," she said, peeling another banana. "Here," she said, offering it to me. "Let's see if you can get this one in me... Henry."

"Henry, that's a real romantic name... why were you wasting your time with Hustler yesterday? Whatta ya do whack off to the pictures?"

Crimson. I blushed fuckin' crimson, from head to toe although she couldn't tell. All's she could see was my face, but that was bad enough.

"I... err..." What could I say? I took a deep breath and stepped over to her and accepted the banana. Joanne spread her legs further apart and sorta hefted her ass up to meet the banana I held in my hand.

"Hey, don't get flustered. Ain't I here playing with myself?"

I could only nod.

"Wanna help me along, Prince Charming?"

"Err, yeah... sure." I said and shifted my weight from one leg to the other; cause to tell the truth, my boner was already killing me.

"Well, put it in will ya?"

"Err... your... err, Flavian? He here?"

"No. Don't be an ass. Come on, do it, willya?"

Crouching down, and by the way, adding great stress to my colossal hardon, I managed to touch her clit with the banana causing her to gasp in pleasure.

"Push it in. Cram it in there with the other one." She huffed, her eyes were closed and her fingers were dancing around her cunt. I crammed.

"Ahhh, that's nice. That's very nice." She said, licking her lips and opening her eyes. "Lemme see that fuck-stick of yours babe. I'll bet from that lump in your pants you're hung like a horse."

And as she shifted her hips I heard the bananas squish inside her. Hey, I'm proud of my manhood, but I was still careful as I unzipped my jeans and let them drop to the carpet. I seen that movie where Ben Stiller gets his dick caught... "Something About Mary," I think it was... so I'm real careful there dude. Shucking my shorts, my boner was released, sprang up and quivered before pointing slightly to the left. (I wonder... does it point that way 'cause I'm right handed?)

Joanne nodded appreciatively as she slipped one hand under her sweater and began groping her right breast. Her eyes were closed again and she was biting her lower lip. She opened her eyes half way and kinda pleaded with me to remove her sweater.

"It's so warm in here, I don't think I need this on, do you?" Shit, there wasn't no need for her to ask me that. I wanted to see them tits of hers.

"No I don't," I said as I helped tug it up and over her head and tossed it on the sofa behind her. Joanne's tits were smallish, maybe 32 C's. But there was plenty enough for me. Her nipples, like little pebbles, cried out to be pulled and sucked. I bent my neck and took one in my mouth.

"Ummmm," she sighed.

"Ummmm," I sighed right back at her. This was fine stuff. Resilient, smooth and tasty.

"Jerk off for me Henry."

"What?"

"Oh come on. Just for a while. I love to watch a guy jerk off. It's a real trip."

"Okay," I said, "but lemme see you push another banana in there first."

"Oh... sure," she says, and quickly peeled another one and stuffed it inside her.

"No," I said, grinning. "I want to see you push one in that isn't peeled." She gave me this lewd smile and pried one from the bunch, held it up to display its firmness and length, spreading her cunt open with the other hand before easing it right up inside her. Well, three quarters of it anyway. Mashed banana oozed out of her.

"In a little while Henry, you're gonna have a mouth full of warm bananas." She giggled, then began laughing wildly.

I upheld my part of the deal and slowly stoked myself. Then I got an idea and reached for a banana, peeled it and mashed it all over my dick. Joanne loved it, her eyes opened wider and her hand holding the banana moved faster.

"Great," she said, "Ya gonna fill my mouth with banana too. Whoopie! Food fucking, don'cha just love it?" I leaned in close to her and Joanne took my cock in hand and fed it to her mouth.

"Mmmmmmm." Her tongue was... what do ya call it? Artistic? Yeah, that's the word. Swirling around my knob, lapping up the banana and nursing my sensual tendrils as she squeezed my balls just right, no pain, real careful there, kinda ticked them a little. Then she tugged me closer to her allowing her tongue to roam a little further afield, for as she played with one ball, she took the other in her mouth.

"God that feels good Joanne," I gasped.

"Think so?" she said, allowing my testicle to drop from her mouth, "So tell me," she hissed, "how do you like this?" And her tongue licked my balls once more before traveling on; licking all the way to my asshole, which she rimmed a couple times before sucking on it. Seconds later, as I'm squeezing my cock and groaning in gratification, her tongue slipped inside and slowly started fucking it.

Heaven! A tongue fuck. Suddenly Joanne stopped tonguing me.

"Hey! Fuck you! " She complained. "You're ignoring me and look what I'm doing for you. Get with it, or get going!" She yelled.

Embarrassed at my mistake in neglecting her, I clambered up on the sofa, a knee on each side of her head, and leaning forward, I placed my hands on the carpet to brace me, and found my face mere inches from a banana filled snatch.

I laughed out loud and told her what I was thinking. "This is whatcha call a natural banana split, 'eh?"

Joanne laughed along with me and said, " I guess it is isn't it?"

As we both laughed like lunatics. Then we got into some serious 69ing. Well, Joanne wasn't exactly sucking me off. She went back to my asshole, sucking and licking, but gripped my cock firmly and slowly jerked me off.

Me? I was working the banana in and out and lapping up the mushy banana oozing out of her. Joanne continued sucking my balls and had a finger up my ass, probably playing with my prostrate, cause I felt my load getting ready to explode.

"I'm gonna come Joanne," I gasped.

"Wait... wait a sec." She said, there was an almost desperate tone to her voice. Then her mouth engulfed my cock like a powerful vacuum cleaner.

"Ahhh... here I... " I popped out of her mouth as Joanne frantically squeezed and pulled and pushed on my prick until ropes of jism layered themselves across her nose, lips and hair. Her mouth gaped open, unsuccessfully trying to capture my sperm, her tongue licking the air wildly, like a starving dog.