Chapter 33

When the group finally adjourned to the Beverly Wilshire's main dining room, they made a grand entrance. The group, now nine in number, was preceded into the room by the pair of immaculately groomed Bengal tigers. They paced majestically as they followed the maître d'hôtel to the Clifford's table which had been set off by itself. A space, formerly occupied by three other tables, had been cleared to make service easier and increase their privacy.

As they moved towards their table Joyce, in a whisper to Jack, commented on how regal the tigers looked. He replied softly, "No, darling, not regal. Imperial!"

After they all had been seated, Beluga caviar was served, along with Dom Pérignon champagne. After everyone was served — even Ali was drinking on the occasion — Bobbie Conroy raised her glass in a toast. She said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I know that the men customarily offer toasts, but tonight is different. First, we live in a more liberated age. But second, I have known Joyce Collier longer than any of the rest of you. At any rate, I would like to offer a toast. To Joyce and Jack, along with Rajah Collier, of course:

"I would like to wish you the ultimate in happiness. I wish you a marriage as filled with love and blessings as that of our host and hostess tonight, William and Allison Clifford. If there is any ingredient missing — and I don't think there is — it can't have any significance for a successful marriage. The toast to our guests of honor? May your marriage be as successful as Bill and Ali Clifford's!"

With cheers the toast was drunk by the others.

Then Jack Johnson spoke softly but in a voice that carried to all the people around the table. "There are a couple of details that I guess we should take care of before things go much further." Looking at his fiancée, he asked with a voice drowning in love, "Joyce Collier, will you marry me? Will you live with me as my wife? Will you bear our children, the fruit of our union? My darling, I love you with all my heart. Will you please say yes?"

"Oh, Jack! Yes, yes, yes!" With the warmest, most loving smile anyone had ever seen she continued, "Yes, I will marry you; yes, I will live with you as your loving and obedient wife; and oh, yes!, through the grace of Almighty God, if it be His wish, I will bear your children! My darling Jack, I love you so much and I so desperately want to carry your children, I would delightedly give birth by myself, unattended, in City Hall Square! I would proudly hold up my infant, still wet from my womb, and shout, 'This is Jack Johnson's child! Isn't he — or she — beautiful!' Oh, my darling, you have just made me the happiest woman in the whole world!"

"Then, my darling," Jack asked softly as he reached into his pocket, "would you wear this ring as a token of my pledge to you of all my love for as long as I live. Will you accept it?" He reached for her left hand and looked into her eyes for the answer he knew would be there.

"My darling, I will wear it for the rest of my life — till death do us part!" She could feel him slipping the ring on the third finger of her left hand. When he looked up, she looked down — and gasped! "But ... but ... but, Jack! It is incredible! I have never seen a ring like this! Never!" The center diamond in the engagement ring he had slipped on her finger was a perfect brilliant-cut stone weighing over two-and-a-half carats.

"And, my darling, there has never been a love like this, either!" Then he looked at her and tried to communicate his love. "Joyce, darling, I am really so glad you like it." Then he looked at her with concern showing on his face and said, "You really do, don't you? You're ... you're not just saying that to make me feel good? To avoid hurting my feelings?"

"You silly goose! It is utterly incredible!" Then she reached for him and they melted together in a passionate embrace. They were both breathless when they finally parted.

Jack shook his head to clear it and said, "Wow!" Then looking around the table he said, "I am now closing out the most incredible twenty-four hours of my life!" He looked at his watch, found it was eight o'clock, and nodded. "Exactly twenty-four hours! You see, it was at eight o'clock last night that I saw the tape Joyce made with Rajah. Incidentally, KNBC is submitting it for an Emmy award, but that's not the point.

"Viewing the tape, I saw Joyce say that she was planning on being a spinster. 'How could that be?' I wondered. Every time I saw her she was on the arm of another man. Of course, I fell in love with Joyce Collier the first instant I laid eyes on her and that was years ago. I so wished that I could be charming and debonair like so many of the men I saw her with. But then I saw the tape, and in it she said she planned to be a spinster for life!

"Then, just before our air time, she came into the studio grinning. Since I had already decided to make her the co-anchor on the show and had received the enthusiastic endorsement of management, I was utterly overwhelmed by her beauty and liveliness. But it only confirmed my earlier judgment. Because of the time constraints — the tape came back in the same chopper that brought her — I never saw her performance at the circus until it aired. Watching it, my heart turned over. She was so good, so full of life and full of fun! I was seeing a side of Joyce I never knew existed.

"Then we aired her tape with Rajah. As many of you know, when it ended, I asked her — on the air — about the special effects. That was not an act. I couldn't believe that it could be Joyce with a real tiger! Then, as you all know, I met Rajah. After the show, we had a discussion about being co-anchor — she wouldn't accept it — and a couple of other things.

"Then I heard Rajah tell her how he was going to express his love for her, but added it wouldn't be nearly as good as if she were making love with the love of her life — me! When she jumped all over poor Rajah for blabbing — she already knew that he could communicate with me, too — I told her that I had loved her from the first moment I saw her. Then I took her in my arms and kissed her. I would like to be able to tell you that our first kiss was the kiss of my dreams. I would like to, but I can't.

"Never did I have a dream that good! Suddenly I was utterly overwhelmed by her love and her passion, and, I gather, she was overwhelmed by mine."

He grinned and continued, "But never let it be said that Joyce Collier will disappoint her viewers! She had told them that she was going to be a spinster, so, by God, she was going to be one! Regardless!

"Anyway, between Rajah and me, we soon wore her down. She consented to be my wife." Then he smiled and said, "I won't bore you with what happened subsequently, except to say it confirmed me in my love for her, although at the same time causing me to wonder about her judgment when she consented to marry a jerk like me.

"What happened to cause all this to happen? Two things: Barbara Conroy and Rajah Collier. It was Bobbie who, in a matter of a few minutes, totally changed Joyce's life. Because of Bobbie, Joyce renounced all of the idiots and wantons that she formerly thought of as her friends.

"Believe it or not, as late as eleven o'clock last night, Joyce believed that the number of her adult friends was down to just three: Bobbie and Tom Conroy, and Ann Henry, a KNBC reporter. Tonight, less than twenty-four hours later, she counts as her friends Vangie, Ed, and Kris Bradley, and Ali and Bill Clifford. That's increasing one's friends by a multiple of nearly three in less than one day! Isn't my fiancée great?"

Then raising his glass he said, "Joyce and I would like to drink a toast to you, our newest friends. There are no words to express our appreciation for all you have done for us already."

Then to Rajah, who was sitting alertly beside Joyce, he asked, "Do you agree, Rajah Collier? Will you join us in the toast?"

"Master Jack, I would proudly join you in your toast, but they didn't pour us our lemonade. However, I would like to say that, in Mistress Joyce you're getting a man's dream come true. There are no words powerful enough for me to use to describe her love for you. You, in turn, will be the perfect husband for her.

"Then tonight, through Empress Ali, I learned that I could help with small babies! I can't tell you how happy I am right now! As far as your new friends are concerned, I would drink anything to support that toast!

"Master Jack, what else could I possibly do when your new friends include two emperors, two empresses, and another beautiful young queen? Sir, your new friends are each worth at least 1,000 of any others!

"Now may Sasha and I have something to drink, so that we, too, can toast your health and happiness with my mistress, and toast your magnificent new friends?"

Bill Clifford had already called over the waiter whose eyes widened when he heard the owner's request, but ran to carry out his order. A few moments later, the waiter returned with two stemmed shallow compote dishes which he filled with champagne and placed on the table in front of the tigers.

Jack grinned as he watched the tigers, then raised his glass and said, "To our new friends!" He and Joyce drank along with Rajah. Then Rajah asked Queen Bobbie if she would repeat her toast to the couple so that he and Sasha could drink that one, too. She did and they did, along with everyone else.

The chefs at the hotel outdid themselves that night. Knowing that the food was for the owners personally, and knowing that they were entertaining very important guests, the dinner was spectacular.

By the time they finished eating, a band was playing for dancing. Jack Johnson had always thought that his ability as a dancer was nonexistent — at best. Nevertheless, given the occasion, he felt that he had to offer. To his dismay, Joyce immediately accepted. When they moved out on the dance floor Jack found to his utter amazement that she was like a feather in his arms.

For the first time in his entire life, he actually enjoyed dancing. He almost fell over when the set ended and Joyce looked up at him with stars in her eyes and told him he was the finest dancer she had ever met. They stayed on the floor dancing — and melting each other with their kisses between numbers — until the band took a break.

The band was new to the hotel and the bandleader never read anything other than Variety. As a result, he did not know that the large table set off by itself was that of the hotel's owners. However, he did recognize Kris Bradley, and he had recognized Jack Johnson and Joyce Collier dancing together. Moreover, as one of the more than one million people who had seen the KNBC news the night before, he was surprised to see the massive diamond that Joyce was wearing on the third finger of her left hand.

When the band returned from its break, instead of starting right in on the next set, the leader took the microphone and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen: Tonight I see we have with us in the room the brightest singing star in the country today, and, based on what I read in the trades, a certain star in films. If your applause is persuasive enough, perhaps we can get Kris Bradley to join us on stage this evening. What do you think? If you would really like to hear her, let her hear you!"

In an instant, everyone else in the large room was on their feet cheering and applauding wildly. Recognizing that any damage was already done, Kris rose to her feet, mentally called to Sasha and then walked to the stage with the tiger pacing proudly at her side. The bandleader helped her up to the stage while the tiger got up with effortless grace and then proudly sat down on the stage beside her.

After shaking hands with the bandleader and accepting his kiss, Kris adjusted the mike and looked out at the crowd. Then she said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for that very warm welcome. However, before I sing a number, I would like to introduce my bodyguard, my friend, and my love: Sasha Bradley!"

Looking at the tiger lovingly she mentally said, "Sasha, I'll bet you can be friendlier than Rajah was last night. Let's show them!" Then aloud she said, "Sasha, would you like to wave to the people?" The huge animal then smiled warmly, waved his paw and blew a kiss to the people. Bending over just slightly — in his sitting posture he was more than five feet tall — she hugged and kissed him and told him he was wonderful.

Then to the mike she said, "Isn't he a wonder? We'll come back to him in a moment." Then she sang her signature number, followed by two more from her platinum album.

After acknowledging another standing ovation she said, "Thank you all very much. But I really think you would like to hear some good singing. Well, it happens that the person with the real singing voice in the Bradley family is here with me tonight: my baby sister, Barbara. She is the real singer among the Bradleys but rather than singing for a living, she is doing something she thinks is more important than entertaining people: She is educating children. Perhaps you might recognize her better by her married name, Bobbie Conroy."

The cheers and sustained applause indicated that they certainly knew of the trial and its outcome. Kris continued, "As I said, she considers it more important that entertaining people." After pausing for a moment she continued, "Well, frankly, so do I! And, I understand, there are experts who rate her as easily the finest teacher alive in the world today and — possibly — the finest teacher who has ever lived. Please let me hear a great round of applause, and maybe — just maybe — we could get her up here, too, so you could hear a truly beautiful singing voice. Please?"

Again the applause and cheers roared out and did not diminish until Bobbie rose from her chair. Joining her sister on the stage, the first thing Bobbie did was to glare at Kris and say, "Twin sister, what is this garbage I hear about being your baby sister?"

"But Bobbie, darling," Kris replied blandly, "I checked the birth certificates very carefully. I'm nearly a whole hour older than you are."

Looking out at the audience Kris added, "That about sums it up for Bobbie: she started off in life being late and she's been running late ever since!"

Everyone howled with laughter including Bobbie who, nonetheless, pretended to strangle Kris. The two sisters sang several songs in a patriotic medley and then Bobbie sang a few songs of her own. Her singing voice was clear, pure, and very powerful.

When she finished, she was about to flee when Kris said, "Sis, I know you're an amateur, but I would still think you would know enough to stick around for the applause." Looking out at the audience she said, "Well, do you believe me now? Don't you agree that Bobbie Conroy has an extraordinary singing voice?"

There was another standing ovation, the loudest of the night. Bobbie blushed when she saw Tom on his feet cheering louder than anyone else. Then Kris took Bobbie in her arms and gave her a wonderfully loving kiss.

When she eased away she said, "And I really do love my baby sister, even if she does always get so uptight when I borrow one or two of her dresses..."

"Borrow?" Bobbie exclaimed. "One or two? Good grief, sister, a few months ago I came back to my room and found half of my closet missing! And borrow? You still have some of my things you took five years ago!"

The byplay was, of course, a pretend game that Bobbie and Kris always played together. It was a form of amusement for them both, but their enjoyment ultimately depended on their believability. The fact was that five years earlier neither knew the other was even alive.

"Damn! Bobbie, I think you may be right. I'll check my closet first thing in the morning. If I still have them, I'll be sure to bring them right back!" Then, after a perfectly timed pause, she added, "They don't fit anymore, anyway."

Glancing down she saw Sasha's eyes glinting with amusement. Kris realized suddenly that if a tiger could laugh, Sasha would be. She winked at him and formed her lips in a kiss.

Then, while Bobbie made her way back to their table, Kris continued, "At the beginning I said I would come back to Sasha. Well, I owe his presence to Joyce Collier's marvelous piece on the news last night. In fact, I fortunately had the tape machine running so I was able to replay that bit over and over. You see, Joyce was talking to me! And what she said resonated like a carillon of bells.

"Single?" Nodding her head sadly she answered her own question, "Sure am. Likely to remain so?" Again her head nodded but with even more vehemence, "Sure am!"

Then she shook her head and said, "Folks, I honestly don't think there is a girl in this country who has dated more different men than I have. Frankly, the experience — so far, at least — has been sickening. I must have gone out with the world's largest collection of creeps, dolts, and sex fiends."

Then she looked resigned and continued, "Oh, sure, you can't lose them all. Some of the guys were actually pretty nice. Those I kissed goodnight — and never dated again. Why? It's simple, really: no bells, no second date. So far, no bells. So anyway, I am certainly the spinster Joyce was talking to.

"What else? Well, how about protection? Boy, do I need that! First, I mentioned some of the creeps I've been out with. Now I'm relaxed. Now I can have confidence that, with a guy trying to paw at my tits, when I say stop, he will stop. Or at least, if he doesn't, he'll never again use that hand to paw another woman — assuming they're able to find the hand, that is.

"But there's more. Being as objective as possible about myself, I'm really not the ugliest woman on two feet..." She stopped and just shrugged as the howls of laughter and hoots of derision from the audience drowned her out.

Continuing, " ... so I attract a whole bunch of guys on the street. Then, since I got very lucky with my record and stupidly allowed my picture to appear on the jacket, that didn't help much, either. And since my movie premiered, it's been utterly impossible. Anyway, I'm confident that all of that will change, and change very quickly."

Looking at Sasha who was sitting alertly by her side she asked, "Sasha, will you protect me from those creeps?" The tiger nodded his head eagerly. "But darling, what will you do if one of them is ... persistent?"

Instantly, his huge eyes turned as cold as ice and he drew back his lips exposing his huge teeth. Then he let out the most savage snarl anyone in the audience had ever heard. It started softly but just steadily increased in intensity until it was echoing off the walls.

Kris shook her head and appeared unsure. Looking out at the audience she asked, "I'm not really certain. What do you folks think? Do you think Sasha adequately communicated the idea that he was ... displeased? Do you? Are you certain the guy would really get his message?"

Again there were hoots of laughter and the shouted assurances that anyone who didn't get the message clearly had a fully-developed death wish.

"Gee, thanks, folks," Kris said. "You don't know how much more comfortable that makes me feel. After all, poor Sasha doesn't communicate in English — or at least, not in the normal manner — and some people really aren't too good at understanding nonverbal communication. But you're all really sure?"

Again there was laughter and this time she grinned, nodded her head sharply and said, "I am, too!

"Finally, of course, Joyce mentioned feelings and sensitivity. How are these for feelings?" With that she communicated to Sasha to face her. Still sitting attentively, he turned ninety degrees and looked at her with his eyes wide. Moving as close to him as she could get, she mashed her tits against the gloriously soft fur of his chest and kissed him. As soon as she did, Sasha sat up straight on his haunches, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her body tightly to his. The intensity of his kiss caused Kris's eyes to glaze. When she broke the kiss she had to keep her arms around his neck and snuggle her face against it while she regained her breath. Feeling her return to normal, Sasha gently released her and sat down again.

Facing the audience, Kris just took a very deep breath and murmured, "Wow!" Then she smiled warmly, shook her head and said, "If one picture is worth a thousand words, that one kiss is worth volumes! Girls, I think I made my point."

When she asked Sasha to wave to the audience, he did in a manner as cheery as Rajah's and then, overwhelmed with pride and love for his beautiful mistress, proudly escorted her back to her seat. He even pulled out her chair with his paw and seated her.

The bandleader looked over at the table and then said, "I guess it's only fair. Since Kris has just been talking about Joyce Collier's story and her reaction to it, now I see, sitting at the same table, Joyce herself, of KNBC, Los Angeles, and, I'm pretty sure the famous Rajah is with her. Joyce, would you please come up and say hello?"

Rising gracefully, she went up to the stand preceded by the tiger. After being greeted by the bandleader he looked down at her hand and saw the exquisite diamond on her finger.

"Joyce," he said, "like so many others in Los Angeles, I watched your news show last night and I, too, really enjoyed the feature you did with Rajah. But I distinctly remember you starting off by announcing that you planned on being a spinster for the rest of your life, the way I gather Kris Bradley does. Now I see a diamond on your finger big enough to choke a Bengal tiger the size of Rajah, here. What happened?"

Taking the mike she said, "Rajah happened." Looking around the room she said, "Folks, Jack and I would consider it a great favor if things said in this room tonight, stay here. We would like to announce our engagement publicly on our show Monday night. Please?"

Then turning to the table she said, "Jack, would you join me?" Then to the people, as Jack made his way to the stage, she said, "As many of you know, this is Jack Johnson. As News Director at KNBC, he's now my boss. Beginning on Monday night, for a while at least, he's my co-anchor. And beginning as soon as we can make arrangements, and lasting forever, he will be my lord and master. He is, and will forever be, the love of my life."

After waving to the crowd and receiving its applause, Jack took Joyce into his arms and they melted their lips together in a passionate kiss.

When they broke the kiss, he stood beside her with his arm around her while Rajah sat attentively at her other side.

Joyce began, "Folks, what happened, as I said a moment ago, was Rajah. You see, last night at the station there was a small ... altercation. Rajah acted and spared me some embarrassment. Anyway, when the show ended, I reminded him that, since it had occurred so close to our air time, I hadn't had the chance to thank him properly. Anyway, I gave him a kiss. Then this big blabbermouth says it was a wonderful kiss, but I couldn't enjoy it nearly as much as I would if I were kissing the love of my life ... Jack Johnson!

"There were a couple of things I didn't mention in my feature. One of them is that I can communicate with Rajah, and he with me, mentally! I won't bore you with the details, but we had already learned that Rajah could also communicate with Jack. So when Rajah said those words to me, Jack heard them, too. Then it was all over!

"You see," she said with tears now flowing down her cheeks, "until yesterday afternoon, morally I was a piece of filth! Moreover, Jack certainly knew that I was. He had never even asked me out, and I ascribed that to his judgment and good taste. Frankly, when he announced on the air that I was his new co-anchor, I was stunned. You see, I was hearing it for the first time, too. As his co-anchor I'll be sitting beside him at the news desk and I didn't think he could bear ever to be that close to me.

"But back to my feature: the reason I said I was going to be a spinster was a Catch 22. I had made a decision to reform myself. That meant dumping all of the filth with whom I had been spending my time. But it did something else, too. It reduced the number of my adult friends to only three — and Jack certainly wasn't one of them.

"Moreover, you see, I had fallen madly in love with Jack Johnson the first instant I laid eyes on him years ago. So thus the catch: I could no longer stand even to associate with all the crud I had dated, and the only man I could ever love had the good taste to keep as far away from me as he possibly could. In fact, I was certain that he wouldn't touch me with fire tongs! The result? Spinster.

"But Rajah, the big blabbermouth, blew it!"

Now showing great anxiety, she cried, "Now what am I going to tell my viewers? What can I possibly say to those single women who believed me? You tell me: What?"

Then she put her arms around Rajah's neck and put her face right in front of his and said in an accusing voice, "You did it! You got me into this! Here I was content: I was going to be a spinster, and live with you, just the two of us.

"Was that good enough for you? Oh, no! You had to go and wreck it all!"

Then she hugged him tightly and continued in the most loving voice anyone had ever heard, "You got me together with the love of my life! In less than twenty-four hours I have personally experienced a level of love and passion from Jack Johnson that I did not believe could exist in this world! Now I can look forward to becoming pregnant from his glorious seed, and giving birth to tiny babies. I can look forward to nursing them, nurturing them ... Damn it! Mothering them!"

She kissed him soundly and said, "And it's all you! Now what do you have to say for yourself?"

Rajah moved back a short distance on the stage. It caused Joyce's back to be partially towards the audience, but it positioned him so that while Joyce could see him, the audience could, too. He stood up, balanced on his hind quarters. Then he produced the cheeriest smile anyone could imagine on a tiger's face, cheerily waved, and then blew a kiss with his paw. Then he just held his position, wide-eyed.

By this time Jack was close beside her. Taking the mike he said, "Thank you, Rajah. That was great!" Turning to face the audience again while turning Joyce with him he said, "Folks, what do you think? Should we be mad at Rajah?" Then after a pause he added, "With a cheery smile like that, could we be!?"

There were cheers from the audience and Jack checked his watch. Seeing that it was nearly eleven, he shook his head and said, "Folks, I would like to tell you to get out of here right now, go home, and watch KNBC's Saturday Night News."

He looked sad as he continued, "But I guess I really can't. In the first place, it airs in less than five minutes and most of you couldn't make it home in time. In the second place, Joyce and I are guests tonight of the owners of this hotel. We certainly couldn't return their gracious hospitality by telling their paying customers to please leave."

Then he grinned and said, "As a result, I guess it's only fair for Joyce and me to fill you in on a couple of stories that you would otherwise miss. I'll take the first, reporting on the meeting at our studios this afternoon with the Animal-Rights people whom she mentioned on our show last night.

"Well, it seems the Animal-Rights folks were convinced that, first, the tigers were — Rajah and Sasha, please cover your ears — drugged." To the vast amusement of the audience, the instant Jack gave his instructions the two huge tigers stood up on their hindquarters and covered their ears with their paws. They looked so cute doing it that even Joyce and Jack laughed.

Then shaking his head, Jack said, "Folks, the reason I asked is that there are a few things to which these guys react ... violently! One of them is the word D-R-U-G in juxtaposition with themselves. Looking at Rajah again he asked, "Raj, you can't spell, can you?"

Rajah slowly nodded his head up and down with one of his eyebrows obviously raised. At the same time he communicated and then Jack said, "The answer, folks, as most of you saw, is yes he can. However, he told me that he realizes I was just reporting the news and I certainly know better."

Looking out at the people he said, "He's right about that: I certainly do know better. Drugs? Utterly ridiculous. What controls these huge animals? Only one thing: love. There is an incredible two-way flow of love between these animals and some of us. I think it should be obvious, but I'll say it anyway: Joyce Collier loves Rajah Collier nearly as much as she loves me! And I love him every bit as much as she does. Why he loves us, I can't say. Ask him, and he might tell you. But it is a fact that Rajah adores his mistress. What you saw on the tape that ran on our show last night, and again on the stage here tonight, was real! These two adore each other.

"Well, back to our meeting. Rajah ... persuaded ... them that there were no drugs used. The second allegation was that their teeth had been extracted. Well, Sasha and Prince stood over a couple of the visitors and growled in their faces. That certainly made the tigers' teeth clearly visible. All of them!"