Chapter 4

John couldn't decide which emotion roaring through his mind should rule. Anger and disappointment had exploded, burst like fireworks and fell down around him when he had first glanced through the open doorway.

Last night and this morning, Kelly had expressed her love for him in both word and deed, but she obviously didn't love him enough to be faithful. Also, the view in front of him had taken his breath away. He had never seen two women make love before, and the sight made him so excited he started to shake, or perhaps his anger caused the shivers. He didn't know which emotion to believe. He knew his cock had never been so hard, but he also felt sad, betrayed and completely confused. He panted trying to get enough oxygen in his system to function. He craved oxygen for his brain because watching Kelly with her busy mouth between her gorgeous sister's splayed, long legs had knocked the wind out him.

John debated whether to retreat and discuss the incident with Kelly later when he grasped more control over his emotions, or remain and... He didn't know what he would do if he remained. He felt incapable of making a decision to leave or stay and face them, so he did nothing. He stood buried in the floor like a fence post. Heavy! That's how he felt, he decided. So heavy he couldn't move. The emotion felt like grief caused by the death of a loved one.

His cock throbbed.

He watched as Janice started to climax on Kelly's licking, sucking mouth, watched his youngest sister's beautiful body stiffen and start to shudder as an immense orgasm overwhelmed her, and finally he watched her collapse. He reveled in the sight of her sexy, voluptuous body as it went limp, overcome with gentle lassitude.

And then he heard words exit Kelly's mouth, words that suddenly infuriated him, made him feel as if she had lied to him about her aversion to incest, because obviously she and her sister had made love before, probably many times, and sisters having sex were no less incestuous than a brother and sister fucking each other.

He watched fear and horror flash into Kelly's eyes when he spoke, and it was as if her fear finally uprooted him and allowed him to move again. He turned without waiting for an answer to his question and walked away, walked through the house and out the door. He climbed behind the wheel of his car and tried to put the keys in the ignition, but his hands shook too much. He took a deep breath and tried again, this time succeeding.

John asked himself if he should drive. Was he capable of driving without endangering others or himself? He breathed deeply again, and his shaking body calmed a little. When he turned the key, the low rumble of the vehicle's engine calmed him more. At least the automobile functioned as it should. Love didn't. Kelly didn't. So he reasoned his entire existence had not stopped functioning. After all, the car's engine had started with the turn of a key. Looking over his shoulder before backing out of the driveway, he saw some kids playing on the sidewalk. He had to wait for them, and the simple requirement of being certain the children would be safe before he moved the car calmed him some more.

A fist banging on the driver-side window startled him. Kelly stood in a robe saying something. The radio had started blaring as soon as he had turned the key, but he had not noticed the noise until now. The sight of the love of his life with tears streaming down her cheeks retarded his compulsion to flee, so he turned off the radio and pushed the button to lower the window.

"Please, John, please come back inside. We can talk. We can get through this. We must. Somehow. Please."

John sucked in air with a huge effort, gazed at his so-called lover, and turned off the ignition.

"I'll come in, but give me a minute. Go inside, Kelly. Give me some time. I'll come in soon, and we'll talk."

"Okay. I'll send Janice away, and..."

"No, Janice stays. I want her to be part of our discussion, at least at first."

"Okay, whatever - however you want it. I know... I love you, John. Please don't..."

"No, not now. Leave me for a minute, Kelly. If you won't give me some time, I'll drive away."

She swallowed a sob and spun on her bare feet. John watched her stagger up the driveway and into the house, watched as her shoulders shook as she started to sob. Her abject sadness hurt him. She had betrayed him, but his love for her surmounted her duplicity, and he wanted desperately to take her in his arms and console her, wanted to dispel her misery and put a smile on her beautiful face again.

John realized he didn't know all the circumstances behind her betrayal. Perhaps her explanations would lessen his anger and reduce his sense of loss. With a heavy heart, he pushed open the door and pulled himself erect. He wondered if he could make the trip to the door. Panting again, he worried about hyperventilating, but he straightened his spine, squared his shoulders and took the first step. The second step seemed easier, and the next, easier still.

I'll survive this, he realized. Whether his love for Kelly would survive was the question. He didn't knock, opened the door and stepped inside. Janice, fully dressed, held Kelly in her arms and looked up at him from the living room. She started to speak, but John held up his hand, a silent demand for silence, which Janice obeyed.

Kelly turned to him and pushed Janice away. She rose and started toward him, but he motioned for her to stay and walked by her and sat alone in a large chair. Kelly's shoulders slumped, accepting John's rejection. She returned and sat by her sister on the sofa facing John.

"Janice, how long have you and Kelly been lovers?" John asked.

Janice looked toward Kelly, who nodded. "That would depend on your definition of lovers. Kelly taught me how to masturbate when I was twelve. We masturbated together two or three times a year, maybe more, for about two years after that. Does this qualify as being lovers?"

"No, not on your part. You were still a kid. Go on, please," John said quietly.

"About four years ago, we started touching each other. We continued without escalating beyond mutual masturbation for another year. Kelly graduated from college, and that summer we became lovers. We heated up the heat of the summer doing everything two females can do with each other. Then Kelly became engaged and moved in with Jim, and she stopped seeing me until about six months ago when she started having serious problems with the S.O.B., and we started having sex again. Kelly doesn't love me, not like she loves you. We give each other pleasure, John. Sex between us is friendly - casual, if you will. If one of us has needs, the other helps. That's what sisters are for."

John laughed bitterly. "Of course, why didn't I think of that? Sisters help sisters in their time of need by sucking them off." He turned to Kelly. "Is that what you did for me? Did you consider me needy, so you helped me in my time of need? Is that why you sucked me off? Is that why you finally took me to your bed and fucked me?"

"If that's what you think, get the fuck out of my house?" Kelly said with fire in her reddened, tear-ladened eyes. "I'm in love with you. If you can't get that through your thick skull, then we've nothing to talk about." She brushed the back of her hands across her face, swiping at her tears. "I can understand you feel betrayed, because I betrayed you, and I know it's possible you don't love me anymore, which would break my heart, but somehow I'd survive even that loss. And perhaps when you look at me now, you see a slut. Maybe I am, but god damn it, I won't allow you to believe I don't love you!"

"Okay. That was a cheap shot, but why lie to me about incest being contemptible, a perversion you didn't want to commit, when you've been committing incest with Janice for years?"

"I didn't lie to you," Kelly stated. "I've never considered my relationship with Janice incestuous."

"Oh, come on, Kelly. You can't really expect me to believe that."

"It's true," Janice said. "Kelly said the same thing to me before you arrived this morning. I laughed my head off when she made the statement, but..."

"I never considered sex with Janice incestuous. Until today, it never crossed my mind," Kelly said, interrupting her sister. "I don't know why. I agree with both of you now. Janice and I have been incestuous, but we never discussed incest as an issue. We did discuss our bisexuality, which to my mind was and is a greater perversion than incest. I think that's why incest with Janice wasn't an issue with me. I can't explain it any better, and I'm being honest - stupid maybe, but honest. Sex with you, John, was and is a different matter. I consider sex with you incestuous for two reasons. One, I love you, and I've loved you for years. For some reason, love amplified incest as our prime issue in my mind. Remember, I'm not in love with Janice. Two, you're a man. You can make me pregnant. It might sound silly, but incest was and still is an issue between us, and it's never been an issue between Janice and me. I'm in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but we can't have children, and I want some babies to love. I want to experience the joys of motherhood. But I want you more. I had already decided to give up my desire to have children so I could be with you."

"I have a question," Janice stated. "What's that large wet spot on the front of your trousers?"

John glanced down and blushed.

"Seeing us together excited you, didn't you?" Janice said.

"Yes, which confused me," John replied. "I felt betrayed and angry. It was as if my future went up in smoke. I felt completely and abjectly alone with an overwhelming heaviness I can only define as grief. I couldn't breathe, couldn't get enough air in me. The two of you metaphorically kicked the wind out of me, and at the same time, I have never been so sexually excited in my life. That's why I walked away. I had to have time to somehow sort out all the conflicting emotions besieging me. I'm still confused and hurt."

Janice grinned. "Thanks for being honest, Bro." She turned to Kelly. "I'm going to leave you to sort this out, Sis. The two of you love each other more than any couple I've ever known. You'll work it out if you're both patient and don't say anything you'll need to take back later."

She rose and walked from the house leaving John and Kelly avoiding each other's eyes. Silence descended except for an occasional sniff as Kelly tried to control her melancholy.

"Do you know I love you?" Kelly asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes."

"Do you know I will never have sex with Janice or any other person, man or woman, for as long as we're together?"

"No."

Kelly breathed deeply. "Good. If you had said yes, I would not have believed you. And if nothing else, we need to be brutally honest with each other right now. I know I need to gain your trust again. I also know I betrayed you, and I'm sorry. I debated with myself whether to join Janice in the tub this afternoon, and I made the wrong choice."

"Perhaps not, Kelly. You and Janice have a history, a history I wasn't aware of. I'm only now starting to understand. Janice was candid enough to make the situation clear to me, at least as clear as it can be with my mind muddied as it is today, and you did say to her before you knew I was observing that today was the last time you would be with her. And the reason you gave was you wanted to be faithful to me. Those facts didn't register in my befuddled mind. What registered was you had committed incest, that you didn't have an aversion for incest, and consequently had lied to me. The lie infuriated me. I still don't know if I accept your explanation, but in a weird kind of way it makes sense."

"John, if you don't stand up, take two or three paces, sit next to me and hold me right now, I might die."

John took the steps. She gazed up at him with eyes full of love as his arms enfolded her. She leaned toward him tentatively, signaling her desire for a kiss, and John met her halfway. The kiss didn't become passionate, but it did a lot to melt his cold perspective about the situation.

Tears started to flow from Kelly's eyes again, but John recognized them as happy tears.

"Oh, I must look a mess!" Kelly exclaimed when she noticed mascara on her fingers. She jumped up and started to run from the room. Just before she disappeared, she turned and said, "Don't you dare leave. Let me make some repairs. I'll be right back. Fix us a scotch, and make mine a double."

John splashed scotch over ice in two tumblers. Déjà vu, he thought. This is how everything started in the first place. A little booze, some sexual overtones and innuendoes and bam! All at once my life changed, and for the better, I believed at the time.

Amazing! The love of my life is bisexual and has had an on-and-off incestuous affair with her younger sister for years, an affair that was active when I arrived to inform Kelly about that photograph a few days ago. I'm the intruder, not Janice, but my sisters aren't in love with each other, not like Kelly and I. Wait. Janice made it clear Kelly wasn't in love with her, but Janice didn't say she wasn't in love with Kelly. If she is, this relationship will become very complicated. Fuck! It's already complicated. And to add to the mishmash I don't know how do I truly feel about Kelly and Janice having sex with each other, especially if Janice isn't a threat. I know seeing them together excited me beyond belief.

John shrugged. His previous simple life a few days ago had taken a leap toward chaos, and he felt confused and reluctant to trust his own emotions. He sipped scotch and remembered another comment he had made. Janice was fifteen, still a youngster, and Kelly twenty-one, an adult, when they first became lovers doing everything two women could do sexually with each other, as Janice had put it. Kelly had not only committed incest, she had also broken the law. If discovered back then, the authorities could have charged her with child molestation. But then, John had never been an advocate of laws that depended solely on the age of the participants. He had broken that law himself. After he turned eighteen, he had had sex with a sixteen-year-old girl, and if the truth were known, at that time the girl was more mature mentally than he. Certainly, she had been more experienced. No, John decided, he wouldn't hold Kelly and Janice's age difference against Kelly.

He took another drink of scotch and waited, waited for the love of his life to come back to him. Yes, he still loved her, and he believed they would move through this problem and come out the other end more in love than when they entered the crisis. At least, that's what he hoped would happen.

Curiously, images of his sisters making love kept intruding, keeping an edge on his arousal, and he wondered if he weren't the perverted one of the three of them. He knew the sight of them naked and fucking had excited him, and if he were to be honest with himself, he wanted to see them together again. He sighed.

Kelly arrived, dressed and smiling, but her eyes still appeared red and swollen. John handed her her drink. She watched him warily over the rim of the glass as she sipped.

"Let's talk in the kitchen," she said and turned and walked away before he could agree or disagree. She glanced over her shoulder. "We can talk while I start dinner before it gets too late."

"I'm not very hungry," he said and paused to refresh his drink. "But we do need to talk. I'll be right with you."

He sat at the counter on a stool while she banged pots and pans and started to chop onions and mushrooms. She then placed two potatoes in the microwave and stepped outside to light the outside gas grill.

"What would you say if I had just told you I was bisexual right now and you didn't know about Janice and me?"

"I don't know. Any answer I would give would be colored by the fact I do know about you and Janice."

She removed two steaks from the refrigerator "Okay. Does the fact I'm bisexual revolt you, disgust you in any way?"

He pondered her question for a few seconds while she stepped back outside and placed the steaks on the grill. He knew if they were to move through this crisis they would need to be honest with each other. No secrets could remain under cover. "No," he said when she returned to the kitchen.

"Does it excite you?"

He didn't hesitate. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. I think every man's fantasy is to be with two women at the same time, and the fantasy involves more than ego, at least mine does. The thought of seeing two women having sex arouses me and is integral to my fantasy. How would you have reacted if I had surprised you tonight and announced I was bisexual?"

"Are you?" she asked as she started to put together a garden salad.

"Answer my question first?"

"I don't know. I think it's a gender thing. Many men get aroused when they think of two women having sex. Likewise, many women become aroused when they think of two men. Similar to your fantasy, one of mine is being with two men at the same time, so I understand, but still, I wouldn't like it if you were bisexual, principally because of AIDS. I'd be fearful you would contract the disease from a gay man and give the virus to me."

"Fair enough. I am not bisexual. Sex with another man revolts me. I'm completely, undeniably heterosexual."

Kelly grinned and started to sauté the vegetables.

"You stated and Janice agreed that you were not in love with her. Is she in love with you, Kelly?"

His sister's pretty face twisted into a grimace. "I don't think so, but I don't know with certainty. The easy answer would be no. She's never stated she loved me. Oh, she loves me as a sister, and more. After all, we've been casual lovers for quite a while, and she could be in love with me without expressing her love, keeping it to herself like I did with my love for you all these years." Kelly smiled tentatively. "I know she loves the sex we've had. She's constantly telling me I do more for her than any man she's been with. That's why I hesitate to answer with an outright 'no' to your question."

"Was she pleased when you told her about us?"