Chapter 10

The next morning Janice met Pete at the tennis court and pertly stuck out her tongue when she saw him. He took her into his arms and kissed her saying, "I love you, even if you don't love me."

Her eyes were warm and loving and glistening with tears as she returned his kiss passionately and whispered, "I adore you, you idiot! Pete, are you sure? You don't have to marry me, and I would much rather you didn't. I'm a dirty, filthy creature. You deserve a girl who's like an angel."

He kissed her warmly again and said, "You're right. And I have one in my arms right now. Please say yes, Jan. Will you marry me? Now?"

She hugged him tightly and kissed him. Again, she could feel her knees turn to water as he returned her kiss. When he squeezed her body to his, he delighted in the warm, happy noises coming from deep in her throat. She leaned back and said, "Pete, I will. There's one condition, though: You have to agree to do whatever I ask between now and the wedding." She saw him raise an eyebrow and immediately knew what he was thinking. She gave him a small smile and said, "Okay, it doesn't include sex. Anything else. Agreed?"

He gave her shoulders a squeeze, then let go. He stepped back and extended his hand which she took in her firm grip. "Agreed!" he exclaimed. Then he smiled and said, "Darling, are you sure you want to play tennis?"

She smiled ruefully and said, "Of course not! You could literally kill me with a tennis ball. Darling, I don't think I slept a wink last night. I'm utterly destroyed. I don't think I could even see the ball, let alone hit it. Your body shots would kill me. Could we just have an early breakfast instead?"

They went to the coffee shop and ate breakfast. Then Pete went to the concièrge desk to tell her of their forthcoming wedding and the plans he had in mind. Both Jill and Jan were now very well known at the hotel. The girl beamed and congratulated him on his good fortune, then gave him the information on requirements for getting married in Hawaii. Since it was Monday and the state had a three-day waiting period, they could have the tests, get the license and be married before the end of the week.

They went to a doctor's office and had the blood test, then went to the County Clerk's Office for a license. By the time they were finished with the paperwork it was just after lunchtime. Pete looked at Jan and said, "What now?"

"Now we go to the chapel and see Father Collins. We have an appointment." They went to a small chapel near the hotel and went back into the small office. Soon they were seated with the priest. "Father, we would like you to marry us on Thursday," Jan said after pleasantries had been exchanged. "However, it's more accurate to say Pete wants you to marry us. I don't think he should marry me."

Father Collins was a dark-haired priest who appeared to be in his late thirties or early forties. He raised an eyebrow when he heard her statement. He had been prepared to tell the couple there were rules and regulations and it couldn't be done nearly so fast, but this meeting was taking a very unexpected turn.

Jan said, "Father, I know about the banns of marriage, Pre-Cana conferences, and all of that stuff. On the other hand I also know you don't like to see weddings performed by justices of the peace. Our situation is very different from what you normally encounter. I want to make my confession to you. After I do, I'm sure you will understand why I said what I just did. Father, I want to do it now, here, in front of Peter Stewart. I want you both to hear what I have to say. Could we do that and then talk about the wedding? Please?"

The priest was startled. He started to say, "This is most irregular..." when he stopped himself. It was obvious that this lovely girl knew all that already. He could see anguish in her eyes. Clearly there was great deal of pain involved, for her at least. As for the confession, while the normal practice is confession in private, public confessions did occur in the States and were common in Europe. He said, "If you wish, Miss Carson, I'll hear your confession under your conditions. Are you sure you want to go through with it, though?"

When she heard him agree to her request, her relief was obvious. She said, "I'm certain!"

He made his preparations and she went down on her knees before him. He said it wasn't necessary for her to kneel on the hard wooden floor, but Jan said it was necessary for her. She began, "Bless me father for I have sinned. My last confession was years ago. I have sinned in the eyes of God and man. My life has been utterly disgusting. I'm unworthy of even being here in front of you today."

Jan proceeded to describe in graphic detail her life as a prostitute and what she had done. The priest saw the anguish in her eyes, but she just continued to kneel up straight on the hard wooden floor. It was obvious to Father Collins that she was sparing herself nothing as she laid her soul bare. He stole a glance at Peter Stewart and saw an expression of pain in his eyes. Clearly, the priest thought, he's reacting to the girl's self-inflicted torture, not to what she's saying. He lost track of time as the beautiful girl kneeling before him continued her self-abasement. Finally he heard her say, "Father, for these and all the other sins of my past life which I cannot remember, I am very sorry."

Collins looked at the girl warmly. Tears had been flowing from her eyes, but she hadn't lowered her gaze. She had just continued to look into his eyes and pour out her soul. He said, "Miss Carson, if you forgot anything, I can't believe it could be very important." Then he assigned her penance, granted absolution and helped her to her feet.

She swayed for a moment because she had been in the one painful position for so long. Then she said, "Father, would you please talk to Peter now? I'm sure now you see why I shouldn't marry him, or anyone else for that matter. I'll wait outside, if I may." She left the office without even glancing at Pete.

As the door closed the two men could hear her break down and cry. The priest looked at Pete and asked, "Well, Mr. Stewart, what do you think?"

Pete smiled weakly and said, "Father, Jan just gave me a few hundred more reasons why I want to marry her. I just saw a girl try to destroy herself. But I saw a girl who is internally pure. All I could think of was Mary Magdalene. Didn't Christ forgive her her sins?" His eyes were somber as he said, "Father, what do you think?"

"I agree with you completely. In the sacrament of penance we refer to contrition defined as true sorrow for our sins. Clearly, only God can make the judgment of what is true sorrow. You know, the sacrament of Penance is ill-understood. People say, 'How can a priest forgive sins?' We can't — only God can. The penitent is confessing to God, not to me. I'm only here to assist in the process — and I provided no help to that girl this afternoon. For what it's worth, I can't ever remember hearing a confession like that one. She bent over backwards to make herself appear as evil as she possibly could."

He smiled at Pete and said, "What she expects is for me to tell you why you shouldn't marry such a sinner. I'm not going to, but would you want me to?"

Pete smiled and shook his head. "Father, I said it a moment ago: All I heard were a few hundred new reasons why I want to marry her. Now, will you marry us? Can you?"

The priest smiled and went to his appointment book. "How about Thursday morning at eleven? Would that be all right?"

Pete smiled broadly and agreed. He said, "Father, she's a wonderful person. Would you mind teasing her a little with me? We won't hurt her."

The priest agreed with a smile.

Pete was about to open the door when he turned back to the priest and said, "Father, Jan did forget one thing: She didn't mention that we made love on the beach yesterday. Should she confess that?"

The priest smiled and shook his head. "Mr. Stewart, I think your words contain the answer to your question. 'We made love.' What she confessed wasn't love. Looking at her, listening to her, and watching you both, I think your words were apt: You're very much in love with each other. I'm sure you'll be very happy together. It's none of my business, of course, but I think you're a very lucky man to get a girl like her."

Pete beamed and said, "Father, you sure got that one right! Come on, let's go." The priest winked and they went out to the other room.

Jan was sitting up straight in a chair with her eyes looking straight ahead and she did not look up when they came out. She's waiting for the ax to fall, Pete thought.

He turned to Father Collins and said, "I'm sorry it's got to be this way, Father, but thank you for your time, anyway." He turned to Jan and said in a very flat tone of voice, "Jan, do you want a ride back to the hotel?" She got up slowly from the chair. Pete winced as he saw that her eyes were dead. There was no sign of the usual life and sparkle in them. She thinks she has lost it all, he thought. He turned to the priest and said, "We'll be back with our friends for the wedding at eleven o'clock on Thursday morning."

Suddenly Jan's head jerked up and he saw disbelief and then great joy in her eyes. Then it quickly died as he watched. "What's wrong with you two?" she asked softly. "Didn't you believe what I was saying?"

Father Collins answered, "Miss Carson, I believed you completely. You said you wanted to confess your sins. I believe you did. You were seeking forgiveness for them. That is only in the power of God to grant, but I believe that happened, too. I told Mr. Stewart that I consider him to be the luckiest man alive to have you accept him as your husband. He agrees."

Jan wheeled and looked up at Pete's eyes. She saw his love for her shining in them as she ran into his arms. He held her tightly and kissed her warmly. Again she felt her knees weaken as their love flowed between them. Finally, she released him and said, "Are you sure, Pete? Absolutely sure?"

"I'm as sure of my love for you, darling, as I am sure that the sun rose this morning. I'm more sure of it than I am that it will rise tomorrow. Now do you understand?"

They spent the intervening couple of days on the few preparations for the wedding and went back to playing golf and swimming at the beach. Pete made love to her on the beach each day. The first time Jan asked him about it: "I thought you weren't going to let me have any milk until I bought the cow?"

She was resting beside him after wonderful lovemaking. Pete said, "Darling, I said I wouldn't go to bed with you. This is a beach, not a bed. Furthermore, it may have escaped your notice, but I need you desperately, too. You aren't the only one."

On Thursday morning, Janice looked exquisite as she and Jill drove to the chapel. It was to be a simple ceremony with only Bob and Jill as the witnesses. Jill had tried to get Jan to wear a small veil but her friend had refused. She said, "Jill, I would be standing at the altar naked if I could. A veil signifies that the bride is pure. I'm not. We all know it. Pete knows what he's getting and I won't pretend to be anything else."

Father Collins felt good as he performed the brief ceremony and heard their exchange of vows. Because the couple were so deeply in love with each other it was a beautiful thing to see. Finally, he called for the ring. Jan had refused a double-ring ceremony and even refused to accept an engagement ring from Peter. Pete produced a plain gold band. She had insisted on it, reminding him of his agreement to do what she wished. Finally, Father Collins pronounced them man and wife and told Pete he could kiss his bride.

Father Collins had seen them kiss before, but not like this. Janice melted into his arms as he held her tightly. When Pete finally released her, Bob kissed her and Jill kissed Pete warmly. Finally, Jan gave Father Collins a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you, Father."

He looked at her, smiled and shook his head. "Thank you, Mrs. Stewart. You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen — and the happiest. Congratulations. I think Mr. Stewart will make you very happy."

As they left the chapel, Jan thought about what the priest had said. Pete make me happy? What an odd thing to say.

They drove back to the hotel and went up to their suite where Bob and Jill had arranged a small party for them. Pete stood with his arm around Jan's waist. She was wearing only her white linen sleeveless dress with no jewelry of any kind. He knew she was only wearing the dress, her bikini, her white pumps and her wedding ring. She looked exquisite. He just looked at her as she talked with Jill. Her wavy hair was like a golden cap on her head. Her skin was utterly flawless, and she wasn't wearing any makeup at all. He couldn't believe his good fortune that this vision of loveliness was now his wife.