Harker said my Swimsuit Issue painting inspired him.

“Ta da!” he said, unveiling his version of the painting assignment, which was supposed to adhere to one of four themes: Defiant Magazine Cover, Inside Out, Calendar Art of the Future, or Twisted Landscape.

I have to admit, I liked it. Almost photoreal. A simple white cottage in an icy landscape. A stark black railing along the porch. And Harker and me standing naked just outside the front door.

“So obviously it’s not a Defiant Magazine Cover,” I said.

“No?” Harker said. “What about Architectural Digest. Or House Beautiful? Would it qualify on those grounds?”

“I guess so,” I admitted.

“But wouldn’t it also work for Inside Out?”

“Oh yeah, I get it. Naked people outside in the cold when they could be inside in the warmth. Very clever.”

“But couldn’t it also be Calendar Art of the Future?” Harker proposed. “I mean it has certain pinup elements, such as you see in the old calendars stuck up on the walls of heating oil companies.”

“That might be a stretch.”

“Okay, but aren’t all calendars in the future? At least until they aren’t.”

“You might have something there,” I said. “But it’s even more of a stretch.”

“Actually, though, I was thinking about Twisted Landscape.”

“Now you’ve kind of lost me,” I said.

“But look,” Harker said, “you don’t normally have so much house in a landscape, and you don’t normally have people so prominent, almost posing portrait-like.”

“True,” I agree.

“Also,” Harker continued, “in this landscape you’re reaching behind you to twist my cock, and I’m about to retaliate by twisting your nipple. Also your legs are kind of twisted, which I happen to know means your pussy is about to gush pussy juice.”

“What’s really twisted is your mind,” I said. After which I didn’t delay in acting out Harker’s inner vision.