So I’ve got my special spot, that perfect perch on the windowsill in the kitchen where the sun shines in so nice and warm for about forty minutes, and I’d just drifted off when this couple comes in, a brown one and a white one, and the white one says, “Isn’t this just darling?” and the brown one says, “Kind of old-fashioned,” and the white one says, “But it’s adorable,” and the brown one says, “If you say so—when will your grandmother be back?” and the white one says, “We have plenty of time.”

Then they notice me. “Oh, a kitty,” the white one says. “More like a full-grown cat,” the brown one goes. I keep my eyes squinted tight, thinking if I don’t move a muscle they might go away and leave me in peace. Heaven forbid they try to pet me. If they do, I’ll show them some claws. But they seem more interested in petting each other. Fine by me.

The white one makes these little purring noises while the brown one’s hands move here and there, stroking and cupping and squeezing. “Mmm, mmm, mmmm,” the white one goes. “That feels good. So nice. You make me feel so good.” The brown one keeps up with the caresses but then moves tight behind the white one, who makes a little gasp. “Yes,” white one hisses. “Oh yes.”

Then the brown one is moving back and forth behind the white one who’s moving the same way but somehow sort of opposite, and they keep doing that, more and more urgently, and suddenly the brown one goes rigid and so does the white one, and the brown one says, “Oh honey,” kind of a low growl, and the white one lets out a long low moan like a bunny’s last breath.

They stand there holding each other, and the white one sighs, and the brown one says, “Oh, Amy, I love your pussy. I love fucking your pussy,” which worries me for an instant, until the white one says, “Ha. You love my cunt. You love fucking my cunt,” and the brown one goes, “Yeah, I love fucking your cunt, and I love you too.” The white one says, “Good,” and turns and they kiss, they kiss for what seems like a long time, and then finally they leave, thank goodness, leaving me in peace at last, though the whole thing probably took about six minutes. Plenty of catnap time left.

Though I have to admit, the whole thing, whatever it was, has made me a little sexed up, and I’m wondering if Old Tom will be out in the alley tonight. I sure hope so.