Chapter 2

"YOU WHAT?? " dazed as she was, she still couldn't ignore those words.

"What?" he looked at her, surprised at her reaction.

"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH A THING, YOU HEAR ME?! NO SUCH A THING!" she yelled, a new wave of tears filling her eyes.

"Ok, Ok..." he tried to calm her down, obviously puzzled "I already... Never mind"

"You already what? Oh my god..." she said as she understood what he has been doing.

"You already told them everything, didn't you... ?"

Patricia knew how fragile was his social status: his stories were obviously what kept the older boys interested at him. No wonder they leered at her on the few times they were around. Nathaniel said nothing, he just looked at her, hurt.

"I can't believe it..." she mumbled, her hands covering her face which was blushed again, with shame.

"I didn't know it was a secret... They told me they did it too, Stan said that one time he and..." Suddenly, he looked so small.

"I don't want to hear about it, ok?" she snapped at him.

"ok." he said silently, his head bowed.

Patricia left the kitchen and went to her room.

She was still in her room when she heard a knock on her door a few hours later.

"Who's there?" she asked, surprised a little: she didn't expect anyone, and the boy never bothered to knock.

"It's me, Nathaniel."

"uh... come in." she said.

The door opened and he stood there, a small boy holding a few lilies in his hands.

"These are for you." he said, his small voice breaking "I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry I told everyone... they, ugh... didn't believe me anyway..."

Her silence seemed to go on forever.

"Just don't let anyone know, ok?"

She was surprised at they words coming from her mouth, but there was something so helpless, so fragile about him, that brought the mother out of her despite of everything she knew about him.

"ok." he nodded "Rakim said girls like it. I thought you'll like it."

Nathaniel was a smart boy: he understood her silent answer.

"Anyway, I'm sorry... and another thing..." she looked at him.

"You... you don't have to wear those clothes I made you... You know..."

He put the flowers on the bed, and left.

Nathaniel's behavior had changed drastically since the first time he had taken her: It seemed to her that all his maliciousness had disappeared and turned into gentleness. He stopped grabbing her buttocks and fondling her breasts, removed the humiliating dog collar, and ceased any sexual reference to her. She was surprised at the first few times when he caressed her hair while they were doing homework or when he cuddled against her while they watched a video together, but found it much more pleasant than his former behavior. The new, conservative, wardrobe she bought made her feel secure again and more dignified. Patricia was accustomed to the boy's shifting moods : In the first few days she was nervous about this latest change, and feared some form of a trap, but after a week, when no signs of one showed up, she started to relax, enjoying the small changes she noticed in the boy's behavior.

Their relationship took another turn one night after she had taken a shower.

Patricia was sitting on the bed, fanning her hair when the door opened. Alarmed at once, she stared at the boy, whose stood in the hallway, wearing an oversized T-shirt, which once belonged to his father.

"Nathaniel! It's very late, you should be in bed!" she cried, old fears starting to sneak into her voice. The look in her eyes surprised her : the malice she feared was absent. Guilt and shame filled them.

"I'm sorry." he said in a small voice that seemed much louder suddenly as she turned the fan off. "I can't sleep."

"Well, you still have homework to do... and why didn't you knock? I thought we discussed it, didn't we?"

"I did, but... but you couldn't hear me with all that noise."

The boy had a point there, she knew.

"ok. What do you want, Nat?" she said in a softer voice.

"Can I fuck you, Patty?" he asked in a small, shy voice.

"What?" she raised her voice a little.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like it, but I can't sleep. I keep thinking of that time in the kitchen..." the boy was close to tears.

Patricia still couldn't fathom the change he was going through: she was still in his power, and they both knew she would do whatever he said, and yet he asked her so humbly for what he could take by force. Maybe he was finally growing up. Maybe he started seeing her as a person, not a toy. The idea of refusing leapt to her mind, but she decided against it : he could still take what he wanted. If she was to be taken by him, she preferred it this way. Without a word, she laid back on the bed, took off her panties, and spread her creamy thighs, inviting him.

"Is it... ok?" he asked, his excitement starting to show.

"Yes."

"Cool." he said, smiling for the first time since he came to her room.

He took off his shirt, and revealed his growing erection, obscenely ejecting from his small, slim body. With nimble fingers, he rolled a condom over his penis, which pulsed bigger every second : Nathaniel has always been a quick learner.

"Wait!" she said suddenly. The thought of him penetrating her dryness ran goose bumps through her skin. Her long fingers found her clitoris, and she started to rub it gently, embarrassed to do it in from of him, but unwilling to suffer the consequences.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing... Ahhh..." a small sigh escaped her lips "Just getting ready..."

"Oh..."

The boy looked at her fingers closer now, studying them. A deeper sigh escaped her surprised lips when his long, cool, finger hesitantly touched her clit.

"Did you like it?" he asked her curiously, as he slowly started to massage it like he saw her do it.

A sudden surge of panic hit her, like some ancient, dark beast emerging from the murky waters of memory lake. In a flash, a vision that was buried almost twenty years leapt unbidden into her consciousness : the hand of her father touching her "there" while she's in her bed at night. She remembered almost nothing of the following events, but the sense of shame and betrayal she felt that night filled her again, suddenly illuminating all her disastrous relationships with men in a new light. Like a grim epiphany, Patricia now understood the panic that always filled her when she was in an intimate situation with a man.

She now also realized why she craved the innocent company of children.

"Please stop..." she asked him, not understanding her feelings, but terrified of what she'd find if she did. The situation was new to the boy. He sensed that he excited her, but didn't know what it meant, so he decided to dwell on it later, and focus on the urge he felt.

"I... ugh... meant completely..." she said nervously, as he positioned his shining erection at her wet cunt "Could you stop now... ? Please?"

His face were suddenly twisted by a mixed expression of rage and disappointment, and her heart sank with fear. He stared into her eyes for a few seconds, as he wrestled with himself, causing cool sweat to wash her face, and then he nodded slowly, failing to appear nonchalant.

"ok."

A hot, mind numbing wave of relief and surprise filled her. She took his hand in hers and kissed it as a spontaneous gesture of gratitude.

"Thank you Nathaniel... I appreciate it..."

"It's ok." he said in a surprisingly mature way, still trying to appear cool with her refusal "I just hope we'll have another chance..."

"We will!..." she was surprised at her sudden excitement, fueled by his surprising display of maturity and consideration "I promise!".

Nathaniel stepped off the bed and took off the condom. He bent over her, and kissed her gently on her cheek.

"Good night." he said.

"Good night."

"I will THINK about you... " he grinned mischievously. She blushed when the meaning of his words dawned upon her.

"Good night, young man!" she said, mockingly stern, and they both laughed.

The room was quiet after he left. Patricia's mind was starting to digest the events that took place, the memories she had to confront. She felt certain that her father never went further than what she remembered, but that memory alone has hurt her deeper than she ever realized, causing her to shy away from men. That brief abusive event, coupled with strict, religious upbringing made her feel disgusted with sex, embarrassed by any open discussion about it. But what if she was wrong?

What if sex wasn't a sin? Most people enjoyed it, why shouldn't she?

Now it became so clear to her why she enjoyed working with children: their innocence and lack of interest in sex always made her to feel safe around them.

It was so ironic that her love of children, derived from her reluctance to sex brought her to this house, and to this child who seemed so unholy and pervert at first. But in the last few days, her emotions towards him changed. Nathaniel seemed to mature before her very eyes, and become a generous young man instead of the evil little imp he was before. The memory of his little fingers touching her sensitive clit sent sudden waves of strange and wonderful sensations through her body, but she knew she mustn't pleasure herself, not with his image on her mind.

The young woman knew that it was wrong to feel aroused by a young boy, a dark sin.

Sub-consciencely, she was glad that the boy had power over had, that she had to submit to his whims: only god knew what would happen to her soul if she would willingly take pleasure with Nathaniel.

Tossing and turning in her bed, Patricia started a long, bitter, struggle with two foes, both unknown to her before that night : Guilt and Lust.

Her eyes were partially closed when she dragged her sleepy legs towards his room in the morning, like an automaton operating with empty batteries. She slept very little that night :the tormenting hunger in her loins was new to her, and she refused to surrender to its whispering temptation while the boy's image filled her mind. Her attempts to focus on grown men became futile as one after another, they all became her father in her mind's tortured eye.

Her night was dark and long, and she only fell asleep an hour before dawn, failing to hear the alarm clock. When she finally woke up, she knew she had to wake Nathaniel up immediately, so he wouldn't miss school. Swallowing a yawn, she opened the door to the boy's room, and approached his bed.

Patricia's fatigue and sleepiness disappeared as she caught a glimpse of him.

The handsome boy slept naked, breathing deeply and effortlessly, a carefree expression on his face. The contrast between his peaceful, angelic face and his obscene, half erect member shocked her, planting her heels in the carpet. A single tear appeared suddenly in her eye at the vision: what was she to do?

Somehow sensing her presence, the boy suddenly opened his eyes, smiled sweetly and yawned.

"Good mowwwwnin" he yawned at her.

"Good morning, Nathaniel. Y... You're late for school." suddenly she felt very small, naked before his eyes like never before.

"Oh... I'm coming... I'm coming..." he said, stepping nimbly out of bed, shaking the shreds of sleep like only young boys can.

The traffic was dense as the white Mercedes inched it way towards school.

"You don't look too well? Did you dream about your brother again?" he asked. The operation was scheduled to the first week of July, leaving her a comfortable four weeks time periods to make the last arrangements.

She had most of the money, Robert's condition was stable, and for once, she was optimistic about his chances.

"No, I kept... never mind..."

"Patty?"

"Yes dear?"

"Will you leave me after the operation?"

His question came as a surprise to her. Until last week, the answer would have obviously been yes, if he allowed her, as he still hold the incriminating video cassette, but now thing were different a little.

"I don't know." she said "Sharon might need me for helping her with Bob"

He said nothing, but his face showed disappointment.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have treated you like I did... I'm so sorry for that..."

his voice trembled.

"Let's put the past behind, ok? Let bygones be bygones."

He just nodded.

"C'mon, give me a hug, big boy." she said, taking her eyes of the car in front of her for a moment.

With both of them buckled up, it was a very awkward hug: he barley managed to put his left arm behind her back, and his right somehow landed on her stomach, sending vibrations through her crotch.

"ok... that's enough..." her voice was suddenly hoarse "You're making me... tickle..."

"Tickle? Where?" Nathaniel was a sensitive boy: his intuition explained him things his mind didn't know yet.

"You ticklish here?" he asked as his right hand sneaked under her skirt.

"Ohmygod..." she gasped.

"You like that?" he asked, his fingers snaking under the damp cloth.

"Ohgad" she just moaned, barely focusing on the road. Still not daring to acknowledge her lust, she said nothing, just spread her thighs more, inviting him.

The nimble fingers roamed randomly across her sensitive, hungry crotch. The boy didn't know exactly where to touch, and Patricia still clang to her passivity, denying her urge to guide him.

"WATCH OUT!" he suddenly cried, but it was too late: the Merecedes has already bumped into the blue pickup. A few long seconds passed, and only her heavy breathing broke the silence. The pickup driver's door opened, and a young, angry man stepped out of the car.

"Now what the hell?!" he screamed at her. Patricia started to sob. The man checked the bumper of his truck, then her bumper. Apparently he found nothing, because his expression relaxed as he approached the car.

"You all right?" he asked her. She just nodded.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you." he said. Through the tears in her eyes, she saw his hand sent towards her, and she shook it.

"That's ok." she said, her sobs dying quickly.

"My name is Jeff Swain."

"I'm Patricia, and this is..."

"Nathaniel, her son." said the boy suddenly.

"Your son?" asked the man "He looks a bit...". The man mistook Patricia's shocked expression for anger and backed off.

"Oh, I'm sorry... never mind..." he said, confused.

"Mom, wer'e late for school." said Nathaniel angrily.

"Yes... we've got to be going..."

"Listen, I'm a mechanic, if you want me to look at your car later, here's my card..."

Jeff took a used business card out of his faded denim jacket and handed it to Patricia, but the card never got there. Nathaniel was faster, and he intercepted the card before she could reach for it.

"I'll keep it, ok?" he asked her.

She just nodded, bewildered at his strange behavior. Angry honks started behind them as other drivers, seeing that no damage was done, quickly lost their patience.

"Good day!" said Jeff.

"You too." she replied.

Jeff stepped into his car, and started driving, disappearing out of view after a few minutes.

"What was all this 'mother' stuff?" asked Patricia.

Nathaniel didn't answer. His face showing mixed anger and helplessness.

"You think about it. I'll want an explanation when you get back home. "

Still not a word. The boy just stared at the window.

Nathaniel was surprised to see his mother sitting behind the wheel of the familiar Mercedes as he stepped out of school and approached the car.

"Hi angel! Mommy's back! Surprise!" she exclaimed.

"Hi Nancy." he said as he entered the car, with more politeness than warmth.

"How are you doing?"

"ok, I guess." he said, detached as he always been around her. A polite conversation spun until they reached the house. It turned out that a deal has been canceled in Miami, so Nancy decided to visit her son for a few days. He wasn't surprised to see the pool cleaners van parked in front of the door: whenever she was home, Nancy loved nothing more than to take long sunbathes by the pool.

"Hi Patty!" he cried when he saw her cooking.

"Hi handsome!" she smiled and hugged him, mashing his small head against her big right breast.

They ate a light lunch, after which Nancy retired for her room for a nap, her body still adjusting to the local time zone, while Patricia and Nathaniel worked on a literature assignment.

Nancy's unexpected return affected them in the same way a bucket of cold water affects dogs in heat. For the first time in the last few days, Nathaniel and Patricia behaved like a student and his au-pair, burying the sexual tension under a layer of normality. Even though they managed to put the electricity of arousal aside while focusing on the boy's homework, it was in the air. It was in every random giggle, every innocent patting on the back and every thoughtless licking of the lips.

"My, my, are you two always so productive... ?" they heard Nancy's voice from above them and looked up. Nancy was looking at them, a thin smile curling her lips.

"Yes, he's a very good student, Mrs. Faulton"

"Are you?" she asked him, smiling proudly at the boy and his tutor "Well, a good student deserve a reward, doesn't he?"

"I think Nathaniel deserves a reward, Mrs. Faulton."

"Well, how about a dinner at the 'White Hall', Nathaniel? " Nancy smiled broadly.

Nathaniel's smile lit his face.

"That'd be cool!" he cried.

Nancy laughed.

"Some things just never change. Get dressed the two of you, let's party!"