At bedtime last night, Curt and I had our first argument as a married couple. I wanted a cat. He wanted a dog.

I told him I’d always been afraid of dogs. It was pretty much true. A stray dog had bitten me when I was six, and when the dog couldn’t be found, I had to have the rabies shots. I also argued that cats are more self-sufficient. If we wanted to go somewhere, we could leave the cat for a day or two.

“But I always wanted a dog,” Curt explained. “I always figured when I was finally a grown-up I could have a dog. Couldn’t we get both—a dog and a cat?”

“If they don’t get along, one or both of them would have to go, and that wouldn’t be fair to them or us, would it?”

“I guess not,” Curt conceded. “So what shall we do? Compromise? Some fish? A turtle? A hamster?”

“Do you really want any of those?” I asked.

He hung his head sheepishly.

He was so adorable, I had half a mind to give in. I said I’d think about it. I turned away from him, faked a yawn, and when Curt put his hand on my hip, I pretended I was asleep.

A few hours later I roused Curt and told him about my dream. “It’s about our pet hamsters,” I said.

“Huh,” he said, sleepily.

“Our pet hamsters,” I repeated. “Mr. and Mrs. Hambone and their daughter Binkie.”

His head jerked back in surprise. “Yeah,” I said, “they came to me in my dream. They were so cute. And very well behaved. They didn’t smell at all.”

“Does anything smell in dreams?” Curt asked. “And how come we had to have three of them?”

“We couldn’t very well split up the family,” I said.

“And I said okay to hamsters?” Curt wanted to know.

I nodded. “They were so playful. So loving.”

“What do you mean ‘loving’?”

“Like when we’d make love.” I caught hold of his cock and stroked it gently. “Our hamsters would gather ‘round as if to cheer us on. And seeing us fuck got them in the mood, too. They were very sexy. And they loved watching you make me come.”

“Wait a second. You mean they roam free in the house?”

“You wouldn’t want to keep them caged up. An animal deserves to be free.”

“But what about cleaning up after them? What about feeding them?”

Oh, they clean up after themselves. They’re very tidy.” I tickled Curt beneath his balls.

“But what do they eat?”

“That’s the best part. I’ll show you.”

I loved Curt up good and proper, and when he was just about to come, I aimed his cock at his chest and stroked him to orgasm.

“I don’t understand,” Curt said, lying back, his chest and belly puddled with pools of his seed.

“You wanted to know what the Hambones eat. See, after your orgasm, they hop up onto your belly and slurp up every drop and droplet. They love your cum almost as much as I do.”

“They do? You do?”

I nodded solemnly and bent down to lick up one of the puddles.

“Okay,” Curt said. “We can get a cat. As long as it’s not named Hambone or Binkie.”

“I can live with that,” I said.