Part XV - 6: Troubles of Sexuality

Sitting in my second hour class, I pondered over a dream I had woken up from that morning. While I had come to terms with being a bisexual two years before, I was troubled over the possibility that I was leaning towards the homosexual side of the spectrum.

I hadn't had sex with a girl for nearly two weeks, but had willingly accepted every single one of Eric's invitations or hints to screw around with him. And the fact that I had woken up that morning cumming from the dream of having dirty sex with Eric really disturbed me. I was even considering ending it with Eric, but really didn't know how I could since I though he was all I had to live for at the time.

To top things off, I was overcome by this intense desire for his cock in my ass when I saw it in his eyes as he walked up to me between second and third periods. All of my concerns were instantly forgotten as I embraced him right there in the hall, him having to stop my hands from undoing his jeans before I came partially to my senses and made everyone around us forget what they had seen.

I was literally lost in my sexual hunger as Eric led me upstairs. My self control was being severely strained by the time we reached the third floor, and when Eric turned to ask me something halfway to the door, I plastered my mouth over his and sent my hands to explore his body.

Without realizing it, I had pressed Eric against the wall and was trying to lower his pants. He broke off from our deep kissing and gasped, "Tim, stop so we can get in the room."

My only response was to continue my tasting of his neck as I pulled out the key and handed it to him. Eric pushed me away for a moment so he could head towards the door, but I quickly took up where I left off, standing behind him as he struggled to use the key.

My brain boiled with lust and desire for his body, my only remaining shred of control dissolving when the door closed behind us. Eric stood still as my hands pulled his shirt off and my mouth began sucking on his bare back, feeling the pressure of my hardon rubbing against his ass through our jeans.

When my hands sank to undo his jeans, he took my hands in his and turned around to face me. While he pulled my shirt off, I only somewhat noticed how Eric had grown a few inches since that January day where I had submitted to his own licks and kisses.

After he had thoroughly teased my nipples, I pushed him backward onto the bed with myself on top of him. We made out like mad before we fumbled with the other's fly, and soon we were locked in a 69 position, my mouth watering at the sight of his cock.

I plunged my mouth down on it, then began using my tongue as I jerked my mouth up and down. The moans and groans he made were all I needed to continue, not even concerned at his inability to return the cock sucking favor.

But then I heard Eric's cracked voice gasp, "Oh, James," a wave of cold shock washed over my body and mind. I suddenly became very aware of my actions and my loss of control, and Eric's slip of the tongue wasn't forgotten either.

My mouth's humping of his organ quickly ground to a halt, and I just laid there frozen as my mind spun with these things. I never noticed Eric attempting to bring my flaccid cock to arousal with his own oral attempts, but after a few minutes I heard his confused voice say, "Tim?"

I smiled weakly down at him, and for a moment I forgot my troubles as my heart surged with the sight of my concerned lover and friend.

"What's wrong?" he asked before getting up to lay beside me face to face.

I felt a lump in my throat form as I opened my mouth to speak, then found his eyes gazing into mine with such love and concern that I didn't realize I was forming an empathic connection until I felt his feelings flood into me.

Luckily the connection was only one way, and the feeling I was receiving from him drew my lips towards his once more. But this time, the kiss was loving and completely sensual, neither of us trying to rush it or wish to make it sexual anymore.

I ended up being the one on top after our long kiss ended, and continued my oral loving on his chest, concentrating my efforts on his not so immature boy- breasts.

When Eric's hand stroked my cheek, I responded to his loving caress by relaxing into it, and a few moments later laid my head down on his chest as he continued to stroke my cheek and hair.

After several minutes, Eric's hand came to a halt and rested limply on the side of my head, Eric thinking I had fallen asleep. I allowed him to continue to believe this as his thoughts turned towards his worries and troubles concerning me.

Deep down Eric worried I would tire of him and leave him like James had done. He hadn't realized he had said James' name while experiencing a flash back of one of last times James had made love to him before running off with the bikers. His concern over losing me had been weighing heavily on his mind lately, especially from my increasing willingness at having sex with him whenever either of us was a little horny.

My losing interest in him sexually seemed to be the greatest threat to our relationship for Eric. After all, the beginning of our relationship had been sexual, so it was only natural for Eric to think it required that aspect for it to continue.

And for a few minutes I laid there with my eyes closed believing he was right. My earlier homophobic feelings and thoughts had returned, along with the startling realization that I really wasn't interested in looking for someone else to have sex with right then. I tried to sort out the feelings I had about that, then stopped pursuing it when I found myself getting depressed.

After a few minutes of just laying there feeling Eric's sleepy mind recall his earliest memories of the love he felt for me, I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter what I was doing or feeling differently than before. The important thing was that Eric needed me just as much as I needed him, so before he could fall completely asleep I said gently, "I love you, Eric Nicholas Roberts. I'll always love you, and I won't ever leave you."

Eric's mind snapped to attention, realizing I hadn't been asleep and in fact had been listening in on his thoughts. I was startled to find my invasion of his privacy had hurt him more than the fact that I had uncovered something which he had been trying to hide from me.

"I'm sorry, Eric," I said looking up at him. "I didn't mean to... You see, you said James' name while I was suckin' ya, and that upset me until I found out why."

"I said his name? I don't remember saying it," Eric said confused and a little suspicious.

From the look of distrust in his eyes, I knew what I had to do before this could go any further.

"Eric, you remember when I linked everyone up to me while we were fighting Young Lee?"

"What? Yeah," he said, unsure where this was heading.

"Well, I just realized that had been the first time I ever linked with you telepathically, and I'm sorry I didn't think about it until now. I love you, Eric, and I want to share my deepest secrets and my most private thoughts with you. I never meant to deceive you or spy on you, so I offer to let you see whatever you wish within my head if you just say yes."

His eyes lost their distrust to the open honest gaze of my own eyes, and a few moments later he whispered a "Yes," while gently nodding his head.

I started forming the links as I reached out and embraced him in a mutual loving hug, flipping the connect switch in my head while we were within each other's arms.

By the time Eric had gotten over his initial excitement and got the hang of exploring another person's mind, he had forgotten all about why I had done it in the first place.

But the moment the thought occurred to me, Eric intercepted it, and once he saw I wanted him to do so, he sought out what he needed to know.

Ironically, I ended up being the one who benefited the most from our two way link. Once Eric had satisfied himself with what had happened, he concentrated on my concerns that I was becoming another James. He knew I hadn't actually lost interest in girls because he was constantly noticing my eyes checking out the girls in the halls, and that in itself made me feel a lot better for it was true.

But Eric didn't stop there. He also pointed out that if I was truly becoming more homosexual than heterosexual, I would be checking out the guys like I had been the girls, and since I hadn't even considered looking at the guys, I wasn't any more gay than I had been.

Then Eric examined my feelings for him and eventually came to an important conclusion which made us both very happy. My increasing sexual attraction towards him was due to the closeness and trust I felt for him. I was keeping my distance from others for the moment because I didn't want to risk getting hurt by anyone else, and also feared unintentionally hurting them too.

But I had grown to depend on the love I shared with Joey and Suzi so much that I couldn't go without it. As long as I had Eric, my life was... well, not complete. But it was pleasurable and quite livable, making him a necessity to keeping me happy and alive.

Eric and I ended up picking up where we left off, our combined desire and horniness driving our linked bodies and minds as we sucked and humped the other's mouth. As with all first-time sexual experiences, our telepathic two way 69ing was incredibly pleasurable and fulfilling, our minds sharing our orgasms and ecstasy as our two cocks shot off inside our two mouths, then finding our distinctly different tasting cum surprisingly amusing and worth discussing afterwards.

My only regret was the knowledge that Eric would always find the regular way less pleasurable, and therefore would be dependant on my abilities to give him the full pleasure he would always seek. But I knew Eric was one of those people who could get over the disappointment, the eroticism of his actions always having been as great of a reward as the pleasure of his orgasmic release.

A week later, all of my worries returned again when I found myself studying a male sophomore in a sexual sense. I managed to shrug it off, but then the next day I caught him checking me out like I had been doing the day before. I almost panicked when I felt my excitement rise with the discovery of his own interest in me, but then my brain started sorting out my feelings like Eric had done, and I realized I wasn't actually interested for myself, but actually wanted to find others for Eric to enjoy.

Despite the happiness and contentment Eric had with our relationship, Eric missed having another truly gay male to share with. Like he had pointed out to me, my eyes were constantly checking out the girls, while his were less obviously checking out the guys. He had learned it was useless to try and talk to me about someone he had thought was good looking, my reaction always being one of polite yet obvious disinterest.

Shawn, the guy whose attraction to other males I had been picking up on, had realized his sexuality only a few months ago, but had been giving and receiving blow jobs with his cousin intermittently for over two years. So far, Shawn had only admitted his sexuality to that same cousin, and after his cousin reacted very badly to the news, he decided he shouldn't tell anyone else, and prayed his cousin would keep his secret.

The reason Shawn had told his cousin in the first place was because he was sure he was gay also and hoped they could go further than just sucking each other off. But now he wasn't so sure what his cousin really was like, for Craig, his cousin, had been avoiding him as much as possible. He even once noticed Craig in the hall at school turning around and going another way just to avoid walking past him.

I was just sitting down in my seat in fourth hour when I found Craig's mind. He was anxious about the test he was about to take, and that hampered my attempts to examine his sexual nature.

Craig was determined not to be gay. He was scared of what it meant to be gay, scared of what his life would be like, and in all honesty wasn't entirely sure that he found guys more attractive than girls. I used Eric's method of determining one's sexual preference, finding that he was too afraid to even look at guys or girls, deep down fearing he would end up looking at the guys.

I found that Craig missed his cousin, but feared finding the truth out even more. I kept a lock on his mind while I left him to take his test, then joined him at his table for lunch.

He was clearly disturbed by my sitting down next to him without having said a word. I couldn't help smile when he looked over at me, which only upset him even more.

"Your name is Craig, right?" I finally said to break the ice.

"Huh? Uhm, yeah... You're... uhm, Tim?"

"Yeah," I said, more astonished than he was at having known my name.

"How did you... " we both said at the same time, then shared in a laugh.

"Everyone knows who you are," he said in a hushed voice.

"They do?" I said, honestly surprised.

"Yeah," he said, avoiding my eyes. "After you and that other guy, uhm, Joey, got kidnapped, your pictures were on the news every night for a month."

"Oh... " I said, checking out a few other people's minds around us and finding they also knew who I was.

"So... " Craig prompted, bringing my mind back to my own head.

"So, what? Oh... Let's just say I know your name through your cousin, but he doesn't know I'm here talking to you."

"You're a friend of Shawn?" Craig said, getting suspicious and a bit nervous.

"No, not really. I just met him an hour ago, and I've never spoken to him. Don't worry about that though. I just wanted you to know that I know what you're going through and you're worried about nothing."

Craig sat there a moment trying to decide what the hell I was talking about while he ignored the possibility I knew about his confusion for his sexuality.

So to clear all doubt from his whirling mind, I said, "You're not gay, Craig."

His face went white as his eyes showed is alarm, but other than glancing to see if anyone had heard, he didn't move or make a sound.

After a few moments of absolute silence between us, Craig asked, "Shawn told you?"

"Not exactly, no."

He was starting to feel panicky, and I felt bad about bringing this down on him like that right after a stressful test.

"Hey. It's cool, Craig. I'm sorry if I'm rattling ya. It's just that last week I was sort of going through the same thing you are right now, and I thought you'd like talk about it. If you want, we can go somewhere private to talk, or I can just go away. I won't say anything to anyone either way."

Although it wasn't verbal, his answer was immediate, and I simply nodded my head, got up and walked away.

Two days later, Shawn noticed me in the hall again, but this time he called me over to him.

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling his curiosity and concern on the rise.

"You know my cousin, Craig, right?"

"No, not really," I said, then grinned a moment for realizing I had said the exact same thing to Craig.

"Didn't you eat lunch with him one day?" Shawn asked, a little uncertain.

"Yeah," I said. "Or at least I started to."

"So... What did you talk about?" Shawn said nervously.

"I promised I wouldn't say. But I think you already know what we talked about."

"He thinks I sent you to... Anyway, he's mad at me, and it's your fault."

"Sorry," I said, not sounding it. "I offered to talk about his problem, but he refused my help. That's all I did."

"How do you know anything about his so-called problem?" Shawn said angrily. "He said he had never even spoken to you before. And since I sure as hell didn't tell you anything about him, where do you get off with him having a problem?"

"Hey," Eric said as he walked up to us.

"Eric," I said pleased and excitedly. "Your timing is perfect. Eric, this is Shawn. Shawn, Eric."

I stood there grinning as they both unconsciously gave each over the once over before realizing what the other's eyes were doing. Eric looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, reminding me of Joey's Mr. Spock imitation. But before that reminder could cause me any discomfort, I diverted my attention to the situation at hand.

"Uhm, I've got to be getting to class," Shawn said before hurrying away.

"Tim, what's going on?" Eric asked after watching Shawn disappear around the corner.

"Shawn needs a friend to help him adjust, Eric," I said in a soft voice. "I thought you'd like to be that friend."

Eric turned around with a look of concern, then peered deeply in my eyes and asked, "Why did you think that?"

"Oh, come on Eric. We both know you miss having James around to talk with. I love you, and I'm not trying to get rid of you. I want you to be happy, and when I found Shawn checking me out like you check other guys out, I though that maybe you and he could be friends."

"When you say friends... "

"I mean just friends."

"What if it went beyond that?"

"What if it did? What difference does it make if I have sex with a girl tonight or you had sex with another guy tonight? I know you love me, and you know I love you. As far as I'm concerned, you can have sex with anyone you like as long as you're careful who it is and care about them."

The bell rang at that moment, but we both ignored it as Eric entered my space.

"Does this mean you still like me enough to have me fuck your sexy ass?" Eric said with a husky voice.

"You can fuck my ass any time you feel like it," I said, moving into position for a kiss.

"Good," Eric said, suddenly stepping out of my space and turning to walk away.

"Fuck," I said, realizing he had been teasing me.

I watched him go around the same corner Shawn had, catching the grin on his face, and feeling him relax his hold on his own excitement a moment later. If I had wished to, I could have followed him and would not have had any trouble convincing him to finish what he had suggested. But for the first time in months, I felt horny for something else.

When I arrived at the girls locker room, the twenty five girls were already lined up and waiting for me to choose. I narrowed it down to three of them fairly quickly, then the four of us went into the showers to have a little fun while the rest went on to their gym class.

I love how the water makes a girl's skin look so shiny, so slick. But despite my arousal from the sight of the three good looking nude girls giving me quite a show in the showers, it just wasn't enough; something was missing. It took me a few minutes to realize what that was.

It simply wasn't any fun without Joey.

I strongly considered inviting him down to enjoy the show, but I knew that wouldn't have worked. He and I couldn't even be in the same room together without one of us making some kind of remark that would flare the temper of the other. I was just as guilty as he was at shooting the first shot in what was becoming our own personal insult war. I guess you can only take so much crap from someone before you start throwing some of it back.

Brad probably would have loved to have a chance at fucking those three in a row, but that wasn't what I had in mind. I mean, yeah, I knew I'd probably end up fucking one or all of them, but it would have to be up to the girls. Even if they were in a dream state, they wouldn't just fuck without truly wanting to. And besides, Brad was still mad at me for freeing Sandi.

After spending about ten minutes scanning John and a few others who knew of my abilities, I contacted John and found him very acceptable to the idea.

John was rather nervous about going into the girls locker room, and I basically had to open the door and invite him in just to get him in there.

"Oh man," John said excitedly. "I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed of doing this. But I never thought I'd... Thanks, Tim."

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry I never invited you before. Joey and I used to do this a lefore... you know."

He nodded silently just as we entered the showers, and I was about to ask if he was going to get undressed when he stopped in his tracks looking at the three girls showering before us.

"What's the matter?" I asked him when I saw the disappointment on his face.

"I... I know them. I know all three of them," he said faintly.

"So?"

"I can't, Tim. I'm sorry, but I can't do something like this to people I know. It's wrong. I wouldn't ever be able to look at them without thinking about... God, they are beautiful. Sexy and beautiful... Look, I gotta get out of here..."

My mouth hung open as I searched for something to say while he hurried back the way he had come in. I was still trying to think of something to convince him to stay when the door clicked shut behind him on the other side of the locker room.

When I turned around and looked at the girls, I saw them in a different light than before. I shivered as I realized that I too knew them, and John was right about it not feeling right. They were people who I knew, people who were my peers, not some toys I could borrow for a while and return them to their proper place later. Perhaps if they were complete strangers it would be different, but without that anonymous factor I knew I couldn't go through with it.

Once they were back in their clothes, I sent them to join the others in their gym class. I was discouraged, yet had a sense of having done something right, so for once I left to go to my class without having been satisfied.

The next day, Shawn entered the boys room while I was taking a pee and before I was finished, he said, "What do you want from me? "Huh?" I said as I felt his stress hit me. Out of habit, I only shook it before turning around and saying "What makes you think I want anything from you?"

"You..." he started, then momentarily glanced down at my cock before I remembered to put it away.

"Look!" he said angrily. "Don't fuck around with me anymore! I don't know what you think you know about me, but I'm not going to let you tell everyone I'm..."

I locked my eyes on his and opened an empathic connection before saying, "I'm not going to tell anyone, Shawn. You see, I noticed you checking me out like Eric does, and I thought you and Eric could be friends. I never meant to invade your privacy. I just thought you and Craig would like to know people who went through the same things that you're going through."

His expression had lost its desperate look, but his eyes still contained some fear as he considered my sincere words.

So I added softly, "Relax. Eric and I are lovers. That's why you don't have any reason to fear us telling anyone you're gay."

Shawn blinked at my revelation, then opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a freshman entering the bathroom.

I nodded my head towards the door, then followed Shawn out into the hall. There was only a minute left before the bell, so we quickly arranged to meet by the main entrance after school. We parted with the understanding that if Shawn chose not to show up there would be no hard feelings and I wouldn't say a word to anyone.

Eric seemed to take the news with a grain of salt when I informed him of what had happened. He didn't like the fact that I was trying to find him a "gay friend," and after he said it like that, I could feel how strongly that distinction between us bothered him. He was gay, I was bi. But what could we do about it?