Chapter 10: The Prescription

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rage at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
DYLAN THOMAS

"There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say."
CYRIL CONNOLLY

Blackness.

More blackness.

Take a black handkerchief, drop it, and let it drift to the floor in a pitch black room. It falls to the ground in a second or so. Now take away the lights, the furniture, the rug, the doors, the walls, the ceiling, the floor, the handkerchief, the seconds, and just keep the drifting.

Was that a touch of grey? Or red?

No, still black.

Yup, just blackness.

Gina opened her eyes. She was lying in a bed. Not her own. White sheets, white blanket. White sleeves, running down to her elbows.

Gina swallowed. Ouch, that hurt.

She had her tonsils removed when she was 10. Swallowing hurt that time, too. She'd woken up in the hospital, and...

Wait a minute. That was years ago.

Gina had swallowed an entire bottle of aspirin, topping it off with most of a bottle of children's cold medicine. She had then gone back to bed and lay there, waiting for the end. Instead, she became violently ill, puking up her guts all over the comforter. Her parents heard the commotion and busted the door open to find her laying in the bathroom. She remembered lying in the back seat of the car, her father breaking every speeding law in the book, while her mother cradled her head. The car squealed to a stop. A small, bright light shined in her eyes on her while a number of people shouted at each other and at her. Then she had been placed onto a bed on wheels and rolled around outside. Or did the bed happen before the light? She couldn't remember.

Her eyes focused and she moved them back and forth, scanning the room. A hospital room. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother, sleeping, curled up in a chair. "Mom?" she said. Or tried to, all that came out was a soft croak.

Mindy heard her daughter's voice and opened her eyes, leaping up from the chair before fully awakening. She put her hands on Gina's arms and gazed down at her. Her mascara had run, making black blobs below her eyes. She broke down crying and placed Gina's head in her bosom and wailed, "Oh baby, you had us so worried! I thought we were going to lose you. Are you all right?" She went on crying, gently shaking the bed and Gina's tired body with each sob.

"Mmmmooooommmmmm?" Gina's dry throat rasped again. Her mother looked up. "Thhhhhiiiirrrrsssttttyyy." She said slowly, enunciating each syllable. Her mother picked up a squeeze bottle with a flexible straw from the night stand. Bending the straw and placing it in Gina's mouth, she held it the teenager sipped the water and the pain in her throat subsided a little.

"They had to pump your stomach, Gina. The doctor said you'd have a sore throat for a day or so but you'd be all right." Then suddenly switching from joy to anger, as only a mother can do, she snapped. "Don't you ever do this to us again, young lady! We can work this out, I promise you."

"Ssssoooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyy," was all that she could say.

"I'm sorry too, baby." Mindy stroked her daughter's hair and held her close for a few minutes. "I need to call your father. He's home with Kevin and Lisa. You just rest, honey. I'll be back in a few minutes." She reached into her pockets for some change. "I didn't bring my purse. I guess I'll have to call collect." She left.

Gina lay there, staring at the ceiling. The memory of her parent's announcement replayed itself in her mind a few more times. Instead of the hurt and pain she had felt earlier, this time she just felt numb, like it had all happened to someone else.

"So your mom says you tried to kill yourself," she heard a voice in the room say. There was a man in the next bed, behind a curtain. He continued, his voice taking on a slight tone of derision, "After eating a full meal, you take what, a few dozen aspirin and some cough syrup? And you thought *that* would kill you? Extraordinary!"

Gina closed her eyes tightly. The man continued, more congenially. "You know, if you'd just thought about it rationally for a minute, you'd have come up with any number of better ways. Don't you have any drain cleaner under the sink? Or a knife or scissors? Lie in the tub, snip, snip and fall asleep."

Gina lay there, unable to keep from hearing his words. "Still, I think you've made your point. There's no better way to punish a parent than to threaten to take one of their children away, is there."

That wasn't it at all, she thought. She just wanted to end the pain she was feeling. The whole world had closed in on her, she simply couldn't go on. She opened her mouth to tell him all these things but all that came out was a unintelligible croak.

"Oh well. Tomorrow's another day. G'night." Gina heard no more from him. Almost immediately, her own fatigue caught up with her and she slept, too.

"Wake up Gina, it's time for breakfast." Gina opened her eyes and sat up. A nurse set a tray of extremely unappetizing food in front of her. "How's your throat feeling today?

"Better," Gina replied softly. She could at least make words now.

Taking a slip of paper from her pocket and setting it on the tray, the nurse continued. "Your mom left a note for you." The nurse went behind the curtains. "Wake up, Dr. Warren."

The note explained that Mindy had been told by the nurse to go home and come back in the morning. She would return about 10:00 AM with her father and they could talk then, if Gina wanted. She loved her daughter more than anything, and she had changed her mind. She had decided not to divorce Frank. Just then, the nurse opened the outside curtains and light flooded the room. Gina's spirits felt a twinge of hope in the brightened space.

The nurse continued, irritated, "Will you please wake up, Dr. Warren. Here's your breakfast."

"Good morning, nurse. My goodness, you're looking ugly today."

"Doctor..." she started.

"No really. I say to you, your exquisite beauty is matched only by the delectable appeal of your haute, recovery ward cuisine. Are you going to give me some coffee or not?"

"Sorry, no coffee today. Here's some tea though."

"Yeow!"

"Oops, sorry." The nurse came back around the curtain and left, muttering to Gina, "Doctors! Why do they always come to my floor?"

Gina silently snickered, then slowly ate her pureed and liquefied breakfast. Maybe mom and dad wouldn't get a divorce. Feeling elated, she also felt guilty. Maybe the man had been right. Maybe she'd used emotional blackmail to force her parents into staying together.

"Nurse, I'm finished." Dr. Warren shouted and called for the nurse, but none showed. "Nurse! Oh crap. Um, excuse me there... Gina, is it?... Can you help me for a second please?"

"Fuck off," she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

He paused. "Yeah, I guess I deserved that. Hey kid. I'm sorry if I was mean last night. Honest really, but I really do need some help. My leg's broken and I can't stand up."

Gina sighed and went to help him, if only to shut him up. Slowly, she pushed her tray down the bed, pulled the covers off and stood up. She was dressed in one of those hospital gowns with no back to it. Holding onto the railing of her bed, she reached out and drew back the curtain.