"A world turns to the edge of night,
the moon and stars so very bright...
Your face glows in the candlelight,
It's all because tonight's the night..."

It was our song, mine and Diane's. It was the song that played when we first met, the song we sang to on our first date, that rang in our ears with that first kiss, that played softly in the background the first time we made love...

"Now hold my hand and take this ring
As we unite in harmony...
We can begin to live the dream,
The dream that's made for you and me..."

It signified all of our hopes, our dreams, our fantasies all rolled up into one. For a long time, we had planned to make our lives together. Granted, there were her other lovers to consider, but both of us figured that wouldn't stop us from being with each other for a long time to come.

And suddenly, one day, she was gone.

"To be together...
For the first time in our lives it's us
together... As married man and wife, we'll be
together From now on, until death do us part, and
even then I hope that our love lasts forever..."

For about a year, Diane and I had one of the more torrid love affairs that any man or woman had ever seen. I took time out of my school schedule to travel across Europe with her; she took time out of her working life to visit me anywhere in the country I happened to be. I loved her more than anything else in the world... something that I think might have contributed to our later problems.

Why? Because I became what I despised. I had made a clean, final break with my former girlfriend, Angela, after a Thanksgiving holiday which saw a whole lot more taking from both of us than giving. I professed my love for Angela even as I knew I had to leave her, and the strain was too much for her heart to handle.

Unfortunately, the amount of energy I put into my relationship with Diane began to be a drain on her. Even as I was trying not to be a burden on her, I unconsciously was one, as she felt guilty about not being able to respond to the amount of effort and such that I was putting into our relationship.

"I promise to be always true
Until the very end's in view.
In good times, and the bad times, too,
I know that we can make it through..."

We tried. God, how we tried. But ultimately, it wasn't enough - or maybe it was too much. As we took a ferry past the Statue of Liberty one brisk April day, Diane began to talk about what we had. For her, the burden of our relationship was so great that it was crushing all of her other ones, and she said that day that it was time for her to go.

Both of us cried long and hard that day... for a couple of weeks, I lost my composure completely and convinced myself that she had abandoned me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the problem was not her... it was me. Simply put, I had tried desperately to be everything for her, and there was no way she - or anyone else - could have responded in kind. Not with her lifestyle... not with her other lovers... not with her feelings.

I had come to love Diane so much that all the reasons she had come to love me had evaporated. And it was only after she told me goodbye that I realized it.

"As one united we'll be strong,
because together we belong...
If I could sing to you a song,
I'd sing of love that can't go wrong..."

We stayed in touch after that, writing letters, calling each other a lot, and after my initial breaking down, we managed to remain friends... but I never gave up on her, never gave up on thinking that maybe, just maybe, we could have what we once had. Even after two years, I still held out hope for it... but realistically, my hopes for us began to fall apart.

I sought, and had other lovers, but none like Diane. It seemed like every day, I had fantasies that I couldn't cast away; while at night, the erotic dreams and thoughts of making love to her were almost terrifying.

"If we're together...
We can make a brand new life for us together...
As married man and wife, we'll stay together From now
on, until death do us part... and even then I hope
that our love lasts forever..."

I sat at the table, listening to the song. "It's no use," I said to myself, with tears in my eyes. "It's time for me to get on with my life... there's no way in the world I'll ever have her in my life again, not the way I want it." I broke down at this admission, sobbing uncontrollably, knowing that all the prayers, all the hoping, and everything I'd done wasn't good enough, that I was destined to live my life without the lovely, sexy, wonderful Diane.

And then the doorbell rang.

"Now hold my hand and take this ring As we unite in harmony... We can begin to live the dream, the dream that's meant for you and me..."

"Are you OK, Andy?"

It was as if I was hallucinating. There was Diane, in the doorway, with a dozen roses in her hands... for me. *Me*!

"I'm in town for a conference with some regional accountants," Diane said, "and I really need a place to stay... you're the first person I thought of... is everything all right?"

I shook my head. "Diane, it's not even close," I said, about to burst into tears again. "I..."

"Shhhh." Diane put her finger to my lips. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Just come over here to the sofa and relax."

I did as she asked, with the tears still flowing down my cheeks. For the longest time, neither of us said a word. Diane wrapped her arms around me, and we locked each other in a loving embrace. Part of me loved it, but another part thought of this as some sort of torture, feeling that nothing could happen between Diane and I and that this goddess of a woman was brought back to torment me.

After a few minutes, Diane loosened her hold on me, and whispered.

"Tell me what you're feeling, Andy," she said. "Tell me what's troubling you so."

I hadn't intended to say anything... but as I gazed into her eyes, I found that look of caring, of trust, of *love*.

The same one I fell in love with in the first place.

"Diane," I said, with a single tear rolling down my cheek, "the more I've been thinking about it, I've come to realize some things. I'm not perfect... our relationship from before is certainly proof of that.

"But I've been trying to show you for the last two years that I *have* changed for the better, and can give you the kind of love that you want and need... and that I *want* to give you that. I don't ask any favors; for that matter, I don't ask anything except for you to still care about me. And it doesn't seem to get through.

"Diane..." I paused again, not knowing what words to come up with. "Two years ago, I fell in love with you because of the person you were. That person hasn't changed... and neither have my feelings. Diane, I love you... and I don't think I can ever be happy without you."

I gestured to the room around me, and took her hand. "Look around you, Diane... I don't have a lot of money, I don't have a lot of material possessions, and I may not be as organized as the lovers you have back home. But what I do have, Diane, is a kind and loyal heart... one that breaks every time I know you're not here."

By now, both of us had tears in our eyes. "I need you, Diane. I want to be yours," I said. "Every thought, every dream, every touch, I think of you. I know you must think I'm a hopeless romantic or something, and you'd probably be right." We both giggled at that.

"But it's all true," I said. "And I can honestly say that no matter what lovers come into our lives, there's nobody else I can ever love more than you."

With that, I kissed her on the cheek.

Diane had listened patiently for all of this, eyes moistening even as she was trying desperately to hold back the tears.

"I know it's true, Andy," she said. "That's one of the reasons I came out here... I've come to the same conclusions."

My heart stopped; was I really hearing this?

"I had a fight with a friend last night," Diane said. "She can't understand why I still talk to you like I do... and when I thought about it, two things leapt out in my mind. The first one is that I've been an absolute fool for not keeping my mind open."