Mackenzie

I poured almonds into a glass container, the nuts crashing against the bottom with a clatter. Summer sunlight shone through the bay windows in my parent’s kitchen, illuminating the golden swirls in the marble countertop. I snapped a lid over the container with a click, tucking it away in my backpack with my water bottle, collapsible insect net, sketch pad, and pencils.

Excitement churned through me as I put the bag of almonds away. Today was a good day. The weather report said it was going to be hot and sunny. Hot and sunny meant that Danaus plexipuss and Papilio glaucus would be out among milkweed plants in full force, sucking down the flowers’ sweet, sweet nectar. I couldn’t wait to bask in the sun’s heat while I sketched beautiful butterflies into the gorgeous, leather bound sketch book my Grandma gave me for Christmas. There was no better way to spend a lazy summer afternoon.

“Are you fucking kidding me with those pants?”

I turned away from the cabinet, my step-brother Adam sneering as he stepped into the kitchen and tossed a red t-shirt on the counter before pulling open the fridge. Only a few more weeks of his obnoxious presence and then he’d go back to school for football training camp. I’d chosen a school out of state to get as far away from him and our parents as I could. My mother tolerated my geeky naturalist tendencies, but Adam and his father were a constant source of teasing and ridicule.

I did my best to ignore his half-naked body, instead zipping up my backpack and moving to the bench by the garage door to pull on my hiking boots. Adam pulled three hard boiled eggs and a bottle of water out of the fridge, slamming it shut before turning to set his snack on the counter. The sunlight coming in brought out the subtle auburn tones of his chestnut chair. Maybe it was a good thing he was such a douchebag. My step-brother was hot.

The sneer faded from his pouty lips as he peeled an egg and popped it into his mouth. His hazel eyes fell to my chest as I leaned over to tie a bootlace. My cheeks flushed hot and I buttoned my tan work shirt up to the collar.

Adam snorted. “I can’t believe I have to drive forty-five minutes to take you to some stupid park so you can look at bugs. Your Mom is an asshole for not making you get a driver’s license.”

I pulled my other boot on. “Don’t call my Mom an asshole. I can’t believe she lets you come back here after all that shit you pulled your Senior year. If anybody’s an asshole, it’s you and your friends for destroying my Mom’s house.”

He cracked another egg on the edge of the counter, thick cords of muscle in his bare arms making him look like a statue of a Greek god. They were douchebags, too.

“Last time I checked, my Dad’s name is on the deed,” he said before popping the whole egg into his mouth.

“That’s because my mom is a backwards dipshit. This was our house before you losers moved in,” I snapped, clutching my backpack over my chest.

His sneer returned as he reached for his last egg.

My mother had horrible taste in men. It was her greatest flaw. I vowed to never marry after her second husband ran off with the nanny she’d hired to babysit me while he lifted weights in the basement. Greg was her third husband. With him, came the horrible Adam, who’d made my life hell until he’d gone away to college last year.

Adam closed his eyes as he downed his water bottle, and I couldn’t help but appreciate his tall, muscular physique. The waistband of his underwear poked out of his white athletic shorts and I tore my eyes away. Rumor had it that Adam had a huge cock. Girls, and a few guys, had teased me about it all throughout high school.

He threw the bottle away and pulled on his t-shirt.

“The recycling is right next to the garbage can! I swear you and Greg do this shit just to piss me off.” I stood and strode over to the stainless steel garbage can, my boots heavy on the floor.

Adam rolled his eyes as I fished the empty plastic bottle out and threw it in the proper receptacle. My mother was supportive of my conservation efforts, but she refused to stop buying big packs of single use plastic water bottles.

He shuffled over to the bench, grabbing a set of car keys off a hook before flopping down on the bench. “Let’s get this over with.”

I scrolled through my phone, searching for happy music to blast on my way to do something I loved while Adam slipped back inside the house for his running shoes. There was a mile-long gravel path that looped around the park, and Adam decided he wanted to go for a jog as soon as he opened the car door. I settled on an indie band known for using mandolins, acoustic guitars, and banjos, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the headrest as my brain released a rush of endorphins at the twangy melody. The mechanism in the driver’s side door clicked, making me jump.

Adam tossed his shoes in the backseat and flopped inside, reaching behind for his seat belt. “We’re not listening to this Renaissance Fair bullshit. Pick something else.”

I rolled my eyes as I picked up my phone, wracking my brain trying to think of something we’d both enjoy as he pressed the garage door opener he’d taped to the dashboard of his old, but reliable, Toyota CRV. Adam liked heavy metal, so I picked Black Sabbath. It wasn’t my favorite, but who can’t appreciate Ozzy? He didn’t say a word as his pretty eyes flickered up to the rearview mirror, one hand on the wheel and the other reaching over to grip my headrest. He backed out into the sunlight and I couldn’t help but smile. There was a particular patch of milkweed hidden a quarter of a mile off the main path and I suspected the butterflies wouldn’t be able to resist.

“How come you don’t want a driver’s license? You think everybody should just drop everything and grab their keys every time you want to go somewhere?” He stopped, checking for oncoming traffic before backing onto the main road and putting the car in drive.

“I’m trying to keep my carbon footprint as low as possible. Our society is addicted to fossil fuels.”

Adam scoffed. “And one less driver on the road is going to solve climate change?”

I should’ve known better than to take the bait. He was just looking for something to argue about. But the way the sunlight brought out the subtle red-gold highlights in his beautiful hair made me grind my teeth in frustration. Why did my mom have to marry Greg? Adam’s life as Mr. Touchdown USA would be no different and I would’ve been perfectly happy admiring him from afar in the science labs at school with all the other nerds.

I sighed. “It’s about setting a precedent. I’m trying to lead by example.”

That time he laughed; a haughty bark of mocking laughter sending a ripple of embarrassment over me. “Who do you think you are, Mackenzie? Nobody gives a shit if some airhead eighteen year old girl from Ohio won’t get a driver’s license because global warming is bad.”

I ignored him, rolling down the window so the summer air could rush over me, lifting my dark blonde hair off my shoulders. I gathered it into a messy bun and secured it at the top of my head, tensing when I caught Adam watching me out of the corner of his eye. I kept my eyes on the woods as we raced past. In all honesty, it was kind of sick. Farmers had stopped working this land generations ago, slowly selling parcels of property to wealthy people who wanted to pretend they lived in the country. I leaned forward, turning up the music and shuddering at an ugly housing development on my right.

“Is Danny gonna miss you in Kent?” asked Adam.

I shook my head. “What are you talking about? He was ecstatic when he got into the fashion program. It’s one of the best in the country.”

“But you’re his girlfriend. Studying biology at freaking Rutgers.” He failed to hide the contempt in his voice. “I can’t believe you convinced Greg and Pamela to let you go to school out of state. I guess they’d have to drive you to any school, though. You being a freshman and all.”

I bristled. “I didn’t have to convince them of anything. My mom told me I could go to school wherever I wanted and your dad wanted me as far away as possible. That’s the only thing he and I have ever agreed on.”

Adam chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “He never tried to hide it. Dick.”

My mouth dropped out and I snuck a peek at him, aloof and relaxed as he drove us along a freshly paved back road, the smell of asphalt making my stomach churn. I’d never heard him say anything derogatory about his dad in all the years I’d known him. Not ever.

I closed my mouth and rolled up the window, pretending like I hadn’t heard that. A very tiny, very pathetic part of me appreciated his acknowledgement of his Dad’s dickishness. I loved my mom with all my heart, but she’d always ignored Greg’s bullshit.

Even with Ozzy going off the rails, the silence between the two of us grew long and awkward. I didn’t mind, preferring uncomfortable silences to uncomfortable conversations in all circumstances, but Adam couldn’t stand it.

“Are you and Danny gonna try and do the long distance thing?” he asked, eyes on the road as he slowed to a stop, the red on the sign faded from years in the elements.

“You don’t know Danny’s gay?”

He arched his eyebrows and turned toward me, genuine amusement lighting up his face. “What?”

I nodded, fiddling with a zipper on my cargo pants. “Our whole relationship was a farce to keep his religious nutjob parents off his back. He had to fight to get their approval to go to Kent for freaking fashion of all things. Said he wanted to bring a Christian perspective to the fashion industry. They wanted him to go to some Bible college in Pennsylvania.”

“Wow.” Adam rubbed the back of his head, the car accelerating. “There’s tons of gay guys down in Kent. He’s gonna have the time of his life.”

“I hope he does,” I said. “He’s had a hell of a time hiding from his parents for years.”

“So you’ve been pretending to be his girlfriend for all that time?”

“Of course. He’s my best friend.”

Adam actually smiled, a single dimple in his right cheek making me swoon. “You’re a good person.”

I looked away, scanning the landscape around me, begging the trees, houses, and other gas guzzling vehicles to distract me from the hottie in the driver’s seat. A strange sort of happiness bubbled up within me at his praise. “Thanks.”

Traffic picked up as we drove toward the sleepy little bedroom town, home to rich white people who had tired of suburban hellscapes and crowded cities, but couldn’t do without modern amenities like high-speed internet and upscale grocery stores stocked with organic produce and vegan meat substitutes. A yoga studio had gone up in an abandoned Presbyterian church.

Though I applauded veganism and a shift away from traditional religious practices, I couldn’t help but wonder about the people who’d been priced out of living in the community when the rich began their invasion all those years ago. Where were the descendants of the people who’d built these quaint little farmhouses with their bare hands; “century home” plaques adorning their facades while wealthy retirees fretted over paint color and the installation of central air conditioning?

We rode through town and merged onto the highway toward the park, old engine rumbling as Adam pressed the accelerator. He kept shooting me the most irritating glances, eyes drifting down to my chest. I crossed my legs and pressed my thighs together as hard as I could, failing to kill the desire flickering there. I hated how good his not-so-subtle attraction made me feel.

“Are you gonna get a new boyfriend at Rutgers? You should go for a senior or a junior who lives off-campus in an apartment with only one roommate. Those guys are typically done partying and are focused on getting out of school before they work up too much debt,” he said.

The matter-of-fact tone in his voice pissed me off. He goes to college for a year to play fucking football of all things and he’s suddenly a boyfriend expert.

“Who says I want a boyfriend?” I snapped. “I actually care about school. I want to make a difference-”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. You’re gonna save the world. If everybody would just quit having families, driving cars, and eating meat, then all the world’s problems would be solved and it’ll snow again in northeastern Ohio.” he mocked.

I turned toward him, fuming as a semi-truck blew by us. “You’re being obtuse. I know solving the world’s problems is incredibly complex and that it’s going to take humanity coming together to find innovative methods to fix our problems. That’s why I wanna go to school. I wanna be a part of the solution. I’m not a doomer. I believe in a bright future. We’re gonna have to work really hard for it, but it’s possible.”

To my surprise, he fell silent, eyes darting between me and the road.

I twisted away from him, propping my elbow on the door and massaging my forehead with my knuckles, contemplating the world’s ills. Truthfully, I wasn’t even sure if humanity was capable of coming together in the face of our imminent doom. Just look at what happened with Covid. But I wasn’t giving up, at least not yet.

Adam leaned forward to turn down the music, tapered fingers gently gripping the knob. Even his hands were beautiful. When our eyes met, I looked away, heart fluttering in my chest. I squeezed my legs together as my skin tingled at the thought of his pretty hands on my body, touching me, caressing me.

“You’re smart, Mackenzie. I wouldn’t be surprised if you grew bacteria in a lab that ate microplastics. You could put it in the oceans and save all the sea creatures and coral reefs,” he said.

“That would be crazy,” I blurted. “You can’t just release bacteria into the ocean. You’d have to do years and years-decades-of research-”

“Mackenzie.”

The sincerity in his expression shocked me. “What?”

“Don’t forget to have fun at Rutgers. That’s all I’m saying.” He put the blinker on, steering the car toward the offramp.

The thought of him screwing a different girl every night made me sick. “Like you do?”

He sneered, slowing the car for a stop sign. “You mean lifting weights everyday and getting beat up practicing for a game I don’t even get to play in? What are you implying? I can’t afford to party. I have to keep myself in shape and keep my grades decent if I even want any sort of a chance for playing time.”

I snorted. “Ah, yes, the struggles of the handsome Division I athlete. It’s so hard to pull an ‘A’ in History of Rock n’ Roll.”

He cast me a sexy death glare as he turned right. “What are you talking about? I have no delusions of playing in the NFL. I’m working hard to get a degree so I can get a job when I get out. My scholarship only lasts four years. I can’t fuck this up.”

I recoiled, suddenly ashamed of myself. Where had all this maturity come from? This wasn’t the same Adam who sat me down the day before my freshman year of high school and told me not to tell people we’re technically related.

I rolled my window down and stared out at the bright green meadows and leafy trees as we drove by. We were so close. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and get away from my obnoxious, hot, confusing step-brother.

He began to shift in his seat, passive aggressively sighing as he tried to get me to re-engage with him instead of using words like an adult. So much for maturity.

I ignored him, focusing on the monarch and swallowtail butterflies.

“You know, if you put actual effort into your appearance, you’d be hot. Quit wearing men’s work clothes and hiking boots everywhere, get contacts instead of those dorky-ass glasses, and make your hair look nice.” His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized me.

Anger erased all rational thought from my mind and any desire I felt disappeared. I should’ve thanked him for that. Wanting to fuck the step-brother you hate is a torturous experience. At least I didn’t have to hate myself.

He nodded his head. “Yeah. I’d say you’re a solid 7/10 on a good day.”

Tears sprung to my eyes. I clamped them shut and sucked in my breath. Self-loathing over how much his words hurt me mixed oddly with my rage.

I spun around, slamming one hand onto the dashboard and grabbing his head rest with the other so I could lean forward. “Fuck you, Adam! You’re a nasty, miserable piece of shit. I hate you.”

His eyes widened as he grinned, turning into a parking lot, the crunch of gravel beneath the tires pleasant. “Did I touch a nerve, Kenze? This is still an issue with Botox Pam, isn’t it?”

“Don’t you talk about my mom like that.” My heart thundered in my ears, nerves raw. “You wanna know the worst thing about you?”

He cocked his head to the side, the brakes grinding to a halt. “What?”

“You’re boring. Basic. And you know it, but you don’t know how to change. You’re terrified you’re going to end up a bad insurance salesman, five-hundred thousand dollars in debt and married to a horrible woman because she foots the bill for the extravagant lifestyle you don’t deserve.” I paused, taking a deep breath, grinning when his face flushed scarlet and twisted with emotion.

He reached across the car, leaning forward so our lips were a breath apart.

My mind reeled and I gasped.

Adam paused, hoovering there for a moment, the click of the door handle behind me loud.

Lust bloomed in my loins, goosebumps spreading up and down my whole body. I held my breath, praying he would kiss me.

He shoved the door open, whispering, “Get out of my car.”

I flinched away from him, tears pooling in my eyes as I gathered my things. I climbed out of the car and ran off toward a trail that led into the woods, totally humiliated.

Thank God there wasn’t anybody else in the parking lot to see Mackenzie sprint from my car to the woods, her ugly backpack slamming against her body as she moved. I couldn’t even see her cute little butt beneath her baggy clothing. She really had no idea how hot she was.

I sighed and parked the car, grateful for the solitude. Fighting with Mackenzie was risky. She was so cute when she was mad, with her cheeks flushed a pretty pink and her delicate brow furrowed, but if I went too far, she really knew how to stick the knife in. I killed the engine and climbed out my car, stretching, trying to get loose.

I’d never be like Greg.

I jogged toward the other end of the trail, not wanting to pass Mackenzie while she made her way to her stupid plants or bugs or whatever her dorky ass was into those days. My lungs burned and my mind screamed for me to quit, but I pushed through my lazy instincts, waiting for the exercise high to kick in.

I’d never marry a woman like Pam, no matter how broke I was.

The gravel crunched beneath my feet as I ran beneath a dense tree canopy, instantly cooler in the shade. A horde of mosquitoes swarmed around my head, bouncing off my face and buzzing in my ears. Sweat beaded on my brow and my t-shirt already clung to my back. I welcomed the discomfort, desperate for any kind of a distraction to keep me from thinking about my brilliant step-sister.

If Danny was gay, then Mackenzie was likely still a virgin.

The thought of her tight little pussy opening up for my dick made me stumble. I caught myself before I fell, taking off into a full sprint in order to keep my blood from going everywhere but my groin. My thighs burned and a stitch lanced through my side with every breath.

It was so unfair. Of all the rich, crazy women Greg could’ve married, he had to marry the one with a perfect daughter. Saying Mackenzie was a 7/10 on a good day was such an obvious lie, I couldn’t believe how bad it upset her. It was a low blow and I regretted it. Assigning someone numerical value by comparing their physical appearance to every other human being I’d ever seen over the course of my entire life was awful. Not only was it shallow, it was just straight-up mean.

The woods around me blurred into a whirl of green, the joyful chirping of birds and the steady croaking of frogs failing to calm my frustrations. I needed to hit something. Tackling dummies were great in a pinch, but a particularly obnoxious running back with a smart mouth and a major inferiority complex came to mind. One of my coaches and the campus psychiatrist told me it wasn’t healthy to take every hit or snarky comment so personally, but that was how I played - angry. It’s easier to use my body as a battering ram when I want to rip the other guy’s head off.

I slowed my pace, the landscape around me coming into focus and I took deep deliberate breaths. Muscle memory took over and my body seemed to move on its own, leaving my mind free to obsess over Mackenzie.

I was thirteen and she was twelve when Greg and Pam first got married after three months of extravagant dating and wild sex. I used to crawl under my bed and clamp a pillow over my head while they talked dirty to each other in the next room, the headboard slamming against the shared wall. I met Mackenzie three weeks before the wedding when our parents dragged us to a bridal shop to be fitted for a little tux and a flower girl dress.

Pam was an attractive woman, her body firm and toned from hours in the gym and a diet of lemon water and yogurt. Her blonde hair and sharp features made her look like a Viking warrior queen; at least they would’ve if not for the make up caked onto her face.

Her young daughter was different - chubby from the flood of hormones that comes at the onset of puberty and horrifically awkward. On the way to the shop, Greg told me she was retarded. It didn’t take me more than five minutes to see that she wasn’t, just a weird, dorky little girl who’s uptight bitch mother was, once again, uprooting her life to play house with a man she didn’t know and his well-spoken athletic son.

Pam snarled insults and Greg rolled his eyes, sighing when Kenze argued about trying on dresses. I couldn’t help but relate. The poor girl was just another product of a broken home and a mom who saw her as more of a prop than a unique human being with interests and dreams of her own.

I sat in the corner, my beige tux and aquamarine bow tie already picked out, and pretended to play a mobile game on my Dad’s phone while the cute little girl with honey blonde hair and the sweetest little button nose stomped her feet and cried because she was too fat to fit into the dresses her mother pulled from the rack.

“You look like a busted tube of biscuits,” Pam had said, Greg failing to suppress his braying laughter.

Kenze and I talked about video games and movies over bad seafood while Pam and Greg drank too much and made out in the booth. Once she was able to relax, she told me all about the books she liked and outer space. Even then, I was pissed off that such a smart girl with gray eyes hidden away behind dorky glasses was going to be my sister. So I did what any angry, bored teenage boy would do - I made fun of her while she grew and developed into a gorgeous young woman with big dreams and the smarts to make them happen.

I jogged past an area off the path marked by broken branches and trampled ferns. Mackenzie was somewhere off in fantasy land drawing pictures of bugs all by herself. She had no regard for her own safety. What if she twisted her ankle and fell? What if she got lost? What if some creep followed her back there and attacked her? She never considered any of these risks and drove me insane. At least I knew where she was.

The thought of her ignorant ass at Rutgers made me sick. College guys wanting to hit and quit it ate girls like her alive. They didn’t care that her Dad left her with Pam when she was three. They’d lie about caring about the environment just to get her to lower her guard. And after they fucked her a few times, they’d get bored and ghost. Mackenzie would become one of those sad, lonely little freshman girls who either started sleeping around, or totally isolated themselves from everybody.

I ground my teeth as I took off into another sprint, furious that there was nothing I could do to protect her.

Mackenzie

I wiped tears from my cheeks as I plopped down in front of a patch of Common Milkweed, Asclepias syriaca, wiping tears from my face. God, I hated Adam. I shouldn’t have said what I did, but he always went straight for the jugular.

Two monarch butterflies fluttered out of the dense leaves, their determination to carry on with their fragile existence despite a chaotic world inspiring.

“I’m sorry to have disturbed you,” I said, smiling as I took off my glasses to wipe away the sweat that had gathered there. I couldn’t have them fogging up if I was going to sketch.

One of them descended back into the leaves while the other landed on a purple flower, flexing its lovely wings as it gathered nectar. I shrugged off my backpack and took out my pencils and notebook, eager to get to work.

My wounded feelings melted away beneath the brutal heat of the day as the afternoon progressed and I lost myself to a singular focus: capturing the gentleness of the creatures flying around me. Two swallowtails jostled with each other to my right, too caught up in their mating dance to notice anything else. In that moment, I was just as much a part of that meadow as any other plant or animal, even if I was more of a casual observer.

Sweat trickled down the back of my neck and the damp material of the extra supportive sports bra I’d chosen chaffed my skin. I set my notebook down, pleased with the fruits of my efforts, and undid the buttons of my shirt, a rush of air against my chest and torso a brief, but incredible, relief.

Dozens of Large Milkweed Bugs, Onocopeltus fasciatus, climbed all over the Milkweed stems, devouring the plant. Whether they were indifferent or unaware of my presence, I couldn’t say. Insects are driven by no other purpose than being alive. They hatch and almost immediately get to work continuing the propagation of their species. In a way, I admired them. They didn’t have to worry about parents, school, or sexy step-brothers.

I took my shirt off completely and balled it up in my hands, using the stiff fabric to wipe the sweat from my skin. Adam typically took his shirt off when he worked out. He probably looked perfect, a prime specimen of humanity, as he ran along the gravel path.

I sighed, guilt clouding an otherwise lovely scene. I shouldn’t have compared him to Greg. Adam wasn’t anything like his horrible father. Greg was a mouth-breathing dope, but Adam was actually fairly intelligent. Low self-esteem and risk aversion kept him from branching out into something other than athletics. That was probably on Greg. He completely ignored Adam except for when he was playing sports.

When we were younger, Adam had displayed an aptitude for working with his hands. He’d loved Legos and made sure our bicycle chains were oiled and our tires filled with air. An elderly neighbor had even taught him about lawn mower and weed wacker maintenance when the guy had noticed the youth hoovering at the edge of his driveway while he worked on his lawn equipment. Adam had cried real tears when that man died.

Using my shirt as a pillow, I laid down in the grass and closed my eyes as desire flickered in between my legs all over again as I reminisced on Adam mowing, weeding, and mulching our parent’s yard with his shirt off. He loved being outside as much as I did.

The zipper of my front-clasping racerback bra irritated the slick skin of my breasts and some wild impulse urged me to take the sweat-soaked undergarment off. I checked over my shoulder, daring myself to do it. Being naked outside is the most natural thing in the world.

The zipper was loud, but the velcro shoulder straps were even louder in the meadow. I sat up and used my shirt to dry “boob sweat”, as my mom called it. If only she could see me now. She was always trying to get me to wear more form fitting clothes so everyone could admire my “womanly figure”. Mom wasn’t fooling me, though. She just wanted everyone to see how thin her chubby daughter had grown up to be.

I tossed my bra off to the side and laid back down, running my hands over my tight stomach and rubbing my heavy breasts. I caught Adam staring at them all the time. I didn’t blame him, though. They were pretty big. And I was guilty of checking out the bulge in his sweatpants, especially when he exercised or did yard work without a jockstrap.

Not even a rush of shame could dampen the pang of lust that surged from deep within my core and I couldn’t pretend the creamy wetness that flooded my panties was sweat. I slid my hands to my groin and squeezed my pussy over my pants, my clit throbbing in response to the pressure.

I sat up, cheeks burning with heat, lust, and shame as I peeked back over my shoulder. There had been no cars in the parking lot when we’d arrived and I was roughly twenty yards from the tree line where I’d emerged from the woods. As far as I knew, I was alone, the only other human around on the other side of those trees, his cock and balls bouncing along in his athletic shorts as he jogged.

A recklessness seized me and I stood, undoing my fly and pushing my work pants down to my ankles before laying back down. I left my boots and socks on in case I needed to make a quick getaway.