Chapter 4

In trying to change her husband, she'd changed herself. 'Not changed, though, ' she insisted silently. 'I can't pretend I don't know myself. I'm what I was before Grandma died.' She faced the fact bleakly. 'That's the me I've been trying to hide - no, to kill - all this time.' That was the lustful, physical self, she decided; and she stripped away her old defenses to weigh her discovery. 'I can't be both. There can only be one, either the modest, spiritual one or the lustful, wicked one. And Art wants me lustful.'

She watched a speck on the ceiling - an insect to small to identify - make its way across the featureless surface, neither digressing nor wandering from its straight line. 'It only goes one direction at a time, ' she reflected. 'It knows where it's going - instinct maybe - and it goes. All right! I know I want Art! I know what he wants me to be. So that's the me I'm going to be.'

She slept, dreaming of her new role and waking often in a panic at the nature of her dreams. When light came and she gave up further effort to sleep, she wasted little time on introspection. She reiterated her decision and conceded the change would be difficult. She knew it herself; every influence in her background had contributed to make her abhor halfway measures or attitudes. Her entire mental foundation consisted of blocks that were platitude and truisms. "There's no such thing as half right." "If you start to do something, do it all the way." "You can't live on both sides of the fence."

She missed Dan at breakfast. Art's exuberance was the only thing that salvaged the meal. She thought she'd not seen him as enthusiastic and warm since their marriage. After he'd left the house, she turned to her never-ending dusting and vacuuming with a glow of satisfaction in her decision. Despite that crutch to her morale, however, there were times during the day when she felt she was experiencing a bleakness even worse than she'd suffered when she became pregnant with Dan. And she felt sharp pangs of guilt over having shunted Dan off the night before. As a gesture of restitution, she baked bread and cookies in the afternoon.

Danny appeared to have felt the situation as strongly as she. He was early. "Shortcuts," he offered when she remarked on the fact. And he was effusive, hugging her affectionately before letting her see the way his nose wiggled at the scents that floated from the kitchen. She kissed him again, then watched his broad shoulders sway as he hurried toward the smells, his black hair swishing on his neck. The day was a good one after all.

With her tensions dissolving, she sighed and remembered she hadn't had her bath. She called to Dan that she'd be in her room for a while and went back to draw water in the sunken tub. She poured a double portion of bubble-bath and began to undress. As an afterthought, while she was knotting the belt on her dressing gown, she loosened the knot, slipped out of the severe garment and laid it aside.

'Not me, ' she thought. 'That's the old modesty.' She went to the radio on the dresser, tuned it to an FM station with a program of the older, romantic music, and went back to the bathroom, shivering at her nakedness and leaving the door open so she could relax to the music. She slipped gratefully into the water and sank into the mounds of bubbles. It was a fine day, she decided, and it would be even better when she had her man at home.

"Mom!... Mom!... " Dan's voice came from the other end of the house.

"Yes?" she called.

It appeared he hadn't heard her. He continued to shout, no urgency in his tone, as he roamed the house looking for her. She smiled. 'Always, ' she thought. 'Always the same. And it doesn't matter what he wants to tell me. It's just being able to when he wants to.'

"Mom!"

"Yes, Danny!"

"Oh, Mom?"

"What?"

He could tell her from the bedroom, calling through the open doors. 'It would never do to wait, ' she reflected. 'Not for Danny.'

"I'm in here," she called.

Oh. Okay." He'd reached the bedroom, she decided. "Hey, Mom. I wondered if... "

She gasped. Danny loomed in the doorway, his eyes getting round as he realized she was in the tub. He appeared to be paralyzed, his gaze fixed on her suds- flecked breasts and his mouth still open.

"Mom! I... "

She realized suddenly she'd been paralyzed, too. With a burst of motion, she slid down into the water until only her head remained exposed. "Danny!"

"Gee, Mom! I didn't know... I mean, the door's... "

"It's... it's all right, Danny. My fault. Never mind. What was it?"

He shuffled from one foot to the other, his face flushed.

'He doesn't know what to do, ' she realized. 'He can't sink through the floor, and turning around and running would be too undignified at his age. He's trying to figure out how to appear casual - how to look blase about it all.'

Dan drew a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Crossing to the toilet, he seated himself on the closed lid and leaned against the tank. "I get it, I guess," he said.

"Hm?"

"It's like they said at school. You know, in Social Adjustments. About us getting to the age when it's time to start learning the facts of life."

"Oh," she replied weakly. "What was it you wanted?"

"Huh? Oh! I wanted you to come look at Smokey. He was doing a new trick... bowing." Danny grinned. "Sure looked funny with his rump in the air and his knees on the ground."

She giggled. Her mental image of the tiny donkey, his ears as big as he was, bowing to Danny provided a trigger to release the tension in the situation. "I wish I could. See it, I mean."

"He'll do it whenever I tell him now," said Danny airily. He gazed thoughtfully at her. "Mom, sometimes I just can't get over how complicated you and Dad are."

"How do you mean?"

Well, I mean you're too complicated for me to figure out yet. Like I think I know exactly what you think - I figure a rule is because something's just right or wrong - and then all of a sudden I find out it was just because you didn't think I was old enough. Like not talking about Dad's salary. I used to think it was some kind of big secret no one ever knew. And then I got old enough you knew I wouldn't go around yakking about it. Or like knowing what I was... about not knowing I was half Indian until last year. Same thing. And I always figured people seeing other people without their clothes on was something you and Dad had a hang-up about. I was wondering how a guy learned all that stuff they were talking about in Social Adjustments - except the theoretical junk, I mean. All of a sudden it turns out I was just too young for that, too." He grinned sheepishly. "Shoulda known better."

"Yes." Her voice caught in her throat. 'I'm trapped!' she thought. 'My God, there's nothing I can do!' And then, 'Yes there is! I can tell him that this is one time that it isn't a matter of how old he is!'

But Danny had leaned toward her and was continuing in his little boy, confidential tone. "I'm glad, Mom. I did want to know, and the books and pictures just didn't do it. Besides, I've been feeling awful funny some of the time. I've been dreaming things and thinking funny things when I look at girls - or women." He stared meaningfully at her.

'No! Oh, no!' she thought wildly. She wasn't going to be able to tell him this was a special case. Not after he'd revealed himself to her so honestly. She steeled herself and pushed herself slowly back to a sitting position, deliberately letting the foam slide off her breasts, leaving them shiny and smooth beneath her son's wide-eyed stare.

His eyes were like a physical caress on her breasts and she felt her nipples swell, harden, and stand erect.

"Danny, get the towel... that big, thick green one."

"Huh? Oh, okay." He rose and brought the towel.

Helen's hand trembled as she pushed the lever to drain the tub. She extended her arm toward Danny. "Help me out," she said, her lips dry with fear.

Danny took her hand and lifted while she climbed out of the sunken tub to stand before him on the tile. She saw his body tense as his gaze fell to the rich auburn of her pubic hair. Again, his glance was like a touch and she was uncomfortably aware of the sudden tightening in her pussy.

"You dry me." she said, forcing a smile. "I'll be the queen."

Danny laughed self-consciously and began to towel her. She winced but smiled more broadly at the way he lingered while he dried her breasts. And she rose to the balls of her feet and grabbed his shoulders when he pressed too long into the sensitive flesh of her pussy.

"All right!" she whispered. "All right, Danny! Thank you."

"Did I do okay, Mom? Do I get the job?

'Get the job?' Alarm flared. "What do you mean?"

"You gonna wait for your bath 'til I get home from now on so I can dry you?"

"Danny!"

"Didn't I do it good?"

"Yes... Yes, you get the job, Danny."

He let his glance sweep over her, taking in the glow of her skin and the firm curves of her flesh. Admiration was so clearly evident in his expression that she couldn't bring herself to resent the frank interest. For a moment, then, they were frozen in uncertainty, while Helen wondered how to bring the episode to a close and struggled against the rising wave of awareness that pervaded her.

"Gee, Mom! That's great!" said Danny, starting as if suddenly conscious of his concentrated survey. "Just great! About the stuff from that class... "

He was now counting on her help, she knew. She had allowed him to think she'd provide it and he'd see no reason why any other time would be better than now. He certainly wouldn't forget the commitment. And if she was going to yield on that point, delay would buy nothing.

"Okay," she murmured. "What about it? What would help most?"

"Well... " he hesitated. "Well, there was a lot of stuff about how girls are... well, put together. About how women are built. It's just hard to visualize. And that was way at the start of the semester!"

"I... I'll show you." She was finding it hard to breath. She was going to let him examine her and the bed - any bed - would be too suggestive.

"What time is it, Danny?" she asked.

"Hm... two-thirty."

Art would get home at six or a little after. No one else would come before then. She could choose the setting without fear of interruption. She braced herself and smiled. "Okay. There's time. Come on, son."

Danny followed her into the dining room, looking puzzled.

"I'll get on the table," she said, fighting for calm. "Just like an examining table. That way, you can move around any way you need to."

Danny studied the drop leaf table, now standing against the window with its leaves down. He brightened. "Hey, Mom! Super!"

"Move it away from the wall so you can get to the other side if you want to."

"Okay."

He moved the table away from the wall and stood back.

"Need help, Mom?"

"I'll make it." She hitched herself onto the end of the table and hesitated a moment before laying back.

She was suddenly reminded of her first visit to the gynecologist. It had been the exact same set of emotions then as now. Nervous because she didn't know exactly what was going to happen and a touch of guilt because she knew she was going to find it exciting.

It was all she could do to avoid folding her hands over her crotch, but she folded them under the back of her head instead, and winced at the expression of sudden new interest in Danny's eyes.

"Gee! That makes you look different!"

"How?"

"Well, I mean the way it makes your ribs stand up and stretches your... your breasts!"

"Oh." She levered herself backwards and lifted her knees, setting her heels against her buttocks. "All right, Son. Find out what you need to know." She slid her feet outward to the sides and let her knees fall away from each other. The air chilled her twat and sent a sharp tingle into her belly.

Danny bent over her to peer intently at her breasts. He probed at the bulging surfaces with a finger and a look of awe passed over his face. The touch of his finger was like that of an electrode to Helen. She drew a deep breath, embarrassed at the quivery sound. And when he took a nipple between his fingers, rolling it and exploring its texture, she gasped audibly.

"Mmmmm!"

He jerked his hand away. "Mom! Did I hurt you? I'm sorry! Oh, Mom!"

"No, no!" She was distressed at his agitation. "You didn't do anything wrong, Son! It's just that some spots are awfully sensitive. They're supposed to be. Go ahead; just don't be surprised when I jerk or make a noise."

He grinned. "Okay. If you say so, Mom." He resumed his examination of her breasts and she tensed against the growing flood of tremors his fingers produced.

Despite her efforts, muscles fluttered involuntarily and a primitive excitement heated her. She suspected - and then became thoroughly convinced - that Danny was teasing her. He'd certainly had time to complete his familiarization, yet he continued to manipulate her nipples. She knew she couldn't absorb much more of that kind of stimulus without making some major - and unmistakable - body movement.

She protested, trying to make it sound light. "Danny! That's not fair!"

He laughed and gave each nipple a last affectionate tweak. "Okay, Mom."

He tweaked harder than he had been and a powerful jolt of excitement raced through her. She felt a gush of warmth in her pussy and groaned knowing that she'd started to ooze. Danny went around the table to stand at her feet and she turned her head, looking out the window, into the side yard. But curiosity tugged hard at her as she felt Danny's hands on her knees. Gently, he pushed them further apart and down until her crotch was spread as far as it would go. She felt the slow parting of her pussy lips, their sticky surfaces separating reluctantly, and shuddered at the realization that her vagina was opening before her son's eyes.

She forced herself to look at him. His head was lowered and he was staring wide-eyed into the pink playground. As if he were unaware of their movement, his hands stroked down along the inner slopes of her thighs toward her crotch. Her legs twitched and she felt an involuntary tightening in her buttocks.

'Oh, no!' she thought. 'I mustn't poke it at him! Dear God, don't let my hips jerk!'

Danny refrained from teasing. He seemed competant in his examination, using his fingers only to lay her pussy lups further open and to explore the consistancy of each type of flesh he found, but even those contacts acted as powerful stimuli. Helen gasped frequently and moaned from time to time. By concentrating exclusivly on her hips, she kept them still, but her belly writhed almost continuously.

At last her son straightened and gazed across her trembling body into her eyes. "Okay, I guess I've got a good picture of the parts." he said. He frowned as if trying to recall something. "Oh! I forgot!" He bent again and put his fingers to her pussy.

She dragged in a huge lungful of air as she felt him pealing back the fleshy hood over her clitoris. "AGHHH!" Her hips leaped.

Danny winced but continued his exploration, feeling the slopes and rubbing the tip of the tiny lump.

"Ah!... Ah!... " Helen's hips writhed as she swung them from side to side.

Danny took his hands away and straightened again. She saw beads of perspiration on his upper lip and he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "That was your clitoris, then," he said.

"Yes!" she panted. "I'm sorry I couldn't hold still. That's the most sensitive spot a woman has, Son."

"It's okay. I could see it pretty good. It's awful little, though, isn't it?"

"Yes. It does swell, though. It's like a man's penis."

"Yeah?" He glanced down at her pussy again. "Thanks, Mom. That gets the old stuff out of the way."

"Old stuff?"

"Well, you know how they are in school. They do all the stuff they call 'basic' first. Like anatomy in this course. And then there's a lot of jazz about how a baby develops and gets born. After that, they seperate the class. Mr. Duffy's got us guys now: he's going into stuff about marriage relations. I really need help seeing what he's getting at there!"

Helen stiffened. "Like what?" she demanded.

"Like stimulus centers and reactions."

She heaved a sigh of relief. She'd visualized his wanting to explore the mechanics of insertion. "Well... " she hesitated. "That's going to be tougher, Son."

"How come?"

She knew if she let him expiriment in the techniques of stimulation she wasn't going to be able to maintain any semblance of calm. It was barely possible she might lose control of herself, altogether, and grab him in her passion. She couldn't let herself forget that strange inner excitement she sometimes felt about him. On the other hand if it was legitimate for him to examine her as he had, it was surely legitimate for him to see for himself how various sensual centers could be used to affect the woman's responses.

"Sexual stimulas afects involuntary nerves," she said slowly. "I know I couldn't cooperate right. There's a natural efort sometimes to interfere - the sensation's just too strong to take, even though it's wonderful."

Danny nodded, his face clouding with disappointment.

"Look, Danny," she said impulsively. "What time is it?"

He glanced at his watch. "Three."

"All right. There's time and there's a way. Run back to my room and get two or three pairs of my nylons."

Danny scowled, perplexed, then shrugged and turned. Helen smiled through her turmoil to note that he litterally ran. In a moment, he was back with a handful of her stockings. He still showed no sign of understanding.

"I don't get it, Mom."

"I know. The problem is my being able to stay in one place so you can keep at a spot long enough to find out what it does."

"Yeah," he nodded.

"There's only one way to be sure of that. Tie me in the right position."

His eyes widened and he stared at her incredulously. "Tie you!"

"It's all right. It won't hurt me, and you can go at whatever speed turns out to be right. But you'll have to realize I'm going to act differantly from what you've ever seen me do before."

"Okay. How shall I tie you?"

"Better get my hands out of the way, for one thing." She extended her arms as if she meant for him to spread-eagle her.

Danny quickly lashed her wrists, securing the stockings from each to one of the table legs. She trembled.

"We'll want to finish before five forty-five," she reminded him. "I wnat to be presentable by the time your father gets home."

He stared at her. "That's a long time!"

"A lot more than you need. I just don't want you to get preoccupied and forget what time it's getting to be."

"Okay!" There was awe in his tone. "Gee! I can really take my time!" He looked hungrily at her breasts and she winced. "What next? I've got your hands."

"Well, I'd certainly try to clamp my legs together."

"Oh! Okay!" He knotted a stocking around each of her thighs, at the knee, and fastened the loose ends to the table legs, spreading her crotch tautly. Without consulting her, he then used a third pair of her nylons, looping them on her ankles, and to her amazement, runing the free ends to her shoulders, where he tied each to an upper arm, pulling her heels against the sides of her buttocks.

"Danny! My goodness!"

"Well, that'll keep you from moving your knees much."

She laughed shakily. "I can move my feet, though."

"How?"

She raised her feet and realized that there wasn't enough length in the hose to let her move them more than a few inches. "I take it back," she mumbled. "They aren't going anywhere."

"Do you mind if I talk to myself once in a while?" her son asked.

"No."

"What if I forget and use the wrong word?"

"There are no 'wrong words', Danny," she reassured him. "Only words that are more appropriate at one time than another. Don't worry about it. Just concentrate on one thing at a time."

He grinned and came to her side. "I know this isn't going to seem roght, Mom, but Mr. Duffy said the lips were the first zone."

"Mmph! Well, all right."

He took her face between his hands and bent close, touching her lips with his. The first contact was light and dry, no more erotic that their customary goodnight kiss. But his lips worked on her and the pressure increased and their mouths got wet. Her son's kiss was transformed by some alchemy she made no effort to understand to that of a lover. Warmth seeped through her and she let her lips part, touching his with her tongue tip. His tongue darted out to meet hers and then drove into her mouth. She gulped and began to suck. 'Like a symbol for a penis!' she thought. 'Even if it is just his tongue in my mouth, he's got part of him inside me! My own son!' The concious admission at a moment when sexual desire was making her writhe horrified her. She tugged at the nylons and whimpered in her throat. She was writhing sensually by the time Danny raised his mouth from hers.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "That works!" He flushed. "On me, too."

She glanced at his trouser front and saw that it was tented.

'He's got a beautiful cock, ' she thought. 'I know he has! It was beautiful when he was little.' Pride surged in her and she had an irrisistable longing to see what kind of a man her son was becoming.

"Danny, did Mr. Duffy say anything about visual stimulus?"

"Yeah. He said men got a lot more excited looking at things than most women."

"That's true, I think. When a man's doing things to her, though, seeing his body stimulates her."

"Yeah? It does? Hey, okay if I get undressed, then?"

"Yes." She tried to shake off the guilty feeling that washed over her.

Danny shed his clothes with adolescent awkwardness. She studied his body. He had fine shoulders, as she already knew, and his belly was flat and hard, more like a man's than a boy's. His hips were narrow and taut looking and his cock stood proud and thick. Circumcised (because the doctor had spoken of cleaning problems and the danger of infections), the head was a great, meaty bulb, nearly black with its charge of trapped blood. The shaft was frightening for its diameter; she guessed it was considerably thicker than her wrist and knew it was far bigger than either Art's or Barry's.

That's his Indian half, she thought with a thrill of pride. But God, could a woman really take that!

Danny returned and bent over her again. When he did his cock rested on the edge of the table, rigid and hard-looking. He played with her breasts, squeezing them gently, massaging them, and experimenting with her nipples. She had no idea how much of her resulting excitement resulted from his manipulations and how much from her painful awareness of the situation. Regardless, desire flamed in her and she lashed about on the table, her hips rocking fom side to side and her pussy pulsing with eagerness.

Danny ran his hands over her body, fingering her curves with a smile on his lips. "Duffy says ther's lots of secondary centers all over the body," he remarked. "Someday I'll learn more about them on you. Right now, I want to be sure I see what the primary ones do." He went back to her crotch.

He caressed her pussy lips gently, the light touch shooting fierce waves of pleasure through her and producing vigerous undulations in her hips.

She moaned happily. "Oooh, that feels good, Son! Mmmm!"

He ran a fingertip around the rim of her opening and she grabbed a taut stocking in each hand and pulled furiously.

"Oh!... " she gasped. "Oh, Danny!"

His fingers left her for an instant, and then she felt them stripping back the hood pf her clitoris.

"Mmmm!" She bucked violently. "Aghhh!"

He coated the tiny organ with thick juice from her vagina and began to rub it. She lost all control of her actions, thrashing in her bonds and moaning loudly. The pleasure that flooded her was so intense it hurt, and a vast hunger grew in the mouth of her pussy. While Danny continued to massage her clitoris with the finger of one hand, those of the other hand returned to her labia.

"Don't get mad, Mom, but... Well, this was one of the centers." He slipped a finger up into her, twisting it back and forth and jabbing it in and out.

"Ohhh!... Ahhh!... I'm not... mad!... It is one!... Oh, Danny!... Son!... Ram it hard!"

He jammed the finger in to it's knuckle.

"Use... use two!... Maybe three!... Omigod, Son!... Ooooh!...

She felt a great increase in fullness and knew Danny had inserted more fingers. She slammed herself onto his hand repeatedly, her pleasure driving her past caring how she looked to him. She became aware of slippery strokes over her rectum.

"What's... that?" she panted.

"My thumb, Mom."

"Oh."

His thumb paused over her tightly closed anus and pushed. She felt her sphincter stretching to admit it and tilted her head back.

"DANNY!... AGHHH!... " She cried out and let her ass flail on the hugeness of his buried thumb. "My God, Son! Omigod!"

"I got stuff up your vagina and your ass, Mom." His voice sounded horse to her. "It sure makes you move around!"

"God, yes! It's going to make me have an orgasm!"

"Yeah? Really?"

"MMM!... Yes!... "

"Mom, he said the biggest stimulus of all was... well... "

She gazed groggiliy at her son. He stood erect, both hands hidden behind the forest of pubic her hair, his enormous cock jutting over her. The shaft pulsed and there was a strand of clear mucus dangling from the slit in the angry- looking head. His pubic hair was black and thick and she recalled with a shiver the great size of his balls. Suddenly she realized what he was hinting.

"No, Danny! Not that! No, for God's sake!" But why not? she asked herself in a flash of recklessness. Why not? That's part of it! "All right, Danny! He's right!" she conceaded. "Go ahead!"

Danny trembled violently as he withdrew his hands. He seized the huge shaft and guided the head down to her cuntmouth. His face expressed wonder as his heat and hers mingled and she began to open to his pressure. She felt the head sink through the firm rim of her labia and glide slowly up the length of her vagina, that hard shaft stroking inward after it.

She thrust herself onto the intruding prick, her buttocks quivering and tight and her belly hard.

"Ahhh!" She bubbled with joy. "Ahhh!"

At her first movement her sons hips surged forward to drive his prick to its limit in her and his pelvic bone slammed onto the outer flesh of her pussy. He jerked his hips back, withdrwing the buried cock until the head lay just inside her labia, then rammed it home again. She cried out and flung herself onto the driving prick. Her son's thrusts accelerated and he banged violently at her.

"Mom! Mom! I can't stop!" A deep note of panic rang in his voice and he had an anguished expression on his face. "Mom! I didn't mean to! I just wanted to see what it did to you! I didn't mean to fuck you all the way!"

She saw the depth of his distress and urged him. She soothed him with a gentle urgency. "It's all right, darling! It's all right! Fuck me, darling! Go ahead and fuck me! It's all right, Son!"

His cock slammed back and forth savagely and her cunt flamed. She felt as if the shaft were crushing her tissues against the bony circle of her pelvis and his cockhead were displacing all her organs. His anguish had cleared, replaced by ecstacy, and his hands kneaded her waist and pulled her buttocks against his thighs.

"Yes, yes, darling!" she panted.

"Mom! I'm gonna...

"It's okay, honey. Let it happen."

"Mom!... Mom!... ," he croked with excitment. Then, with a note of triumph, "Here it comes!... Unnnh!... "

His cock shaft pulsed sharply and hot jism seethed into her vagina, filling her belly with foreign heat. She clamped the rim of her cunt on his cock, squeezing with hard contractions and praying for her own orgasm. Danny broke into convulsive tremors and the great cock went limp and soft. He pulled it out instantly, great drops of sweat pouring from him.

"Mom!" he murmured brokenly and came around the table to hold her face. "Oh, Mom, I'm sorry!"

"Danny, baby," she whispered. "Oh, Danny! How did it feel, Son?"

"Jesus, Mom! Like nothing I ever felt before!" He grinned bashfully. "You got awful excited, didn't you."

I still am! she thought. She nodded and smiled. "You found all the spots, Son. There's still a lot to learn, though."

"There is?"

"Yes. Maybe I'd better teach you while all this is fresh in your mind."

"Would you, Mom?"

"Yes. You might as well untie me now."

"You know? That was kind of fun. Having you tied up, I mean. I like that."

"Well, maybe I'll let you do it again sometime."

"Oh, Mom! Would you! Please?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

She laughed and hard thrill raced through her. "I promise."

"Wow!" Danny shouted.