Chapter 1

For the time being I would like to remain anonymous so I will call myself Jillian for those of you who require names for all characters in books. I hope you will find this of interest as it is a section of my life that I have never related to anyone. There was one other person who was aware of my secret. I shall call him Robert. He was killed in action over London during the blitz. I would not wish to alarm any of his family who may yet be living in the arias to which I will refer.

The events that I am going to narrate all took place in 1939-1941. I hope that my literacy is of an adequate standard to render the narration readable and if there is any section that you find hard going please bare with me.

At that time I lived in the little village of Fairwarp in Sussex England. It is three or four miles north of Uckfield, on the road to Duddleswell on Ashdown Forest. The main part of the village is to the East of the road at a cross roads. There are scattered houses and the church along the main road which is now the B 2026 to Biggin Hill via Edenbridge. To the North West there is the vast expanse of the forest and to the South West there were farms and a riding stables. The road two the West, called Cackle street skirted some of the fields belonging to the stables and I would go down there and admire the horses during my summer holidays. Some times I would be invited to help with the horses at the end of the day, so I got to know a lot about handling horses and the equipment that is used. In June 1939 when I left school at 14, my father took me to the stables to get a job. I was taken on and told to turn up for work at six the next morning. I was over the moon little realising what hard work it would turn out to be. Fortunately I new all the tac and how to clean it and I new all about cleaning and feeding the horses. However the work I was given to begin with was to clean out the stalls, mucking out.

I don't suppose I minded too much, it was very hard work but as I got stronger and more skilled, I became used to the labour and I don't think I even noticed the smell, which is not unpleasant after about a week. We had twelve horses, and my jobs progressed to cleaning tac, then to feeding the horses and finally I was allowed to exercise the horses that were not going out that day. Usually during the summer there were at least five rides booked and sometimes there would be a group that would clear us out. That was quite rare though and I would usually have at least two rides in the morning and another two in the afternoon. Of the twelve horses that we owned we had five geldings, six mares and one breeding stallion. He was the one animal that I was not allowed to ride because he was too temperamental and the stable owner was afraid that I may get thrown. The other animals I took either as individuals or in paires if there were too many for me to get through singly. I would go up on to the forest for a canter and spend about an hour riding or walking the horse. There are so many paths to follow that it is impossible to know them all but as far as I can remember I only got lost the once. Of cause it was easy after the war had started because I could find my bearings from the radio antennae at Duddelswell. There were three great big Eiffel tower type things with red lights at the top so you could even see them at night. They put out the lights if there was an enemy air raid.

Every thing went very well for me. I was doing a job I liked and I convinced my father that I was better doing this than going to school again. I did not want to learn a whole lot of stuff that I would never use, besides I was earning a wage that could be put towards the house keeping. I didn't mind not having the money for myself though my mother usually gave me a few pennies for my needs if I asked her and some times she would even give me a whole shilling.

When the war did come I was taught to ride the stallion. The reason for this was that two of the regular girls, Ruth and June, volunteered for nurse training and as there were no people available to replace them I had to stay on full time, and more, to make up. The owner was very good to me and he did increase my wages. He said I was due the rise because I had learned the job so well but I think it was for the extra hours, some times as many as sixteen in a day. The regular girl who stayed was called Elaine and she and I got on very well. She showed me many tricks of the trade to reduce the work load. Robert, the other person I worked with was the handy man. Aged 16, he was waiting for his 'call up' to do national service. Of course when the war started, all his plans about doing the service and then looking for a good job in the town went out the window. I think he had wanted to join the railways, Southern Railways as it was then. It's a shame that, I think he would have made a good station master.

Any way, once the war had started, Elaine and I worked day in and day out seven days a week taking alternate Sundays off. It was supposed to be shift work and we would take changes on who did the early work but once started we worked until the day's jobs were done. The real story starts in late October. Mr Rice the owner had two large fields for hay making which gave him quite a lot of feed for the winter months but it was no where nearly enough for twelve horses so he would buy in what he needed from other near by farms. His instructions to us girls was that the bought in feed was to be used first because he was sure that his own feed would last right in the spring. The bought in feed quality was not always up to scratch and went off either due to damp or some other problem so it was better to use the less reliable stuff first.

Robert would throw down the bails from the hay loft the evening before they were due to be used, four bails of straw for bedding and three of hay for feed. The horses were kept in two stables adjacent to each other, six horses in each. Some of the bails had to be carried to the other stables that did not have a hay loft. Then Elaine and I would use them as we required and get Robert to send down another of what ever we needed if we were short.

We had been using the bought in feed for about two weeks when two of the horses fell ill with colic and diarrhoea. One of the affected horses was the stallion, who incidentally was named Rum Bargain. The vet was sent for and he administered some drug or other that I suspect was thiamin but I don't know for sure. Elaine and I had to take special care of the patients and watching everything they did. Checking the feed for anything that may be toxic for all the animals was also a new task. This placed a lot of extra work on us and we were very glad to see the mare recovering after a few days. Rum bargain however only seemed to get worse until one morning when I went in to feed and clean I found him lying on his side covered in sweat and with laboured breathing. The vet was called again and I was sent to search the area that Rum favoured for grazing. I searched diligently but found nothing that I thought was like foxglove, nightshade, oleander or ragwort but I did find a pile of green potatoes which I thought were poisonous. The vet said that in Rum's case it was probably the potato that was the problem and it was probable that he would not recover. The other horse had probably eaten some horsetail or bracken which was why she had recovered after the injection. The vet apparently gave Rum some other medicine but I don't know about that because I was sent swiftly to clear all trace of the potatoes from the field, which I did. When I returned I carried on with the rest of my work until the evening. Mr Rice said that I should stay to look after Rum in to the night and He said there would be a bed set for me in the attic. Robert would relieve me at about eleven so that I could at least get some sleep, and Elaine would go to my folks to tell them I was all right.

So with a quick snack under my belt, I settled down to care for Rum. I mopped up the sweat regularly and gave him water from an animal feeder like those used for lambs and calves and then at about ten thirty I settled down on the straw and rested Rum's head on my lap. I never realised how heavy a horse's head could be and I was numb in the legs by the time Robert came to relieve me. He told me that I should go to bed, but I wanted to stay and I was quite comfortable in spite of the numbness. I must have slept some because when I awoke Rum's breathing was much easier and he was not covered in a sweat like earlier. Robert was asleep on the other side of the stall and it was pitch dark out side. I sat and chatted to Rum not knowing if he under stood any of my words but I am sure that he was comforted by the sound. Elaine came in to the barn at about four in the morning to relieve Robert and was most shocked to find me still in the stall. She said that my parents would be shocked to hear that I had spent the night with Robert without a chaperone. It was soon after Elaine had entered that Rum decided to make his move. He started by just raising his head but soon he made the effort to roll on to his front so he would be able to stand. I quickly rolled away from him so that I would not be kicked when he did stand.

The commotion of course woke Robert who was very pleased to see Rum's improvement. Elaine and I gave him a little food at short intervals over the next two or three hours until he was able to stand and feed from the trough in his stall. This happened at about eight o'clock and there was joy and celebration all through the stables for the rest of the day.

This did not mean that I got off work for the rest of the day, far from it, but the work was made much lighter due to the improvement.

The nursing of Rum went on for several more days but gradually he improved and was soon his usual self except where I was concerned. He had never paid me much notice before but now whenever he heard me enter the stables he would look round and watch me as much as he could and I also noticed that his penis would come out of its sheath if I was around. I did not take much notice of this to begin with but after about a week of it always being extended I became a little worried. I was going to say something to Mr Rice but I was stymied as to how I should broach the subject.

About a week after I really noticed the problem with Rum's penis I was treated to another sight. It was one afternoon about three thirty, not long before it got dark, this being late Autumn. I was up in the hay loft looking for a spare leading rein when I saw Robert and Elaine. Out side the barn in a little corner, that was usually kept clear for visitors transport, and that could not be readily observed Robert was leaning against a wall and Elaine was on her knees in front of him with his penis in her mouth. I found this very strange behaviour thinking at the time that a penis was only used for pissing. My parents did not consider me old enough to be told about the birds and the bees yet, so at the time I was quite amazed to see what they were doing. His penis was stiff and red and it was about seven inches long and very thick.