Chapter 10

Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs. Cole's (to whom, by-the-bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit, till all fear of consequences were clearly over): for an occasion presenting itself of proving her passion for a young fellow, at the expense of her discretion, proceeding all in character, she pack'd up her toilet at half a day's warning and went with him abroad, since which I entirely lost sight of her, and it never fell in my way to hear what became of her.

But a few days after she had left us, two very pretty young gentlemen, who were Mrs. Cole's especial favourites, and free of her academy, easily obtain'd her consent for Emily's and my acceptance of a party of pleasure at a little but agreeable house belonging to one of them, situated not far up the river Thames, on the Surry side.

Everything being settled, and it being a fine summerday, but rather of the warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to our rendez-vous about four in the afternoon; where, landing at the foot of a neat, joyous pavillion, Emily and I were handed into it by our squires, and there drank tea with a cheerfulness and gaiety that the beauty of the prospect, the serenity of the weather, and the tender politeness of our sprightly gallants naturally led us into.

After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, who was the master of the house, and had in no sense schem'd this party of pleasure for a dry one, propos'd to us, with that frankness which his familiarity at Mrs. Cole's entitled him to, as the weather was excessively hot, to bathe together, under a commodious shelter that he had prepared expressly for that purpose, in a creek of the river, with which a side-door of the pavilion immediately communicated, and where we might be sure of having our diversion out, safe from interruption, and with the utmost privacy.

Emily, who never refus'd anything, and I, who ever delighted in bathing, and had no exception to the person who propos'd it, or to those pleasures it was easy to guess it implied, took care, on this occasion, not to wrong our training at Mrs. Cole's, and agreed to it with as good a grace as we could. Upon which, without loss of time, we return'd instantly to the pavilion, one door of which open'd into a tent, pitch'd before it, that with its marquise, formed a pleasing defense against the sun, or the weather, and was besides as private as we could wish. The lining of it, imbossed cloth, represented a wild forest-foliage, from the top down to the sides, which, in the same stuff, were figur'd with fluted pilasters, with their spaces between fill'd with flower-vases, the whole having a gay effect upon the eye, wherever you turn'd it.

Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet contain'd convenient benches round it, on the dry ground, either to keep our cloaths, or... , or... , in short, for more uses than resting upon. There was a side-table too, loaded with sweetmeats, jellies, and other eatables, and bottles of wine and cordials, by way of occasional relief from any rawness, or chill of the water, or from any faintness from whatever cause; and in fact, my gallant, who understood chere entiere perfectly, and who, for taste (even if you would not approve this specimen of it) might have been comptroller of pleasures to a Roman emperor, had left no requisite towards convenience or luxury unprovided.

As soon as we had look'd round this inviting spot, and every preliminary of privacy was duly settled, strip was the word: when the young gentlemen soon dispatch'd the undressing each his partner and reduced us to the naked confession of all those secrets of person which dress generally hides, and which the discovery of was, naturally speaking, not to our disadvantage. Our hands, indeed, mechanically carried towards the most interesting part of us, screened, at first, all from the tufted cliff downwards, till we took them away at their desire, and employed them in doing them the same office, of helping off with their cloaths; in the process of which, there pass'd all the little wantonnesses and frolicks that you may easily imagine.

As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt, the fore-lappet of which as he lean'd languishingly on me, he smilingly pointed to me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose and fell, according to the unruly starts of the motion behind it; but it was soon fix'd, for now taking off his shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he shew'd it me at so upright a stand, as prepar'd me indeed for his application to me for instant ease; but, tho' the sight of its fine size was fit enough to fire me, the cooling air, as I stood in this state of nature, joined to the desire I had of bathing first, enabled me to put him off, and tranquillize him, with the remark that a little suspense would only set a keener edge on the pleasure. Leading then the way, and shewing our friends an example of continency, which they were giving signs of losing respect to, we went hand in hand into the stream, till it took us up to our neck, where the no more than grateful coolness of the water gave my senses a delicious refreshment from the sultriness of the season, and made more alive, more happy in myself, and, in course, more alert, and open to voluptuous impressions.

Here I lav'd and wanton'd with the water, or sportively play'd with my companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at discretion. Mine, at length, not content with making me take the plunge over head and ears, kept splashing me, and provoking me with all the little playful tricks he could devise, and which I strove not to remain in his debt for. We gave, in short, a loose to mirth; and now, nothing would serve him but giving his hands the regale of going over every part of me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all the et cetera, so dear to the imagination, under the pretext of washing and rubbing them; as we both stood in the water, no higher now than the pit of our stomachs, and which did not hinder him from feeling, and toying with that leak that distinguishes our sex, and it so wonderfully water-tight: for his fingers, in vain dilating and opening it, only let more flame than water into it, be it said without a figure. At the same time he made me feel his own engine, which was so well wound up, as to stand even the working in water, and he accordingly threw one arm round my neck, and was endeavouring to get the better of that harsher construction bred by the surrounding fluid; and had in effect won his way so far as to make me sensible of the pleasing stretch of those nether-lips, from the in-driving machine; when, independent of my not liking that aukward mode of enjoyment, I could not help interrupting him, in order to become joint spectators of a plan of joy, in hot operation between Emily and her partner; who impatient of the fooleries and dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of the benches on the green bank, where he was very cordially proceeding to teach her the difference betwixt jest and earnest.

There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over the surface of that smooth polish'd snow-white skin of hers, which now doubly shone with a dew-bright lustre, and presented to the touch something like what one would imagine of animated ivory, especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which the touch is so fond of and delights to make love to, with the other he was lusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to make room for a stately piece of machinery, that stood uprear'd, between her thighs, as she continued sitting on his lap, and pressed hard for instant admission, which the tender Emily, in a fit of humour deliciously protracted, affecting to decline, and elude the very pleasure she sigh'd for, but in a style of waywardness so prettily put on, and managed, as to render it ten times more poignant; then her eyes, all amidst the softest dying languishment, express'd at once a mock denial and extreme desire, whilst her sweetness was zested with a coyness so pleasingly provoking, her moods of keeping him off were so attractive, that they redoubled the impetuous rage with which he cover'd her with kisses: and the kisses that, whilst she seemed to shy from or scuffle for, the cunning wanton contrived such sly returns of, as were doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gave them, of being stolen ravished.

Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, in favour of her principal end, pleasure, had inspir'd her with, the art of yielding, coy'd it indeed, but coy'd it to the purpose; for with all her straining, her wrestling, and striving to break from the clasp of his arms, she was so far wiser yet than to mean it, that in her struggles, it was visible she aim'd at nothing more than multiplying points of touch with him, and drawing yet closer the folds that held them every where entwined, like two tendrils of a vine intercurling together: so that the same effect, as when Louisa strove in good earnest to disengage from the idiot, was now produced by different motives.

Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused a general glow, a tender suffusion of heighten'd carnation over their bodies; both equally white and smoothskinned; so that as their limbs were thus amorously interwoven, in sweet confusion, it was scarce possible to distinguish who they respectively belonged to, but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the stronger sex.

In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her, and had tied at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieu all the little refinements of a finessed reluctance; adieu the friendly feint! She was presently driven forcibly out of the power of using any art; and indeed, what art must not give way, when nature, corresponding with her assailant, invaded in the heart of her capital and carried by storm, lay at the mercy of the proud conqueror who had made his entry triumphantly and completely? Soon, however, to become a tributary: for the engagement growing hotter and hotter, at close quarters, she presently brought him to the pass of paying down the dear debt to nature; which she had no sooner collected in, but, like a duellist who has laid his antagonist at his feet, when he has himself received a mortal wound, Emily had scarce time to plume herself upon her victory, but, shot with the same discharge, she, in a loud expiring sigh, in the closure of her eyes, the stretch-out of her limbs, and a remission of her whole frame, gave manifest signs that all was as it should be.

For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood in the water all this time, to view this warm action, I lean'd tenderly on my gallant, and at the close of it, seemed'd to ask him with my eyes what he thought of it; but he, more eager to satisfy me by his actions than by words or looks, as we shoal'd the water towards the shore, shewed me the staff of love so intensely set up, that had not even charity beginning at home in this case, urged me to our mutual relief, it would have been cruel indeed to have suffered the youth to burst with straining, when the remedy was so obvious and so near at hand.

Accordingly we took to a bench, whilst Emily and her spark, who belonged it seems to the sea, stood at the sideboard, drinking to our good voyage: for, as the last observ'd, we were well under weigh, with a fair wind up channel, and full-freighted; nor indeed were we long before we finished our trip to Cythera, and unloaded in the old haven; but, as the circumstances did not admit of much variation, I shall spare you the description.

At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I am conscious of owing you, for having, perhaps, too much affected the figurative style; though surely, it can pass nowhere more allowably than in a subject which is so properly the province of poetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with every flower of imagination and loving metaphors, even were not the natural expressions, for respects of fashion and sound, necessarily forbid it.

Resuming now my history, you may please to know that what with a competent number of repetitions, all in the same strain (and, by-the-bye, we have a certain natural sense that those repetitions are very much to the taste), what with a circle of pleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment lost to joy all the time we staid there, till late in the night we were re-escorted home by our squires, who delivered us safe to Mrs. Cole, with generous thanks for our company.

This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce a week after, she was, by an accident too trivial to detail to you the particulars, found out by her parents, who were in good circumstances, and who had been punish'd for their partiality to their son, in the loss of him, occasion'd by a circumstance of their over-indulgence to his appetite; upon which the so long engross'd stream of fondness, running violently in favour of this lost and inhumanly abandon'd child whom if they had not neglected enquiry about, they might long before have recovered. They were now so overjoyed at the retrieval of her, that, I presume, it made them much less strict in examining the bottom of things: for they seem'd very glad to take for granted, in the lump, everything that the grave and decent Mrs. Cole was pleased to pass upon them; and soon afterwards sent her, from the country, a handsome acknowledgement.

But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss of so sweet a member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she was one of those mild, pliant characters that if one does not entirely esteem, one can scarce help loving, which is not such a bad compensation neither. Owing all her weakness to good-nature, and an indolent facility that kept her too much at the mercy of first impressions, she had just sense enough to know that she wanted leading-strings, and thought herself so much obliged to any who would take the pains to think for her, and guide her, that with a very little management, she was capable of being made a most agreeable, nay, a most virtuous wife: for vice, it is probable, had never been her choice, or her fate, if it had not been for occasion, or example, or had she not depended less upon herself than upon her circumstances. This presumption her conduct afterwards verified: for presently meeting with a match that was ready cut and dry for her, with a neighbour's son of her own rank, and a young man of sense and order, who took her as the widow of one lost at sea (for so it seems one of her gallants, whose name she had made free with, really was), she naturally struck into all the duties of their domestic life with as much constancy and regularity, as if she had never swerv'd from a state of undebauch'd innocence from her youth.

These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs. Cole's brood that she was left with only me like a hen with one chicken; but tho' she was earnestly entreated and encourag'd to recruit her corps, her growing infirmities, and, above all, the tortures of a stubborn hip-gout, which she found would yield to no remedy, determin'd her to bread up her business and retire with a decent pittance into the country, where I promis'd myself nothing so sure, as my going down to live with her as soon as I had seen a little more of life and improv'd my small matters into a competency that would create in me an independence on the world: for I was, now, thanks to Mrs. Cole, wise enough to keep that essential in view.

Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did the Philosophers of the town the White Crow of her profession. For besides that she never ransacked her customers, whose taste too she ever studiously consulted, besides that she never racked her pupils with unconscionable extortions, nor ever put their hard earnings, as she call'd them, under the contribution of poundage. She was a severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, and confin'd her acquisitions solely to those unfortunate young women, who, having lost it, were but the juster objects of compassion: among these, indeed, she pick'd but such as suited her views and taking them under her protection, rescu'd them from the danger of the publick sinks of ruin and misery, to place, or do for them, well or ill, in the manner you have seen. Having then settled her affairs, she set out on her journey, after taking the most tender leave of me, and at the end of some excellent instructions, recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectly maternal. In short, she affected me so much, that I was not presently reconcil'd to myself for suffering her at any rate to go without me; but fate had, it seems, otherwise dispos'd of me.

I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasant convenient house at Marybone, but easy to rent and manage from its smallness, which I furnish'd neatly and modestly. There, with a reserve of eight hundred pounds, the fruit of my deference to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of cloaths, some jewels, some plate, I saw myself in purse for a long time, to wait without impatience for what the chapter of accidents might produce in my favour.

Here, under the new character of a young gentle-woman whose husband was gone to sea, I had mark'd me out such lines of life and conduct, as leaving me at a competent liberty to pursue my views either out of pleasure or fortune, bounded me nevertheless strictly within the rules od decency and discretion: a disposition in which you cannot escape observing a true pupil of Mrs. Cole.

I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going out one morning pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the pleasing outlet of the fields, accompanied only by a maid, whom I had newly hired, as we were carelessly walking among the trees we were alarmed with the noise of a violent coughing: turning our heads towards which, we distinguish'd a plain well-dressed elderly gentleman, who, attack'd with a sudden fit, was so much overcome as to be forc'd to give way to it and sit down at the foot of a tree, where he seemed suffocating with the severity of it, being perfectly black in the face: not less mov'd than frighten'd with which, I flew on the instant to his relief, and using the rote of practice I had observ'd on the like occasion, I loosened his cravat and clapped him on the back; but whether to any purpose, or whether the cough had had its course, I know not, but the fit immediately went off; and now recover'd to his speech and legs, he returned me thanks with as much emphasis as if I had sav'd his life. This naturally engaging a conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which was at a considerable distance from where I met with him, and where he had stray'd insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk.

He was, as I afterwards learn'd in the course of the intimacy which this little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turn'd of sixty, but of a fresh vigorous complexion, insomuch that he scarce marked five and forty, having never rack'd his constitution by permitting his desires to overtax his ability.

As to his birth and condition, his parents, honest and fail'd mechanicks, had, by the best traces he could get of them, left him an infant orphan on the parish; so that it was from a charity-school, that, by honesty and industry, he made his way into a merchant's counting-house; from whence, being sent to a house in CADIZ, he there, by his talents and activity, acquired a fortune, but an immense one, with which he returned to his native country; where he could not, however, so much as fish out one single relation out of the obscurity he was born in. Taking then a taste for retirement, and pleas'd to enjoy life, like a mistress in the dark, he flowed his days in all the ease of opulence, without the least parade of it; and, rather studying the concealment than the shew of a fortune, looked down on a world he perfectly knew; himself, to his wish, unknown and unmarked by.

But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure of retracing to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with this ever, to me, memorable friend, I shall, in this, transiently touch on no more than may serve, as mortar to cement, to form the connection of my history, and to obviate your surprize that one of my high blood and relish of life should count a gallant of threescore such a catch.

Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by what progressions our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first, insensibly changed nature, and ran into unplatonic lengths, as might well be expected from one of my condition of life, and above all, from that principle of electricity that scarce ever fails of producing fire when the sexes meet. I shall only her acquaint you, that as age had not subdued his tenderness for our sex, neither had it robbed him of the power of pleasing, since whatever he wanted in the bewitching charms of youth, he aton'd for, or supplemented with the advantages of experience, the sweetness of his manners, and above all, his flattering address in touching the heart, by an application to the understanding. From him it was I first learn'd, to any purpose, and not without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion of me worth bestowing some regard on; from him I received my first essential encouragement, and instructions how to put it in that train of cultivation, which I have since pushed to the little degree of improvement you see it at; he it was, who first taught me to be sensible that the pleasures of the mind were superior to those of the body; at the same time, that they were so far from obnoxious to, or incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in the variety and transition, the one serv'd to exalt and perfect the taste of the other to a degree that the senses alone can never arrive at.

Himself a rational pleasurist, as being much too wise to be asham'd of the pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but loved me with dignity; in a mean equally remov'd from the sourness, of forwardness, by which age is unpleasingly characteriz'd, and from that childish silly dotage that so often disgraces it, and which he himself used to turn into ridicule, and compare to an old goat affecting the frisk of a young kid.

In short, everything that is generally unamiable in his season of life was, in him, repair'd by so many advantages, that he existed a proof, manifest at least to me, that it is not out of the power of age to please, if it lays out to please, and if, making just allowances, those in that class do not forget that it must cost them more pains and attention than what youth, the natural spring-time of joy, stands in need of: as fruits out of season require proportionably more skill and cultivation, to force them.

With this gentleman then, who took me home soon after our acquaintance commenc'd, I lived near eight months; in which time, my constant complaisance and docility, my attention to deserve his confidence and love, and a conduct, in general, devoid of the least art and founded on my sincere regard and esteem for him, won and attach'd him so firmly to me, that, after having generously trusted me with a genteel, independent settlement, proceeding to heap marks of affection on me, he appointed me, by an authentick will, his sole heiress and executrix: a disposition which he did not outlive two months, being taken from me by a violent cold that he contracted as he unadvisedly ran to the window on an alarm of fire, at some streets distance, and stood there naked-breasted, and exposed to the fatal impressions of a damp night-air.

After acquitting myself of my duty towards my deceas'd benefactor, and paying him a tribute of unfeign'd sorrow, which a little time chang'd into a most tender, grateful memory of him that I shall ever retain, I grew somewhat comforted by the prospect that now open'd to me, if not of happiness at least of affluence and independence.

I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for I was not yet nineteen) actually at the head of so large a fortune, as it would have been even the height of impudence in me to have raised my wishes, much more my hopes, to; and that this unexpected elevation did not turn my head, I ow'd to the pains my benefactor had taken to form and prepare me for it, as I ow'd his opinion of my management of the vast possessions he left me, to what he had observ'd of the prudential economy I had learned under Mrs. Cole, of which the reserve he saw I had made was a proof and encouragement to him.

But, alas! how easily is the enjoyment of the greatest sweets in life, in present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absent one! but my regret was a mighty and just one, since it had my only truly beloved Charles for its object.

Given him up I had, indeed, compleatly, having never once heard from him since our separation; which, as I found afterwards, had been my misfortune, and not his neglect, for he wrote me several letters which had all miscarried; but forgotten him I never had. Amidst all my personal infidelities, not one had made a pin's point impression on a heart impenetrable to the true love-passion, but for him.

As soon, however, as I was mistress of this unexpected fortune, I felt more than ever how dear he was to me, from its insufficiency to make me happy, whilst he was not to share it with me. My earliest care, consequently, was to endeavour at getting some account of him; but all my researches produc'd me no more light than that his father had been dead for some time, not so well as even with the world; and that Charles had reached his port of destination in the South-Seas, where, finding the estate he was sent to recover dwindled to a trifle, by the loss of two ships in which the bulk of his uncle's fortune lay, he was come away with the small remainder, and might, perhaps, according to the best advice, in a few months return to England, from whence he had, at the time of this my inquiry, been absent two years and seven months. A little eternity in love!

You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thus given me of seeing the delight of my heart again. But, as the term of months was assigned it, in order to divert and amuse my impatience for his return, after settling my affairs with much ease and security, I set out on a journey for Lancashire, with an equipage suitable to my fortune, and with a design purely to revisit my place of nativity, for which I could not help retaining a great tenderness; and might naturally not be sorry to shew myself there, to the advantage I was now in pass to do, after the report Esther Davis had spread of my being spirited away to the plantations; for on no other supposition could she account for the suppression of myself to her, since her leaving me so abruptly at the inn. Another favourite intention I had, to look out for my relations, though I had none besides distant ones, and prove a benefactress to them. Then Mrs. Cole's place of retirement lying in my way, was not amongst the least of the pleasures I had proposed to myself in this expedition.

I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, to figure it as my companion, besides my servants, and was scarce got into an inn, about twenty miles from London, where I was to sup and pass the night, when such a storm of wind and rain sprang up as made me congratulate myself on having got under shelter before it began.

This had continu'd a good half hour, when bethinking me of some directions to be given to the coachman, I sent for him, and not caring that his shoes should soil the very clean parlour, in which the cloth was laid, I stept into the hallkitchen, where he was, and where, whilst I was talking to him, I slantingly observ'd two horsemen driven in by the weather, and both wringing wet; one of whom was asking if they could not be assisted with a change, while their clothes were dried. But, heavens! who can express what I felt at the sound of a voice, ever present to my heart, and that is now rebounded at! or when pointing my eyes towards the person it came from, they confirm'd its information, in spite of so long an absence, and of a dress one would have imagin'd studied for a disguise: a horseman's great coat, with a stand-up cape, and his hat flapp'd... but what could escape the piercing alertness of a sense surely guided by love? A transport then like mine was above all consideration, or schemes of surprize; and I, that instant, with the rapidity of the emotions that I felt the spur of, shot into his arms, crying out, as I threw mine round his neck: "My life!... my soul!... my Charles!..." and without further power of speech, swoon'd away, under the pressing agitations of joy and surprize.

Recover'd out of my entrancement, I found myself in my charmer's arms, but in the parlour, surrounded by a crowd which this event had gather'd round us, and which immediately, on a signal from the discreet landlady, who currently took him for my husband, clear'd the room, and desirably left us alone to the raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to have prov'd, at the expense of my life, power superior to that of grief at our fatal separation.

The first object then, that my eyes open'd on, was their supreme idol, and my supreme wish Charles, on one knee, holding me fast by the hand and gazing on me with a transport of fondness. Observing my recovery, he attempted to speak, and give vent to his patience of hearing my voice again, to satisfy him once more that it was me; but the mightiness and suddenness of the surprize, continuing to stun him, choked his utterance: he could only stammer out a few broken, half formed, faltering accents, which my ears greedily drinking in, spelt, and put together, so as to make out their sense; "After so long!... so cruel... an absence!... my dearest Fanny!... can it?... can it be you?..." stifling me at the same time with kisses, that, stopping my mouth, at once prevented the answer that he panted for, and increas'd the delicious disorder in which all my senses were rapturously lost. Amidst however, this crowd of ideas, and all blissful ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt, that poison'd nearly all the transcendent happiness: and what was it, but my dread of its being too excessive to be real? I trembled now with the fear of its being no more than a dream, and of my waking out of it into the horrors of finding it one. Under this fond apprehension, imagining I could not make too much of the present prodigious joy, before it should vanish and leave me in the desert again, nor verify its reality too strongly, I clung to him, I clasp'd him, as if to hinder him from escaping me again: "Where have you been?... how could you... could you leave me?... Say you are still mine... that you still love me... and thus! thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidate lips with him!) "I forgive you... forgive my hard fortune in favour of this restoration."