Chapter 8

Fawn's body felt flayed and hammered, torn and bruised, and it ached for days after the episode with the cab driver, whose name and phone number she had torn up immediately the same night, after he had left. But it wasn't as easy as feeling plundered and used and dirtied, because for one thing the aches and bruises and welts and teethmarks on her body were not only painful, they were also sweet reminders of the unbelievable, tortuous ecstasies she had gone through. For another thing, no matter how sore, raw, and brutalized her body felt, they were nothing compared to the welter of shame and guilt and self-scorn and even self-hatred she felt. She was now certain that the strange, uncontrollable, murky, insatiable desires of her body were something she had to fear as never before, because whenever she gave in to them--as she had been doing more and more these days--they merely plunged her deeper into dark, twisted jungles of complicated shames.

After all, she knew she couldn't blame the cab driver for anything that had happened. She had more or less invited him to do whatever he wanted with her, and his only crime had been to take her at her word. She knew that somehow she had wanted him to administer to her a sexual punishment so harsh and severe that in the process of going down to the very bottom of her needs she would mysteriously scour them away so that they would not return to trouble her again. But all that had backfired. She had wanted him to rape her and ravage her and fuck her in the ass, the thing she had most feared, and being tied down while he did it, all to her had seemed at the time, though terrifying, somehow very much in harmony with her needs. But instead of being released and cleansed by the fearfully beautiful punishment she had sought, she had loved every minute of it, even the minutes she knew she ought to have hated. Even though her body ached and throbbed for days, even though her mind swirled and crackled with guilt and horrible shame, she knew she wanted it again. Right now! I'd do it right now, again! she thought.

She decided that the only solution was to give it up entirely, as alcoholics rigidly denied themselves even the first, smallest drink. Living without sex of any kind seemed unbearable, but she tried to get her bearings and stabilize the mad hungry swirl of her brain by recalling that she had never been this way until the day when she had first let her brother fuck her. That had been the start of it. Before doing it with Eric her needs had been normal, simple, easy to understand and fulfill. It was only since then that she had embarked on this frightening detour into shameful perversions, and seemingly unquenchable lusts.

The only way to stop that was simply to stop it, she told herself. And by that she meant stop it completely, entirely. She would have no sex at all, with anybody, and she would force herself not to think about it, and she would do everything possible to remove temptation from her path. She would stick to this plan as if it were a life or death matter--which she almost felt it was--until she began to feel some semblance of normality creeping back into the way she felt about it.

Having made this ironclad decision, and having convinced herself that there could be no escape from it, she found she was very glad that Kelley would be away for the week. By the time her roommate returned, all the marks and bruises on Fawn's body would have disappeared. It would also give her time to be alone and to adjust herself to the decision. If Kelley were there, Fawn knew, it would only be an added temptation. Fawn would want to fuck with her, and the desire would be almost impossible to withstand.

The only problem she had that week was with Jeff, whom she again had to keep at a distance, this time for different reasons. He kept phoning her, trying to coax out of her an explanation for her coldness, but she fended him off by telling him she was tired, or she had got her period, or she was going through a strange but temporary phase and wanted to be alone. He didn't like it, but he had recently grown accustomed to her moods and was less disgruntled than before.

Another minor problem arose from time to time, especially when she was lying alone in bed at night, when the urge to masturbate came over her. After all, she would then reason, bothered by the soft feathery tinglings in her body, it was such a small thing to make herself come. She could do it so easily, so quickly, if only she would let herself. It wasn't the same thing as the dangerously neurotic sex she was trying to avoid. It was just a healthy release, a way to make her feel better, a way to quench in advance the crazy desires that would afflict her all the next day if she let the pressure in her blood remain at that pitch. But she gritted her teeth and refused to give in. If her decision was to have any effect, it had to be total. She had to subjugate the wild lusts of her body completely to the force of her will. Otherwise she would be just like that alcoholic again, taking a first small drink and swearing it would stop there.

She got through the week pretty well. The real trouble began when Kelley arrived home from her week in the mountains. Somehow, for Fawn, it was like seeing a past lover again after a year's absence, a lover in whose arms she had spent so many sweet moments. As soon as Kelley got inside the door and set down her suitcases, Fawn was conscious of the desire to run over to her roommate and embrace her, and kiss her and stroke her, and take her to bed. The desire was so strong that she quickly made up an excuse to go to the store, and she left the apartment immediately and took a long exhausting walk, not returning for two hours.

But when she did get back it was no better, because Kelley was taking a bath, soaking luxuriously in the tub, and she had left the bathroom door open. "Fawn? Is that you?" she asked.

"Who do you think?" Fawn said. "The bogey man?" She went nowhere near the open bathroom door but instead busied herself in the kitchen, deciding that she would wash up the few dirty dishes. Anything to deceive herself that she was occupied.

"Come on in here," Kelley said. "I want to talk to you."

"I'm busy."

"Can't it wait? I want to tell you about this guy I went skiing with. What a creepo. I couldn't wait to get home."

"I can hear you," Fawn said. "Go ahead."

"I don't like shouting!" Kelley shouted. "Come in here for a minute. You don't have to be so nervous about it, you've seen my body before."

I know, I know! Fawn thought. Already Kelley's familiar voice and the occasional sounds of splashing water had brought images of her roommate's lovely pale naked body into her head. In her mind's eye she could see the bath water beading Kelley's white round shoulders and glistening on the swelling firm mounds of her uptilting breasts, sparkling on the wide deep red nipples. It made her thighs quiver and her cunt gush and itch. And that was only from remembering Kelley's body. Think of what it would be like to actually go into the bathroom and look down at the irresistible naked girl lying voluptuously in the water. Fawn couldn't allow herself to do it. "I know I have," she said. "But I'm busy, I really am. Go ahead, I can hear you."

Kelley didn't respond this time, but Fawn could hear the water splashing more noisily now in the tub. Then she heard the water being sucked down the drain, and heard Kelley's feet hit the floor as she got out of the bath. Quickly Fawn ran the kitchen sink full of soapy water and rapidly began washing the dishes, though there were only four or five.

But in less than three seconds she felt Kelley's presence, and she glanced over her shoulder to see her roommate standing in the kitchen doorway, wrapped only in a towel, her bare shoulders damp and flushed, her long curvy bare legs a breathtaking sight. Kelley was smirking skeptically. Quickly Fawn looked away, back into the sink.

"Goodness," Kelley mocked, "I've never known you to be so crazy about doing the dishes before." When Fawn didn't reply, Kelley came over to her and peered down into the sink. "Yes, dear," she continued with sarcasm, "be sure to get both of those cups clean. And that fork, don't forget that fork."

One of Kelley's round springy breasts nudged Fawn's forearm through the towel, and Fawn briefly shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, trying to maintain control.

But Kelley saw her doing it, and that only incited her further. She pushed her breast harder into Fawn's arm, and bent her head close, breathing in Fawn's ear. "You don't know how I've been dying to get home so you could fuck me," she breathed. She rubbed her body into Fawn and the towel slipped.

Fawn felt her knees trembling, and she pulled away from Kelley, and the towel slipped further, then dropped to the floor completely, leaving Kelley totally naked. Fawn felt her own body seething and coursing with desire. It seemed like the hardest thing she had ever done in her life to turn her back on the beautiful naked girl. She shook her head, looking at the wall, trying to forget the long pale sweep of Kelley's silky midriff, the creamy outthrust breasts and succulent, swollen, plumlike nipples, the reddish hair of Kelley's thatch, still dewy with bathwater. She knew what the long puffy-lipped gash between Kelley's thighs looked like, how it tasted, how fiery red it grew, how wet and shiny and inflamed it became when she herself made love to it with her mouth, and it was impossible to blot out the image of it in her brain. Oh god, oh god, you're making it so hard on me, Kelley baby! Fawn moaned to herself. You know how I want you! Please don't make it so hard!

Kelley reached out and touched the back of Fawn's shoulder, massaging her with one hand. "Fawn, what's the matter?" she asked softly. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

"I... can't talk about it," Fawn murmured.

Kelley moved up behind her, pressing her body against Fawn so that Fawn could feel the girl's full breasts squashing into her back through the cloth of her own blouse. Kelley grasped one of Fawn's hands and drew it back into the moist patch of her pubic hair, gyrating her hips and thrusting them upward so that her venus mound pushed into Fawn's palm. At the same time she kissed the nape of Fawn's neck, and licked it with her warm sensual tongue. "I don't know what happened," she whispered, "but I know how to make it better." She slid her free hand down to the hem of Fawn's short skirt and drew it up the inside of her thigh to Fawn's wet crotch, pushing one long finger against Fawn's silk panties until the damp cloth sank into the tingling, juicing groove of Fawn's cunt. Kelley drew the finger back and forth until Fawn shuddered and gasped, and clasped her thighs tight on the invading hand. "You're so wet," Kelley whispered, pushing her breasts into Fawn's back. "So wet. Don't you want me to put my tongue where my finger is?"

"Kelley, please. You'll have to understand, I just can't." But she was very close to giving in. The damp silky filaments of Kelley's crotch hair against her fingers aroused her terrifically, and Kelley's warm wet lips on the back of her neck and Kelley's finger pressing up into her cunt and sawing, sawing between her squinchy, buttery vulva through the thin panties nearly drove her crazy with desire. Gently but firmly, she disengaged herself from her roommate, and turned, and pecked Kelley with an old-maidish kiss on the cheek. Her body trembled and boiled and seethed, but she overpowered her needs, her half-yielding sexual giddiness. "I... just can't, baby. You'll have to understand," she said, hoping Kelley wouldn't push it any further.

But Kelley's eyes were glazed, her breath rapid. She was naked, and she knew that gave her an advantage, she knew her body was desirable, delectable, irresistible, she knew how Fawn had craved it in the past. She skimmed her hands up and down her tapering ribs, her swelling hips, and raised them to her full breasts, lifting the round globes, squeezing them ever so gently, making the long thick nipples flare. "The guy I went skiing with didn't know how to fuck me good," she whispered, her face suffused with solemn sex heat. As she spoke, she kept rubbing her body with her hands. "He didn't know how to make me feel the way you make me feel. Half the time he couldn't even get it up unless I sucked his dong for about an hour." She slid her hands between her thighs, digging her fingers into the creamy satin flesh, rolling her eyes up behind her lids and gasping. "Then, when he was ready, he just stuck it in me and popped. Then he got up and put on his skiis. Ohhhhhh," she sighed, her tantalizing naked breasts quivering as her body shook with small tremors brought on by the things she was doing to herself with her own hands.

Fawn was unable to take her eyes from Kelley's trembling body. The desire and the temptation she felt were unbelievable. It seemed to her that she wanted the girl more than she had ever wanted anything, though she knew that wasn't true. She knew she had wanted Eric, Danika, the cab driver, even Jeff, like this in the past months. But at this moment, it was only Kelley she wanted, and the passion was so strong that her hungry wet cunt was popping and burbling with the juice of it, and she caught her body yearning, leaning forward toward her roommate, felt her mouth watering for Kelley's glossy, swollen red nipples.

Worst of all, part of her felt the danger of Kelley's words, the same old thing she had heard before. With this talk about the guy who didn't fuck her good, Kelley reminded her of Danika. "Ohhh..." she gasped, trying to maintain control, "Oh! well, I guess you should have thought of that before you went with him." Fawn laughed lightly, falsely.

"You know what I want?" Kelley asked coyly, smiling with a sweet kittenish appeal, still rubbing her body passionately, circling each of her puffy red nipples with her forefingers and enjoying Fawn's helplessly thirsty eyes on them. "I want you to stick that vibrator you have into my ass while you're eating my cunt at the same time." Even Kelley blushed as she said it aloud. "Ohhhhh, oh god, doesn't that sound divine? Oh baby, oh Fawn, I want it, I want it so bad! I want it with you..."

Stifling an uncontrollable sob, Fawn raised her fist to her mouth and shook her head violently, then broke from the kitchen and ran quickly to her room, shutting the door behind her. It just gets worse and worse! she howled to herself. What am I going to do? She knew that by 'worse and worse' she also meant 'better and better.' Kelley's words inflamed her. She lay on her bed and cried and whimpered in confusion, but her body coursed with heat, her panties prickled against the wet raw blossom of her open, burbling pussy, and her sensitive nipples throbbed and sprang erect, rubbed by the cloth of her thin shirt.

For a long time she lay crying and thinking on her bed, forcing herself to be strong. Kelley did not bother her, did not knock on her closed door, did not speak to her. Somehow the evening passed, and Fawn undressed and went to bed, hoping that sleep would release her from this horrible torment of desire and temptation. But some time during the night while still asleep she began to squirm and moan, dreaming of hands all over her body, millions of hands, and wet sucking mouths, mouths everywhere on her. She felt like a hot quivering wire tautly stretched, jangling and singing with urgent feathery flashes of lovely lust, her body yielding and opening everywhere, her flesh bathed in sweet swooping honeyfires of pleasure. Moaning and twisting under the sheets, she awoke into a drowsy trance, suspecting that she had been masturbating in her sleep, awoke to the feel of hands on her thighs, and soft lips on the warm skin of her flat belly. She didn't know how that could be happening if she were truly awake now, but the blissful sensations were so beautiful that for a few seconds she simply surrendered to them.

But then she heard her own soft mewling moans being answered, and felt the bed sway and creak as it never did with merely the pressure of her own body on it, and suddenly she felt a stiff prick graze her naked thigh--and she opened her eyes with shock. Oh god! Oh god! she thought, whooping inwardly with fear and delight. Both Jeff and Kelley were in the bed with her, both of them naked, swarming over her supine, writhing body, kissing and stroking her with slow, soft, aching tenderness. "Ohhnnnnn!" she moaned, "ohhhnnnn what are you doing? Kelley, Jeff! Oh, what are you doing here, aannnhhh! Oh yes, oh god, please, it feels so good!"

"Baby, baby..." Kelley crooned to her, scooping up one of Fawn's hot breasts with two hands and stabbing the thick nipple with her strong abrasive tongue.

"Jeff, ohhhh Je..." she tried to speak, gasping, panting from the surprise and the lovely sweetness of their caresses, but Jeff's lips covered her own, and she felt his hard masculine body pushing against her from one side, his stiff twitching cock pressing into her hip, and she gave her mouth up to his loving kiss, slithering her hand down between their bodies and grasping his hot surging prick and giving it a squeeze.

"Unnnnn... unnnnunnnn," Kelley groaned passionately, slurping both Fawn's breasts and nipples with her tongue, kneading the throbbing flesh with her fingers.

In a quick flash of acceptance, Fawn realized that there was no sense in fighting it now, she was so close, she craved it so much. She didn't know how they had both got into her bed without her knowing it, or why Jeff was there, naked, swarming over her, but there was no sense in resisting, resistance would do no good-- and besides, she didn't want to resist at all! I need it, I need it! she hummed over and over to herself. "Ohhhhnnn god, I need it! Fuck me, please fuck me! Do everything to me, everything!" Just saying the words aloud seemed to act as some kind of magical release for her, for now all her resistance vanished, and she gave in completely to the pulsing, seething demands of her body. The sensations that fluttered through her palpitating flesh were so sweet and intense that she forgot why she had ever wanted to deny them to herself. She writhed and twisted and shimmied her vibrant, shuddering body beneath their stroking, grasping hands and voracious, sucking lips. Jeff's strong hands spread her quaking thighs and he nestled between them and lodged the bulbous swollen head of his cock in the warm tingling groove of her wet cunt-lips. Kelley kissed her lips and her neck, her shoulders, her throat, her upper arms, her breasts, sucking and nearly swallowing her aching nipples with thirsty passion, while Jeff gently rode into her slick greasy juice pit with his long probing prick, sinking it slowly into her until she was crammed and filled and joyously gagging with delight.

What had seemed so unnatural to her at first was now completely natural, there could be nothing more beautiful and effortless than this, simply yielding to them both, two good lovers who wanted her, who wanted to do everything to her. All she had to do was let them, and she did, whimpering, mewling with pleasure as Jeff fucked gently in and out of her flowing, creaming trench, and Kelley made love to her throbbing, bursting breasts. She was so horny and teeming with hot pressures that she began erupting almost immediately, dazzled with hot spasms each time she felt the gristly stalk of Jeff's plunging prick scrape along the fiery distended berry of her singing, screaming clit. She twisted and moaned under them, feeling the lovely hot orgasms burst and roll and swoop through her, feeling her body melt and stream with unbelievable long groaning spasms of pleasure.

The hot spurting joys in her body grew fiercer and fiercer, and she bucked with her jerking hips, throwing one arm around Kelley's neck, the other around Jeff's, striving up into their bodies, whimpering wildly with pleasure and pushing her breasts up into Kelley's mouth, her runny come-exploding cunt up into Jeff's surging, pumping cock. "UNH! UNH! UNH! AOOWWWNNNGGGH! UNH! UNH!" she grunted and wheezed with mad delight, simply shattered and wrenched into a hot throbbing jelly of smoldering spasming flesh as the peak of her climax crashed through her.

Vaguely she realized that the doorbell was ringing insistently as she wept and thrashed through this blindingly fierce hurricane of an orgasm, but everything was blotted out by the shrieking of her happy nerves, and the jolts of lightning that squirted through her sloshy, clasping pussy. She felt the bed bounce as Kelley cursed and slipped away from her and Jeff. But Jeff had not come yet, and he kept fucking her steadily, firmly, tenderly, his prick sliding in and out as he bled every last paroxysm of joy from her jangling clit.