Ryan Miller and Hank Bryant were ghost hunters. They didn’t have a show or anything, but they were recording all their adventures, doing urbex vlogging, going to mansions and abandoned cities, and uploading all of it to Youtube. They figured one day they’d make it big.

But so far, no luck. They were lucky if they got over a thousand views on any of their videos. All the while, they’d see fake dumb popular Youtubers get millions of hits for the most vapid content out there. And it’s not like they had been just starting out. They had been doing this thing for a decade now. They’d seen the likes of Smosh and Fred when they were at the height of their popularity, they couldn’t understand why Ray William Johnson was ever a thing, and as far as they were concerned, Jenna Marbles, MrBeast and Pewdiepie were all fake ass losers that all needed to shut the fuck up already. Ten years and they still got nothing. There were even these virtual Youtuber things out now, and Hank personally couldn’t begin to imagine why anyone would be into that. They had to make their stand.

Ryan was just sleeping in the company office one morning. That’s what they called their RV. Hank had just stepped in and just sighed seeing his companion lazing about. Big guy was always slouching about, it usually didn’t bother him, he had gotten used to it. On the other hand the places they were going to, he figured if they did find anything that it would kill this fat bastard first.

And he was sleeping right on the driver’s seat. “Hey Ry guy,” said Hank. The nicest he had ever been. The other one didn’t respond. “Fat ass, wake the fuck up already!”

He briefly stirred. “Hey man, what’s going on?” It was the morning but Hank was dressed as he always was, backwards cap, plenty of gold chains and bling all over.

“Don’t hey man me you dumb shit. I found a haunted mansion for us to go to.”

“We’ve been to two of those already this month and nothing. Just give it up man. I’m thinking we should just become full on gigolos.”

Hank slapped his forehead. “A gigolo. Me, maybe. I’d be a good gigolo. Not you though. You’d be a great gigolo.”

Ryan didn’t catch his comrade’s sarcasm. His face actually lit up. “Really?”

Hank slapped his forehead. “I was being sarcastic you stupid fuck!”

“Hey come on, that’s uncalled for...”

“Look, the place I’m thinking of is actually on top of a hill. This is a primo location! We’ll actually find something this time!”

“I don’t know, I’m thinking we should just give up already...”

Hank ignored him. “Yeah, you become a gigolo, no wait, sorry, a vtuber gigolo, because no offense, but everything about you is legit anti-poon bro, and I know you’re gonna quit. Now move your fat ass so I can take the wheel.”

“Fine...”

He moved up with effort and then walked on over to the passenger’s seat. Hank sat down where his large companion had been seconds earlier and set up the camera. Then he fired up the RV.

“Alright, what’s up my crew, my peeps, my loyal followers! This is just another episode of the Ghost Bois! This is Hank!” He pointed the camera over to Ryan who was still sitting there looking depressed.

“Say something you stupid fuck!” Hank hissed at him.

“And I’m Ryan...” he sighed rather depressingly.

Ignoring his comrade’s tone he continued with his monologue. “And we’re headed off today to the scariest and most haunted mansion in all of town! What’s gonna happen? Are we gonna come out alive? Who knows! Let’s go find usses some ghostses!”

When they found the location, it was so dark that at first they both thought it was nighttime. They had followed the way, they went through an old forest that had been untouched by anyone for decades, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. But when they came out the other end, it couldn’t have been more than an hour long drive, the sky was dark. It wasn’t just overcast like it was gonna storm, it was dark blue like dusk, and in a few minutes, night would set in.

Place itself definitely had the look too. The path began to wound up a long and narrow way up a hill where the mansion was sitting there by it’s lonesome behind a pair of rusty gates. They could even hear a few crows and ravens cawing.

They had both stopped just to look at the place. There was a fierce gust outside and they could hear the rumbling of thunder in the distance. “Dude, you sure this is the place?” said Ryan.

“Fuck yeah I am,” said Hank. “We’re gonna get in there and make it big. Fucking finally. You still thinking about becoming a vtuber?”

“I don’t know, I’m thinking this looks pretty dangerous and...”

“That’s why we’re going in there! Or you gonna shit your pants or something?”

“Man don’t be like that...”

“Good, you’re going! I don’t like to hear your pissing and moaning, I like to hear someone with a sense of adventure!”

Ryan hadn’t said that at all, but at that point he didn’t even see the point in trying anymore. He just sat back as Hank fired up the RV again and drove up the walkway. He was going so aggressively that Ryan was actually worried he might drive them off the path, there were no guardrails or anything, and that wind sure was strong. Hank didn’t seem to give a damn, he was just laughing all the while.

As they got closer to the mansion, Hank put their speed into high gear. Ryan was about to say something, but then the RV was going at full speed towards the mansion. The gate was hanging on it’s hinges at that point, it wasn’t securely bound, anyone could sneak through it if they wanted to and it wouldn’t take too much effort to push it open either. Hank didn’t give a damn though, and proudly barreled on through, knocking it past with a long crash and down onto the ground.

Ryan was worried now. “Shit man, stop! We’re gonna crash!”

Hank swerved and slammed his foot on the brakes, making a long screeching sound. He was laughing wildly, he was sweating all over, he looked batshit. Ryan looked out, the clouds had definitely settled around the mansion, if it wasn’t night, then it was definitely too dark to not feel calm anymore. The moon wasn’t even out, the only real light was coming from the headlights on their RV.

“Dude, are you sure we should be here?”

Hank stopped laughing to look at his erstwhile comrade with a dark grin. He was smiling at him like a killer, his teeth were bared. “Bet your ass I am. Now let’s go already. If I find you shitting your breakfast all over your pants, you better have a reason for it.”

He took the camera and they both got out of the RV. The wind was indeed something else, the gust was so strong that Hank was almost blown over. Ryan managed to pick him up in the nick of time.

“You alright man?”

“Yeah I’m alright!” he said, shaking him off. “Stay close to me. We’re the Ghostbois, not the one Ghostboi.”

“I’ll use my phone to catch something extra in case you miss something,” he said, whipping it out.

Hank just clicked his mouth in disgust. “Whatever, let’s go.”

They looked up at the mansion for several minutes. It must have been four stories high. Around them, they could now see that there were gargoyle statues all over the fencing that lined the place. Even in that darkness, as they looked in the higher windows, it looked like there were people in there. But as they continued looking, those silhouettes disappeared just as fast.

There was another gale. “Um, hey Hank...”

He jumped. “Man, what? Don’t go talking out of nowhere and scare me like that!”

“You wanna go in or what?”

“Yeah whatever.”

They went to the door. Hank’s hand was at the doorknob, he was shaking. “Fuck me Ghostbois crew, I’ve got the shakes. This is gonna be so epic!”

He grabbed hold of the door and tried turning it. But it wouldn’t budge. “Damn, this place really is haunted. Ghost people don’t want me coming in? We’ll see about that.”

“I think you’re turning it the wrong way,” said Ryan.

Hank turned it the other way and indeed the doorknob gave way. “Alright, alright! Let’s see some fucking ghosts baby!”

The door opened loudly. Even with the wind blowing outside, they could hear it creaking. Hank skittered inside and Ryan followed behind him. When Ryan shut the door, it made a creaking sound far louder than when they had heard it from the outside. The instant it closed, it thumped loud enough to make Hank jump.

“Oh shit Ghostbois crew, I am so scared I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack,” Hank said. He was laughing hysterically. “Let’s move about this haunted ass mansion and find ourselves some fucking ghosts!”

“Yep...” Ryan trailed about nervously.

It was the scariest mansion they had ever been to. There was no shortage of darkness, they could hear strange things in the distance, and when they had come upon the beautiful paintings, they were always sure that the figures depicted were looking right at them before they actually got closer. Scarier than though was that the place was decorated with all kinds of nice furniture, the bejeweled statues and sculptures of creatures and people adorning the place looked clean, and for all the signs of age in the place, there was no real mold or rot, no cobwebs, no nothing. They were actually starting to think someone was actually living there.

Then they reached the dining room. The plates were beautiful as anything too, they were still set out. What really caught their attention though was that there was actually food set upon them. Freshly baked bread, freshly cooked meat, complete with sauce set by the table. They smelled it even before they got in there and were thinking it was something else. But now they knew the truth.

At this point Ryan was starting to get scared. “Dude, there really might be people living here.”

“No fucking shit loser. That’s why you know this one is going to go viral. And you better believe I’m gonna have myself a good time.”

He sat down at the table and setting the camera aside, started eating.

“Dude!” Ryan hissed. “We need to get out of here!”

“Fuck that shit,” he said with food coming out of his mouth. “These ghosts wouldn’t want their food going to waste, would they?”

Meanwhile, Ryan was looking around the place with his phone’s camera. He didn’t see anything but he definitely wasn’t in the mood to be taking chances either. He looked back at Hank who was still stuffing his face.

“Come on man, let’s keep going already. That shit’s probably stale anyway.”

“If it was stale, do you think I’d still be eating it?”

“Yeah I do...” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Fine, fine!” he said after swallowing a particularly tasty piece of meat. “Don’t piss your pants on me, okay dog?” He got up.

Just then they heard a gust of wind from upstairs. It sent a whole shudder through the house. Both guys looked at each other. Before they could say anything they heard a door creaking open. They didn’t know if the door was already open and was just moved by the wind or the breeze forced it out.

“I don’t know man, maybe we should sit this one out...” Ryan said.

Hank wasn’t having it. “Fortune favors the bold, right? Sit your ass down and watch how a real man handles things!”

Hank moved fast up the stairs. He gave no heed on how rickety they might have been or if they were even enough to support him. He just moved up fast with no regard for the consequences.

Ryan moved out into the main area to look up. Hank was standing in front of a room, the door hanging out ajar. He was just standing still.

“You okay?” Ryan said.

“Look alive Ghostbois fam!” Hank said, completely ignoring his concerned companion. “I don’t know what’s going on in here, but we are about to find out!” He slowly tip-toed inside.

Ryan looked at the set of stairs Hank had ran up. He slowly made his way up, careful not to break anything or make any missteps. When he finally got up to the second floor, he accidentally pushed on the railing too hard and it cracked and fell down to the first floor.

“Oh shit...”

Hank looked back to the right at where Ryan was. Hank was actually now two inches actually in the dark room. “Oh you’re here. Well watch and learn. I’m gonna find me a ghostes.”

Ryan walked to the middle of the landing so that he was behind Hank. Hank didn’t seem to notice him one bit. There was another thing he didn’t notice either. That being two distinctly red looking eyes in the looming. Ryan however did notice.

“Hey man, look out!” Hank ignored him.

Not for long. There was another sudden gust of wind and then the door inexplicably slammed back the way it came. The impact was so loud that it shook the whole house. Ryan immediately went up to the doorway and tried moving the door back, but it just didn’t budge.

“Hey Hank! You okay?”

No answer. He even charged against the door several times but it just wouldn’t budge. From upstairs he heard a woman’s giggling. Then a breathy siren’s voice said, “Come up to the top floor. I have a reward waiting just for you.”

As soon as the door had shut behind him, Hank looked all around him.

“Oh shit...” he said, whispering to himself giddily. “I am so fucking scared right now...”

“Are you having fun?” said a woman’s voice. He looked in the direction of where that voice came from.

He looked around frantically in the darkness, not really zeroing in on anything. Then he saw her. A beautiful noblewoman, older but no less alluring, she looked like an old timey MILF. Her long hair pulled up in a bun, something that looked respectable unlike all the little thots he would see with buns trying to look respectable while their asses hanging out for all the boys at the club to see, she was wearing an old timey dress complete with all kinds of floral designs, not the kind of thing that would ever be called sexy in today’s day and age of viral videos and thirst traps and yet it still conformed tightly around her exquisite body, but very much fitting for this old mansion anyway. But what really caught his attention was her bustline. Not only was she packing some seriously big tits, they were practically spilling out of her dress.

The other thing is that she was transparent. Clear and blue, he could see right through her. She had a wide smile on her face and beckoned him forward with her finger.

But Hank wasn’t concerned about any of that. “Oh shit Ghostbois crew, it’s happening, IT’S HAPPENING! I FOUND USSES A FUCKING GHOSTESES!” She frowned at his remark. He didn’t care, he just kept going on. “And damn, she’s got some serious fucking hooters too!” He moved in closer, oblivious to her comfort. “Get a look man! Ghost titties! I bet they’re all ectoplasmic and junk yo!”

He reached to grab them. As soon as he did, the noblewoman’s displeased expression turned to a scowl.

“Well, I never!” she said. “You barge into my home, eat my food, and then you dare to assert yourself over my person?” Her beautiful expression turned demonic and feral, all the more vicious because of her beauty, and her eyes blazed scarlet. “I think it’s time I punish this bad boy, hmm?”

“Whatever bitch. How’s about I fuck these titties and you thank me for it?”

Hank was suddenly flung up into the ceiling on his back. In that position, she could see the bulge in his pants practically breaking forth at the seams of his pants.

“So, men really haven’t changed at all in a hundred years have they? Dirty minds no matter what. Perhaps a bad boy like you needs to be cleaned up? She flicked her hand and his pants came down on the spot. As she expected, he had a boner alright. It was pointing right down at her.

“Hey Ghostbois crew, can you still hear me?” he said to the camera still on the floor, clearly oblivious to the shock of real paranormal activity happening to him. “This is your boy Hank, and he’s gonna score him some fucking ass ghost titties! Hell yeah!”

“Oh I’ll clean you up alright you little monster. I’ll clean you up real good.”

She flicked her finger down and he spun around, landing him right on his back upon the floor. A little painful, but he had more important things on his mind. His boner was standing up now. She was advancing on him slow, not walking but floating, her red eyes still blaring out of her beautiful and deadly visage. But he didn’t care. He looked right into the camera.

“Check it out Ghostbois crew,” he whispered exuberantly. “This is my Pornhub debut. Bow chicka wow wow!”

“Yes, you will be thoroughly cleaned up,” said the noblewoman. “And then you shall be made to taste your cleanliness.” She lowered the front of her dress, baring her enormous breasts. All he could do was stare at them. Even though they were blue and transparent, he still wanted a piece.

“I don’t know what any of that means, all I heard was some MOTHERFUCKING GHOST TITTIES! YOU HEAR ME GHOSTBOIS!”

She got down on her knees so she was on top of him. She inched herself very slowly, moving her naked breasts on his legs. He was so hard and hot that he didn’t even feel how unnaturally soft her tits were, all he could do was wait in anticipation for her sweet caress. Didn’t feel the ooze of her ectoplasm on his skin either.

Then she was right before his dick. She was looking right into his eyes with her red peepers, they were about as red as his erect prick was. He gasped when he felt her big tits wrap around his cock.

He couldn’t believe how soft they were. He hadn’t ever fucked any real titties but he had bought a whole lot of blow up dolls and fake plush tits to pass the time. Unbeknownst to him, it wasn’t just the natural softness and pliant texture of her large bosom that was getting him off. It was her gooey ectoplasm that was rubbing off on his hot sensitive skin that was driving him wild too.

The two of them were staring at each other, he didn’t have any zany quips this time. Those red eyes were so scary and he was horny, it was amazing. While she kept working him, she opened her mouth. At first he was excited, thinking he was gonna be getting a blowjob in addition to a titjob. But then her jaw actually dropped down to an impossibly low level, and he saw fangs in her mouth. Her red eyes still gleaming, she looked like something from a horror movie.