Chapter 3

I was genuinely drunk as a skunk. I couldn’t think straight. There was a bucket of water to wash in, I drank half of it and pissed a lot of it. I also made myself vomit to bring any alcohol not yet absorbed out. I deliberately vomited at the door. Any guard would hear, and any guard coming in would have to avoid it.

I still had no idea what to do. To cap it all, after these preparations, I fell asleep.

“Wake up, you disgusting scum.” a voice said, and a bucket of water soaked me. I woke and looked around. This had not gone well. “Clean yourself up, The Queen wants to speak to you, fuck knows why. I’d just break each finger until you told her what she wanted. Still, that might come later.” The soldier was the kind that every army has, the kind that enjoy inflicting pain for its own sake; winning a war was of secondary importance.

I stood up and heard myself speak. “Fuck off you prick.”

“What?”

“Go and fuck your mother with a broomstick.” I seemed to have a death wish. Actually that was partially true. I figured I was going to die anyway, so I’d let him lose his temper and do it now. He lunged for me and I ducked. I was near the door now, and he ran at me, slipped on the vomit, slid to the door and spent several minutes falling down the stone spiral staircase. He didn’t survive. “Well, that was unexpected.” I said to myself and ran down two flights before opening a door.

Inside a young woman was stepping out of a bath, a servant was holding a towel. They looked round and prepared to scream. “If you scream, I shall cut both your throats. I’m too desperate to care.” They were so petrified that the young woman – who I had the time to notice was only blond on her head – did not cover herself. I was about to slam the door, then thought better of it and closed it softly. “Stay in the bath. When the next man bursts in, you can scream.” I said. They had not noticed that I wasn’t armed, which was good.

She stepped back in and sat down, now she tried to cover herself. The soapy water did that for the garden between her legs, but her hands did it for the breasts, “Apologies, but you must look natural. Uncover yourself. The man must have a good view.” She uncovered. I could hear noise as heavy feet clumped up. I stood to the side of the door.

The door was flung open, the girl screamed, the servant screamed even louder, though she was looking at me, not the door. Luckily the guard was too taken aback. Clearly nobody had rushed in and disturbed them, the lady would not still be in the bath. The guard left, he slammed the door.

“Thank you my lady. May I be so bold as to ask your name?”

“I am Princess Ida, and, if I may be similarly bold, who the hell are you? And would you mind turning your back this time?”

“As to the first, my name is Sampan Whiplock; as the second, do I have your word that you will not try to escape? Very well.” As soon as my back was turned, the servant made a bolt for the door. I grabbed her just in time. “So much for trust. Stay there Princess.” I dragged the servant to the bed, it wasn’t easy; did I mention that I’m not some massive warrior type? She probably thought I was intending to rape her now, but no. I took a curtain tie from the four poster, and tied her wrists. Oddly, neither had called out. Perhaps they took seriously my threat to kill them. They had not noticed my singular lack of weaponry. An alarm bell was ringing in the courtyard. Eventually, they would search these rooms again. I tied the girl well, using a second tie to secure her legs. “Now, stay silent and no harm will come to you. Since you have no honour, you probably do not believe me, but it is true. And the alternative is to raise the alarm and die for it.”

“Since you have tied my servant, could you hand me the towel?” I picked it up and held it up for her to step into. If I got a peek of her upper body again, I saw no more of the lower portion, more’s the pity.

“Would you like me to dry you?” I ventured.

She smiled back. “Very forward of you, no, no need thank you. The question is, what to do next, is it not?”

The silence filled the room as we tried to think how I might escape, or at least I tried to. “I have it.” she said. Looking at me and then the servant. “Help me dress. No, the riding skirt!” A leathern skirt with a slit from the hem to just above the knee was indicated. She did not ask for help with her underthings, she stepped into them and pulled them up under her towel. “You could look away! It wasn’t me that bolted for the door.”

“Dressed as you were, that was understandable.”

“I kept my word, sir. Now, you’ve seen these already, Still, some decorum must be maintained.” I handed her the blouse and she turned her back and laced it up over her breasts, “Good. Now we strip her.”

“Madam! Please!” was the servant’s response.

“Nice of you to offer ... oh! I see now.” She looked at me like I had less intelligence than a wooden plank.

“Emelda. I shall untie you. You will not scream, you will not shout, you will not try to escape. You will do as you are told.

Good, now undress. If you hesitate to obey again, I’ll let this fiend have his way with you and then push you into the corridor as naked as I was when you sought to run away. Good God woman! Do you think he wants to have sex when the palace guards want to ... well I don’t know what, but I’m sure he has more important things on his mind. And you are a servant! He has seen me completely and utterly naked! He has seen parts that only a husband or a midwife will see! And that guard saw plenty too!” She might have been going for help, but clearly Princess Ida did not give her the benefit of that doubt.

Emelda, the servant, undressed as the Princess organised herself. She leant out of the window. “HO! YOU! I want to go riding, saddle my horse, and a second for my servant. YES NOW! I can’t stand this bloody noise!” She turned to me and smiled “Being a Princess still has some benefits. I hope you can ride side saddle.” I wasn’t sure I could even ride normal saddle, but I was happy to do anything if I could escape.

Emelda was wrapped in her Princess’s towel. “Oh, go and find something in the cupboards, you silly girl. He doesn’t want to see you tight little arse ... or maybe he does?” she looked at me. Damn! She was enjoying this. “I suppose she is eminently fuckable isn’t she?” Truth was, she was. Emelda was slightly younger than me; shapely and slim. What I had seen of her arse and tits made me think I would happily take time out of this, if we could have a fifteen minute break. Actually ten minutes would probably do.

“Your reaction is surprising, ma’am. You seem to be enjoying it.”

“It is the first piece of excitement I’ve had for ages. I’m allowed to go for a ride, but not to walk free in the castle. When ‘Her Majesty’” she made fingers around the words “decides to go back to the palace, I have to tag along too.

Yes? What is it?”

Emelda was wanting to speak, she was still only half dressed, the towel fell away and revealed her upper body. Princess Ida could see her earlier statement, that I had no interest in seeing Emelda naked, was not true. “Really? You men are so bloody predictable. If my Aunt catches you, you’ll be boiled, or pinioned or ... I don’t know. But see a pair of tits and you stop and stare. Focus! Yes, Emelda?”

“Ma’am,” so, ma’am was right, that was good, I’d got that right. “If you leave me here. You! Boy! Why are you not stripping too and putting on my clothes?” Good point, I started to undress; but ‘boy’? I was older than her, and not a servant. “See how you like being ogled. As I was saying, ma’am, if you leave me here then she will expect me to know where you have gone and I will be tortured instead.” I hadn’t realised that the Princess was not planning on returning. It was a good point, I’d imagined we could truss her up and make it obvious that she was not party to the escape, but I was beginning to understand that Queen Esta did not think as others did. She would torture this servant to death without a second thought. If it meant some small piece of information was gleaned, then good; if not, well, it was only a servant. The Three would be proud of my logical thinking, I thought, and then realised that they would have come to that conclusion before I’d even walked in on these two.

“True, true. I should not like to think of your nipples being burnt off.” Ida was teasing her servant now, I could tell. “Right, put these on, they’ll do. You will lead ‘my lady’s horse’ as she is a nervous rider.” This last was said to me. “We’ll have to take a chance that they will not question me.”

But they did, in a way I had not expected; nor, I think, did the Princess. “Halt! Excuse me ma’am, we have to check all people leaving. We are looking for a man.”

“I’ve been doing that for years, no luck so far.” she replied with a laugh. The guard was knocked slightly off guard by a Princess having a little joke with him. “What is the check? You know me.”

“Yes, I will allow you through, unchecked. These, others, we have to check their, that is ... their...” Oh shit, really? Was that allowed? “Their underparts, my lady.”

Princess Ida looked suitably horrified, that was probably genuine. Emelda was helped down from her horse and the guard knelt and lifted her skirts. He was thorough, I had hoped that merely seeing the underclothes would be enough; he pulled them down a little. “Emelda! Pull up your skirt so he can see clearly.” Oh, she was talking to me! She jumped down and pulled up my skirt. Fuck! Was she giving me up. Once he pulled my women’s drawers down, I was done for. “And here is mine too. We cannot have you derelicting your duty can we?” She dropped my skirt and pulled hers up, her underwear was more fitting to a lady; it was silk, sheer and partially transparent. There was no need to pull them down to reveal the triangle of darker hair, and clearly no prick in the middle. The guard looked away rapidly and waved us on. I helped ‘both’ ladies onto their horses, thanking my stars that my voice was not as deep as my father’s had been, and that my beard hair grew only slowly and pale. We were through.

“Thank you ma’am, that was most generous.”

“Shut up, both of you. I can’t believe I have shown my lala to you AND to common guards.” Technically she had only shown her lala to one guard, and her tits to another. I didn’t correct her, it seemed the wrong time. “Now shut up and walk faster. They will realise at some point; and I don’t want to suffer the fate that you probably deserve.

I definitely can’t go back now. Shit and fuck!” For a Princess, she swore a lot, but she was a true princess in that she thought of herself first and last, she did not consider that her loyal servant would never see her family again.

We walked away, or I did, they rode. Emelda was also not used to riding, she started moaning about her bottom being bashed. “Ow, oh, ow.”

“Emelda, shut up! If you carry on, I will order this fugitive to bend you over and fuck your arse! Then you’ll have a sore reason to complain!” Emelda stopped complaining. We tried to walk quickly but looking like it was relaxed. “You, on the ground. Sway your hips. You’ll never get a man with a walk like that.” she was laughing at me. I couldn’t blame her, get your pleasures where you can.

Once we entered the Valley of Dun, we were invisible from the castle, we walked even quicker. The Dun came down from the hills, across a small plain and then into a reverse valley. At the top end, it was wide, but the hills came closer and closer until the valley was narrow and the river was a series of rapids with a narrow path beside it. Caught here, we would have nowhere to hide or run. When the valley opened, we turned up a blind side valley which enabled us to climb up to the hills. We felt safer off the main road. In a small dell, a food store was trying to make a living selling to passing travellers on this side track to nowhere. We stopped.

“Ho! My man. What have you good to eat.” I hoped she would rein back her tone, she should not advertise who she was.

“It is all good, Princess. I am honoured that you come here. Are you out for a ride? An odd route to take.” I was thinking that we were in trouble.

“We are on a mission which my queen has entrusted to us. Can we trust you to mention it to no-one? Even guards must not know where we are. Queen Esta, my aunt, alone knows of our route. You are to be commended for your observation, but she would be unhappy if this mission failed.” Princess Ida was good, no doubt of that. “Emelda. Emelda!!” Damn, that was me, I kept forgetting. “Buy some food and drink and bring it to us.” she made no attempt to mention the third member of the party. I would have made the mistake of inventing a story for the third person. Leaving her a mystery made it look more impressive. I was lucky that I still had the money I had got from the sale of the bear fur, an unpaid kiosk owner would be more likely to gossip to customers about well-heeled posh folks who didn’t pay their bills.