Chapter 50: Do I Look Stupid?

November 16, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

"Is that it, then?" Jessica asked when I explained what Bethany and I had agreed.

"I think it depends on what you mean. Do Bethany and I agree on everything? No. Did we come to a negotiated settlement with which we both can live? I believe so, but only time will tell. I think the revisions she proposes to Smart Teens; Smart Choices will be the proof that she's come back from her irrational position."

"Were you tempted?" Kara asked.

"No. Bethany and I are far past that at this point, not to mention the problems it would cause with Tom. And, honestly, the last thing Bethany needs is the drama that always came with our physical relationship. I certainly don't need the drama, and I can't imagine the three of you are interested in that in any way, shape, or form."

"That would be a hard 'no'," Jessica said. "I'm too old for that kind of teenage angst."

"Poor baby, she's forty-one and ancient!" I teased.

"You know how grueling the ER is, and even with only working fifty hours a week, some of which is classroom teaching, it's draining. And you know the patient loads are increasing dramatically. EMTALA prevents Cook County from dumping patients on us, but we still have huge numbers of uninsured patients who use the Emergency Department as if it were their physician's office."

"You don't object to EMTALA, do you?" Suzanne asked.

"It's a good policy," Jessica said. "But they didn't think properly through the ramifications of the policy. So, in the end, while it guarantees you'll be seen, you might end up waiting for more than twelve hours because of the patient load. You've seen the waiting room at the hospital. One simple modification — one that allowed us to post signs and redirect people to a clinic rather than the ER, would solve most of the problem. Staffing and running a clinic is far less expensive than staffing and running the ER."

"How are the sessions Steve leads going?" Kara asked. "Neither of you have mentioned them."

"Pretty well, actually," Jessica said. "They've proved what you and Tiger have said for a long time — primary education is failing, and we're creating graduates who do not know how to engage in proper critical thinking. Oh, they can pass the standardized tests so the government can crow about the 'success', but in the end, they are unprepared for any role in society that requires critical thinking and analysis."

"Which," I said ruefully, "for the most part serves the 'sky is falling', 'think of the children', and 'if we can save just one life' crowd, so I don't expect it to change."

"Do you get hit on?" Suzanne asked.

"Are you kidding?!" Jessica exclaimed, shaking her head. "They know he's my husband, and yet they persistently pursue him, even though he makes it clear he's married."

"They don't know about his freedom?" Suzanne asked.

"I certainly haven't said anything, and at this point, almost nobody at the hospital knows anything more than I'm married to Steve. Once we decided to be more circumspect a few years ago, and many of the people who knew retired or left for other hospitals, the number of people at the hospital or the university who know is limited."

"And Allyson?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

Jessica smiled, "Circumspect does not mean never saying anything! She's seen the four of us outside the ER many times. Not to mention she, Lucy, and Sylvia Ochoa are close friends from college."

"Talk about trouble," I chuckled.

"They had a group of about ten girls who met during Freshman year and hung out from then on, though at least one of them was Allyson's friend in High School. From what I gather, they were pretty wild. Almost all of them were Catholic!"

I chuckled, "Frank Zappa was not wrong! Is anyone interested in a sauna before bed?"

My three wives agreed, and we headed to the basement.

November 17, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

"I don't know what to do," I said to Katy after I explained everything that had happened.

"Yes, you do," Katy replied. "You know what you should do. The problem you have is that it's not what you want to do."

"But how can Philip's misunderstanding force me into a committed relationship?!" I protested.

"I don't think anyone is saying that," Katy countered. "I think we're all saying that you need to discuss the situation with Philip before you're with anyone else."

"But I didn't make any commitments!" I protested. "So it wouldn't be cheating!"

"That might be technically correct, but do you want to live your life on technicalities, potentially hurting other people, simply so you can do whatever you want?"

I wanted to say that it wasn't fair, but Katy agreed with Dad on that word, and it would only make the conversation more difficult.

"No," I replied, "but if I take what you say to the logical conclusion, then anyone I'm with controls me!"

"Not at all," Katy replied. "The source of the problem is that you didn't discuss it with Philip. You wanted to get him into bed so badly that you didn't do the most important thing — agree what it meant. You're the one with experience and knowledge, Birgit. That puts it on you to make sure your partner understands.

"Sex always means something, and if you don't agree in advance, you're asking for trouble. You are, obviously, in control of your body, and you don't owe Philip or Bob sex, but you do owe them both a conversation. From what you've said, Bob understands he's just a 'fuck buddy', as you put it, but Philip thinks you two are a couple."

"But nobody else thought that!" I objected.

"Are you sure about that? You told me you'd changed your mind about living with Karin and her family. Have you told Kjell about that? Or is he still expecting you to be his girlfriend for a year?"

"But I never promised that!"

"But did you imply it? Could Kjell reasonably infer from what you said and what you did that you'd be exclusive with him?"

"Seriously?! Now he's in control?!"

"Take a deep breath, please, and think it through. You said you were going to live with him and sleep in his bed. The message that sends is that you'll be exclusive lovers unless you made it clear that wasn't going to be the case. Again, you aren't ceding control, but you are creating problems for yourself by speaking and acting rashly. There's a reason your dad has a reputation for talking girls to death before he has sex with them."

"I just think it's wrong that I'm the bad guy here!"

"Do what you want, Birgit," Katy said, "but you have to take responsibility for your actions and be prepared for the consequences."

There really wasn't anything else to say, so I said 'goodbye', and we ended the call.

🎤 Steve

"What are we discussing today?" Jackson asked as he, Suzanne, Natalie, and I relaxed in the sauna after lunch.

"I'd say the upcoming passage of the Homeland Security Act which greatly concerns me, and the coming war in Iraq, which concerns me even more. But I don't think we'll find any dissent on those two topics."

"Only minor quibbles, I suspect," Jackson agreed. "The thing is, we've more or less talked every topic to death at this point, and we haven't had much new blood in the group in the past year."

"Tabitha and John, and a new girl named Danielle, will join us in January," I said.

"What about selecting a book for everyone to read?" Jackson inquired. "That was something that was done in the past, right?"

"Right," I said. "What should we read?"

"What about Aesop's Fables?" Suzanne suggested. "I saw a book in Borders on Friday — The Complete Fables. We could read and discuss them, and that should last us for a couple of months, if not longer."

"I think that's a great idea," Natalie said.

"I concur," Jackson added.

"Then that's what we'll do," I said. "I have a copy I bought via Amazon.com on one of the bookshelves in my study."

"How have things been otherwise?" Jackson asked.

"Pretty good," I replied. "I'm able to spend most of my time with software development tasks, though I did have to schmooze with an Alderman to get our building permits approved. It took a bit of wheeling and dealing, but I think I found a solution. This week, I'm spending a few days in Arizona to analyze a company for Dante."

"You're doing business together?" Jackson asked.

"Dante and I always made money together," I replied. "He's decided that being a partner is far more profitable than being a competitor or, worse, an enemy."

"Steve Adams always makes money for his partners!" Suzanne observed.

"So long as I don't end the same way Hyman Roth did!" I chuckled. "I'll be in airports on Wednesday and Friday!"

"What kind of business?" Jackson asked.

"All I can say is healthcare technology," I replied. "I'm analyzing other tech startups for Dante, but the others I'm doing by email and telephone. Also, just for planning purposes, I'll be out of town the weekend of December 6th, as well as from December 18th to the 22nd. We'll meet on the 15th for our only December meeting. I think we'll do a holiday party that day and start with the book in January. I'll make sure Tabitha, John, and Danielle know."

"Who's Danielle?" Jackson asked.

"A college student who's decided she doesn't want to attend Trinity for her MRS degree. She'll be moving in with John and Tabitha, will work at Starbucks with Tabitha, then figure out what she actually wants to do with her life. She'll likely go back to school at some point."

"Another Evangelical girl whose faith doesn't survive First Contact with Steve Adams?" Jackson asked.

"This one sought me out because she'd rejected the strictures of her church and was already searching for an alternative spirituality. Going back to Dante, how are things at M & M Engineering?"

"Mark and Melissa are very happy you removed the thorn from their flesh, that's for sure! Of course, with the kind of money Holly will make at Spurgeon, I could be a bum, and we'd still be in great financial shape!"

"Steve could easily be a kept man if he chose to," Natalie said. "But that's not him."

"It's not me, either," Jackson said. "I really enjoy what I'm doing. That said, knowing I don't have to do it is a major plus."

"I'll just have to marry a rich Russian oligarch!" Natalie declared, "I'm sure Lyudmila could introduce me!"

I chuckled, "I'm sure she or Yuri would know of a suitable rich young man."

"Young? No way!" Natalie smirked. "At least ninety and with a bad heart! And with no living relatives!"

We all laughed.

"You'd be OK with having sex with a man that old?" Suzanne asked.

"I sleep with Steve so..."

Everyone laughed again.

"You've been spending too much time with Albert," I chuckled.

"He is hilarious with his 'dinosaur age' comments," Suzanne said.

"Which appear to be restricted to his parents!" I observed. "He doesn't say things like that to any of his adult friends and certainly never to Grandpa Al! I hate to get out of the sauna, but we should shower before the gang arrives."

🎤 Birgit

"Let me get this straight," Bob said, sounding annoyed. "You were so determined to put another notch in your lipstick case that you didn't consider how it would affect us?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"What the heck drove you to do it? I mean, you appear to enjoy fooling around with me, and I even agreed to play with your new toy. I don't get it!"

I sighed, "I was afraid you and Meghan would become a couple."

"And rather than trust me, or even talk to me about it, you acted impetuously, and now, not only can we not play with your toy, we can't even kiss!"

"What do you mean?! Of course, we can! It's up to me!"

"It's also up to me, and Philip is a nice guy. I want to be able to look him in the eye next Friday night without feeling I've betrayed his friendship."

"I never said who!" I protested.

"Do I look stupid?" Bob asked.

"You're upset."

"No, I'm not upset, I'm ... disappointed. You basically created a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"Wait! You're going to be exclusive with Meghan?"

"For now, at least. I don't want to be part of your drama."

"Seriously?! My drama?!"

"What exactly do you think is going to happen when you tell Philip he was just another conquest? That you toyed with his heart to get him into your bed? No, thanks. I don't want any part of that. When you get your act together, we can discuss the future. Until then, I'll see you at Photography Club."

"What?!"

"I'll see you on Monday."

He got up and walked out of my room, and I sat down on the bed, not knowing what to do.

🎤 Steve

"Uh, oh," I said quietly to Kara, who was sitting next to me at Philosophy Club.

"What?" she asked.

"Bob just came downstairs alone and went to the foyer. I better go check on Birgit."

"Of course," Kara groused quietly.

"If I'm right about what happened, this is my area of expertise," I said as I got up.

I excused myself and went up the stairs and saw the door to Birgit's room open and Birgit sitting on her bed.

"Hi, Pumpkin," I said.

"Hi," Birgit said sullenly.

"Want to talk, or do you want to be left alone?"

"No lecture?"

"No lecture," I confirmed. "You know that's not my style. OK to come in?"

"Yes."

I stepped into the room, closed the door, then sat on the loveseat.

"I saw Bob leave basically right after he arrived; want to tell me what happened?"

Birgit sighed, "I explained what happened, and Bob accused me of being so determined to get Philip into bed that I ignored any other considerations and that I basically wanted a conquest, or as he called it, a notch in my lipstick case."

I couldn't help but laugh, then said, "Quoting Pat Benatar was a nice touch."

"It's not funny, Dad."

"Sorry. From the way you're reacting, I'd say he cut you to the quick."

"You mean he caused my conscience to accuse me of doing what he said?"

"Yes. 'cut to the quick' means emotionally affected in a very deep way. What else did he say?"

"That he didn't want to be part of the drama and that we'd only see each other at Photography Club. I caused the very thing I was afraid would happen with Bob, and I'm not sure what to do next."

"May I give you a piece of advice?"

"Yes."

"Don't decide what to say to Philip because you want to have sex with him, and don't toy with him. Just be honest with him and take it from there."

"How come you don't have these kinds of problems?" Birgit asked.

"Years of experience," I replied. "But I admitted I had in the past. I should add that Michelle wasn't the only mistake I've made where I didn't think about the meaning of what I was doing. Let me tell you about a girl in Sweden..."

I told her the story of what had happened with Annie Martinsen.

"That sounds almost exactly like what happened with Philip, though it wasn't because he was overly excited. He had his STI test, so he knew what we were going to do."

"Right, I wasn't trying to say it wasn't consensual or done in the heat of the moment, just that Annie and Philip both had the same reactions. I took my lumps with her, and she was very, very upset. I suspect you're going to have similar problems with Philip if you don't want to be his steady girlfriend."

"I don't."

"Then you need to tell him that straight up, and you need to expect him to be upset with you and possibly never want to see you again."

"I know," Birgit sighed. "I messed up."

"May I ask a question that is totally none of my business?"

Birgit smiled, "Yes."

"What's wrong with Philip that you don't want him as your boyfriend?"

"I don't want to be tied down. Well, unless YOU want to tie me down!"

I laughed, "At least you aren't so depressed that you can't tease your dad. But this is probably not the right time to tease."

"Sorry."

"It's OK. I don't check your social calendar, but is there another guy?"

"No, but there could be."

"Consider your options, and think it through. You have to make your own decisions but remember, you also have to accept the consequences and deal with the fallout."

"I know. Thanks for coming to talk to me."

"You're welcome."

I left Birgit's room and went back downstairs for the rest of Philosophy Club.

November 18, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

On Monday, when I went to Photography Club, Bob wasn't waiting outside the classroom as he usually was. I went in and sat down in my usual seat next to him, and I said 'Hi'. He said 'Hi' back, and it seemed as if he didn't want to talk, but it didn't matter because Mr. Tavares came into the room just then.

I had totally messed up with Peter, Bob, and Philip, and it bugged me. Everyone said guys just wanted to get laid and didn't care, but everything that had happened made it clear to me that wasn't actually the case. Of the guys, only Mikael hadn't caused any current or even future problems. It was different with Lilibeth, Julie, and Marcella, and there had literally been no problems, and there were unlikely to be.

I almost laughed because the girls understood it was just sex, with no commitment, but the boys didn't, except Mikael, and that went counter to the stereotypes. Dad had always warned me about basing decisions on stereotypes because while there was often a kernel of truth in them, they were no more reliable predictors than the list of numbers that had come up previously on the roulette wheel.

"MISS ADAMS!" I heard, snapping out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, Mr. Tavares," I said.

"I called your name three times," he said. "If you aren't paying attention, why are you here?"