Chapter 49: Another Fine Mess

November 16, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

"I don't believe it!" Kara exclaimed when she came to the sunroom on Saturday morning.

"She's your daughter, so you tell me which she'd prefer — sex or cuddling with Dad!"

"She'd prefer sex with Dad!" Kara countered.

"Yes, but given that was not and is not an option, which do you think?"

"She's annoying!"

I laughed, "Come cuddle me, Senior Wife!"

Kara quickly walked over, got into the chaise, and snuggled close.

"You do realize that being annoyed is on you," I said. "Think about how I handle Jesse and Albert in that regard. And what we told Birgit for years about Jesse!"

Kara sighed, "That if she let him get to her, it only encouraged him."

"That's right. So don't let her get to you. I know she can be smug and annoying, but at breakfast yesterday, she caught herself a few times and held her tongue."

"I bet she didn't last night!"

I chuckled, "I don't think you could find a surer bet than that!"

"Hi, Pops!" Jesse said, coming into the sunroom. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, is Albert ready?"

"Yes. Isn't that supposed to be Birgit cuddling you, not Aunt Kara?"

"Your sister had an overnight guest."

"Wow! And that canceled your cuddle time? The end of the world must be nigh!"

Both Kara and I laughed.

"This is where I demand two more minutes and get three, right?" Kara asked.

"If you want," I said.

"It's OK," she replied.

She reluctantly got up, and then I stood up. We hugged and kissed, then the boys and I went to the driveway to get into my BMW, where Jesse had already stashed his gear so that we could go straight to the rink from Men's Breakfast.

"Pops, can I ask you a question about Islam?" Jesse inquired as I turned onto the Dan Ryan to head for the Bucktown Bistro.

"I'll do my best to answer, and if I can't, you could call Imam Iqbal."

"What is the Islamic view on sin?"

"Similar to Christians, in that there are multiple schools of thought, and Islamic jurisprudence is not monolithic. Why are you asking?"

"Sex before marriage."

"According to Imam Iqbal and his school of thought, it's not all that different from the Orthodox position. With regard to repentance, there is no confession in Islam except privately to Allah. In fact, revealing one's sin is, in and of itself, a sin. Forgiveness depends on Allah's mercifulness."

"I have the picture that Mr. Khan would have seen it as a blood insult."

"Mr. Khan would have seen ANYTHING to do with Fatimah as a blood insult!" Albert interjected.

"That's as much cultural as anything," I said. "According to Imam Iqbal, cultural influence is very strong with Saudis and Afghanis, though all Muslims tend to be very conservative, even prudish. But you know that wasn't always true, right?"

"Yes," Albert replied. "Especially in the Ottoman Empire. Turkey, Malaysia, and Indonesia aren't nearly as conservative as Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan, and before 1980, Tehran and Beirut were modern, Western-style, cosmopolitan cities. The Iranian Revolution and Lebanese Civil War put an end to both of them."

"Correct," I confirmed.

"Don't Muslim men want to marry a virgin?" Jesse asked.

"Yes, they do," I replied. "But the way things work, she isn't required to reveal that she's not, and you both know that girls who are sixteen or older only very rarely have an intact hymen of any kind. Yes, some do, but it's exceedingly uncommon. So she simply demurs, and when the Imam asks at the wedding ceremony, she remains silent, and her silence is accepted as there being no impediment. And no accusation post-marriage carries any weight."

"Thanks."

I wondered why Jesse was asking, but it was, for the most part, none of my business. That said, I knew there were a pair of Muslim girls who hung out with Birgit, and being able to put two and two together, I decided to say something, lest Jesse find himself in seriously hot water with another parent.

"Just be careful," I said.

"Always, Pops!"

"Do you need anything for your party?"

"No. The moms bought everything, and it's stashed in the refrigerators at the Compound. Everyone is chipping in for pizza, which will be delivered at about 6:00pm. We'll use the sauna but with weekend rules. You'll be home, right?"

"Except for my afternoon karate class, yes. Yuriko agreed to stay to help chaperone while I'm out."

"She manages the house," Albert observed. "So, nothing new there!"

"It's going to be very different when she goes home after she finishes her Master's degree," I said. "And, speaking of Japanese girls, on the way home, I need to stop at the Post Office to mail Sakurako's birthday present."

🎤 Birgit

After breakfast, I asked Natalie to give Philip a ride to the L, and she agreed. That meant I wouldn't have to rush to get to karate, and also would give me time to talk to Natalie. Fortunately, Philip had mostly been quiet during breakfast, at least partly because he was uncomfortable with my moms being there and knowing we'd had sex. When we got to the L, I got out, hugged Philip, and said I'd see him on Friday.

"I think I messed up," I said when I got back into the car.

"How so?" Natalie asked as she put my mom's BMW into gear.

"Last night, after we finished fooling around and were about to fall asleep, Philip said, 'I love you'."

"And you don't feel the same way about him?"

"No. I mean, I like him, but I don't love him, and..."

"And?"

"I think he considers us to be a couple now."

"And you don't want to be a couple."

"No, I don't."

"And Philip doesn't know that, does he?" Natalie asked.

"No. He's never had a girlfriend before. Last night was his first ... sorry. I shouldn't say that."

"I think I see the problem. You didn't discuss what it meant beforehand?"

"No," I said ruefully. "I should have, but I didn't."

"You need to have a conversation with him," Natalie said. "And you shouldn't be with anyone else until you do."

"But I have plans with Bob tomorrow!" I protested.

"You know what your dad says — nobody can commit irrevocably to sex."

"But ... never mind."

I had put myself in a bad spot, and no matter what I did, someone was going to be upset. I really wanted to be with Bob because we were going to experiment with my toy, and I couldn't see Philip doing something like that anytime soon. But if I did that, and Philip thought we were a couple, and he ever found out, it might crush him.

"May I say something that might upset or annoy you further?" Natalie asked.

"I suppose," I reluctantly agreed.

"When I pursued your dad, and yes, I pursued him, he was very clear about what he could and couldn't provide. It worked out better than I thought it might because I thought it would only be while we were in Russia. But the key is he made sure I understood before he even kissed me. And I know from other girls that he talks them half to death to make sure they aren't misunderstanding him. He made some mistakes in that regard, though I don't know if you're aware."

"No. And I'm going to guess you can't tell me."

"No, it would have to be your dad or the woman who revealed that. But my point is, you needed to be clear with Philip before you dragged him into your bed."

"Ashley said that," I admitted.

"She has a lot of wisdom for someone who's eleven, but she's also not driven by hormones the way a certain young woman in this car is!"

"But I never said I'd be his girlfriend!" I protested.

"No, but put yourself in the shoes of someone who is not immersed in the milieu of the Compound or is not a close friend of your dad's. I know your friends want to have boyfriends. That doesn't mean they wouldn't have sex just for fun."

"Jesse has had trouble that way," I allowed. "Girls who wanted to be a couple."

"Because that's the norm in our society, and unless someone buys into your dad's philosophy, that's what you need to expect them to believe."

"But nobody should assume!"

"Birgit, don't you think that the typical girl who agrees to sleep with a boy expects more from it than just orgasms? Not even all your siblings agree with your dad's philosophy."

"Matthew and Stephie?" I asked.

"Those were the two I was thinking about. I'm not criticizing you for your choices with regard to sex partners, just that you need to consider whether the other person thinks it's just for fun rather than a statement about your relationship."

"Can I ask if you were ever with anyone besides my dad?"

"You can, and I was with my boyfriend during the time your dad and I weren't physically intimate. And when things end between your dad and me, which will most likely be when I go to Russia to get my Master's degree, I won't sleep with anyone who isn't willing to enter a committed relationship."

"I'm confused," I said. "Dad obviously sleeps with other girls. Why didn't you insist on the same thing from him? Or why not stick to your idea of a committed relationship?"

"I made a conscious decision to set aside what I'd believed about sex because of how your dad treated me and what I felt he could offer me, which was exactly what I needed. In other words, he fulfills a need I have, so I weighed and balanced my options and chose to enter into that relationship. That said, I think, for me, long-term, the best solution is to be in a committed, exclusive, monogamous relationship.

"And guess what? You think so, too, just as Jesse does. And Albert. And Stephie. And Matthew. I can't say what Ashley or Michael will do because they're both very quiet and circumspect and because they haven't hit puberty the way the rest of you have. But even before that, both Matthew and Stephie were convinced they'd have a single partner for life. You weren't. Jesse kind of was because of Francesca, but who knows what would have happened if her mom hadn't lost her mind."

We arrived home, which was a good thing because I had no idea what to say to Natalie and needed more time to think. When I got out of the car, I went into the house and up to my room and lay down on the bed to consider what to do next.

🎤 Jesse

"Forget about the party with the softball team and focus on the game!" I demanded.

We were in the locker room after the first period, and we were tied 2–2 with Lane Tech; it could have been worse, given our sloppy passing, weak shots, and careless defense. The thing that had saved us was that we'd had two powerplays and had scored on both of them. Without those, we'd have been in a deep hole that would put our undefeated season at risk.

"Jesse is right," Coach Nelson said. "You guys are unfocused and not playing your game. Losing this game puts not just our undefeated season at risk but our number-one seed! Brother Rice is only one game behind us, and St. Rita is one game behind them. And Chicago Latin is only one behind them. Think about the incentive we give Chicago Latin if they can knock us off and possibly pass us in the standings!"

"So, if you want to get the GI Joe with the kung-fu grip, you have to play better!" Freddy declared.

I almost lost it laughing because I knew what he was implying. We'd watched the movie recently, and the following line was about getting laid, and he was thinking about the softball team.

"What's so funny, Block?" Coach Nelson asked.

"Uhm, I don't think you want to know, Coach. And I don't think you want me to say it, either."

"Let's hear it!"

I regretted laughing so hard, but that didn't matter.

"He's quoting Trading Places," I said. "Billy Ray says that traders who aren't successful are upset they're losing money, so they won't be able to buy a GI Joe toy for their kid for Christmas."

"And that's funny?"

Foiled! I had hoped to get away without saying the following line, but that wasn't possible.

"No, but next, he says that their wives won't want to make love to them, and you can imagine what Freddy was implying."

"I can. And you know my views on that, Men! You are to treat those young women with respect! And no monkey business during the party, either! Do you hear me?"

"YES COACH!" the team replied in unison.

"Good. Then change your T-shirts, rehydrate, and go out there and play OUR game."

"RAH!" everyone yelled.

The second period was much better, and we scored the lone goal to go up 3–2, and then neither team scored in the third period, despite it ending with a Lane Tech powerplay during which they pulled their goalie for a six-on-four attack for the last forty seconds. I was awarded the game puck for saves, and Coach promised we'd work harder on Monday morning because of what had happened during the first period.

After showering, I headed out to meet Albert and my dad so I could get home to set up for the party.

🎤 Ashley

"Well, that's another fine mess you've gotten yourself into!" I said to Birgit after she'd told me what had happened after we returned from karate.

"Seriously? Laurel and Hardy?"

"It fits, doesn't it?" I asked with a silly smile. "But seriously, Birgit, you're acting like a dumb boy driven by testosterone, not a smart girl!"

"You think Dad is driven by testosterone?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea! I was thinking more High School and college boys! You shouldn't be like what they said in Crimson Tide!"

"Oh, right, I'm as dumb as a fence post?"

"In this case, you were! I mean, seriously, how did you not see that coming? I even TOLD you that was going to happen!"

"But how did you know?" Birgit asked.

"I think, and I know things!" I declared. "But come on, Birgit! An inexperienced guy who never had a girlfriend who you had to practically drag into bed? What did you expect to happen?"

"Grrr."

My sister was headstrong and determined, and if she wanted something, she was going to get it, the consequences be damned. If she would just think more and speak and act less, she'd have less trouble but wouldn't miss out on anything important. In fact, had she handled things differently with Dad, she might have managed to get what she so badly wanted, though if I was right in my surmise, maybe even that wouldn't have worked.

"You need to stop and think more," I said. "And listen to people who give you good advice! Did you ask Katy or one of your other confidantes?"

"No. I did ask Natalie this morning, but that was after."

"Smooth move, Sis. Real smooth."

"So now what?" Birgit asked.

"Talk to him, of course. But be prepared for him to be very upset. Well, you could also make him your boyfriend, assuming he was at least competent in the sack."

"And what do YOU know about that?" Birgit demanded.

"Zero except what I've read in Aunt Bethany's book and from what you and our moms and Dad's girlfriends have said publicly, which is limited. But come on, it's obvious, right? The entire point is to have orgasms! Well, to make babies, too, but I don't think that's something any of us want to contemplate except in making sure it doesn't happen. Was he competent?"

"Yes, and he's hung, too!" Birgit giggled.

"TMI, as Albert says! I did NOT need to know that! But seriously, you were complaining about Peter and worried about Bob, so maybe it makes sense to be Philip's girlfriend until you leave for Sweden. That gives you an out; call it an expiration date."

"But I want to be with Bob!" Birgit protested.

"I want an Oompa Loompa, and I want one NOW!" I faux whined.

"You are very annoying!" Birgit groused.

"Maybe so, but I'm right, and you know it! You're smart, Birgit! Use your brain on occasion!"

"Grrr!"

She left, and I went downstairs to find Yuriko and see if she needed any help before I went to Chadrima's house to hang out with the 'Stepsisters' during Jesse's party.

🎤 Steve

"Steve-sama, you had a call while you were out," Yuriko said when I arrived home after Jesse's game.

"Who?"

"Bethany-chan. She asked that you please call her."

"Thanks. I'll do that now."

I went to my study, where I dialed the Quinns, and Tom answered.

"It's Steve, returning Bethany's call. Is it OK to speak to her?"

"Yes. She's going to ask you to speak privately, and I think it's OK."

"Just so we're clear, my position on the book has not changed."

"I'd be shocked if it had," Tom replied. "Let me get her."

A few seconds later, she came to the phone.

"Hi," she said. "Could we meet?"

"Yes, though I have karate and I usually meet with my mentee afterwards. How about after dinner tonight?"

"Is 7:00pm OK?"

"Make it 8:00pm, if that's OK. That's when Jesse's party ends."

"I'll come by then."

"See you at 8:00pm."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up, and when I turned, I saw Birgit at the door to my study.

"What's up, Pumpkin?" I asked.

"I missed cuddle time," she said.

"Jesse and Nicholas are setting up for the party, so how about sitting on my lap in one of the wingback chairs?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed.

I sat down, and she sat in my lap, pulled up her legs, and snuggled much the way Katt had done for more than twenty years.

🎤 Birgit

"What's the problem?" Dad asked.

"Is it that obvious?"

"To me, yes. Something with Philip?"

"He said he loves me," I sighed. "And I'm not sure what to do."

"And I'm not sure I can help you," Dad said. "Well, not in the sense I can tell you what to do. May I ask when he said that?"

"After," I replied. "Right before we fell asleep."

"And you don't feel the same way?"

"It's complicated," I sighed. "I mean, I like him, obviously, but I think he thinks I'm his girlfriend."

"And you don't want to be."

"I want to keep seeing him, but ... well, I want my freedom."

"Have you told him that?"

"No," I admitted. "I, uhm, might have missed having that conversation beforehand. Someone said you made a mistake like that where you ended up in a relationship with someone who felt you could give more than you could."

"Someone talks too much," Dad said.

"No, they gave zero details, so I have no idea who it is. I'm sure Ashley knows because she freaking knows everything! It's ANNOYING!"

Dad laughed, "And to think it used to be Jesse simply walking into the room!"

"What-ever!" I retorted.

"You are so much like your mom!"

"What do you mean?"

"You annoy her in the same way Ashley annoys you! But what have I told you about that?"

"I know, but it's different because Ashley doesn't do it to be annoying."

"But you do?" Dad asked.

"Maybe," I admitted. "Mom is, well, a mom!"

"The eternal battle! Sorry, I brought her into it. And we'll worry about the omniscient goddess later. Whoever it was who said that to you was, more than likely, referring to something that happened when you were about four."

I thought for a second and nodded, "Michelle, right?"

"Your days as the Neighborhood Watch were not completely wasted!" Dad chuckled.

"What happened?"

"It was, as you say, complicated, but the relationship between your biological mom, your other mom, and me was strained, and Michelle felt she had a chance to replace your moms."