Chapter 48: Explorations and Missteps

November 15, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

On Friday morning, after Birgit, Suzanne, Yuriko, and I ran, I showered, cuddled Birgit, then had breakfast with my wives, girlfriends, and kids.

"When do you leave for Arizona?" Jessica asked.

"Late Wednesday morning. I'll be back on Friday afternoon. I'm flying first class, and Dante is paying for it!"

"And no way to enjoy the Mile-High Club!" Kara teased.

"Penny offered to go along and suggested Samantha's plane, given Dante is paying!"

"Of course she did! She's never going to give up, even if you frustrate her for another sixty years!"

"She can chase me while I'm using my walker!" I chuckled.

"You'd be a hundred, right?" Albert asked casually.

"Yes, even more ancient than I am now!"

"Seriously, do you think Grandpa Adams will live to be a hundred?"

"I think there's a very, very good chance of that. He's healthy and has had no heart trouble. At age eighty-five, he has a very good chance. And I'm hoping that happens."

"That just seems so old," Ashley observed. "I mean, that's nine times how old I am now!"

"I hope Dad lives at least that long!" Birgit declared.

"That is one thing none of us have any control over," Jessica said with a note of sadness.

"Birgit Andersson, Stephie, Nick, Jorge, Belinda, and others," I replied quietly.

"I think I want to go to Puerto Rico next year," Jessica said. "In November."

"You should," I said. "I'll come with you if you want."

"Let me think about it."

"Puerto Rico?" Ashley asked.

"That's where Jorge is buried," I said. "He was very special to all of us, especially to your mom."

"But I thought..." Birgit said. "Uhm, never mind. Not my business."

"You're getting smarter, Sis!" Ashley smirked.

"As they said in the 50s, 'Blow!'"

"Not anytime soon, but I will, eventually!" Ashley smirked.

"TMI!" Albert declared.

"And on THAT note, I'm heading to the office!" I declared.

🎤 Birgit

"Would it be cool if Meghan and I joined the gang for dinner and the movie tonight?" Bob asked as we walked to the cafeteria for lunch.

"Sure! The more the merrier!" I exclaimed.

"Are you busy on Sunday?"

"No."

"Want to try out your new toy?"

"YES!" I exclaimed. "YES!"

Bob laughed, "Excited much?"

"Duh! Bring Meghan, and we'll have even more fun!"

Bob laughed, "If you told me a year ago I'd have a girl demanding I have a threesome, I'd have said you were crazy!"

"I am crazy!" I declared. "Or, as Hannah said, I'm 'one seriously warped individual'! But that's to your benefit!"

"True! I don't think Meghan is ready for that just yet."

"I know you might not answer, but..."

"Yes."

"And you still want to see me?"

"Yes! Did you think that would mean I'd stop seeing you?"

"Er, maybe because of what happened with Peter and Julie."

"He wanted to be your boyfriend; you and I are just fuck buddies and photography buddies."

"I'd say we should take photos on Sunday, but stupid old men and nosy old biddies think it's illegal even if they're just for you and me, and we're in the pictures!"

"Don't you think kids are abused that way?"

"Sure, but people are killed with hammers, and we don't go banning them. And don't even get me started on how many people die in automobile accidents! Just because something can be misused or is dangerous doesn't mean it should be banned completely. And if you want complete immorality, I give you nuclear weapons! They're terror weapons!"

"It's good to know you don't have strong opinions," Bob teased.

"Hah-hah."

We had to stop teasing because we got into the lunch line, and the lunch ladies wouldn't appreciate our 'coarse talk' and would report us. We got our lunches and sat down with Fangsu, Zahra, and Zaida. I let them know Bob was coming to dinner and the movie, though Zaida wasn't permitted to go to the movie because her parents were concerned that it taught 'sorcery and witchcraft'. I'd rolled my eyes because it was fiction and we all knew there was no such thing.

"Are you going to the hockey game tomorrow, Fangsu?" Zahra asked.

"Yes. My mom can give you a ride if you need one."

"Yes, please," Zahra said. "I'd ride with Jesse, but I'm not supposed to be in a car with a boy."

"You know those rules are ... sorry, never mind," I said.

"I didn't say I liked the rules!" Zahra declared. "Just that is what my parents and my religion teach."

"You'd violate those rules?" Zaida asked.

"Promise not to repeat what I say?" Zahra asked.

"Yes," Zaida said. "All of us do, right?"

Bob, Fangsu, and I all said we agreed.

"I think the rules are from the time of the Prophet, and things are very different now. I think the way things were under the Ottomans and the way things are in Turkey, Indonesia, and Malaysia are the right way. Islam was the strongest faith and had the strongest armies and the best scientists, and then crazy people from Saudi Arabia got control."

"I'm not sure," Zaida said. "Shouldn't we do things the same way the Prophet, peace be upon him, did?"

"He didn't have indoor plumbing, computers, or airplanes. Should we get rid of all those things?"

"Well, no."

"And you want to be a scientist, too. We should honor the Prophet's teaching but not emulate everything he did!"

"But he is the perfect example of a man and is to be emulated!"

"Ask your mom about your dad having three more wives, and let me know if she agrees!"

Zaida laughed, "I know she doesn't! Birgit's dad has three wives, and he's not even a Muslim!"

"Oh, my dad submits," I giggled. "But to his wives, not any god!"

"Ah, you know the meaning of the word, then," Zaida said.

"Intelligent, well-informed, smoking-hot girl here!" I declared.

Bob laughed, "You left out 'full of herself'!"

I almost said that if he wanted me to be full of HIM, he'd better watch out, but I couldn't say that in front of the girls because they didn't know. We finished our lunches and headed back to class.

🎤 Jesse

While I was walking home, Missy called my mobile phone.

"Mind if I come over and hang out until we go out?"

"Not at all," I replied.

"Cool! See you soon!"

We arrived at the house, and I offered Missy a drink, which she accepted. I got her a Coke and myself a Dr Pepper from the fridge.

"What do you usually do after school?" she asked.

"Homework," I replied. "I like to get it done before dinner whenever possible, and that's especially true on Friday afternoon so I can have the rest of the weekend free."

"So I'm interfering?"

"It's OK! If it wasn't, I'd have said 'no' when you called me. I don't have much homework to do, and I can finish it tomorrow before the hockey game."

"If you're sure," Missy said.

"I am," I said. "What did you want to do while we wait?"

"What did you have in mind?" she asked.

I was tempted to tease but thought better of it.

"I have a couple of gaming systems, some board games, and decks of cards. I also have movies, or we could go to the main house and hang out with Birgit."

"I'm OK with video games so long as they aren't first-person shooters."

"Mario Kart? I have to warn you, I'm pretty good."

"I can play for fun without worrying about winning."

We went downstairs to the Duck's Nest, and I set up the game and handed Missy a controller. She wasn't very good, but she was totally a good sport about it and seemed to be having fun even though she was wiping out and going off course a lot. We ended up playing for two hours before we put the controllers away.

"I'm going to take a quick shower and change," I said. "You can wait here and listen to music if you want."

Missy smiled, "With your reputation, I expected you to invite me to take a shower, even if you were just teasing."

"OK to be totally serious?"

"Sure."

"I do tease a lot, obviously, but given your reaction to me saying I wasn't interested in a steady girlfriend, I didn't feel it was appropriate to tease you. I hope that doesn't upset you."

"No, I was just surprised."

"I'm curious, but what is my reputation?"

"I just hear rumors that you've had lots of girls, and they were all very happy, if you get my drift."

"Whatever the truth is, it's better to not pay attention to the rumors."

"You're awfully cagey about that."

"Let me ask you a question," I said. "Assume you did shower with me. Would you want me to tell my friends or the hockey team or even Birgit that it had happened?"

"Uhm, no, I wouldn't, though I expect Birgit would figure it out."

"Probably. But even so, why would I answer those questions for you?"

"Sorry," Missy said, sounding chagrined.

"It wasn't meant to be a reprimand," I said gently, "just to point out why I wouldn't confirm or deny the rumors."

"OK."

"I'll be back in ten minutes."

I turned and started up the stairs, but Missy called out.

"Jesse?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to," she said. "Shower with you, not, uhm, you know."

I walked back down the three stairs I'd climbed.

"First, until you can actually say it, not just say 'you know', you shouldn't. Second, a shower might lead to 'you know' without you intending it to."

"How?"

"Hormones are strong with everyone!" I intoned in a deep voice.

Missy laughed softly, "Darth Vader?"

"Yes. But I'm not kidding. It's very easy to get excited and do things you didn't intend. And people change their minds. And if there's any chance of 'you know', you have to have had an STI test."

"Birgit made all of us get them right after school started. And all of us went on the Pill, too. I mean, the Girl Gang. And how come you're saying 'you know' when I'm sure you've done it?"

"To be silly," I replied. "But also to make a point that it is silly to be fourteen and think about having sex and not be able to say the words. And you don't even have to use profane words; you can call everything by its technical terms, or use euphemisms, or just say the profane words, which, by the way, aren't profane in this house or my dad's."

"What do you mean?"

"For my dad, the only profane word is 'fair' because it's almost always uttered by people whining that something isn't 'fair', which almost always means they didn't get their way and think they deserved to, despite all evidence or logic to the contrary. There are a few words we don't normally use because they're offensive, but nobody would be in any trouble. We'd just be asked to be more careful with our language."

"Like?"

"My moms do not like the word 'bitch' when applied to girls," I said. "And, of course, the 'N' word for black people, and the 'C' word for girls, even when referring to anatomy."

"And you didn't say them now."

"It's better to simply never use them, even in a conversation about them, because the last thing you want to do is say them at the wrong time or to the wrong person. I'll make you a deal, OK?"

"What?"

"Ask me again on Wednesday when we meet for cocoa and be able to say what it is you don't want to do."

"Wait, is this like Risky Business?"

"Exactly! If you can't say it, you can't do it! Or not do it! And, as I said, using the word 'fuck' is not required. Back in ten minutes!"

🎤 Steve

"Dad, do you have a minute?" Birgit asked from the door to my study.

"I give two minutes for you and your enormous ego!" I replied, trying, but certainly failing, to sound like Ricardo Montalban.

"And you know what happened to him!" Birgit said, her eyes narrowing. "He blowed up real good!"

I laughed, "Since when did you start watching SCTV?"

"Albert chose those discs from Netflix! They're absolutely hilarious!"

"They are," I agreed. "What can I do for you?"

She stepped into the room with a very nervous-looking Philip.

"Is it OK if Philip spends the night?" she asked.

I wondered if the poor boy had any idea what he was in for. I obviously had no firsthand knowledge, but Birgit was so very much like Kara, and she certainly talked a good game, which, I was positive, was actually tame compared to the reality!

"You know that's up to you so long as you follow the rules," I said.

"He's had an STI test, and it was clean," Birgit said. "You know I take my pills religiously."

"Then have fun," I said.

"Thanks, Dad!" Birgit exclaimed.

She grabbed a dazed Philip's hand and led him from my study. One thing was certain: that young man's life would not be the same by Saturday morning. About twenty minutes later, after the kids had left for their Friday evening activities, Kara, Jessica, Yuriko, Natalie, and I sat down to dinner. Suzanne didn't join us, as she was out with the Coven, which was the norm for Friday night.

"What are we doing with the house empty and all to ourselves?" Kara asked.

"I vote for a sauna," I said. "With four beautiful women!"

"Without objection, so ordered!" Natalie declared.

"Hang on," I chuckled. "You've decided to go into politics?"

"Ugh, no! We had to watch C-SPAN for my political science elective. I'd rather have hot slivers of iron shoved under my fingernails!"

"I hear you on that one. The last time I watched was the so-called debate for the Authorization for Use of Force, and I wanted to vomit. The only thing worse I've seen were the Robert Bork and Clarence Thomas hearings. The ridiculous posturing, especially by Senator Kennedy, turned me off on the whole process."

"Changing back to tonight, what about after the sauna?" Kara asked.

"I'll make tea, and we can listen to music and talk," Yuriko suggested.

"Sounds good to me," I said. "Birgit will be having an overnight guest tonight."

"Philip?" Kara asked.

"He looked like a deer caught in headlights when Birgit asked me if it was OK."

"She asked?!" Jessica said, sounding surprised.

"For Philip's benefit, I'm sure," I replied. "He's twenty, and I'm positive he was concerned about how we might react to him being with Birgit. My thought was the poor boy has no idea what he's in for!"

The girls all laughed.

"Having his mind blown!" Natalie declared with a smirk. "Not to mention something else!"

"I only mentioned it so nobody is surprised if he shows up for breakfast tomorrow. I'll be out with the guys, then at Jesse's hockey game."

"Now that sets up an interesting dilemma for the Empress of the Universe," Natalie observed. "Cuddle time with Dad or staying in bed with her paramour!"

"Dad wins every time," Kara groused. "EVERY TIME!"

"I thought the Birgit versus Mom war was over," I said. "Did I miss something?"

"No," Kara said. "It's just annoying that even after you turned down her request, she still thinks you walk on water!"

"Birgit is not the only one who worships Steve," Jessica interjected. "The two young women in this room who are not his wives do as well!"

"Perhaps," Natalie replied with a smile.

"He is the perfect man!" Yuriko interjected. "But he is also a man!"

We all laughed.

"Well said!" Kara declared.

🎤 Jesse

"I'm sorry you can't come to the movie," I said to Zaida. "We can walk you home before we head to the theatre."

"I think my parents might be unhappy with a gang of twenty-five kids outside the house!"

"How about Zahra and me," I suggested. "That way, you aren't alone with a guy, and the girl is a Muslim? That shows proper respect to your parents."

"It does! Thank you!"

"Birgit," I said to my sister, "we'll meet you at the theatre in about fifteen minutes."

"OK," she agreed.

Zaida, Zahra, and I started walking towards her house, which was just off the university campus, while the rest of the gang headed to the movie theatre.

"How do you know so much about Islam?" Zaida asked.

"The same way Birgit does," I said. "Mostly from our friends from Saudi Arabia who lived here and from my dad, but I also learned about it in Sunday school."

"They actually teach you about Islam in a Christian church?"

"Yes, of course! The Orthodox had a fairly good relationship with most Arab countries until the twentieth century. There were many Orthodox Christians in the Middle East and Turkey, but the migration and population exchange seriously reduced the numbers. Three of our Patriarchs are in that area — the Patriarch of Antioch, though he's in Damascus; the Patriarch of Jerusalem; and the Ecumenical Patriarch in Constantinople, which you call Istanbul. There's also the Coptic Patriarch, sometimes called the Pope, in Alexandria, Egypt. And, of course, we have churches and monasteries across the entire region."

"Most Americans don't seem to know anything about us, and they think we all support the terrorist bin Laden."

"I know better," I replied. "As does my family. My sister actually told off the FBI when they harassed our Saudi friends."

"Birgit did that?" Zaida asked.

"Yes. Ask her about it. She'll tell you!"

"Birgit is very outspoken!"

"No, really?" I teased. "I never noticed!"