Chapter 47: Deal Maker

November 13, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

"Any final thoughts?" I asked Danielle as I merged my BMW onto the Dan Ryan for our drive to Trinity.

"I think I need some time to wrap my head around everything that I did and learned. Strangely, I think the conversations were more important than the sex."

"Then you learned the most important thing I could teach you," I said.

"You mean having an open mind and being accepting of different ideas and approaches?"

"Yes. Or, as I've called it in the past, being a subversive. That's the main point of our Philosophy Club — to explore alternatives and attempt to change as many individuals as possible. Society is something of a lost cause at the moment because politicians and the media have worked hand-in-hand to create moral panic and groupthink."

"But isn't your group like-minded?" Danielle inquired.

"Only about being open-minded. Would you say Yuriko and Natalie think the same way about everything?"

"No."

"Nor do my wives and I, my children and I, my children and each other, or any of our friends and acquaintances. In fact, the people I'm closest to are the ones most likely to challenge my thinking or present alternatives. You'll see that once you begin coming to Philosophy Club."

"I did check with Kara, and she said it was OK to see you again and to spend the night."

"Thank you for asking."

"It was weird the first time, but this morning, it was easy to do."

"Being open about sex is one of the traits that is emphasized in our group philosophy while also acknowledging that everyone's sexuality is different."

"Your kids all gave me knowing looks, and all of them except Stephie were smirking. She seemed annoyed."

"She's annoyed at the world," I replied. "It stems from a strained relationship with her 'One True Love'."

"At twelve?"

"My son Matthew basically got engaged at age five, and I have no doubt he will never even date a girl besides Chelsea. Albert is married!"

"Oh, come on!" Danielle laughed. "Now you're pulling my leg!"

"He and his girlfriend Jane had Jesse marry them when they were six. She lives in England, and they see each other at least once a year and chat on the computer, too. It might well end with them marrying, but we'll see. We're also convinced that once Nicholas hits puberty, he'll change his mind about Stephie."

"Just when I thought it couldn't get any weirder!"

I laughed, "If you think that, I've failed miserably!"

"I don't, but that doesn't mean I'm not surprised at just about every turn!"

"Good! Just out of curiosity, when do you plan to break the news to your ex-fiancé?"

"The Sunday following Thanksgiving. That will be my last day in church, too!"

"May I suggest not throwing out the baby with the bathwater and finding a suitable expression of spirituality that serves your needs?"

"Loki worship?" she asked with a smile.

"That's a love-hate relationship, and worship is not part of it! But he's the personification of Fate that works best for me. My spirituality is more nuanced and eclectic. Your rejection of Calvinism is positive, but rejecting that doesn't mean rejecting Christianity because Calvinism is most decidedly not authentic Christianity. The closest I've seen is the Eastern Orthodox Church, though that might be a bit too 'high church' for you.

"But don't limit yourself to only Western expressions of spirituality. There is much to learn from the East — Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Shinto, and general Chinese philosophy. I think a good place to start, given where you are in life, is with something Western but not specifically religious — Stranger in a Strange Land. Read that, and I think you'll see plenty of parallels with how I live my life."

"That's science fiction, right?"

"Yes, but soft science fiction, in that the main point is philosophy, not whiz-bang technology or alien races or interstellar travel. Another book to read is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, though read that the way you would Das Kapital or The Communist Manifesto."

"What do you mean?"

"Internalize the critiques they make, but take their solutions with a truckload of salt. Marx and Engels asked some excellent questions, but their answers left a lot to be desired. Ayn Rand has a very good critique of the welfare state, but her answer, grounded in objectivism, is impractical, unworkable, and somewhat silly. But that doesn't diminish the value of her observations."

"Interesting."

"Read those two books, and they'll prepare you for the next stage of your journey, including Philosophy Club."

"OK. I'll get copies of them. I assume Borders would have them?"

"I'm positive. If not, they can get them for you. Or check them out at the public library."

"Can I ask you a question about ... hmm, sexual ethics, I guess?" Danielle inquired.

"If you came up with that phrase on your own, you're miles ahead of the game!"

"Let's just say that my thought patterns were thoroughly scrambled by a combination of amazing sex and amazing conversation."

"A mindfuck to go with the physical fuck."

"That word is perfect because the patterns are reassembling in very different ways."

"What's your question?" I asked.

"When is the right time to have sex with someone?"

"When you're ready, and you both want to. I can't give you a more exact answer than that. It could be minutes, hours, days, weeks, or years after you meet them. And yes, I've had situations in each of those ranges. The longest was about sixteen years from acknowledging mutual desire until consummation."

"Why?"

"Events conspired to cause us to wait, and ultimately, the wait was worth it! At the opposite end is a girl in a mask asking me to deflower her! There have been a few other instances like that one, where the decision time was measured in minutes, even if it took an hour or two before consummation. Again, the only limitations are ones you or your partner or potential partner impose. Nobody else has a say in the matter."

"You might not be able to answer, but have you had someone who had an even more radical deflowering?"

"An Evangelical girl who asked to be jointly deflowered by me and my female lover."

"I sense a pattern!"

"Evangelical girls who want to be bad and want to make that happen, know the Compound is the place to come to!"

Danielle laughed, "Cute. You're paraphrasing Lance in Pulp Fiction, right?"

"Yes! You've seen it?"

"It was on the list of movies that was provided!"

"May I ask what else besides The Princess Bride?"

"Doctor Zhivago, Star Trek II, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Breakfast Club, and American Beauty."

"Someone paid attention, that's for sure! Though that last one isn't one I'd recommend."

"Because of the outcome?"

"I disagree with the main character's philosophy, even if I understand it."

"You mean being unable to have sex with her because she turned out to be a 'good girl', not a 'bad girl'?"

"Yes. She obviously wanted to have sex, and only his own mental block prevented it. I've been guilty of that in the past, but it usually involved not acknowledging young women were as mature as they actually were. I got over it, though I do have a tendency to talk girls to death beforehand."

"Me, but not Elizabeth."

"Different circumstances. She more or less precluded it, which, now that I think about it, was likely part of her decision to make it anonymous, at least at first."

"But our conversation was nothing like the one you had with Tabitha!"

"Correct. Why might that be?"

Danielle thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Two different people in similar, but different, circumstances. We both knew what we wanted, but she didn't really understand what she was asking for, so you were blunt and harsh with her. I knew exactly what I wanted and knew exactly what I was asking for, so you approached it differently."

"Exactly right. Going back to sexual ethics, there's something important I need to say. First, who you have sex with is your business and nobody else's, including mine. That said, if you choose to be with someone else, they absolutely have to have had a clean STI test, or we can't be together without significant time passing and you having a pair of clean tests. That's to keep you, me, and my family safe."

"I don't plan on being with anyone before I'm with you again, and I absolutely want to be with you again."

"Just promise me that you'll follow that rule in the future, too, along with always using birth control."

"The last thing I want to do is get pregnant! Give me five or six years, but not now, no way!"

"Those considerations often go out the window in the heat of the moment."

"Which is how one girl in our church found herself in what they euphemistically called 'the family way'."

"I've heard similar stories and know at least one person for whom that happened. The vasectomy eliminated that particular risk for me."

"OK, help the clueless Evangelical Christian girl, but if they cut them, how does anything come out?"

"Ejaculate contains numerous other things besides sperm. The vasectomy only prevents sperm from mixing into the ejaculate. Go back and read the section in Smart Teens; Smart Choices on male physiology and pay careful attention."

"That book has so much good information."

"It does. At one point, I jokingly called it You Want Me To Do What and Put It Where? because it explained things no teacher in health class would dare discuss!"

Danielle laughed, "It did open my eyes because I had NO clue about how sex worked beyond the very basic 'insert, move, ejaculate, withdraw, baby is made' version they explained in health class."

"At least you were allowed to attend those sessions. When I was in High School, most of Kara's friends weren't permitted to go."

"Well, I certainly had my thorough sex education these past two days!"

"And in a sense, you've only scratched the surface. That said, what we did may be all you ever do, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Each person discovers what they want and what they like, and they do that, in consultation with their partner."

"Scratched the surface?"

"There are many expressions of sexuality that are only obliquely mentioned in the book. Some of the tamer ones are role-playing and simple toys. The only limits are your imagination, comfort level, and any health concerns."

"You mean like washing after you put it in my butt?"

"Yes. The last thing you want is E. coli in your upper GI system or in your vagina. Similarly, if you use condoms, you want to be very careful to not allow leaks and not to take chances of allowing any cum anywhere near your vagina. It's not impossible to get pregnant without penetration. The correct techniques are described in the book, so go back and read those sections, if appropriate."

"I think I'll go on the Pill to be safe."

"Wise," I replied. "Now that you've had sex, you should also have a regular gynecological exam with a Pap smear."

"That was in the book, and I will."

"Any other questions?" I asked as we neared Trinity.

"None that I can think of that you would answer."

"What's the question you think I won't answer?"

"Where do I rank among the two hundred-plus girls?"

"You're right; I won't answer. That said, I will say that I very much enjoyed engaging in raw, animalistic, mattress-pounding, headboard-banging, multi-orgasmic fucking with you, and I want to do it again!"

"I can't legitimately complain about that answer! I want that, too!"

Danielle gave me a kiss at the last light before Trinity so that nobody would see us kiss on campus, which might cause her trouble before she left at the end of the semester. I dropped her at the same place I had picked her up, waved, then headed into the city for work.

🎤 Jesse

"Hot chocolate OK?" I asked Missy when we met outside Starbucks.

"That's cool."

"Hi, Jesse!" Tabitha exclaimed when we walked in. "What can I get you and your friend?"

"Two Venti hot cocoas with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles, please."

"Coming right up!"

She rang up the purchase, I paid with my debit card, and we moved to the end of the counter where our drinks would be delivered.

"You come here so often she remembers you?" Missy asked.

"She's a friend of my dad's," I replied. "And she comes to our Sunday afternoon Hangouts."

"I heard about those from Birgit, but my parents didn't think it was a good idea."

"Parents don't like teens being subversive, but the thing is, teens are naturally subversive, and it's not like there aren't other places to get information and talk to people."

"When Dad lived with us, he had some kind of blocking software on the computer. When he moved out, he took the computer, so Mom bought a new computer, and it doesn't have any blocks."

"Blocks are dumb because all you have to do is go to the public library, which has no blocks of any kind! The only limit there would be that people could see your screen except for one or two computers that face the wall and away from the aide who helps with the computers. They won't stop you unless you're publicly displaying 'inappropriate' content. That's how a few guys on the hockey team use the internet because their parents are so strict."

"Mom and Dad aren't too bad, but they're not anything like your parents!" Missy declared. "When's your next hockey game?"

"Saturday away against Lane Tech. Our next home game is the following week against Chicago Latin."

"What's the difference? I mean, is it rinks?"

"Lane Tech is on the North Side, and we'll play in their home rink. Our home rink is Johnny's Ice House, just west of the Loop. If you want to see a home game, just ask any of the girls on the softball team, and you could get a ride, I'm sure. Some of them come to away games, too."

"I hear you guys are really good."

"We're undefeated this season, but we had a great season last year, then choked in the playoffs."

"What else do you do besides play hockey?"

"Hang out with my friends, play video games, and go to church. What about you?"

"Yearbook, school newspaper, and hang out with my friends."

"The Girl Gang," I replied.

"That's what your dad calls it. He's pretty cool for an old guy!"

I laughed, "I'll let him know!"

"No! Don't!" Missy begged.

"Jesse!" the barista called out.

"I was teasing," I said as we picked up our cups and went to a table in the corner. "We give him a hard time about being old because he's almost forty, but my grandpa, his dad, turned eighty-five in August."

"Wow! My grandpa is only sixty-three!"

"My grandpa didn't marry until he was in his forties because he was in the Navy and then worked for a government agency."

"Government agency? You mean like the CIA?"

"It was the OSS first, but then the CIA, yes."

"Whoa! What about your other grandpa?"

"Two, actually. Grandpa Block and Grandpa Dolan are both in their sixties and had normal jobs."

"My mom's dad died at sixty-four," Missy replied, "but both my grandmas and other grandpa are alive."

"How do things work with your dad?"

"It's a pain in the butt because it means I can't hang out with the Girl Gang on Friday night. I complained to the judge and the social worker, but because of school and Dad's work schedule, that's the only time that works. Once I turn eighteen, I can decide totally for myself, but right now, with Dad paying child support and alimony, it helps my mom if I coöperate."

"Do you and your dad get along?"

"Yes. He's OK and always treated me well. He had an affair with a nursing student, and mom found out."

"That does tend to create disharmony! You're not angry with him?"

"I was, but then I found out that mom had an affair with a doctor for revenge, so it kind of cancels out."

"Cheating is pretty much always wrong," I said. "Even in revenge."

"I agree, but nobody asked me beforehand!"

"For what I think are pretty obvious reasons."

"Yes, of course. It wasn't my business, but it affected me."

"Which is mostly what I hear from the other kids whose parents divorced."

"You can do pretty much anything you want, right?" Missy asked.

"It might seem so, but in practice, I have to be responsible and mature, which means not doing anything too crazy."

"But you and your sister can have your girlfriend or boyfriend sleep over, which my parents would consider crazy!"

"Even there, it's about being mature and responsible, which means everyone has STI tests and we use birth control. But most parents are really hung up about that, so it doesn't happen very often."

"What's it like to sleep in the same bed with someone?"

"Warm!" I replied.

"Better than a flannel nightgown and a hot water bottle, I'm sure!"

"Way better!"

I had a pretty good idea of what Missy wanted, but I wasn't going to press the issue and would wait to see what she said and did. She sipped her hot cocoa several times before she spoke again.

"Have you decided where to go to college?"

"UW-Madison is my first choice," I said. "I'll take the SAT and ACT in June, then apply there, along with the University of Minnesota, the University of Chicago, and Northwestern."

"What are you going to study?"

"Business and hopefully sports management, but there aren't any specific classes for that, though I can do independent study. You're a Frosh, right?"

"Yes. That isn't a problem, is it?"

"No. I'm a Junior, so I'm only two years older than you are. I should tell you that I don't plan to date anyone exclusively, but I'm happy to go on dates with you if you want."

"You don't want a girlfriend?" Missy asked.

"I have lots of girlfriends," I replied, "in that I am friends with lots of girls and hang out with them. What I don't have is an exclusive relationship because I'm way too young for that."

"So, if you really like someone, then what?"

"Then we hang out and are friends and see what happens. If we're still close and we still like each other, and we both think the other one is special when I'm a Junior or Senior in college, then it would be a different story. I prefer the freedom of just hanging out with the gang on Friday nights, having my Hangouts, and playing hockey without having to worry about what someone else thinks. As one of my grown-up friends has said — I have my whole life to be serious with someone, so there's no reason to rush."