Chapter 45: Bed Her Well!

November 11, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

"Quoting Wesley from The Princess Bride?" Danielle asked. "Didn't he mean 'I love you' when he said that?"

I chuckled, "I should have guessed you'd be filled in about 'Darmok'."

"Tabitha made a point of explaining how important that concept was. I hadn't seen the movie, so I watched it before I got in touch."

"I'm also going to guess she gave you a copy of Smart Teens; Smart Choices?"

"She did. And I also read the other book by the same author because a friend of mine was raped in High School."

"Doctor Bethany Krajick and I dated in High School and college, and I'm the 'friend'."

"No kidding?"

"No kidding."

"Those two books should be mandatory reading for everyone," Danielle said. "Honestly, they opened my eyes and even if I wasn't going to be a bad girl, would have made my wedding night a LOT more fun than it might otherwise have been!"

"As I said the other evening, there are other ways than the one you've proposed."

"This is what I want," Danielle said firmly. "And I absolutely plan to tell Pastor Dwight, Robert, and my dad everything."

"You realize what might happen, right?"

"Yes. And even so, I want to experience 'raw, animalistic, mattress-pounding, headboard-banging, multi-orgasmic fucking'! That's how I want my first time."

"I was a bit blunt with her."

"Believe it or not, that's the first time I ever said the 'F' word."

"At the Compound, the 'F' word refers to 'fair', which is truly offensive the way it's often used! My kids can say 'fuck' and not get in trouble, but if they say 'not fair', they're likely to regret it."

"Why?"

"Because 'not fair' is almost always said by someone whining that they didn't get what they felt they deserved because they believe they're entitled."

"I'm curious, but what do you think about your kids having sex?"

"That it's up to them, so long as they follow those same two core rules — religious use of birth control and mandatory STI tests."

"How old were you?"

"Fourteen. She was twenty-three."

"Every boy's fantasy?"

"I hadn't even considered it until she propositioned me. I knew the basics, but I hadn't done anything other than a bit of making out."

"Which is more than I've done! I've never even danced."

"That doesn't surprise me in the least. May I suggest we dance naked before we go to bed? You can then confirm that slow dancing does, indeed, lead to sex!"

Danielle laughed, "A friend's dad jokes about Baptists not having sex standing up because it might lead to dancing."

"I've heard that one! I'm curious: do you intend to finish the semester?"

"Yes. Once the semester ends, I'm going to move in with Tabitha and John, and she's going to help me get a job at Starbucks. If you'll allow it, I want to join your Philosophy Club. Tabitha said she and John are going to start attending after New Year's."

That was news to me, as Tabitha had been attending the Hangout that Jesse and Birgit held. As I thought about it, it made sense if John wanted to attend, as he was so much older than the teens in that group and was about ten years older than anyone in my group.

"They hadn't mentioned that to me," I said. "It's not a problem, and you're welcome, of course. I should have asked, merely for setting expectations, how you expected our relationship to evolve."

"You mean because Talia said she likely wouldn't ever see you again?"

"Yes."

"Unlike Tabitha, I don't think I'm going to fall in love with you, so I don't see that risk. Lust, on the other hand..."

"You'll happily take that risk?" I asked.

"Obviously! How about I say that I want to explore all the possibilities and leave it open?"

"That's fine. You do remember that staying tomorrow night requires permission, right?"

"You didn't ask?"

"I informed; the rule is that the girl has to ask."

"Do you know how weird it will be to ask a man's wife for permission to spend the night with him?"

"Wives," I chuckled.

"Yes, yes, you know what I meant!"

"Just fair warning, they like to tease, so take most of what they say with a metric ton of salt."

"Tabitha did warn me that no matter how crazy or silly I thought it might be, it would probably be both crazier and sillier."

"Just wait!" I chuckled. "You might encounter Her Royal Highness, the Empress of the Universe!"

"Birgit?" Danielle asked. "Tabitha warned me about her! Fourteen going on forty!"

"Pretty much."

"She said she knows adults who are less mature and less informed than Birgit and her brother Jesse."

"Me, too, unfortunately. You don't appear to suffer from that affliction."

"Thanks!"

When we arrived at Bucktown Bistro, I turned the car over to the valet, tipped him, and then Danielle and I went into the restaurant.

"Hi, Sam!" I said.

"Hi, Steve!" she exclaimed, hugging me and giving me a peck on the lips. "Who's your friend?"

"Samantha Saunders, meet Danielle Marlowe. Danielle, Sam."

They shook hands.

"Alex is preparing something special for you, but he didn't tell me what."

"You know I'll eat anything he prepares!"

"Follow me, please."

She led us to a table, and immediately, a waiter came to take our drink orders.

"San Pellegrino with lime for me," I said. "Danielle?"

"Sprite, please."

The waiter quickly brought our drinks, and Alex appeared at the table.

"Alex, my friend Danielle. Danielle, Alex Saunders, chef extraordinaire. You won't find a better chef in North America!"

"Go on!" Alex declared. "Don't stop on my account!"

"What more can I say than that?" I asked.

"The world? The universe?"

"I'll leave that to Michelin!"

"That's the last thing I need! Those stars are an albatross. Anyway, I have a tasting menu for you, if that's OK."

"As I said to Sam, I'll eat anything you prepare."

"Miss, do you have any allergies?"

"Only to hunger!" Danielle declared.

Alex laughed, "I like her! Then, we'll begin with French onion soup encrusted with cheese. The croutons were made with almond flour, so they fit your carb budget, Steve."

"Something new?" I asked.

"I've been experimenting, and I've had people asking about the Atkins diet, which is a low-carb diet similar to your medically prescribed ketogenic diet. It helps with my diabetic customers as well. You know about William Banting, right?"

"Absolutely."

The waiter brought our onion soup, Alex excused himself to return to the kitchen, and Danielle and I began eating our small cups of French onion soup.

"This is really good," Danielle said. "What's a 'tasting menu'?"

"It'll be seven or eight courses, each one modest in size, with a variety of flavors, textures, and ingredients. It allows Alex to show off. The total amount of food would be equivalent to a regular meal but served serially. Depending on what he has, there will be two or three meat courses, which could be beef, chicken, or fish, two or three vegetables, soup, and salad. And dessert will be something that fits my diet, often berries and low-carb ice cream. Given what he said about bread, I suspect he'll serve rolls or something similar made from almond flour."

"This is all new to me because my family's idea of 'fine dining' is Golden Corral."

"That's the buffet restaurant in the South, right?"

"Yes. We eat there when we visit my dad's parents in North Carolina. Otherwise, it's White Fence Farm, Blueberry Hill, or Denny's."

"Were you allowed to go to movies?"

"PG only, but yes."

"Do your parents drink?"

"Oh, heavens no! We use grape juice at church for communion."

"Jesus turned water into wine," I said. "And the process to prevent grape juice from turning into wine wasn't invented until more than eighteen hundred years after Jesus lived. That's where Welch's got its start, and prior to that, every single church used wine if they had a Eucharistic service. And if you try to make the argument that the 'wine' Jesus made was non-alcoholic, the Bible itself rejects that when the point is made that you save the poor-quality wine for when everyone is drunk!"

"I bet you'd be fun in Sunday School!"

"Take your Bible out of your shoulder bag and read Ezekiel 23:20."

"How do you know I have a Bible in my bag?" Danielle asked.

"Is that a serious question?! I'll wager just about anything it's NIV, too."

Danielle laughed and took out a blue, leather-bound NIV Bible and flipped to Ezekiel.

"'There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.'"

"And translated into the vernacular," I said with a grin, "'they were hung like donkeys and came like horses'. I bet your pastor doesn't preach THAT verse!"

"You'd win that bet!"

"I bet he doesn't preach about Song of Solomon chapter 7, either!"

"You'd win that bet, too!"

We finished our soup, and the waiter brought two small mixed-green salads with a lemon vinaigrette dressing.

"Round two is as good as round one!" Danielle exclaimed a minute later.

"Remember that for later!" I said with a goofy smile.

Danielle laughed, "Cute."

Following the salad was the first meat course, which was a small steak medallion with mushroom sauce, which was followed by broccoli with cheese. After that, chicken with shallots in white wine sauce, followed by green beans with almonds. The final course was slices of five distinct cheeses and five small slices of almond-flour bread. Dessert was chocolate cake made with almond flour, with pecans and cherry ice cream.

"This cake and ice cream have no sugar and no carbohydrates?" Danielle asked.

"No sugar, but not zero carbs. The ice cream is made with a new sweetener called Stevia, and the cake is made with almond flour, which is low carb compared to regular flour and the same sweetener. That's why I could eat the bread."

"How was everything?" Alex asked, coming up to the table.

"Danielle?" I prompted.

"Fantastic! Every course was amazing! And I can't believe the dessert had no sugar!"

"You can thank Steve for that! It was trying to accommodate him that led me to experiment."

"Awesome as always," I said to Alex.

"Thanks! Have a great evening!"

"You, too! And thanks for accommodating us."

"That's on Sam. You can thank her!"

He left, the waiter brought the check, and I handed him my Amex card without even looking at it.

"Add twenty-five percent for you and the busboys," I said.

"Thank you, Sir!"

He returned with the credit card slip for me to sign, and once I'd signed it, Danielle and I left to head home.

🎤 Ashley

"What IS it with Dad?" Stephie groused when we went up to our room after dinner.

"Is it really any of our business?" I asked. "I mean, seriously, does it hurt you in any way?"

"Why can't he just be satisfied with two wives?"

"Because he wanted three, and our moms agreed."

"And how many girlfriends does he need?"

"As many as he wants and as many as our moms think is OK. Dad doesn't tell YOU who to be friends with or what to do with them, does he?"

"I'm not having sex with every guy on the planet!" Stephie protested.

"And he's not having sex with every girl on the planet."

"He would if he could!"

I shook my head, "No, he wouldn't. You totally misunderstand him."

"And YOU understand him? You're eleven!"

"I think, and I know things!" I declared. "I'm quiet, I watch, I listen, and I see. Dad calls Birgit the 'Neighborhood Watch', but she's an amateur!"

"So, Miss Smarty Pants, what do you understand that nobody else does?"

"Actually, everyone in the family understands except for YOU! We each get to decide for ourselves about sex. Dad, our moms, Suzanne, Natalie, Yuriko, and everyone else make their own decisions within whatever agreement they have with each other. Kara Mom has the final say, and I hate to tell you, but she likes the idea of Dad having sex with virgins and wants to watch if she's allowed!"

"Just gross!" Stephie complained bitterly.

"And yet, she gets to decide what she likes just as you do and just as I do. And yes, I'm only eleven, so I have no idea what I like or when I'll be ready. May I point out two things?"

"If you have to," Stephie said, sounding annoyed.

"First, you decided, a long time ago, that you were going to have sex with Nicholas and eventually marry him. Nobody objected, nobody told you 'no', and only because you decided to be a first-class bitch is that not possible."

"I don't want him!" Stephie growled.

"As Dad would say, 'Methinks she doth protest too much'. You do, but you don't want him to control HIS life. In that way, you're actually worse than Birgit! She wants to control everyone but knows deep down she can't. You don't understand that, and if you don't learn, you're going to be very unhappy."

"Oh, shut up!" Stephie demanded.

"And the second thing," I said, continuing despite Stephie's demand that I be quiet, "Kara Mom had Dad all to herself if she wanted. She chose not to. And that's a good thing because otherwise Albert and I wouldn't be here! She chose to accept what Dad and Aunt Jennifer wanted, and that's a good thing because otherwise Jesse wouldn't be here. And the same is true for Aunt Elyse and our other brothers!

"If your mom is OK with it, then what's the problem? Why do you think YOU get to decide? Life doesn't work that way. Our family doesn't like or tolerate control freaks for good reason! Most things aren't anyone's business except the people involved. Why do you think we almost never see Grandma Adams? Because she's a first-class bitch and a control freak! Nobody else is like that — not Grandpa Adams, Grandpa Al, your Grandma Nancy, or anyone else."

"Just leave me alone!" Stephie demanded.

"No problem. But you go first! You leave Dad alone, let our moms decide what is and isn't OK, and chill!"

"Why should I listen to you? YOU think it would be OK for Dad and Birgit to fuck!"

I shook my head, "I actually don't, but not because I think it's gross or whatever, but because Birgit would be stupid about it. Well, mostly. There's another reason, but I can't say what it is."

"Right, because YOU know something nobody else does."

"Actually, I'd bet that our moms and Suzanne know, along with Aunt Jennifer and Aunt Elyse. And maybe a few other people. But I don't know for sure, so I can't say it out loud."

"Uh-huh."

"Believe what you want," I said. "But either way, Birgit was dumb about the whole thing. If she'd been quiet and kept what she wanted to herself, she might have been able to get it."

"And you'd be OK with that?!"

"What part of 'not my business' don't you understand? Has Dad ever done anything to you to make you feel uncomfortable or threatened?"

"No," Stephie admitted.

"Then just let it go."

"I still say they did."

I shrugged, "I don't think so, but if they did, it's between them and our moms. Seriously, Steph, worry about yourself and what you want and what you do, not what anyone else does. Fix things with Nicholas because otherwise, you might lose him, and then you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

"What-ever!"

"Here endeth the lesson," I said in a silly voice that wasn't even close to Sean Connery but made the point.

"Just stop!" Stephie growled.

"I'm going to go hang out with Natalie and Yuriko," I said.

I got up, left the room, and went downstairs to the sunroom, where Natalie and Yuriko were doing homework.

🎤 Jesse

"Go for Jesse!" I said, answering the call on my mobile phone from a number I didn't recognize.

"Hi, Jesse. It's Missy Underhill."

"Hi," I said.

"Would you like to get together sometime?"

"Sure. Can I ask why you haven't been out with us on Fridays since just before school started?"

"My parents divorced, and I have to spend Friday and Saturday nights with my dad."

"Where does he live?"

"Brookfield. They sold the house in Woodlawn when they divorced, and Mom and I live in an apartment by the hospital, where she works."

"Medical staff or administrative?"

"She's a nurse in cardiology."

"What does your dad do?"

"He's a cardiologist at Rush Pres, well, now. He used to be at the hospital."

"What did you want to do?" I asked.

"Maybe get together after school? I could go out on Saturday evening if you could drive and pick me up, but I'd have to get permission from my dad, and he's not happy I'm interested in boys."

"How about Wednesday? Brooke and I do homework together on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"Sure! I'm at the lab school, so where should we meet?"

"Starbucks OK?"

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up, then went back to studying Spanish.

🎤 Steve

"Danielle Marlowe, please meet Kara, Jessica, and Suzanne, my wives."

"Hi!" Danielle exclaimed.

"Hi, Danielle," Kara said. "We have it from here, Snuggle Bear!"

I chuckled, "I'll be in my study."

I left the Indian room and went next door to my study, turned on my 17" iMac G4, and brought up my journal. I hadn't updated it since I'd been with Talia and figured the twenty to thirty minutes my wives would spend 'interrogating' Danielle would be best used by bringing it up to date. My time estimate was spot on, as about twenty-five minutes later, Kara brought Danielle to my study, then left, closing the door behind her.

"How did it go?" I asked, nodding towards one of the wingback chairs.

"You could have warned me!" Danielle exclaimed as she sat down.

I chuckled, "I did! I said they like to tease and that you should take most of what they say with a metric ton of salt. Mind telling me?"

"At first, it seemed as if they were upset or unhappy, which didn't make any sense, and it almost seemed like what I imagine a KGB interrogation would be like."

"I have a friend who is ex-KGB," I chuckled. "So maybe they asked for some pointers!"

"Ex-KGB?"

"Yes. And another one who is a former General Colonel who commanded a Russian Tank Division. Not to mention another who is a diplomat and later became a member of the Duma, their parliament. Another is a former diplomat."