Chapter 36: Negative Encounters

October 19, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

I'd promised I only wanted one kiss, so I moved off Philip's lap right away because I could tell he was uncomfortable. I was pretty sure after that single kiss that the real reason he was uncomfortable was that he had zero experience. Unlike Dad, Philip had never discovered that girls were way more fun than Dungeons & Dragons and other 'boy' things like video games or sword fighting. And that changed the picture completely in my mind.

The question was, of course, what to do next. I had plenty of experience, having been with Kjell, Mikael, Peter, Lilibeth, Julie, and Marcella. I almost laughed because even though I really, really like boys and fucking, I'd been with as many girls as I'd been with guys! I'd also had a few threesomes, though I hadn't yet managed a threesome with two boys, but I was positive I could eventually arrange that!

I turned my mind back to what to do about Philip and wasn't sure. Most boys and men were totally interested in sex, even if they might be concerned about the fact I was only fourteen. Peter and Kjell had both been inexperienced and had been a bit nervous, but this was different. Of course, I'd been nervous the first time with Kjell, but that had lasted all of about two seconds because once he was inside me, all I cared about was fucking! I was pretty sure if I could get Philip to that point, he'd be fine. The question was how to get to that point.

The 'double whammy', as Aunt Katy would call it, was that he was inexperienced, and I was way younger than he was. That wasn't an issue for me, but it sure was for him, and I had no clue as to what to do next other than wait and see what he did or said. And he wasn't saying or doing anything! If things were slightly different, I'd be tempted to simply stand up and take off my clothes, but that would probably freak him out to the point I'd never see him again.

After three minutes of quiet, I felt I had to say something, and the only thing I could think of was to ask him if he wanted another kiss. I wasn't sure that was the best idea, but it was the only one I had.

"Would you like another kiss?" I asked.

"Uhm..." Philip hesitated.

"I'd like one," I said invitingly.

Philip didn't respond, and I weighed my options, then moved back to his lap and put my arms around his neck. I looked into his eyes and then planted a soft kiss on his lips. Not wanting to push things too far, too fast, I leaned forward and rested my head on his shoulder and was happy when he put his arms loosely around me. I decided the best strategy was to bank my gains and allow him to decide to take the next step.

We sat that way for about ten minutes, and I decided the best thing to do was to go downstairs and play pool or something like that.

"I liked that," I said.

"Me, too," Philip replied. "But..."

"Let's just take it slowly," I said. "How about we go downstairs and play pool?"

"Sounds good," Philip replied, sounding relieved.

His relief confirmed my feeling that he had no experience at all. I wondered how I'd broach the topic of an STI test if we got that far, but that was a challenge for a different day. We got up, left my room, and headed for the basement.

🎤 Jesse

"What did you want to do?" I asked Ebele when we finished our sauna.

She laughed softly, "I thought that would be totally obvious!"

"I never make assumptions," I replied. "That keeps me out of all kinds of trouble!"

"I bet!"

"So?" I asked as we put on our robes.

"Let's go to your room and see how much trouble we can get into!"

I grinned, adjusted the sauna controls, turned on the exhaust fan, then took her hand and led her out of the sauna. We took quick showers to rinse off, dressed, headed to the coach house, and went up to my room. We quickly undressed, got into bed, and got into trouble in a very enjoyable fashion. After three rounds, one of which was sixty-nine, we cuddled.

"Do you think this is going anywhere?" Ebele asked.

"You mean like being a couple?"

"Yes. I like you a lot, Jesse, and I really like how good you make me feel!"

"I'm not looking for anything exclusive now," I said. "And just so there are no surprises, a friend is visiting from Minnesota over Christmas break."

"But we could hang out and go out sometimes and see what happens?"

"Sure. That's kind of what High School is about. I mean, I'm sixteen, and you turn fifteen in about two weeks, so we're WAY too young to even think about anything more than dating, and I don't mean as a couple the way some kids do."

"That's OK, but would you promise me something?"

"That depends on what it is," I replied.

"You won't do this with any other members of the cheer team? I mean, in the future, not anything that happened in the past."

"Who I'm with has to be up to me," I replied. "Obviously, if we were a couple, that would be different. That said, I won't hit on any of the girls on the cheer team, but if they flirt with me, I have to be able to decide for myself what to do, just as you do. The one thing I won't tolerate is cheating or deception, so if you do start dating someone else, even casually, you can't hide the fact that you and I go out, nor can you hide the fact you're going out with other guys. I'm telling you right now, I'm going out with other girls, including the girl who's going to visit from Minnesota."

"Is it because I'm black?" Ebele asked.

"No way!" I replied. "It certainly doesn't matter to me, and nobody in my family would care. It really is just that I don't feel it's the right time for me to be in an exclusive relationship."

"When do you think it's right?"

"College," I replied. "And probably after Sophomore year. I mean, it's possible I'll meet the right person before then and decide, but not during High School. I used to think maybe as a Senior, but even that's way too young. My sister Birgit thinks twenty-five is the soonest, because by then you're out of college, and have worked for at least a year if you went for a Master's, or three if just a Bachelor's."

"So, this doesn't mean anything?"

I had to be very careful about what I said because I didn't want to hurt her, but I also didn't want to imply that it was more than it was.

"It always means something," I replied. "In our case, it means we like each other, are attracted to each other and enjoy being together. More than that takes time and, please don't take this the wrong way, maturity. I think we're both mature enough to do this but not mature enough to make a lifetime commitment, if that makes sense."

"A lifetime commitment?" Ebele asked.

"If we were to be a couple, would you plan for us to break up?"

"Well, no," Ebele admitted.

"Do you see the problem? If you 'go steady' as my parents called it when they were in High School, the default is to stay together, and that logically leads to marriage unless you plan to break up. Well, if you plan to break up, why be an exclusive couple in the first place?"

"I guess that makes sense," Ebele admitted dejectedly.

I wondered if her decision to have sex with me had hinged on the idea that we might be a couple. It certainly hadn't seemed that way, and she knew I'd been with other girls, including Robin and Estefana because both of them had revealed that they'd been with me. If she did believe that, then I suspected it was after the fact, and probably because she'd gone further than she'd intended in the 'heat of the moment'.

I suppressed a sigh because it was entirely possible I'd repeated one of Dad's mistakes. He'd told me about a girl in Sweden who had gotten so worked up that she had sex with him despite wanting to remain a virgin. I wondered if that was the case with Ebele and if it was what I could do. One thing I wouldn't do was ask her to be a couple, something I couldn't do any more than I could 'return' her virginity.

If I'd missed that she thought her virginity was part of a pledge, that was a pledge I hadn't made and had been clear I wasn't making. Not only that, but her thinking on it appeared to have changed after we'd had sex, and that reinforced the idea that she'd gone further than she'd intended.

"I'm not sure what I can say at this point except that I'm sorry if there was miscommunication because I had no intent to do that."

"It's just that ... no, never mind."

"You should probably just say it," I said gently. "That's the only way forward."

"I always thought it would be with my first real boyfriend," Ebele said quietly.

I wanted to smack myself in the forehead because that's exactly the kind of thing she should have said before she even asked about oral sex. The only thing I could do at this point was, as gently as I could, point out she'd made the decision.

"I get that," I replied, "and if you had told me that beforehand, we could have talked about it."

"But I wanted ... sorry, it's all my own fault."

"We're each responsible for our actions," I said. "I could have asked more questions when you said you weren't sure or even said 'no' when you asked. But it's also true that what's done is done and can't be undone. I am sorry if I hurt you."

"You didn't," Ebele sighed. "It was my own fault, really."

"So what now?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied.

"How about we shower and then hang out in the main house?"

"OK."

🎤 Albert

"My sister seems to have calmed down," I said to Nicholas when we were playing Ace Combat in my room.

"I wouldn't know," Nicholas replied, jinking so I missed my shot. "I avoid her like the plague."

"She's not being a total bitch to everyone, so that's a major plus. How was hockey today?"

"Great! I scored and had an assist, and believe it not, Jesse scored a goal!"

"I thought he always played goalie?"

"He does! But we were up 3-0, and there was no risk of icing because we were on a PK. The puck came to him, and instead of just clearing it to the boards at the blue line, he shot it at the net and scored. Coach was pissed but also said it was a great shot. And the ref saved the puck for Jesse."

"Why was the coach pissed?"

"Because Jesse was supposed to sweep the puck to the corner or bank it off the boards, not shoot straight up the middle. It was risky, but it paid off, and honestly, even if they had got the puck and scored, there would have been just over a minute left. You should come to our games."

"I have a flight team who flies on Saturday mornings on our simulators, with actual ATC and stuff. It's fun."

"Cool! We'll be a Navy fighter pilot and Navy doctor, though I won't go to the Academy."

"UofC for undergrad and medical school?"

"Yes. Then, I'll apply for the military Match. Your mom and grandpa will be a big help in that regard, not to mention all my Navy friends. Did you ever think about the Commander..."

I laughed, "First of all, she's more than twice my age! Second, it's a UCMJ violation. Third, she was one of Dad's girlfriends. Fourth, she's married!"

"I didn't say do it; I said think about it!" Nicholas declared.

"I'm a red-blooded, American Adams boy. What do YOU think?"

"MILF. For sure!"

I laughed, "Absolutely! But Jane and I are married, too, remember?"

"I don't think Jesse could marry you when you were both five or six!"

"And the pastor couldn't marry Dad and our moms, either, but that sure didn't stop them!"

"Are you seriously not going to go out with any girls?"

"I'll talk to Jane about going to Homecoming and Prom, and whatever JROTC mixers and events they have, and figure it out. I'll see her next year, and we chat online almost every day. What about you?"

"Just hanging out with the group," Nicholas replied. "I don't want to be controlled by anyone."

"You're going to join the freaking Navy!" I said, laughing.

"OK, I meant a teenage girl!"

"I can get behind that! Jane doesn't control me; we both agree on things. It's kind of like Matthew and Chelsea but without the fooling around."

"What do you think about Birgit?" Nicholas asked.

"I try not to!" I declared. "Why? Are you interested?"

"She's cute, but she scares me!"

"Birgit scares everyone, including Dad!" I declared.

I managed to get Nicholas' jet lined up and nailed him with an air-to-air missile, winning the dogfight.

"Rats!" Nicholas groused. "How do you do that so easily?"

"Lots of practice! I need to be able to nail 'Jester' above the hard deck!"

"How many times have you watched that movie?"

"At least a dozen."

"Kelly McGillis is H-O-T!"

"I bet I don't have any instructors that look like callsign 'Charlie'!" I declared. "Another round?"

"One day I'm going to beat you, Albert!"

"Good luck with that!" I declared.

🎤 Birgit

Jesse and his friend Ebele came down into the basement while Philip and I were playing pool. I suggested all four of us play, and they accepted. We played with our partners, then switched to boys against girls. Unfortunately, Ebele wasn't very good, and that meant the boys won all three of those games. After a total of seven games, we decided to go for ice cream, as we still had three hours before dinner.

"What are you guys doing tonight?" I asked Jesse as we walked.

"Ebele has to be home for dinner, so I was planning to hang out with Albert and Nicholas. Why?"

"Just curious. Philip is staying for dinner, and I thought about going out afterwards. Or we could watch a movie."

"Ebele, can you come back?" Jesse asked.

"No. I have stuff to do with my family," she replied.

"I can call Rachel, Tiff, Libby, and Lilibeth," I offered. "Jesse, you could maybe call a few of the guys from the team."

"OK," Jesse agreed. "Let's do that."

We got our ice cream, and while we ate, we called everyone and arranged an impromptu gathering at the house.

"Everyone I called can come over," Jesse said.

"Same here, except Rachel is at Javon's house for dinner, and they're doing something with his family afterwards. I have Big Fat Liar from Netflix if that's OK."

"Works for me," Jesse said. "Philip?"

"I haven't seen it, so sure."

"We should go to the store and get some snacks," Jesse suggested. "Ebele, we can drop you on the way. I just need to check with Dad that it's OK to take his car. Philip, do you have a license?"

"Yes, why?"

"Because I can only have one person in the car, except siblings, without a licensed driver. You and Birgit would be two, even though she's my sister, and Ebele would be three. You just have to sit in the front passenger seat."

"OK, I remember that law now," Philip said.

We headed home, Jesse checked with Dad, then the four of us got into Dad's car. We dropped Ebele at home, then went to Jewel to get snacks and soft drinks, then headed home for dinner. After dinner, our friends arrived, and we had a great time, and the best part of all was when it was time for Philip to leave, he gave me a kiss.

October 20, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

Bob arrived at 11:00am on Sunday, as we'd agreed, and I took him up to my room but left the door open a smidge so that I didn't send the wrong message before we discussed my concerns.

"The floor is all yours," Bob said, sitting on the loveseat.

"And everything else in the room!" I replied, trying to keep things light.

I sat down next to him, but not too close.

"Well, I'M in the room, so I must belong to you!"

I laughed, "Nice one!"

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Us," I replied. "We have a really good thing going, and I don't want to mess it up."

"Then why lead me on?" Bob asked.

"I didn't mean to," I said apologetically. "And I'm not saying 'no', I'm just saying I want to talk to you about it. We're good friends, and you're my photography buddy, and I'm just afraid that things could get totally messed up and wreck things."

"Birgit," Bob said. "What did you tell me to do?"

"Ask me if I wanted to fuck."

"And what does that mean?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What does that word mean to you?"

"It's sex without any commitments and just for fun."

"And for some reason, you think I missed your conditions? You made it clear you aren't looking for a boyfriend and that it can't interfere with photography. I agreed. And it's not like I don't understand the dynamic because you know Meghan and I have fooled around, though we haven't gone all the way. Why do you think it would mess up our friendship if it's just casual?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

"If you don't want to, just say so," Bob said.

"No, that's not it," I replied quickly. "It really is that I don't want to mess things up between us, and I know guys can get weird about stuff like that."

"Right, because girls don't get weird about it, too?"

"Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"Birgit, were you telling me the truth about how experienced you are? If you haven't really done it and are nervous, I understand."

"I was telling the truth! Honest!"

"So what's wrong with me, then?" Bob asked.

It wasn't him, and I had no clue why I was freaking out about having sex with him. It was really strange, and I didn't understand it.

"Nothing," I said. "Well, nothing I understand."

"Let me try to help figure it out, OK?"

"Sure," I agreed.

"Have any of your partners been anything other than casual?" Bob asked.

"No. All of them are just friends, nothing more."

"Close friends?"

"No."

Well, Peter and I had known each other since we were babies, but he'd more or less ignored me until he noticed I had 'turned into a girl', as he had put it.

"But I'm a close friend, right?" Bob asked.

"Yes," I admitted.

"I think that might be it," he said. "If we weren't 'photography buddies', you wouldn't be concerned. We'd be in your bed right now."

"You're probably right," I replied. "I'm sorry. Do you still want to?"