Chapter 26: Compromise

September 22, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

On Sunday morning, after cuddle time with Dad and breakfast, I stayed in the kitchen to bake a cake for Philip and was happy that Yuriko decided to keep me company. She was totally cool, and I was going to miss her when she finally went back to Japan after finishing her degree in horticulture.

"What kind of cake are you planning to make?" Yuriko asked.

"I think chocolate cake with fudge icing," I replied. "It'll be from a box because I don't have all the ingredients I'd need to make it from scratch."

"Do you plan to serve lunch, too?"

"Yes. I was thinking of just soup, sandwiches, and chips. He's going out to dinner with his parents, though, so even that might be too much."

"Not if you serve smaller portions," Yuriko suggested. "Perhaps a cup of soup, half a sandwich, and some chips, then with cake for dessert."

"That makes sense! How did you learn so much about cooking and entertaining?"

"It's normal for Japanese girls to learn. One of our duties is to care for the house, which means entertaining, which is very important in Japanese society. When I go home, I will help my grandfather with the farm but also assist my grandmother with the house."

"But if you're the expert in farming, why do those things?"

Yuriko smiled, "Duty, Birgit-chan! I might ask why you do things for your father! The answer is the same!"

"But it's not duty; it's because I love him and want to please him!"

"Yes, and that is true for me when I do those things, both for your father and for my family. You Americans are too focused on yourselves as individuals instead of members of a community. Japan is more like what Albert calls 'The Compound', where everyone looks out for the family first, and for themselves second. Even you!"

"Hey!" I protested.

Yuriko laughed softly, "What is the American idiom? If the shoe fits?"

"Grrr!"

"But it's true, Birgit-chan. And you don't actually object, except in principle. You would sacrifice for anyone in your family, just as they would sacrifice for you. If you were in trouble, your family would do everything possible to help you, just as you would for them."

"You might have a point," I admitted.

"Do not things turn out better when you work together with your family or friends than if you try to do everything for yourself, to your own benefit?"

"Maybe," I replied.

"Be honest, please, Birgit-chan!"

"Yes."

"And is it not more important to protect and help the family than to do things simply to please yourself? Again, please be honest."

"Yes."

"Then your situation is no different from mine, except that our society expects us to work together for the greater good rather than solely seek our own good. Both community good and personal good may be achieved at the same time, as your family shows."

"This is where Dad says 'I hate you!' to everyone except Liz!"

"He has never said that to me," Yuriko said with a smile. "Because he understands the Japanese ways, and respects them, and, to some extent, practices them. Does he not run his company for the benefit of everyone who works for him? Just as he manages his family to the benefit of all the members? And for his friends, as well?"

"Yes."

"Then I would have no need to correct him!"

"Good luck with THAT idea!" I giggled. "He's still a 'dumb boy' at times!"

"You're mistaken, Birgit-chan!" Yuriko said.

"How so? Boys do dumb things!"

"Yes, they do, but your definition of 'dumb' when you refer to your dad is when he doesn't do things you want him to do the way you want him to do them! That's not 'dumb'; that's simply being different. Men and women are different, and we should celebrate those differences. Would you prefer your friend who is joining you for lunch to behave like a girl in every way?"

"Well, no," I admitted.

"Then, perhaps, you should celebrate the differences between men and women and not expect men to behave exactly as you demand they do."

"But Dad does what you want!" I protested.

"Because I demand he does things, or because he strives to make me happy?"

"Grrr!"

Yuriko laughed softly, "Which is the sound you make when someone shows you that you are mistaken, and you do not wish to admit it!"

"Can we please make the cake?" I requested.

"Yes, of course. But please consider what I have said."

"I will," I agreed, mostly so I could end the conversation.

🎤 Jesse

My mobile phone had rung while I was on the way to church, and following Dad's rule, I didn't answer it or even look to see who was calling, as in an emergency, Dad or my moms would call twice in a row, which would let me know I'd need to pull over to check the phone. The phone chirped a minute later, signaling someone had left a voicemail, which I'd check once I arrived at church. About fifteen minutes later, I parked and was able to check the message.

I laughed because he had been in the hospital overnight, not in 'prison', but Aunt Jessica said that people really did not like staying in the hospital and often felt as if they were being watched by prison guards because of the way doctors, nurses, and medical students were constantly checking on them.

I thought about calling him back, but the way his message sounded, he was just leaving the hospital, so he wouldn't be home for a bit, and he didn't have a mobile phone. I powered off the phone, stashed it in the glove compartment because nobody was supposed to have a phone in the nave during services, then went into the church. I took a spot near where the college kids usually stood and waited for the service to begin.

Just under four hours later, after lunch and Sunday School, I went out to the car, got my phone, powered it on, and called Nicholas to make sure it was OK to come over. He said it was, so I texted Dad because I had his car and set off for Nicholas' house.

🎤 Birgit

"Hi!" I exclaimed when Philip arrived at the house. "I have lunch ready and cake for dessert!"

I led him to the kitchen, where I had vegetable soup, ham and cheese sandwiches, and Ruffles on plates, along with glasses of lemonade. The cake was on the island as well, along with plates and a spatula. We sat down on stools at the island, and we began to eat.

"You made this all by yourself?" he asked.

"Me, Campbell's, Weber's Bakery, JM Smucker, Frito-Lay, Tropicana, and Duncan Hines!"

Philip laughed, "OK, I meant you prepared it all yourself!"

"I had some help from Yuriko, a Japanese girl who stays with us while she's studying at UofC, but I could have done it alone. It's more fun to do together. My dad actually taught me to cook."

"Your dad?"

"He learned to cook growing up and then experimented a lot while he was in college. My biological mom is an excellent baxter, but only an OK cook."

Philip laughed and interrupted me, "You know the Middle English word for female baker?"

"My English teacher was explaining differences between Old English, Middle English, and Modern English, and how the feminine words are falling out of use."

"True."

"To complete what I was going to say before — my other mom is a doctor who would have trouble turning on the stove!"

"I doubt that very much!" Philip declared.

"She never learned to cook and ate cafeteria food in college and takeout in medical school! Well, until she met my dad!"

"Your family is very strange."

"That's a good thing!" I declared. "Why be like everyone else, especially when most people either have their head up their butt or a stick up their butt?! Or worse, both! My dad thinks we should not just march to the beat of a different drummer but write our own music!"

"Doesn't that cause trouble?"

"All the time with busybodies, prudes, and the government. But f ... the heck with them! Everyone in my family, and our close friends we call 'cousins', but who really aren't cousins, are all mature and have our sh ... poop in one group!"

"I have heard swearwords before!" Philip said with a smile. "Just not from fourteen-year-old girls."

"Do I act like any fourteen-year-old girl you know?"

"No."

"Exactly!"

"So why stop yourself from using those words?"

"Because society can't handle them! I'm allowed to use any word I know except one."

"What word is that?"

"The real 'F' word! 'Fair'. I can say 'fuck you' to anyone in the house and not get in trouble, but if I say 'not fair', I'm in deep shit!"

"You're joking!" Philip protested.

"No, I'm not! Dad says that people who say 'not fair' really mean that they didn't get what they wanted and usually actually got what they deserved. Saying 'not fair' is usually whining and is almost never correct. People who want something for nothing whine about 'not fair'. People who know you have to work to get what you want do not. Guess which kind of people make things better?"

"What happens if you say it?"

"Dad shows us what 'not fair' really means! It would be something like doing all the chores in the house instead of dividing them equitably between everyone based on their ability and available time."

"Did you swallow a philosophy book?"

I giggled, "No, but I've read plenty! Including Plato, Sun Tzu, Lao Tse, Dostoyevsky, and others! And I've read Stranger in a Strange Land, The Stranger, The Brothers Karamazov, and a bunch of other stuff that either touches on or is directly philosophy."

"In ninth grade?"

"I read Plato's Republic in fifth grade and Stranger in a Strange Land in sixth."

"I didn't read those until I was a Senior or in college."

"You should see Dad's library. He has thousands of books, and he's read most of them. Well, not all the reference books, but history, theology, philosophy, political science, and so on. And he encourages all of us to read and discuss those books. I told you about the Hangouts we have where we discuss philosophy, politics, and current events."

"And your siblings?"

"The same, but not always the same stuff. We read what interests us. I mean, I read fiction, too, like Harry Potter or A Song of Ice and Fire. My brothers like Tom Clancy. My sisters and I read girl stuff, too, like The Princess Diaries."

"I don't have time to read, really, except for what I have to read for school."

"Then you make time! Maybe play less Dungeons & Dragons and read more!"

"No way! I love that, along with my SCA stuff."

"Books are the best, but each person has to make their own decisions."

We finished eating, and I lit one candle on the cake and had Philip blow it out.

"Happy birthday!" I said.

"Thanks."

I cut pieces of cake for each of us, serving him first. We ate our cake, then I put the dishes into the sink to wash after Philip left, and we went up to my room to listen to music. I put on a CD of Angels with Dirty Faces, an import album by the British girl band Sugababes that Henry had given me, and we sat on the loveseat.

"Will you do something for me?" I asked.

"What?" Philip asked apprehensively.

"Forget that I'm fourteen and just treat me like a normal young woman, please."

"I don't know," Philip said.

"Just think about it, please. Can I see you again next weekend?"

"I'm busy Saturday and Sunday, but I could probably see you on Friday."

"You could come with my brother, me, and our friends to Giordano's. We'll probably come back here to watch a movie because nothing interesting is being released this week."

"Is everyone like you?"

"There is NOBODY like me!" I declared. "But if you mean mature and intelligent, absolutely. And nobody will give you or me any grief about you being in college. My brother Jesse is a Junior in High School, and one of his girlfriends is a Sophomore in college."

"One of?"

"He goes out with different girls and doesn't have one he considers his regular girlfriend. Be here about 5:30pm on Friday, OK?"

"Sure," Philip agreed.

I smiled, then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He tensed, so I just leaned back to listen to the CD. I really wanted a good kiss, but that would likely freak him out because he still couldn't see past me being fourteen.

🎤 Jesse

"When can you play?" I asked Nicholas when I arrived at his house.

"If I'm not dizzy, don't have headaches, and don't have double vision, I'll be cleared for our game against the British International School in two weeks."

"That's cool. Any symptoms?"

"Not since yesterday afternoon," Nicholas replied. "I felt fine this morning except for a slight headache, which the doctor said is normal."

"Will you be in school tomorrow?"

"Yes. And I can skate starting Thursday because we have no contact."

"Did you let Coach know?"

"He called before. Will you pick me up starting on Thursday morning?"

"Absolutely. Do you have to stay home today?"

"Yes. Tomorrow, I can do my normal routine except for skating."

"How is your mom?"

"She was really concerned, but Tom got her to chill. I just wish she and your dad would solve their problem."

"Me, too, but we have to stay completely out of it. The last thing we need is for your mom to decide to move you to a different school."

"Yeah," Nicholas agreed. "That would suck."

🎤 Birgit

At 3:00pm, I walked Philip to the door, and we said 'goodbye'. I didn't try to kiss him again because he'd been so nervous. We said 'goodbye', and I headed back to my room. I turned on the computer and was happy to see Katy online.

DadsPumpkin: Hi!
AppleOrchardKaty: Hi! How are you?
DadsPumpkin: Good. Boys are a pain!
AppleOrchardKaty: Now what?
DadsPumpkin: I met a guy I really like, but he's a Sophomore at IIT, and he's freaked out by me being fourteen.
AppleOrchardKaty: You do remember you aren't 'legal', right?
DadsPumpkin: The government can go fuck themselves and keep their nose out of who I want to fuck!
AppleOrchardKaty: I know you believe that, as does your dad. So do I, but the law won't take that into account, and you know it. Not to mention the age difference.
DadsPumpkin: Oh, please! Grandpa Adams is twenty years older than Grandma Adams! Don is ten years older than Doctor Mary! General Dmitry is at least ten years older than Tanya!
AppleOrchardKaty: Yes, but when did those women start seeing those men? I know your grandma was in her twenties when she met your grandpa!
DadsPumpkin: 🤬
AppleOrchardKaty: Tell me about him.
DadsPumpkin: His name is Philip, and he's a computer science major at IIT who lives in the dorms. He's about four inches taller than me, decent-looking, and smart. He's a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism and knows how to fence, you know, fight with swords. He also plays Dungeons & Dragons and likes science fiction.
AppleOrchardKaty: Where's he from?
DadsPumpkin: Naperville. He moved into the dorms to get away from his parents. He thinks his dad is too straitlaced and controlling.
AppleOrchardKaty: Sounds like a classic nerd!
DadsPumpkin: You mean like my dad? 😛
AppleOrchardKaty: Your dad gave up being a nerd when he discovered girls were WAY more fun than computers. I think he was fourteen!
DadsPumpkin: I was teasing, obviously.
AppleOrchardKaty: Obviously. What have you done?
DadsPumpkin: Not that, obviously!
AppleOrchardKaty: You have a one-track mind! You know what I meant.
DadsPumpkin: Met for coffee, met for burgers, watched a movie, and listened to music together, and I made lunch and a cake for him today for his birthday.
AppleOrchardKaty: And?
DadsPumpkin: I thought you said not that! 🤪
AppleOrchardKaty: OK, not that first!
DadsPumpkin: Just kissed him on the cheek. He seemed super nervous and flinched.
AppleOrchardKaty: There might be another reason besides you being fourteen.
DadsPumpkin: What?
AppleOrchardKaty: Has he had a girlfriend before?
DadsPumpkin: No idea, but he's twenty!
AppleOrchardKaty: So? In my experience, guys who play D&D don't usually have girlfriends.
DadsPumpkin: Just no way! He's twenty!
AppleOrchardKaty: You have to consider it. How 'sexually aggressive' have you been?
DadsPumpkin: I haven't! I haven't mentioned it, or tried anything, or even hinted at it beyond kissing his cheek.
AppleOrchardKaty: Who are you, and what have you done with the real Birgit?
DadsPumpkin: 😛
AppleOrchardKaty: It's something to seriously consider. But I'm curious: why be coy?
DadsPumpkin: Yuriko.
AppleOrchardKaty: You could do a lot worse than take advice on how to be subtle and demure from a Japanese woman.
DadsPumpkin: Japan is weird!
AppleOrchardKaty: And I'm sure they think the same thing about us! But you seem to have listened.
DadsPumpkin: Let's just say she has a different perspective, and it might have some value.
AppleOrchardKaty: Being subtle is not your strong suit.
DadsPumpkin: You think? 🤣
AppleOrchardKaty: I know! But you seem to have learned from your experiences here and from Yuriko. That's a good thing. Consider what I've said.
DadsPumpkin: I will.
AppleOrchardKaty: Good! I need to get back to my spreadsheet. Chat soon! L8r!
DadsPumpkin: L8r!

I wondered if Katy could be right about the possibility Philip had never had a girlfriend. That just seemed weird to me, but I knew some people were like that, though it was mostly girls like Tabitha who didn't date or have a serious boyfriend until they were out of High School, if even then. I knew Mom's dad, who I'd never met because he'd died, had intended for her to never date, but then she met Dad and, I giggled, wanted to fuck! I got up from my desk and left my room, wondering what my sisters were up to.

🎤 Steve

"How was your day?" I asked Jessica when Kara, Suzanne, and I met her outside the ER on Sunday evening.

"Busy, but no GSWs, which is normal when the temps are in the '50s and low 60s."

"That does correlate pretty closely," I replied.

"There is some discussion about creating a clinic, but I'm not sure we can do that because of EMTALA."

"A law which forbids you from sending non-emergent patients to an attached clinic is flat-out stupid," I declared.

"No kidding! And while it doesn't specifically prevent that, the 'examination' requirement would likely be enforced by juries against us if someone brought suit."