Chapter 24: A Bluff?

September 19, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Birgit

"I wanted to let you know that I have a date tomorrow night," I said to Peter when he came over after school on Thursday.

"OK," he said, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Let's do our homework, and when Fangsu goes home, we can go upstairs."

"What about the fact you have a date tomorrow?" he asked.

"So long as it's not cheating, what's the problem? I told you about it, and I'm not trying to hide it from you. Or from him."

"It's just ... never mind. Let's do our homework."

I had an essay to write, so I went to my room to get my new iBook 14". I joined Peter and Fangsu in my dad's study, which we were allowed to use for homework if he wasn't at home, then opened Microsoft Word. Ashley, Chadrima, Stephie, and Stephie's friend, Brooke, who also went to the Lab School, were doing their homework in the sunroom, and Albert was doing his in his room, as he usually did.

I finished my essay, then reviewed the parts of a cell for a biology quiz we'd have on Friday. When all of us finished, Fangsu headed home, and Peter and I went up to my room, where we took off our clothes and got into bed.

"Are you upset about me going on a date?" I asked.

"It's just that I like you a lot, Birgit," Peter said. "A lot."

"And I like you, too, but I don't want to be tied down with anyone. Well," I giggled, "unless you want to tie me up!"

"That just seems strange," Peter replied.

"I think it could be fun! Imagine me tied up and you being able to do anything you wanted!"

"Right! Because you won't let me do anything I want when you're not tied up!"

I laughed, "Good point! That includes being with both Julie and me!"

"And you're going to, uhm, do stuff with her?"

"Yes!" I giggled. "I told you that you could watch! And have both of us!"

"I'm, er, a bit nervous about that."

"Why?" I asked. "It'll be fun!"

"She's a virgin, right?"

"Yes."

"And she wants to do it with me?"

"And with me! It'll be fun! I promise! But we're talking too much now! How about we sixty-nine, then fuck?"

"Yes!"

September 20, 2002, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Steve

"You know I don't think this is wise, right?" Liz asked late on Friday morning.

"I do, but it has to happen, and it has to be private. And if you're worried about recording, you know that Illinois is a two-party consent state."

"And you so creatively interpret things, that when you call your credit card company, and they say 'This call may be recorded for training and security purposes', you interpret that as giving YOU permission to make a recording!"

I laughed, "Obviously, since they say the call 'may be recorded' and 'may' means granting permission, as in 'Mother may I?'!"

"Or 'might,' as in 'this call might be recorded.'"

"You say 'po-tay-to', I say 'po-tah-to'! But in the end, my understanding is valid and conforms to a dictionary definition; it's neither slang nor idiom! And I can have even more fun with auto-antonyms!

"Think of the word 'sanction', which means both 'penalize' and 'approve'! Or 'oversight', which means both 'miss' and 'watch closely'! Or 'overlook', which means to 'miss seeing' or 'have a great view'. Or 'bolt', which means 'to secure in place' or 'dash away suddenly'. Or 'custom', which means 'special order' or 'common practice'! Or 'handicap', which means both 'advantage' and 'disadvantage'. Or 'dust', meaning 'to remove particles' or 'sprinkle particles on crops'. Or 'cleave', which means both to split apart and to cling together, as in 'a man shall cleave to his wife'."

"I get it! I get it!" Liz said, laughing and shaking her head. "And you think lawyers play with words?!"

"And now you understand why 'statutory construction' is a bullshit method of understanding the law and why determining legislative intent is vital. That's part of my rationale for insisting that the courts should use The Federalist Papers to determine what the Constitution means. Anyway, returning from the rabbit trail, there is little risk because I hold all the cards."

"Out of curiosity, would you really have shut down Bethany's practice?"

"Does it matter?" I asked with a smile. "It was enough that Bethany believed that I would."

"A bluff?" Liz asked.

"As I say at the Hold 'Em table, you have to pay to see my cards!"

"And because you've cultivated the idea that there is no such thing as 'too far' to defend your kids, wives, and people you love, the bluff works."

"Assuming it was actually a bluff," I replied. "I hope to never, ever have to show my hand. The goal is for the other person to muck their cards because the risks are too great."

"Julius said he'd never want to play poker with you in a cash game or sit across from you at a negotiating table."

"A wise man!"

"Just be smart, Steve."

"I will."

I left the office, walked to my car, which was parked behind the building in spot 1, got in, and headed for Medici in Hyde Park. Given how difficult finding a parking space was, I parked in the dojo lot and walked the rest of the way, arriving eight minutes early.

"Hi," Bethany said when she walked into the restaurant about two minutes later.

"Hi," I replied.

I let the hostess know we were ready to be seated, and she led us to a booth which would afford a good amount of privacy. A waitress came to take our drink orders, and once she had them, Bethany and I quickly perused the menus. When the waitress returned with our drinks, she took our orders, then went to put them in with the kitchen.

"You really are an asshole," Bethany said fiercely but quietly.

"And as the person who has known me the longest, except for Stephanie, and who has been my close friend consistently longer than anyone else, you should know how I would respond to a perceived threat against Jesse."

"There are a number of reasons I might decide to move Nicholas to a private school."

"Yes, there are. But it wasn't gangs or drugs or quality of education that motivated you; it was an attempt to extort something from me. Once you involved my family, you left me no choice."

"What do you like to say? That we always have choices?"

"No choice consistent with who I am and my commitment to protect my kids at any cost."

"So you'd destroy my life's work for a stupid trophy?"

"You know it's not about that; it's the fact that you chose to involve Jesse in the spat we're having. You, of all people, knew exactly what my response would be before you did it. You knew full well I'd respond decisively and in a way that ensured your scheme wasn't successful. What annoys the hell out of me is that had you come to me with what our attorneys agreed to, you'd have saved heartache AND thousands of dollars. And remember, YOU brought lawyers into this, not me.

"But all of that is a sideshow for you trying to impose your views on me and shape me into who you wanted me to be. That started at fourteen, and each time you become frustrated that I won't adopt some specific view which you find important, you wreck our relationship. This time, it started in Michigan when we were all there on vacation, and you got on my case about Jesse. I did everything I could to deter you from ruining our relationship, but once again, you did the same damned thing.

"This time, though, it's worse because you've decided that not only do I have to change, but so do my kids, the cousins, and anyone who has adopted my philosophy with regard to teenagers. The sick part is that we're following the basic outline of Smart Teens; Smart Choices, which you wrote! I sent you to Sweden to see that your repudiation of your own philosophy is flat-out wrong.

"You did see what I intended you see, then dismissed it as 'cultural differences'. The thing is, that attitude used to be prevalent here through the fifties and sixties, though not with regard to sexual activity, which I chalk up to American Puritanism. But other than that, teens were considered young adults, NOT children. And now we're seeing eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds called 'teens', which is technically correct, but with the implication they are children, not adults.

"Society is wrong, Bethany, and you know it. You've capitulated to the mob, and I suspect it's because you're concerned about how you look to the other members of your guild. That's the worst possible kind of groupthink I can imagine! Not just excluding other opinions but harming people in the process. I get that it's challenging to be the lone voice of sanity in an increasingly insane world because that is how I often feel.

"The bottom line is, Smart Teens; Smart Choices and Why Me? are two of the best books on sexuality and relationships ever written, and I simply can't stand by while you repudiate the sex-positive message they express, even in the context of the violence of rape. I pointed out the logical conclusion you have to reach about our relationship due to your position."

"Are you finished?"

"I've said my piece," I replied.

"You won. Why do you have to continue to be an asshole?"

"You're wrong," I replied. "I haven't won a thing; rather, I've lost a friend. Worse, I've lost my Sweetheart."

"That's such bullshit, and you know it!" Bethany growled.

"I know no such thing. You were always special. Always. We were this close," I held my thumb and forefinger about a millimeter apart, "from marrying. You chose to blow it all up by dropping a bomb while we were lying in bed at your house after you recovered from your accident."

"You wanted your freedom, not a traditional marriage!"

"I wanted to have Jesse, have kids with Elyse, and have kids with Kara. All three of them would have honored any committed, monogamous relationship into which I entered. Jessica would have been nothing more than a random medical student I met in Indianapolis, and I'd likely have never seen her again. Sure, she might still have ended up in Chicago because of Al, but she'd be just another ER doc who worked for Al, who wouldn't have been a close friend the way he now is.

"Am I perfect? By no means. But I was honest with you every step of the way. Did I screw up in a major way with Becky? Absolutely. But I also confessed and accepted my penance from the Triumvirate. You knew exactly who I was at every step, and then you played the victim when I turned out to be exactly as advertised. I want to be your friend, Bethany. I love you with all my heart. The question is, do you want to be my friend?"

"You still want validation, don't you?"

"Oh, for the love of Loki! Do you even listen to ANYTHING that I say? I explained, quite clearly, that there are new rules in place, and I'm following them. But I simply will not repudiate the idea that teenagers are able to consent and that for those who want it, an older, experienced partner can be a very good thing. That said, teenage girls generally don't want a guy my age, so the opportunities, if I wanted them, are fewer and further between.

"But just in case somehow I was hallucinating and never said it — the rule is no girls under the age of consent, along with the rules about girls who work at NIKA, or work with, or are studying under Jessica or Kara, and about girls in committed relationships. Can there be exceptions? Possibly, but any exceptions have to be discussed with my wives in advance, and permission is necessary, as opposed to me managing my sex life.

"I'm going to be blunt and point out that with four exceptions, all my partners since I turned thirty-one have been over the age of consent. That's over eight years, Bethany. And those exceptions were very special cases. The 'problem' you are trying to solve basically no longer exists, partly because of me, but mostly because girls under eighteen think I'm too old."

That wasn't universally true, as I knew Tiffany and Amber had designs on having an 'expert deflowering', but as I'd said to Bethany, there were only four exceptions — Angelina, who was a misjudgment, Rachel Rizzi, Nicole Heath, and Kristin Jaeger. Natalie Heath had been fifteen, but we had been in Russia, and the age of consent there was fifteen. The US government would quibble, but I hadn't taken her to Russia, and what we'd done had been legal in Russia. All the other girls had been over the age of consent where they lived.

Granted, that hadn't been true when I was in my twenties, but contrary to Bethany's thinking, I wasn't as interested in teenage girls as I once had been. Yes, there were exceptions like Kristin, but most girls between fifteen and seventeen weren't mature enough for me, with the possible exception of some of the cousins, but even there, many of them saw me as 'too old'.

"So it's lack of opportunity, not lack of desire."

"I'll counter that by saying that I know of three girls under the age of consent who would go to bed with me today if I permitted it. And you know as well as I do that the age of consent is arbitrary and is too high in many US states. I'd argue all, but I have, in the past, suggested I could live with sixteen, though I'd prefer fifteen. And that has nothing to do with my desire but with my views on teens. One, I'll remind you, that matches exactly what you wrote in Smart Teens; Smart Choices."

"Wanting to have sex doesn't mean you're ready to have sex!"

"And wanting to have kids doesn't mean you're ready to have kids. The bottom line here is that you can think whatever you want about me, but I am not going to allow you to infantilize the cousins. Period. The most conservative dads — Pete, Dave, and Karl — do not agree with you. They don't agree with me, either, but they're much closer to my position than to yours. Dave freaked out a bit because Peter and Birgit are hanging out quite a bit and have gone out a few times. But he didn't forbid Peter from seeing her despite my daughter's precocious behavior."

"Your relationship with her..."

"That did not, and will not, happen. She accepted my 'no' and moved on, exactly as I had hoped she would. She's having her own struggles with relationships and sexuality and is finding her own way, which is what we all have to do. Cloistering kids is a foolish idea, no matter what the goal. Look, I know I'm not going to convince you to adopt my views lock, stock, and barrel. What I want is for you to acknowledge that the cousins are sufficiently mature to make their own decisions in that regard and to leave them alone unless they ask for advice."

"And not update my book to reflect current views."

"Because current views are pure, unadulterated bullshit, Bethany! Current sex education is a farce. Access to birth control is far too tightly controlled. STIs are rampant because some morons felt the best approach to teenage sexuality was to hide information from them! Well, I have news for you! You put two adolescents in the same room, and with zero information, they will figure out 'Tab A in Slot B'. As I've said many times, the dumbest jock and airhead cheerleader can figure out how to fuck with no outside help!

"So, update your book to address LGB concerns forthrightly, update the information on STIs, add information about new birth control methods, and if you feel it absolutely necessary, add counter-point information to the discussion of teenage sexuality. But do not weaken your sex-positive arguments to make the counter-point the takeaway. I'd prefer you didn't, but a discussion of, for example, how to deal with power disparity is fine. What's not fine is making that a barrier to ANYONE having sex."

"You and that stupid 'slippery slope' argument."

"So stupid that you can't refute what I've said. I asked you, point blank, about very specific situations with regard to Jesse and Birgit, and you refused to answer because you couldn't escape your own logical conclusions. And worse, you couldn't defend your position against the logical conclusion about OUR relationship when we were fifteen.

"You see, 'slippery slope' arguments are not always logical fallacies any more than 'whataboutism' is always a logical fallacy. That term was coined expressly to deflect accurate claims of hypocrisy on the part of the US by the Soviet Union. Yes, in some instances, a 'slippery slope' argument can be wrong, but not when it's simply following your beliefs or actions to their logical conclusion.

"The bottom line here is that I'm looking out for the best interest of my kids and the cousins. You think that's a smokescreen for my own behavior. It's not. Period. And you've let that incorrect belief color your entire view, which made you susceptible to the lunacy that is passing for adolescent psychology these days.

"It's bound up in moral panic, prudishness, and fear. Add in a dose of control freakery, and you end up with an entire generation of maladjusted teens who are never going to have healthy views on sex and relationships. I am not pushing for some kind of return to Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best, but society has become completely unmoored from the «kami» of the Founders, and things are going to get far worse."

"Leave it to you to make it a political rant!"

"It's not. Any foundation is better than no foundation. We had Civics class, which taught us our rights and responsibilities. That no longer happens because Loki forbid we should teach people they're responsible for their own actions! We reward failure with 'participation trophies' out of a misplaced notion that it builds self-esteem, but all it is doing is creating a generation of entitled whiners who think that they deserve a prize when they lose!

"All of this, every bit of it, flows from turning teenagers into infants and refusing to allow them to grow up and experience life with all its warts. We're doing more harm in the guise of 'protection' and 'safety' than any of the theoretical dangers ever could do! Of the tens of thousands of kidnappings in the US, almost all of them are like Francesca — a custodial parent violating a court order. You know full well that rapes by total strangers are a tiny percentage of all rapes and that child abuse is almost always done by a parent, close relative, or friend. You know those things and wrote about them, but now you ignore ALL the evidence. Why? For the accolades from your peers? Are those accolades worth tossing society into Gehenna?"