Chapter 2

Suzanne’s analogy was right, she just needed it to be purged from her system. When they woke up the next morning, in a disgustingly sticky mess, the corset and cuffs were carefully packed away in the case and did not come out again that trip. Suzanne went with Andrew to the shop and they bought the playsuit and some extra chains and cuffs. But they went into the case as well. They would think about that part of their life the following week. Wednesday had been too draining for both of them to maintain and so they reverted back to happy go lucky tourists. They took boats and water-taxis, cycled and hiked for miles; and talked about life beyond sex. Suzanne had developed an interesting perspective working for the Forestry Commission.

“I am very glad I took that job. What I saw a lot of was man’s impact on the environment, especially in the isolated rural communities. It challenges your perspective on things that’s for sure. And what you are doing with the trying to assist people in getting back to work also has influenced my thinking. When you arrive at a location and you see construction, road building, the impact of humans, the initial reaction is nearly always that this is a mistake, a shame, a scandal, an unnecessary impact on the environment. But then you start to understand what is being done and why nothing seems so black and white. In the space of a week we saw red deer off in the distance, it was great to see them, but mere days later we came across a group of stalkers returning from a hunt with lots of deer carcasses. That night everyone was outraged. But then the very next day we saw people working on a fence along the edge of one of the plantations so as to protect the trees from the deer. Once we had calmed down, and the people we were working with had let us get all worked up without saying anything, it was explained that deer no longer have any natural predators in the UK. So if the population expands then they have an impact on the environment, as we saw with the Commission having to protect young trees. And although most of the hunters were not locals the deer hunt supported lots of local employment. It was all very confusing, nothing was an absolute, there had to be a balance. You always talk about people or events that make you think about the world and this was a big one for me. I really liked the idea of working with different groups, trying to strike the right environmental balance. Now ask ten people what that balance is and you will get ten different answers but it has given me something to potentially work towards.”

The conversation, as they walked around the huge urban park, was wide-ranging. But both of them were talking about their lives, and their lives together, outside the bedroom. Friday saw them sitting back in a water taxi just watching the world.

“Do you want to go out tonight? Maybe go to a club, we are 19 after all.”

“I get enough of that during term time. I prefer spending time chatting to you, being able to hear you. When I go with friends from university then it is a girls’ night out. Have fun, goof off, flirt with some guys. Standard student stuff. I don’t feel the need to do that with you. I rarely get really drunk when I go out in Glasgow, and as far as I can see that for most people it seems to be an absolute necessity to go to some of these clubs. I feel like I am the soberest person there. The way you always talked about those parties at the farm, how alcohol had impacted your grandmother, and how you tended not to drink much, I thought that it made sense. Sure I have had a couple of blow outs, but for the most part I see why you are careful. We never talked about this but I suppose I modelled my behaviour after yours. All those night’s out, it was one or two drinks and then a walk home chatting away.

“I remember when Nikki and Fran came through to stay at Easter and we knocked back what, four bottles of wine between the four of us. I like drunken fun parties like that, where bed is 20 feet away and it is with good friends.”

So there they were, the most boring 19 year olds in the world. But it was not just Andrew playing dress up with Suzanne. On the Thursday Suzanne had taken Andrew shopping and spent what seemed to Andrew an unnecessarily long time getting a couple of shirts for him. Suzanne had also made sure they were just a fraction too small and that they were snug and tight on Andrew. But it was all by design. It came back to Andrew’s lack of ego, having no idea how other people saw him. Despite his body having drawn attention for years. That Friday Suzanne had him dressed in a shirt that wasn’t particularly comfortable but that highlighted his impressive torso. And Suzanne walked with her arm in his, or hand in hand, all day. Ladies you can look but you can’t touch. Given how much he enjoyed shopping for Suzanne, and for Maggie as well he realised, Andrew couldn’t really complain. But the reversal of gender roles was interesting, and a lot of women were as blatant as men when it came to staring.

Dinner that Friday night was early and then they strolled around the city centre. They got to the edge of the red-light district but Suzanne pulled them in the opposite direction. The fascination, the compulsion had gone. It was interesting to see. Back at the hotel, they undressed and jumped into bed. Their fucking that night was wild and lively. Andrew threw Suzanne about on the bed, pulled to the end, lifted her up, all the triggers that he knew would increase the experience for her. She even tried to scramble away from him as he was pulling her down the bed, making him haul her harder and hold on tight. She was self-medicating that night, her fingers constantly playing with her clit. The final fuck was Suzanne flat on her front on the bed, a cushion under her hips, Andrew pressing down across her whole body. She loved that sensation and supported his weight with ease. Just as Andrew loved to have Suzanne lying on him after a passionate fuck, so she was ever more wanting the same thing. They fell asleep that night in another exhausted sticky mess.

The final day in Amsterdam, after a long and relaxing swim, they were back at Bos, the large urban park south of the city centre.

“Can we talk about the coming year at University?”

Suzanne sounded nervous.

“Sure.”

“How often do you think we will see each other, each term I mean?”

“At least twice I think, once in Glasgow and once in Edinburgh, something like that. I want to see how the course is before committing to more than that. I will have OTC weekends scattered through the term as well. Why?”

Suzanne’s nervousness had increased.

“Em, I wanted to talk about other people, other partners.”

She stopped but then resolutely carried on.

“I want to continue to have the option of sleeping with other people. I don’t think we should be exclusive.”

Suzanne stopped talking and looked at Andrew as they walked. He was more taken aback at the suddenness of the discussion rather than be shocked by her request.

“This is something that seems important to you. Why?”

She sighed.

“Because I think I need it, I think it would be better for us both, but that might just be a rationalisation. It is one of those strange contradictions about me. I want to have the choice, the control to do this if I want. We are not a couple yet, we are getting closer but until we are in the same city then I want the option. It sounds greedy and what I am about to say sounds ridiculous but I don’t want you to have that control over me.”

Well wasn’t Andrew’s head just spinning round and round trying to make sense of that?

“Look, I suppose this is my defence mechanism. I don’t want to put everything into the basket marked Andrew in case it is taken away. After everything we have talked about this week I know it seems bonkers but I need this freedom.”

He was not deliberately trying to be silent he was just trying to put it all into the context of his life.

“Say something Andrew!”

“Hey, be calm. I was just trying to think about my life, about us, how I talk about you, whether I try and explain this. You know, typical me overthinking something. I had started to realise that we needed to have this conversation but you just caught me by surprise. We have not been exclusive up until now so what you are suggesting is fine. I do understand you wanting to keep some control over your life, some control over your sex life. It is one of the things that I would like to talk about. But let’s deal with this first. We are a couple in Edinburgh or away from university but we are not during term time. It seems indulgent but hey, that is what university is all about. We are only 19, it is probably a very good idea for us both.

“One of the things I wanted to talk to you about was the taking of control. It seems to start as a discussion between us at present. Are there limits to it, should there be limits to it? You talked about me making you wear the corset all day on Wednesday. But next week, I am in meetings all day Wednesday, I wonder about when to act all controlling, and when just to be ‘normal’. Is it something that can be turned on and off?”

“Er.”

Exactly.

They stumbled around talking about it, trying to discuss limits and all that sort of thing. Away on holidays were fine, everything else was to be determined. Given Andrew’s general cluelessness of reading women and their moods that vagueness worried him.

“I understand Andrew, it is one of the things that I have to carefully think about. I want you to be more controlling so if I say ‘not tonight dear I have a headache’ it is going to be tough to get you to take the initiative again. I have to accept what you want to do, when you want to do it. In fact that uncertainty, that element of randomness is core to this. I could walk through the door at the end of the day, tired, with sore feet and there may dinner on the table with a glass of wine followed by a hot bath, or the playsuit could be lying on the bed and I spend the night trussed up and fucked. Knowing that those two options exist before I open the door is very Schrodinger. When we are living together it is entirely up to you. I am not going to ask and I am not going to tell you if you ask. I want you to take that control, and see what it is like.

“Look the one thing we are good at is talking about this stuff. This is a perfect example. We will try some things and see what happens. From my perspective you are very good at this. It is not innate, but you are very smart with a truly wicked imagination. You really do know how to paint those word pictures. Think about Wednesday night. You did not have to tie me up and leave me for hours, blindfolded and cuffed, all you had to do was talk about doing it, play with my clit for a second and I went off like a Roman Candle. If you ever actually do that to me I will be so rabidly horny.”

She shuddered with a big smile on her face.

“Just thinking about it gets me going. Stop it. Bad Andrew.”

The final evening they did something different. The two of them went to see the Concertgebouw Orchestra at their concert hall in Amsterdam. There was a Rachmaninov piano concerto in the first half and then a Bruckner symphony after the intermission. Which specific numbers Andrew didn’t remember but the soloist was Vladimir Ashkenazy and the concerto was brilliant. It was something different for them and was a nice way to end the holiday. Their final night in Amsterdam was more spirited, lively teenage sex. What was interesting was that they rarely fucked in the missionary position. Suzanne on top, there was serious amounts of doggy and they made love face to face with Andrew leaning against the wall and Suzanne in his lap. And five of the seven nights they feel asleep, shattered and drained, waking up to a sticky mess the following morning. It was a wonderful holiday.

The direct flight was great, just not having to deal with Heathrow was a blessing and they were back in Edinburgh in mid-afternoon. Andrew dropped Suzanne off at her parent’s place but didn’t go in and carried on to the flat. He had a whole week to enjoy his flat before it once again sat empty for a whole term. Looking back on the summer, Andrew had been very busy from the end of his exams until his return from Germany. But after that the work had been low key, more mundane than challenging, he had been able to see friends and even have a bit of a routine. What had hung over him all summer was the wedding. Getting the kilt, the stag, the dinner, the whole wedding day with the walk down the aisle and then the speech as the icing on the (wedding) cake. Andrew had one week left before his return to Cambridge, he had done no reading yet and would have to be careful not to disappear into the library as soon as he got there.

Andrew did his obligatory social duties calling his mum and talking to her but only for a short time. It was sad how surprised he was at the length of the call. Neither he nor his mother mentioned meeting and so it looked like he was not going to see his parents until Christmas. Other than a two-hour lunch at Easter he would not have seen them all year. Andrew then called his Grandma and promised to go for dinner the following night. She had no interest going out so he was to bring fish and chips for three. When Andrew called Julian and Leslie’s place he was told to come over so that Brian and Mary could hear about the wedding. Before he left to quell some of the gross exaggerations that he was sure were being told, he called Pete.

When Andrew had walked in the flat was immaculate, clearly the work of Pete’s mother as no teenager was capable of that level of cleanliness. The room was aired, the bedding clean and the kitchen spotless. Pete had left a note asking Andrew to call when he got back. Pete was overly apologetic about having decided to move. Given that he and Suzanne were going to maintain the fiction that she had her own room Andrew was secretly pleased and didn’t care. Pete had managed to get five months of freedom, useful in term three both for studying and for indulging Melody and her exhibitionist instincts. There were bands at the Nite Club every night of the week and so they agreed to meet at 9.30 in the Guildford and then go and see who was playing.

Andrew was hugged by Leslie and Mary when he got there, evidence on the table that all but Mary were already attacking the wine.

“How was your holiday?”

“Quiet and relaxing. Never left the city, walked a lot, swam most days, just did a whole lot of nothing.”

Mary nodded.

“You have been going pretty hard all summer. Leslie was just telling us about the wedding. I can’t believe that you had a Duke and Duchess at your table.”

Andrew smiled, that hadn’t taken long.

“They are facing significant issues themselves, maintaining the estate, supporting the tenants on the estates, all at a time when there is so much uncertainty in the economy. And Floors Castle may look spectacular but it is a huge rambling structure that must need a lot of upkeep. He inherited it at 19, when he was at Cambridge., She tends to take the lead and ask the questions but he listens carefully to the conversation and the ideas. I had forgotten that she is the daughter of the Duke of Westminster and brings her own family knowledge and perspective. But we are working on supporting not just the central belt but the whole of Scotland, and northern England so it plays well with them, based as they are, in the Borders.”

“Leslie and Julian were telling us that you made them do a lot of the talking.”

“I am not sure I can make either of them do anything, especially your daughter, but you know how important it is to me that this is recognised as a group effort not mine alone. Plus the support of science is totally Leslie’s idea and Julian is best placed to talk about computing.”

Mary was full of questions tonight.

“How about the wedding, the dinner, the church, the reception, all that. Did you cope?”

“I thought I was coping better than I probably was. It took me several days to truly relax in Holland. I was keyed up for it to go well. There were at least two cabinet ministers there, Hailsham and Younger, there may have been others. It really was the great and the good, and then the six of us sitting down at the front.”

“Six?”

“Mhairi and Neil were at the table as well. Half the lawyers in Edinburgh either hate her or are envious of her, maybe both.”

“How did the speech go Andrew?”

Mary’s question just didn’t quite have the perfect tone to come across as unrehearsed.

“Leslie has told you already.”

Quite why they both saw the need to whack him he didn’t know but clearly, he was at fault.

“Leslie said you had an intimidating moment during the speech.”

Andrew laughed derisively.

“I was giving the speech in place of the father of the bride. I was all that was polite and charming. I may have even stretched to handsome.”

Just as well there were no bread rolls.

“I merely said that I thought that Freya had the talent and ability to reach the peak of her profession, i.e. permanent secretary, and that this ability could not be dismissed. The pause was deliberately one second too long as I stared at the crowd. Then it was back to polite and charming. The role of the father of the bride is to sing his daughter’s praises, in this case it was me singing the praise of my honorary aunt. I thought about it last week. I was sitting with a Duke and his wife and a Minister of State and his wife, I don’t know what that means but I can’t be ignored as a nobody.

“As for the intimidating, that is my size and haircut, and there is nothing I can do about that. Other than that guy in the first week back at school after my recovery, I have never hit anybody in my life. I am zero for two in the fight department, sent to the Infirmary bleeding from a head wound both times. A fighter I am not.”

Andrew had forgotten about his fight at the Sapper camp. But before he could remember Mary Campbell surprised them all, and herself.

“No, you are too busy being a lover.”

Leslie spat red wine onto the table. Her father had a coughing fit and Julian was hanging onto his chair to stop rolling onto the floor. Mary was blushing worse than Andrew but all he did was laugh.

“I have censored all my stories over the years and this is how you repay me?”