Episode 2: Open Arms

Oakcrest Estates! Lakeside Division of Bartlett, Alabama.

The roads leading around Lake Kironos had been repaved in the last year offering a smooth ride. In scanning about at the pristine scenery Garrison Dhorne recalled the beauty of this the oldest area of Bartlett. The town itself was named after pioneer Edgar Bartlett. The extension of Bartlett’s claim adjoined its border and was renamed Oakcrest by the other founding fathers back in the dawn of the 1700’s. 1708 in Edgar and company’s case to be precise. 1702 was the first ever true settlement in Alabama until folks spread out.

Not much was known about the first settler’s other than names and money, but their descendants flourished and occupied the area with pride. The Lake Kironos itself was built over coal deposits in the early 1900’s when said descendants of the founding families decided that enough was enough. They didn’t want their town destroyed any further than it had already been. Garrison Dhorne recalled its forbidden history, one that had escaped generations on purpose, a secret very few survivors knew about. One that deserved to stay buried. He would respect the dead.

Winding around the coil of backroads through a thick wooded area Dhorne came up to a driveway barricaded by an iron gate complete with cameras and intercom system. Leaning out his truck window he pressed a keypad informing the current residents of his arrival. Truck idling, he awaited a response, glancing about to spot his own home through the mass of trees in the distance. A home he shared years ago with his late wife Nora and his infant son Connor. The estate had sat empty for the last few years while he had served his country in ways very few people even knew about. Classified and unheard of by even those who took part. Zip it!

“Who is it?” Barked a gruff feminine voice which to those who didnt know better might assume was a man.

Dhorne smiled, it had been ages since rubbing this broad raw on purpose, “That you, Ms. Trinity?” A long pause before answering he knew meant the cranky old housekeeper needed to put her glasses on first to view the surveillance monitor. She returned with a grouchy sigh, “Look what the cat refused to drag in. If you’re looking for table scraps, try Leftovers in town. I hear they sell to big cheese like you. Moldy at that, and don’t you dare say that about me.”

Dhorne lifted his sunglasses and winked into the camera. “Now, now, Ms. Maguire! Is that any way to treat the prodigal son-in law? Bab’s is gonna have you suckin’ suds for treating me all vagabond.”

She cackled over her employer trying to do that. Barbara LeGend didn’t know how to clean house let alone attempt opening a Palmolive bottle. “Rich Witch might break a nail. What’s the password?”

Dhorne rubbed his goatee in thought before replying, “ASSWIPE?”

The intercom erupted with a gravel sounding laughter, “And who’s the ASSWIPE?”

Dhorne shook his head replacing his glasses over his weary brown eyes. “That would be my boy. Diaper days are over, Ms. Trin.”

Another round of mischievous cackles led to Trinity opening the gates with a buzz. “We shall see my, Baby.”

As Oz shared a cheesy grin toward the monitor, he stepped on the gas pedal. Just out of sight of the camera he grimaced with a shiver, “Now that there just put stains in my Hanes.” He had to laugh at the ole girl, she was almost as tough as he was. If not meaner! Steering along the asphalt drive, the foliage beside it abandoned his obstructed view of the massive Victorian home belonging to his late wife’s parents Augustus and Barbara LeGend.

Again, Garrison O reflected back to better days. Back when he and Nora first got together eighteen years ago. Many of these trees and flowers he had helped plant. Even in the late summer the flowers were in full bloom. With a single teary eye he knew Nora was tending her garden. That or the pollen count was high.

Puckered up Oz blew kisses in all four directions, “Get on outta that flower bed and welcome yer MASTER home Nora Jean. And bring those rosy cheeks a wigglin’.” With a memorable sigh of her rushing at him as she always had he restrained his emotions. “Not gonna cry! It’s unbecomin’ of a warrior.” Definitely the pollen count! Finally reaching a circle drive he pulled his Dodge Ram up behind a Mercedes Benz freshly coated in wax. Shutting his ignition off he settled back in his seat staring ahead before a lengthy exhale. “I can do this. Just goose me along Nora Jean. I promise I won’t tie ya up and flog ya for any sneak attract. Even though I know you’d beg for that knowin’ it would make me love ya that much more.”

His moment of intimate concentration was quickly distilled when he heard the front door of the mansion open. “Garrison! Welcome home!”

Stepping down from his truck he shut the door to meet a stunning woman in her mid-sixties. Dressed in a jogging suit of ivory and pale yellow the thin beauty raced into his arms to reclaim a long overdue hug. Snugly, cuddly, she held on for dear life, weeping over his presence. It had been far too long.

“Good to see ya, Babs. Still the sexiest senior citizen in Bartlett I see. Has ole Gus dropped over yet, so I can tease his crumpet without a fisticuff?”

“It’s good to see you.” She brightly exhaled, “And no! Augustus is still kicking. Darn him! He’s down on the dock practicing his yoga.”

Dhorne couldn’t resist a chuckle. “He still doin’ that? Maybe Yogi will kick too high and give himself a booboo.”

“That was beary funny, Garrison.” Two could be goofy around here!

“Not many fellas like me out there. Being ME’s no picnic. Just ask the Ranger, I stuffed him upside down in a trash barrel and wrote Bon Appetit on his ass. Charmin fella that I am.” Charming even!” That was enough yuks to encourage Babs into releasing him. Jabbing him in the ribs finding a ticklish spot she scolded him for being a cad.

“Careful now! Grandma the Wolf just dropped by.” She poked him again with a stern expression.

“Yer gonna break another nail before it goes in yer coffin.” Trinity was probably right! For that, she doubled up a fist and literally slugged him in the lower stomach knocking the wind out of him. She might not know how to clean house, but she knew how to clean a clock. Third degree Black Belt. She was tougher than she appeared. “Keep it up I won’t have nuff oxygen to give you CPR.”

Another jab made him wheez. “Dammit, Babs! I never should have taught you self-defense. Bad nuff I pulled a muscle in my back. Now you’ve gone and tickled my fancy.”

In a sweep of his positioning, he twirled Barbara around and pulled the elderly woman into him, digging his fingers all around her rib cage forcing laughter. “Garrison STOP this instant. Before I wet myself.”

“Whistle for the cacklin’ hen.” He grinned from ear to ear, “Trinity can float yer booty, I’m sure she can loan ya some Depends.” She stopped laughing and stomped the ball of her foot on his boot toe. Steel toed! Sorry Momma! Nice try!

“Damn Babs! You sure ain’t lost yer spunk.”

He released his mother-in-law at the exact same moment a gravel coated banshee erupted behind them. “Get your mitts off the Mistress before I part your hair with a frying pan. Bandana or not! It can soak up the blue blood.” Both Dhorne and Babs turned in unison to see the grumpiest maid in a Tri-State area.

“There’s my butt ugly, Primadonna. I knew the ole pack mule would come home for the carrot juicer.”

Babs slapped her son-in-law’s arm for being rude. “Be nice Garrison! She’s ready to retire in three months.” A Thank God mouthed in silence had him in stitches. Come on people. Maguire was talking retirement ten years ago and she was still limping along. At 86 she was a fixture that for all of her annoying traits was as tough as they came. In Dhorne’s case he’d rather fight a mountain lion, trusting that fact knowing he actually had on a rescue mission up in the Yukon. Snagglepuss there was a biter even with dentures.

“No shit! It’s about time you game show junkies played Nudgin’ the Curmudgeon.” Dhorne raises an eyebrow as if buying the retirement party. “Hey MaJaguar, if ya need references for the retirement home I’ll have my buddy the Crypt Keeper put in a good word for ya.” She did have quite a few liver spots.

The short redhead sneered at him with one narrowed eye, “I dated the bastard. Dead lay if I ever met one. I’d welcome ya home but I’m swattin’ the welcome mat in the backyard. Thought you died in some rat-infested jungle. Malaria. Malaysia. Wherever!”

Dhorne stepped back opening his tailgate, “Naaa! I taught the headhunters how to regrow shrunken heads.” Ego! Swollen head! You just have to figure out his humor. “Hell, they’re runnin’ bowlegged chasin’ anything with a hole. I put the LAY in maLAYsia.”

Bab’s face turned beet red while Trinity hobbled to the truck bed extending her arms for a hug, “C’mere you foul mouthed wise ass.” Dhorne feigned disgust as he hesitantly embraced the redheaded old hag as if she carried the bubonic plague. Winking at Babs over Trinity’s shoulder to show her he was only playing made the silver foxy pout at their reunion. After all these years she knew that he truly cared for the old bird. Barbara LeGend knew he was genuinely fond of Trinity. She loved him too but did everything in her power to make his life hell. The respect between them was unconditional if not complicated.

“Garrison why don’t you let Trinity and I get your bags. Go on down to the lake and tell Augustus a few new jokes.”

Dhorne nodded trying to break free of Trinity’s bear hug without harming her frail build. Reluctantly he patted the old woman on the back numerous times to let her know he was glad to see her again as well. Still, she held on burying her face into his trench coat, inhaling his scent with a devious grin. Three minutes having expired Babs had to intervene. Taking a deep breath before stepping in she clutched both of Trinity’s shoulders, “You can let go now Dear.”

Growling at her meal ticket Trinity Maguire slid her hands down his back to grasp both of his butt cheeks. Squeezing she made the warrior jump with a surprised response. “Frisky critter!” He chuckled glancing down at Babs who apologized with her eyes. “I dunno what kind of fabric softener y’all buy but the static cling around here is a tad magnetic.”

Babs squeezed her maid’s upper arms with a bit more strength hoping to sever the rekindled emotions. “Release Oz this instant or I’ll hide your Oreos.” The old woman immediately let go looking back with a bitter glare.

“That’s it, kick an old woman while she’s down. Maybe I’ll just sheer the fur off of that taxidermy poodle you still pamper.”

“Don’t you dare go near Mr. Maestro.” Barbara dropped her jaw knowing she meant every word, the wicked witch. “You’re just jealous because he has more hair than you do. Wig!” She added by mouthing the words. “Give Garrison back his wallet.”

“Pay me better I wouldn’t have to sell my arthritic hands to the highest bidder.” Trinity Maguire threw his wallet back at him. He knew she swiped it but played dumb. It was a dummy wallet, anyway, filled with Monopoly money and condoms just to get her goat. Hands in the air the spitfire grumbled at being busted. “Too light for my expensive tastes anyways. As for you Missy, what good is a puppy dog collecting dust? Best in Show my freckled ass. The only thing that beast showed was his teeth.”

“And you showed him your dentures.” Babs fired back. “I will never forgive you for biting him. Maestro loved you. Even if you played fetch with him using my husband’s violin bow. A Stradivarius I might add.”

Dhorne didn’t know whether to play referee or run like hell. As the bickering continued, he mimicked silently as if he were telling them he was going to just go see Gus. Slipping away into the house he took time to look over the newer furnishings and the long history of family portraits dating back six generations. He stopped at a solo portrait of his late wife Nora in the foyer staring up at her with love in his gaze.

Before a tear could well up, he looked at the portrait next to Nora. It was that of her slightly older sister Nina, “Goddamn, Nina. Yer as fugly as ever. Reckon you don’t get out much. I think you’re gettin’ cross eyed. That or are yer just lookin’ shifty?” He shook his head reaching up to tilt her painting on its wire until it was severely uneven. “Shifty! Yup!”

Turning around he faced the one obstacle he dreaded more than Nina LeGend Sabastian. A photograph of his son. Not the photo itself but the boy who had grown up without asking permission. Now the tear he had fought gave way as he quickly wiped it aside, “Our boy’s a looker Nora Jean. Look at him in uniform. Reminds me of, Dudley Do Right.”

A flutter noticed upon his shoulder made his stomach knot up. “About time you said Boo. I hope you know I’m going to be a better Mr. Mom this time around.” Reaching up he placed a hand on the shoulder that felt the subtle sensation. Leaving it there as if palming her hand, he stared at his son. “Connor James Dhorne. Geeky, but he’s all mine.” He turned his chin slightly. “Yer right, ours! If I’m going to do this Nora Jean, it’s got to be MY WAY. Don’t you even tryn tell me to go easy on the Beaver. It’s going to be tough. We both know he’s bound to resent me for leaving him. Without you I wasn’t ready to be any Ward Cleaver. Course ole June sure did put the Cleave in Cleavage. No wonder the Beav had buck teeth. He breastfed until he was seven.” He chuckled tilting his chin again. “Yeah, I know. You had better milk money.”

A moment of silence his humor faded, “I hope you understand it was bad judgement on my part taking a chance on yer sister. You wanted her to care for him if anything happened to us. I let you make that decision. I just delivered the goods. He needed an actin’ Momma, even though Nina was all goat’s milk and steel wool. I figured with her attitude she could play Mom and Pop both. Her hubby Donatello was the shining light in that two-lane highway. At least our boy had the chance to know the guy for a spell. I also thought by having Conjob around she might get over losing Don Sebastian so early on. Bless his soul. Two birds with one stone. Her never having kids I reckon I thought she would be a better surrogate.”

He lowers his chin, “I’m a bad parent, ain’t I? Deadbeat and beaten. All I know is war and intrigue.” He bantered about in a series of hem haw nods, “That and how to be a MASTER.” With a deep sigh he let her spirit have it. “You made me find Cupid after I shot his ass outta the sky. My ONE true love. When I lost you, I couldn’t love again. Only possess. Lead with a silver tongue and a fist of iron. Ownin’ is all I know Nora Jean. Even you back then. Thing is, I never had a desire to show compassion like I did with you. You performed the heart transplant. Pigheaded as I am you sewed up a Razorback in my chest to make certain I never found another ONE true. Had to hog my glory didn’t ya, Mrs. Dhorne?”