Chapter 16: You’re Fired!

Ed and Ed had come over to Caleb’s house for their fifth scheduled session of therapy together. In his kitchen they were seated at his elegant new breakfast table and chairs. In a goofy touch, the table bore a small brass plate, similar to what you might see on a bench in a museum.

“This Seating Provided by the Andrew Vidal Family in Honor of Caleb Carnegie, Miracle Worker.”

Previously, Andrew told Caleb: “I talked to Laura. For what you did for our Teresa, I’m either going to do a blow job on your dick or I’m buying you this table and chairs. It’s everyone’s opinion that I would suck at sucking, so you should take the furniture instead.”

Caleb supplied Ed and Ed with cold drinks. “Let’s get started. Ed,” indicating Rawlings, “you’re all finished working on the final paperwork for the two triads. How was it being back working together with your partner?”

“I had forgotten how it was like doing projects like these with him. He’s got that huge, powerful, looming ... brain that slices through problems and simplifies. Working with him, I can write stronger contract language that gets the job done with terms that don’t wander into irrelevancies.

“For being legal paperwork, it’s actually kind of fun. I’ve missed it.”

Ed Wilson added, “On my side, Ed keeps me from bullying through work that needs to be carefully constructed. In my mind it’s like building a house where I need to keep track of the foundation, the plumbing, the wiring, all the other details.

“And, yes, it was very satisfying to pick up my tools and work with my hands again, metaphorically.”

“What about your intimate life? Is it still improving?” asked Caleb.

“You know, there’s been a shocking lapse in military discipline these past few months. I’ve had to bust him down to lower ranks, and use corporal punishments on Corporal Wilson. They’re not working so well, he seems be enjoying himself too much.”

“Wilson! Is this true?”

“Sorry, not sorry, Sergeant. No excuses, Sergeant. Will happen again. I submit myself for more discipline, Sergeant.”

“I can clearly see, Ed, that Ed is what we therapists call a bratty boy. As you were, soldier! Eyes front! Carry on. Don’t let me catch you performing your duties.”

All three men were smiling broadly, Caleb was on the edge of bursting out laughing.

“There’s only one thing you can do with a guy that misbehaves like this, am I right?”

“Yeah. Make love with him as much and as often as possible.

“You know what, Caleb, Ed and I are doing really well now, thanks to you. You’re fired!”

(The other Ed, Wilson:) “That’s right, you’re fired, get the fuck out!”

“What? It’s my house you’re in!”

“I don’t care, Ed wants to fuck and these days I never say no, thanks to you. Second thought, you can stay. If you’re fired, the ‘don’t touch the clients’ rule doesn’t apply.”

“You can’t fire me, I quit! And why aren’t you naked for Ed yet? I should spank you myself, bitch!”