Chapter 4

By the time Sunday arrives I’m a nervous wreck. I really enjoyed my session with Mistress and K, the other day, but I’m not sure I can do what we did over and over again. My feelings towards Mistress Penelope are confusing as well. I’m physically attracted to her, although I’ve never considered myself to be a lesbian. It might explain why I behaved the way I did on the bus when we first met.

The other day, Mistress pushed my sexual boundaries far beyond anything I’ve previously experienced. Her commands were harsh, but when I look back, they were never aggressive. I wasn’t forced to do anything that I couldn’t have refused. So why did I meekly comply with her orders? That’s one of the questions I’ve been trying to answer since then. And why do I accept calling her Mistress? Even when I’m thinking about her, I never think of her a Penelope.

I’ve known for years that I’m what people label as submissive. Although the term was never used when I was at school, that was how I was treated among my group of friends. I was never called on to make decisions for our group. Bea, Suzie and I were simply expected to follow Georgia’s and Kiri’s lead. That may appear to be demeaning, but I was happy with the arrangement and it never occurred to me to refuse.

I contemplated phoning Mistress yesterday, and telling her that I couldn’t make our 2pm meeting. But I realised that would be avoiding the issue. I must face her, and either accept or decline her offer of a job as her assistant. Unfortunately I’m no nearer to reaching a decision. The money would be useful, but I know nothing about that line of work. My sexual experience is limited to a few furtive fumbles with Jeff, one of my former boyfriends. But neither of us were interested in a longer term relationship, and we split up months ago.

Eventually I narrow my concerns down to a few questions that I need Mistress to answer. What happens if Mistress commands me to do something I’m not okay with doing? What duties outside of her workshop-dungeon will I be expected to perform? Am I expected to be available for work seven days a week?

I arrive at the workshop on time and Mistress admits me into the office. She seems genuinely pleased to see me, which does wonders towards easing my nerves.

“I’m pleased that you came, Sally,” says Mistress. “I pushed you much harder than I should have done the other day, and I’m sorry for that. Afterwards, I began to worry that you found it too much to handle and would refuse to see me again. Finding an assistant is proving much harder than I thought.”

“Um ... The session with K was intense, and well beyond anything I’ve previously experienced. But I enjoyed what we did, and I’m okay with trying another session if you think I’m suitable for this line of work. But I’m a novice at this, and I’m worried that I may find myself out of my depth and disappoint you.”