Chapter 346

“You got caught?” Sabrina asked with big eyes and raised eyebrows.

“No, no,” Eric said, shaking his head. “Worse.”

“What could be worse than getting caught?” Gemma asked.

“Gross,” Lucy whined and grunted at the same time. “You fucking came in my shoes, you asshole.”

“I wasn’t exactly in control of my dick,” Eric replied, still adjusting himself. “You were the one pointing it in that direction.”

“I didn’t know you’d shoot that far!” Lucy complained. “Or this much! Fucking disgusting.”

“OK, yeah that’s gross,” Gemma said.

“Yeah, if she wasn’t expecting it ... ew,” Sabrina shuddered. She ignored the look Gemma gave shot at her quickly and hoped she wasn’t blushing. “So what did you do?”

“Well, she couldn’t walk around the city barefoot,” Eric said. “So she had to wear them, but she was definitely put off and wanted to go home. So I called an Uber and we headed back to her place. But she didn’t even wait for me to open the door for her and she left me standing there on the sidewalk without even a goodnight kiss.”

“Damn,” Sabrina said. “I mean, I probably would have done the same thing, if I’m honest, but there wouldn’t have been a blowjob or shoe-cum.”

“What? Why? It was a good date,” Eric said. “We had a nice meal at a fancy place, we did the whole walk down to the food trucks thing that you told me about. And the blowjob was her idea.”

“Eric, I don’t know how to say this any softer without being super clear,” Gemma said. “You were being an asshole, and the only reason Lucy went along with it is because she’s used to assholes.”

“Give me one example of how I was an asshole,” Eric said. “I brought her somewhere nice, I paid for the meal, I paid for dessert, I even fucking carried her two blocks.”

“How about thinking that you were better than her?” Gemma pointed out. “That’s a pretty good place to start.”

“And only wanting to go on the date to have sex to begin with,” Sabrina said. “Did she know that was all you wanted? Because the only way for you to not be a turd with that goal is if she knows it too.”

“Look, I’m not going to debate this with you two,’ Eric sighed. “Everything I’m doing is backed up by science. The Man’o’sphere is rigorous in its findings. Plus, we didn’t even get to the bad part.”

“That wasn’t the end?!” Sabrina asked.

“God, no,” Eric said. “She texted me later that night and said I owed her a new pair of shoes and sent me a Venmo request for like $400. I told her there was no way I was paying for those shoes because she was the one who screwed up. Then she sent me pictures of the shoes and they didn’t even look that bad. I said she should bring them over to my place and I’d clean them, and she said there was no way she was coming to my place without me paying for the shoes. She called me a bastard and an asshole, and I said she was being bitchy, and then she got mad at me for calling her a bitch and I tried to tell her I didn’t call her a bitch, just that she was being bitchy, and that blew up and she blocked me.”

“OK,” Gemma sighed. “So that’s where it ended.”

“No,” Eric said. “She unblocked me the next day.”

“Oh, God,” Sabrina groaned.

“She said she forgave me for the shoes, which I guess was her taking ownership that it was her fault. But I knew she would bring them up later, and she did. We texted flirty stuff most of Saturday morning, and then she came over to my place.”

“Did any of the bad stuff happen at your place?”

“Not ... really?” Eric said. “We did bone though.”