Chapter 35

We’d wound down after maybe fifteen minutes, but kept tight hold of each other for a while.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I knew I’d said something so utterly hurtful.

“No,” Cassidy said firmly. “Don’t. You can’t be sorry. Never be sorry for telling me what you’re feeling.” She lifted her head up and looked me in the eyes. “I read about this thing - radical honesty. Some people have had really good success with it. It basically means that we need to dedicate time to check in and be completely honest, no matter what. Even if we think it’s going to hurt, or be hurtful, we need to be totally open.”

I nodded. “OK. That- I can see why that would work. I don’t know if I’m ready to say everything I’m feeling though. It’s all jumbled up in my head and my heart.”

“OK,” she said and laid her head back down on my chest.

“It’s true that I still love you,” I said.

“It’s true that I still love you, too,” she said back.

We were syncing up our breathing again.

“How was the kiss with Sherry?” I asked.

“Nice. Cute,” Cassidy said. “She isn’t bad, but I don’t think she’s into girls. All I could think about was you though, so maybe I wasn’t feeling it. I was worried, and waiting. I was terrified I would miss you telling me to stop.”

“Thank you for stopping,” I said.

“I love you, and I’m yours,” she said. “I’ll do anything you want.”

I took a deep breath and let it out.

“How was kissing Terra?” Cassidy asked.

“Really nice,” I said. “I kept thinking about how different she was than kissing you, or Becca. I wasn’t joking with JC, I’d be happy to kiss her more if I had the chance, but I wouldn’t ever want to be the reason they broke up.”

“You don’t want to be the cheater,” Cassidy said. It wasn’t a question, wasn’t even really self-accusatory. She said it more as a sad reality that I held myself to that and always had, and she hadn’t.

I just shook my head in response, staying quiet.

“How about Cattie? That kiss was super hot,” Cassidy said.

“I- I don’t know what to say about that. It was, by a lot. But also Cattie is your best friend, and one of my friends. Kissing her felt amazing, and feeling her up - god damn, I can’t believe we did that in front of anyone, let alone at all. If she wasn’t dating Heather, I would ... Well, I’d be open to a lot more. But she is with Heather, and even if we aren’t exactly sure about her, I’m still not looking to end relationships and cause rifts.”

“What if I told you I wanted you to sleep with Cattie?” Cassidy asked. “What if I-”

“Stop,” I whispered. “Stop, please.”

She did.

“Robbie, I want to be close to you,” she finally said. “Can we get naked? Is that OK?”