Chapter 279

I was a little surprised, and a little shaken, by what Becca had said. The thing was that I had to remember everything I knew about Becca to connect what she was saying with the confident woman that I’d been falling for. Becca hadn’t talked about it much, but she’d been in a bad relationship years ago. Whether that was what had pushed her into being asexual, or that was something different, it was hard to know but what I did know was that there was no way this wild idea of hers was coming from anywhere other than bad experiences or buried trauma from that.

“Becca,” I said after taking a breath. “Sex is great, but the relationship I want with you isn’t reliant on it. You are more than sex to me, and I wish you could know how much I hurt for you that that’s where your mind goes. You are a confident, courageous leader with a mind that I love and a fiercely grounded centre that makes me want to do more and be better. If the day comes that you feel your sex drive dropping, I wouldn’t ever think less of you and wouldn’t ever want to leave you for something as small as that. Do you know why Cassidy and I can get past what she revealed about our past? It’s because I love her, not just sex with her. I love you that kind of way.”

Becca swallowed visibly and frowned, looking down at her hands. “But that doesn’t mean you deserve it, Robbie. You don’t deserve a girlfriend who-”

“Shut the fuck up, Becca,” Cassidy said sternly. Her anger drew both of our eyes to her, and I realized that hers were brimming with unspent tears. “God, for someone so smart you’re being so fucking stupid. He loves you! L-O-V-E. Love. He deserves you. And you deserve him. Stop worrying about where you’ve been and look at where you’re going. Him. Do you seriously think he’s lying? Do you think he’ll change his mind about you? I fucking ripped his heart out and he’s still forgiving me, and I swear I’m going to earn that every day. If you ever feel like sex isn’t on the table for you, that’s not even something to feel guilty about! It’s just biology or brain chemistry or whatever. I don’t want you to lose your sex drive, but we’ll deal with it if it comes. Fuck! Just stop being a dumb bitch and kiss him already.”

I didn’t know what to say at that outburst. Part of me was proud of her, another part hurt for how badly I could see her hurting. Every time she spoke about what she’d done directly I could see it in her eyes, that deep sadness and guilt.

“Jesus, Cassidy,” Becca said. “Tell me how you really feel.” Then she wiped her eyes and took a breath, looking back at me. “Am I being an idiot?”

“The smartest idiot I know,” I said.

She leaned forward and kissed me, and I brought up a hand to hold her there so she wouldn’t pull away too soon. We kissed long and slow as I tried to pour my reassurance and love and earnestness into it. When we finally did separate I looked deep into Becca’s eyes. “I love you, and I choose you. No matter what baggage you feel like you’re carrying, I’ll help you carry it.”

Becca broke at that and leaned forward again, this time into my arms as I held her. Cassidy quickly came over and hugged her from behind, and it didn’t take long for us to fall to the side as we held Becca and as she cried out whatever demon had been tormenting her inside.

When the tears stopped, I kissed the top of her head and then rested my chin on that spot. “God, I need to stop making women cry today.”

That made Cassidy snort. “Not a shot, Tiger. They’ve all been good tears. Cleansing ones.”

“Thank you,” Becca said, wiping at her eyes again as she sat back up. “God, that was ... I don’t usually break down like that.”

“Felt good though, right?” Cassidy asked, sitting up as well. “Having him to help you through that. To hold you and love you.”