Chapter 252

“Robbie,” Terra said as she drew back from me slightly. “I’m going to need you to spell that one out for me, cause it’s news to me.”

I had to take a breath, and I really wished I could stop the boat to give her my full attention.

“Terra, do you actually like the deal you made with JC?” I asked. “Like, if I wasn’t with Cassidy already and we met and had this connection and got together, would you be hurt if I asked you to share me?”

She took her time in answering, absorbing what I said. “Yes,” she said. “I would. I would either think you weren’t the person I thought you were, or that I wasn’t good enough for some reason.”

“You aren’t bi,” I said. “You want a monogamous relationship. And for all that I find you fucking adorable and amazing and tough and sweet and all these great things, that’s the one thing I can’t give you. I want to be your person, but I can’t be all your person. And where the others are open to sharing me, and fooling around with each other as a bonus, you would be excluded from that part of the relationship stuff because it’s not who you are.”

She swallowed and reached back to take my hand with hers again, trailing her fingers along my palm as she looked at it. “What about Ami, then?” Terra asked. “She’s straight too.”

“I need to have a conversation with her like this too,” I sighed, not looking forward to that at all. “But Ami also isn’t already in a relationship that was working until I showed up and did damage to it. Which I did do, even if I didn’t mean to.”

“God, Robbie,” Terra sighed, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to my upper arm. “Fuck.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“No,” she mumbled. “Don’t be. You’re being realistic. I- I’ve been thinking about the now. What I want now, who I want to be with now. I wasn’t thinking about ... after tomorrow, I guess.” She looked up at me, and I met her gaze. Her eyes were brimming and she was pressing her lips together tightly, and my heart broke a little knowing I’d done that. “Don’t give up on me, or this, though. OK? I need to really think about what you said, but I’m not giving up yet.”

“OK,” I said. “Terra, I’d never give up on you. I just...” I sighed, not sure how to put what I was feeling into words.

“Shhh,” she shushed me softly.

“Just do me a favour?” I asked.

“Anything.”

“If you’re going to talk it through with anyone, don’t talk with Cassidy,” I said. “She’s single-minded on this whole thing, and I love her to death but there’s a reason we fit so well together and she’s not the Life Planning person in our relationship.” I also didn’t want the App to influence her on this, and even if Cassidy did come at it impartially if I asked her to I couldn’t be sure the final decision wouldn’t be because of fucking magic.

Terra chuckled softly and nodded. “Makes sense. I’ll talk with Wanda and Becca.”

“Good choices,” I agreed, looking back up at the water and feeling my own tears starting to slip from my eyes.