Chapter 189

I held Cassidy for a little bit longer until she felt ready to talk. During the quiet process I found myself battling my own little internal demons - I knew why she was feeling this way, and I knew why she needed comforting. I could even see the strings leading back to her depressive states. Intellectually, I understood it. But that petty little part of me that I hadn’t ever really had before the ride to Lake Powell was still there, still angry and frustrated.

Cassidy caused this. Why should she be the one getting consoled?

I squashed that feeling as hard as I could and felt gross at myself for even feeling it, but there wasn’t any getting rid of the residue and it made loving Cassidy feel just a little bit more like work instead of the natural flow that I’d always found it before that week. And that made me sad.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whimpered quietly. It was a heartbreaking tone of voice.

“About what?” I asked.

“I don’t even know anymore,” she said. “Everything before. How I keep messing up now, using the App. I just ... I keep telling myself the thing I’m doing is for you, or that one time for Wanda, and I just barge ahead and do it without telling you.”

I wanted to tell her that she could just stop using it, but that wouldn’t have been helpful. She tried that and it brought us to where we were. Not to mention the serious questions I had about the App’s power and possible intelligence, or potential displeasure at being ignored. Instead I decided to distract her for at least a moment so we could reset the conversation and the feelings baked into it.

“Tell me about Terra,” I said. “How is she this morning?”

Cassidy sighed softly and rested her forehead on my shoulder. She knew exactly what I was doing, but after a moment she allowed it to happen. “She’s still pretty mad at JC,” she said. “I think the more she thinks about it, the more she’s seeing orange flags in their relationship. Not red ones, but more than enough there to be warning signs.”

“What’s he been doing?” I asked.

“He’s just sort of a manchild,” Cassidy said. “Endearing, and happy, and energetic. That’s what Terra likes about him. But also just ... he hasn’t grown out of being a college frat boy. Not that he was one, but it’s just the state he’s in. She has to remind him to do basic chores, and does his taxes for him, and reminds him when he has trips booked for work. His whole life at home is his rec leagues, working out, playing video games and watching sports if he isn’t working. And she’s realizing she wants more than that out of him.”

“Mmm,” I hummed, nodding softly. All of that was pretty understandable from what I’d learned about JC and Terra. “So where does that leave her now?”

“She isn’t sure. I have a feeling this Diamond Dogs meeting isn’t going to end up being just about Wanda.”

I had to smirk a little. “Please tell me you’ll find a different name for it.”

“Oh, I already did,” Cassidy said. “Well, it fits most of us anyways.”

“What is it?”

“Robbie’s Girls,” Cassidy said.

I sighed. “Cass.”

“I know, I know, I’m just joking,” Cassidy said. “Mostly. And I won’t suggest it because that wouldn’t be fair to Terra or Heels.”