Chapter 4

It was a slow rain that was inductive of the west coast. Everything looked green. I heard the thunder roll through but had not seen the flash of lighting before it. That seemed to be the weather in Washington state. The radio on my unit requested that I return to the station. I responded and turned the squad car and headed back. It was odd that they had not explained why but I did as ordered. Parked in the secure lot, locked the unit, and headed into the station.

I was met by Lieutenant Jason Styles, and he took me into Watch Commander Sylas Green’s office. I entered and stood at attention and was told to rest and have a seat.

“There is no easy way for me to say this. There was an accident earlier today involving your wife’s vehicle and a semi-truck. Your wife’s vehicle was struck, she and both girls identified as your daughters were fatalities.”

I stopped and just sat there and then felt the tears on my cheeks, broke into sobs, and finally just cried as I hung my head. I felt some tissues being placed in my hand and used them to wipe my cheeks and the tears now fell onto my pants.

“How” I croaked out and lifted my head.

“The semi-truck ran a red light and hit the minivan.”

I tried to take some deep breaths then. “What happened?”

“When the units arrived, the van was crushed and the driver in the truck was passed out.”

“Did he die?”

“No, it was determined he was impaired and was transported to the hospital and arrested a short time later.”

“Where are Lilly and the girls at?”

“They were transported to the coroner’s office.”

I just sat numb remembering how I had kissed the girl’s good night last night and how Lilly and I had worked on having another child after they had gone to bed. She was sleeping as I kissed her goodbye before I left to head to the station and roll call.

“Where is he?”

“He was released from the hospital and then the State has him as is normal procedure when a member of a department or his family are involved in a serious or fatal.”

I sat and just took it in more tears flowing as I did. “Can I go see them?”

“The coroner must do his reports before they can be released to you. It’s not right but he has them now and it is what it is. What I do next gives me no pleasure and is in no way a reflection upon you. Again, it is required. Please remove your weapon. And place it on my desk.”

“Why?”

“It this time, when everything seems lost the last thing any of us want, is for you to use your service weapon to end your life or to use it to extract justice. Both have happened too many times so POST helped draw up some guidelines for departments to adopt. This is just that a required procedure.”

I stood to take my weapon out and a thought flashed across my mind. Before I knew it Jason was there, his hand on mine. “Let me help you with that Thomas.” And he pulled my hand away and took the weapon out.

I sat back down and cried as the tissue box was placed in front of me. I just sat there in a daze for a while, the tears streaming down as I dealt with it all. Jason disappeared with my weapon and then Sylas spoke. “Who can I call to come and pick you up?”

I didn’t answer him and just tuned him out. I don’t recall how many times he asked before he was standing in front of me. “Officer your phone.” His hand was in front of my face.

I placed the phone in his hand, and he handed it back to me. “Unlock it.”

I entered the code and then he asked. “Who?”

“Katie” I replied.

He found her number and tuned it out while I sat there in shock and disbelief. Jason reappeared and he helped me up and we headed to the locker room. I changed out of my uniform and back into my street clothes. Made a pit stop and washed my face after I finished. Jason handed me a towel, dried my face, and we went back up to Sylas’s office. He dropped me off there. Sobbing still, sitting in the chair when there was a knock and Jason brought Katie in.

“Thomas, what’s happened?”

“Lilly and the girls are dead,” I replied.

I saw Katie start to waver and Jason helped her sit in the chair next to me, her hand reached out and took mine then.

“How?” was all she asked as I tuned it out and held her hand. It was sometime later when I found myself in her car as we were driving to my house. It wasn’t our home any longer, just a house.

“You’re coming home with me,” Katie said

“I can...” she cut me off.

“No, you can’t. Now we’re going to go pack a bag and you’re coming home with me. We can do this the easy way, or I can call Sylas.”

“What?”

“I thought that would get your attention.” She smiled. “You’re going to come stay with me until you’re ready to stay here or wherever you want to stay.” She drove on to the house and I opened the front door after we had arrived.

“Let’s go get you packed.” She followed me into my bedroom.

I was pulling out clothes and putting them on the bed. I opened the closet and Katie looked in and saw it. Is that your gun safe?” She asked.

“Yes, I keep my backup weapon there.”

“Open it and give me the gun.” She had a look that I had seen before and knew that it was a commitment to her way. It was a flask back to that same look when we met her that day so long ago outside her old office.

I opened the safe and handed her the weapon. There was a trigger lock. “The keys.” I reached up and took the key from the safe and handed it to her.

“Is there another?”

“On my key ring.” She held out her hand and lifted her fingers the indication of give. I reached into my pocket, took out my keys, and removed it, handing her the key.

“I will not have you killing yourself. Yes, I know you still can, but it will not be an easy decision to make in a moment of haste and despair. When they give you back your gun from the department, I will give this one back to you. Not before.” She sent me out to the garage, and I brought back a suitcase. Packed it and then we went around and closed the house for an extended time away.

We stopped at a restaurant along the way and had salads. I ate some and pushed more of it around the plate while she finished hers. She told the waitress to box it for me and I paid the bill and took the box out to the car. We arrived at her place, and she set me off to unpack into the spare room.

That night was a quiet one sitting on the couch just watching some movie that meant nothing to me as I reflected and then got angry. I was crying again when Katie leaned over and held me.

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I doubt anyone else does either. We’re born and we die. Some have long lives and others don’t.”

“What will I do...” she cut me off with a finger to my mouth.

“You will live is what you will do, how you chose to live your life is on you. Right now, you just must grieve it’s a natural process for people to do when tragedy happens. You will do that how you do it at the pace you decide. I’m here for you and will help when you want me to. I’m going to be grieving for Lilly and the girls too so we can do that together or apart as each of us decides. If you’re hungry you can have that salad or raid the refrigerator or pantry. If you want to try and sleep the bed is there. If sitting here and having this drivel as a background helps, then stay here.