Chapter 29: Make the Most of It

“What time are you heading into town to collect the dress?” I asked. Hannah and I were having lunch in Jak’s Café. I was heading for my last badminton session with Mark, Phil and Jem before the Christmas break in a couple of hours.

I didn’t know if Alannah was coming or not—I’d not spoken to her at all since last Wednesday at the final of the tournament.

“I’ve got an appointment at three.”

I nodded. “Want a lift?”

“Thank you, but no. It’s fine. I’m going with the girls—they have to pick up their dresses too. Then I’m taking them to the café at the end of West Pier so I can introduce them to those amazing scones.”

I shrugged. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

I paused, taking a sip of my coke. “Hannah?”

“Yes?”

“I’m really looking forward to Friday.”

She smiled her amazing smile. “Yeah. Me too.”

I didn’t want to spoil the mood, but I had to ask her the next question. The next couple of questions really. Even if I only needed to know the answer to the first one right now.

I took a deep breath. “When are you heading home for Christmas? Saturday?”

She shook her head. “Sunday. Dad’s coming to collect me. I said I’d go on the train, but I think he just fancies the drive down anyway. And he wants to take me for lunch before we head home, just me and him—we don’t get to do that very often, just the two of us.”

“So just your dad?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Mom’s going up to Manchester to get my sister the same day.”

I nodded. “So ... What are you planning to do Saturday? Packing?”

“Hell no. It’s not like I’m leaving for good. I’ve still got clothes at home anyway, so a holdall and a backpack and I’m good. I’m not taking any work with me—I plan to have a relaxing Christmas before the final semester chews me up and spits me out. No, I plan to spend all day with you. If you’ll have me.”

“Do I have to let you get out of bed?”

She grinned. The kind of grin that tells you she’s not quite as innocent as she liked to pretend to be. “Not if you don’t want to. Although, maybe it’s me that won’t let you out of bed.”

Now I definitely didn’t want to spoil the mood, so I didn’t bother asking my other two questions.

“So, Paul, what are you doing over the Christmas break if your housemates are all going home? You can’t be planning on staying all alone in that big house, can you? That would be awfully lonely.” Libby asked.

We were in The Cap & Gown for our regular nightcap. Typically, Hannah and I alternated sitting with her housemates and mine. Although, lately, Mark, Imogen and Vanessa had started going to one of the bars on campus to meet some of their friends from Wintersmith last year on the nights I was planning to sit with Hannah’s friends.

I’d gotten to know Libby and Lottie, in particular, a lot better over the past few weeks and they really were very nice girls. I’ve said before how different they seemed when Amanda wasn’t around. They both did far less showing off when Amanda was absent, and their real personalities came through instead. Now I understood why Emily was friends with them.

“I’m going to stay with my sister and her...” I stopped and smiled. “My sister and sister-in-law.” I chuckled. “I think that might be the first time I’ve called Jess my sister-in-law.” I shook my head. “I always used to say my sister’s girlfriend, or my sister’s wife after they got married or—what do you call it when you enter a civil partnership? Civil partnered? That doesn’t sound right.”

“Are they planning to change from a partnership to a marriage when it becomes legal next year?” Lottie asked?

I shook my head. “No idea. I’ll have to ask her over Christmas.”

“Did you really not know your sister was gay?” Hannah asked.

I shook my head again. “I didn’t have a clue. I guess all the signs were there, but I suppose I was just too caught up in myself and in being a teenager and in my own dramas to notice.” I shrugged. “But, I mean, it’s not like it’s a big deal really, is it? My sister’s gay. So what, you know?”

“Yeah, I see what you’re saying,” Lottie said. “I suppose one time it would have been a big deal, but now it’s like, whatever, you do you. Live your life the way you want to, you know?”

“Exactly,” I said. “Plus, Jess is lovely. I can see what my sister sees in her—if that makes sense. And don’t just mean ... you know ... I mean, she’s a lovely person.”

The others around the table nodded in agreement.

Then Hannah suddenly gave a massive yawn.

“Sorry,” she said through the yawn, covering her mouth with her hand. “Late night last night working on an assignment. And then today’s been hectic too, what with going into town this afternoon and everything.” She looked down at her glass on the table, which was almost empty. “If you guys don’t mind, I think I’m going to call it a night.”

There were non-committal murmurs from her friends.

“I’ll walk you back,” I said.

“You don’t have to, Paul. It’s not like it’s all that far. And there haven’t been any reports or rumours of any more assaults for weeks and weeks now.”

“No, I know. But better safe than sorry. And besides, I just want to.”

She smiled at me and nodded.

“If you’re taking the long route,” Lottie said with a sly grin and a glance towards Libby. “Try not to take too long.”

“What did she mean by taking the long route,” I asked Hannah once we were outside. It was only a five or ten-minute walk back to the girls’ house, depending on how quickly you walked, and it was a pretty direct route. I didn’t see how there could be a long route.

“Oh, it’s an old joke. Libby was seeing this guy from her course for a couple of months in our first year—when we were all in Wintersmith like you were—and they’d regularly leave the pub early and take the long route back to the Hall. Such a long route in fact that we’d usually beat her back.

“What they were actually doing is anyone’s guess, because they sure as hell weren’t just walking slowly.”

“Anyone’s guess?” I asked, with a raised eyebrow.

Hannah grinned. “I don’t think they ever went any further than a blowjob and some fingering in public. At least, Libby claims they didn’t.”

I chuckled.

It was a cold night, but dry. The sky was clear with a near full moon lighting our way. Hannah wore a thick dark red parka with a fur-lined hood. I had on a black woollen pea coat that I’d treated myself to as an early Christmas present. It was expensive, but worth it.

Even though it was only just after ten, there was already a frost forming on the ground. The pavement in front of us seemed to glisten and shimmer in the moonlight. We held hands as we walked.

I glanced at Hannah and with a cheeky grin said, “Have you gone any further than a blowjob and some fingering in public.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I haven’t even gone that far.” She grinned and added. “Yet.” She laughed again and said, “No, seriously, I’ve never done half the stuff I’ve done with you with anyone else. I’ve never really felt comfortable enough to, you know? I guess...” She shrugged. “I guess you give me the confidence to ... I don’t know... Experiment, I guess. To take risks that I wouldn’t normally take. I know you won’t judge, and I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me or let me do anything that would hurt myself either. Does that make sense?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.” I let go of her hand and held my arm out in invitation. She snuggled in, wrapping an arm around me as I wrapped one around her, and we held each other close as we walked, keeping each other warm in the chilly night air. She rested her head on my shoulder and lay a hand gently on my chest—almost as if we were lying in bed rather than walking in the street.

“Hannah?”

She hummed a response, which I took as permission to go on.

“I’m not sure how to ... I mean...” I took a deep breath. “When we get back here in the New Year, what happens to us? As a couple, I mean.”

She didn’t respond immediately. I knew that she must have been thinking about this as much as I had—there’d been a few times now when she’d almost said something only to step back from it.

Finally, she said, “Why can’t we just ... you know ... Carry on as we are?”

“Is that what you want? I mean, how many times have you told me how important next semester is for you?”

“I know. I know.” She paused. “What is it that you want, Paul?” Her head was still on my chest. She hadn’t looked up at me at all during the exchange.

“Honestly? I don’t know what I want. Do you? Do you know what you want?”

She didn’t answer.

“Hannah, This is ... Look, I know this isn’t the kind of thing that the guy usually asks but ... How do you... feel about me?”

She pushed herself up, away from my chest, looked at me and said, “I like you, Paul. And I love spending time with you, but...” She shrugged.

“That’s exactly what I said.”

“Really? Who to?”

I shrugged. I assumed she would guess at either Emily or Imogen. I wasn’t about to tell her the truth.

“And did you include the but?”

I nodded.

She shook her head and looked away from me.

“It would be really easy, you know?”

“What would?”

“Falling for you. Falling so head over heels in love with you that nothing else matters. Letting myself dream about spending the rest of my life with you. Dream about you putting a ring on my finger. About kids and growing old together. All that jazz. It would be so easy.”