Chapter 16: Hot Chocolate

As I stood stock-still on the dance floor, stunned at Hannah’s sudden departure, Emily was directly in my line of sight, concern and confusion etched all over her face. She flicked her head in the direction Hannah had fled and, when I didn’t move, did it again and mouthed the word “Go”.

I shook my head clear of the trance I’d been in for half a minute so since Hannah left, nodded my understanding at Emily and then raced after my friend.

I pushed my way through the mass of people milling around both on and just off the dance floor, skipped around people heading to or from the bar and finally made it out of the main hall just as Hannah reached the top of the stairs down to the entrance level.

“Hannah!” I called. She stopped and turned around. “Hannah, wait!”

She said nothing and her face was expressionless as I caught up to her.

“What’s ... What’s wrong? Why’d you...?” I gestured back towards the dance hall.

She shook her head. “I can’t do this, Paul. We can’t do this. I won’t be a one-night stand. I won’t be your rebound.”

I blinked several times and shook my head. “One night...? Rebound? I don’t ... You’re not ... You wouldn’t be...”

“Wouldn’t I? Paul, you just broke up with your girlfriend last night! That’s the very definition of rebound.” She sighed. “Come on,” she said, reaching for my hand. “Let’s talk.”

She led me down both flights of stairs to the admin level, then to the branch of a national coffee shop franchise that had opened over the summer. I was surprised it was open, to be honest, but after a moment’s thought I suppose it made sense—the building was full of potential customers on nights like this, so why would it close?

It wasn’t exactly busy, but neither was it empty so we found a table as far away from any of the other customers as we could and then Hannah said she’d go and order us both a hot drink.

I took out my wallet, fished out a twenty-pound note and held it out for her. “Here,” I said. “On me.”

She gave me a stern look and shook her head. “Put your money away, Paul,” she said as she walked up to the counter to order.

I stared at her as she waited with her back to me for the drinks to be made. Her near-perfect hourglass figure accentuated by her tailored white blouse and tight black jeans. She had her phone in her back pocket and it must have vibrated with an alert because she took it out, and quickly tapped in a reply after reading the message she’d received.

I was pulled out of my continued admiration of Hannah’s body when my phone beeped and vibrated too. Far less easily or elegantly than Hannah had, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, unlocked it and read the message from Imogen.

Everything okay?

I guessed that she and Emily had put their heads together soon after I’d left and decided between them that Emily would contact Hannah and Imogen contact me. And no doubt Chloë had been informed of the latest development too.

I was looking at the screen and tapping in a reply when Hannah placed a tall glass mug in front of me containing a dark liquid with a massive swirl of whipped cream on top.

“Orange hot chocolate,” she said. “It’s a special edition. Last month they had mint hot chocolate which was lovely. I haven’t tried this one yet.”

“Hannah, these things aren’t cheap. You really should—”

“No,” she said, her tone indicating that was the end of the discussion. “I know they’re expensive, that’s why I only have one, maybe two a week.” She paused. “That and they have a massive amount of calories in them, so...” She shrugged.

We sat in awkward silence. The drinks were too hot to drink but Hannah used a spoon to eat some of the cream from the top of hers. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. I guess I didn’t know much about anything that was going on right then.

“I like you, Paul,” she said, suddenly. “I mean ... I’ve always liked you, you know, as a friend and last year as an occasional fuck buddy.” She grinned a predatory grin, but it faded quickly. “But this last week ... All the time we’ve spent together ... It’s made me realise that I like you, you know? And that’s fine. It really is. I mean, I don’t want the distraction of a boyfriend or a relationship this year. I don’t need that distraction this year. But you had a girlfriend and it felt ... I don’t know... Safe. Because you’re not the type to cheat on your girlfriend, I know you’re not, and so while you had a girlfriend, I knew that we could hang out and it’d be cool, there’d be no pressure and no expectations and...” She sighed.

“Hannah, I—” She held up a hand to stop me.

“Don’t. Please. Just let me ... I don’t know ... Work this out in my head.”

She picked up her drink and took a sip. It was clearly still hot from the way she reacted, but I picked up mine and took a sip too. Only she’d been eating the cream on top and I hadn’t so I ended up with some on the end of my nose.

Hannah giggled. “Silly,” she said. She wiped the cream from my nose with her finger and then offered it to me to lick the cream off. She closed her eyes and moaned softly when I sucked her finger (and the cream) instead. Then she pulled her finger away quickly as if she’d been burned and looked away to the side. “Don’t.”

She kept looking away for a few seconds before looking back at me and saying, “Sorry, I shouldn’t...”

“Hannah, it’s fine—”

“But it’s not fine, Paul,” she said a little too loudly. A couple at another table glanced our way and then went back to their own conversation. More quietly, she said, “It’s not fine, Paul. Don’t you see? That’s the whole point. You know what you do to me—what you can do to me—and last year when it was just fun and sex it was fine, more than fine, and this last week when it was just flirting that wasn’t going to go anywhere, that was fine, but now...” She paused. “I just don’t know, Paul. I’m just ... scared, I guess.”

“Scared?”

She nodded, picked up her drink to take another sip and then took a deep breath.

“I’ve never had a real boyfriend before. Not a proper boyfriend, if you know what I mean. I mean, there has been a couple of guys I went out with and even a couple I had regular sex with—well, sort of regular—but there’s never been anyone I’ve had feelings for. Real feelings, you know.

“And then you come along and it turns out you’ve got the keys to get my motor running like no one ever has before and you’re just a really nice guy to boot—charming, witty, easy to talk to, all that jazz. And when you were taken that was fine. It was safe. Nothing was going to happen between us because you had a girlfriend and I didn’t need to worry about the way my tummy turned somersaults around you or how I missed you when we were apart or any of that stuff because you weren’t mine and you couldn’t be mine and that was fine.

“I could bury all these feelings deep down and concentrate on my studies and not get distracted and everything was fine. And then in less than a week you go and ruin it all by breaking up with your girlfriend and I got so excited when I heard that, even though that’s really bad, and this lunchtime at the house was just ... and just now upstairs it was...” She shook her head. “I just don’t know what to do, or to say or how to act and it terrifies me. I have all these feelings for you and I’ve never felt them before and it scares me and I know that you and I getting together would be bad. That it would be a distraction that I don’t need.” She smiled sweetly. “But I also know that it would be so good and so right and just—” Her smile faded and she grunted in frustration.

I reached out across the table to put my hand on top of hers and squeezed gently but didn’t say anything. She looked down at our hands and then up into my eyes and smiled again. She had a lovely smile.

“See?” she said. “See?”

She shrugged, then pulled her hand out from under mine so she could pick up her drink again. I still didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I wanted. But I knew that saying nothing was infinitely better than saying the wrong thing, so for once I kept my mouth shut.

I just shrugged instead.

Hannah gave an amused huff.

“We’re a right pair, aren’t we?”

“I guess we are.”

Another silence fell over us, but this time it wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t comfortable either, but it wasn’t awkward and that was a good sign. Hannah held her mug in both hands like she was using it to keep warm. I picked up my mug and had a proper drink from it now that it had cooled enough to enjoy.