Chapter 10

The aroma of frying bacon and percolating coffee slowly made its way from the kitchen, down the hall to the guest bedroom, causing Mel to stir. Temporarily disoriented by the fact that he wasn’t in his cabin, it took him a few moments to gain his bearings. The bed in Fran’s guest bedroom had been comfortable enough ... maybe a bit too comfortable. Sure, his rickety old bed in the cabin sported a sagging mattress and sure, the inner springs and metal frame creaked with every movement, but it was /his/, and he’d grown accustomed to its idiosyncrasies. It wasn’t as if he could complain, though; He had just slept through the night without waking – a rare feat, even in his snug mountain abode.

Rising enough to plant his feet on the carpeted floor, he stretched and yawned away the slight stiffness in his bones before rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and tossing on the same pants he’d been wearing before going to bed. His first instinct was to make his way toward the enticing scents wafting from the kitchen, but his bladder had a more pressing matter to address. After shuffling down the hall toward the communal bathroom, he was able to relieve himself then wash his face and comb his hair. “Probably should shave too,” Mel thought, but decided he wanted coffee more than a smooth face. He moved back to the guest bedroom and grabbed a comfortable tee shirt before he began making his way toward the smell of breakfast cooking.

When he stepped into the kitchen, he was accosted by DeeDee, her face lit with youthful exuberance as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself into his shape. “G’morning, sweetie,” Mel said through a smirk as he returned her embrace with a gentle hug of his own. “G’morning, Daddy,” DeeDee mumbled into the fabric of his tee shirt, her face mashed into his upper abdomen. She’d been a bit sneaky when packing to return home, putting one of Mel’s old, stretched out tee shirts into her own small suitcase so that she could sleep with his smell on her, just as she’d been doing for the first few nights in Mel’s cabin.

Kim was at the small Formica table, a wry smile on her face as she sipped from a cup of coffee, watching her daughter and Mel. Clad in what appeared to be only an over-sized night shirt that covered all her fun parts, Kim looked just as lovely as ever, even though it was clear that she was awake purely out of a sense of duty.

Fran, for her part, seemed to be wearing the same cotton house dress she’d been sporting since his arrival the day before. Turning away from the stove to offer him a lazy smile, she asked, “‘Mornin’, handsome. Did ya’ sleep alright?”

He stretched his body again, arms above his head and arching his back slightly so that his face was more upturned. The move reminded Fran of a cat that had been forced to wake from a sunny afternoon slumber. He even silently yawned once mid-stretch, just like an old alley cat might. “Yes ma’am,” he replied. “I slept very well. Thank you for asking.”

“Good,” Fran said before pointing toward the percolator. “There’s a fresh pot o’ coffee over there. If you want some, he’p yerself.”

The intensity of DeeDee’s embrace hadn’t relented, but he couldn’t very well get across the room with her arms locked around his waist, so he gently disengaged from her, kissing her forehead and playfully swatting her little butt through the tee shirt that hung down almost to her knees. Even with such a cursory touch, he could feel that she wasn’t wearing panties under the shirt and in that moment, his brain flashed with the thought that the information was important – but he didn’t consciously register it. Instead, he simply made his way toward the coffee pot Fran had indicated; An older percolator style that was heated on top of the stove, similar to the one he had in his cabin.

“I fig’red we’d go ‘head an’ use up s’more o’ them biscuits DeeDee made last night,” Fran commented to no one in particular ... meaning everyone in the room. “We’re gonna keep it simple this mornin’ though,” she cautioned, “ ... fried eggs, sausage, bacon, biscuits and gravy. I hope that’s alright with you, Mel.”

“Sounds wonderful,” Mel answered with a smile, thinking her idea of simple was much more extravagant than his. “Anything I can do to help?”

All three ladies turned their heads toward him, shooting glances that silently said, “You should know better than to ask such a silly question.”

“Nah,” Fran replied. “You jus’ sit down an’ enjoy yer coffee while I finish up here. Ever’thing’ll be ready t’ eat in just a little bit.”

Mel nodded before making his way over to the Kim’s seated form. Ever since he’d first stepped into the kitchen, she’d been patiently waiting for him to acknowledge her. Leaning over, he kissed her gently on the lips, careful not to blow his morning breath into her face. “Good morning,” he offered with a gentle smile before taking a chair to her left. For just a couple seconds after he pulled his face away from hers, she kept her eyes closed, humming softly.

“Mmm, g’morning,” she said, sounding a tad sleepy.

“And how did you sleep?” Mel asked Kim, genuinely curious. “Must have been nice to be back in your own bed.”

Kim blushed slightly before shrugging. “Yeah ... that part was nice. Of course, it would have been nicer to have you next to me.”

From behind them, they heard Fran softly tutting while she shook her head in dismay. Kim’s passing comment made it clear that her daughter had slept in the same bed with Mel already, which made her worry for Kim’s everlasting soul. Almost simultaneously, they heard a faint whining noise escape from DeeDee’s lips as the teen was clearly pining for Mel’s closeness just as much as Kim had been. Kim chose to ignore both of them for the moment.

“So,” Mel said, “I guess you’re gonna make me go buy a monkey suit today, aren’t you?”

The two chuckled at his comment before she nodded. “You got that right, mister.”

Mel sighed. “Fine.” He had a playful expression on his face, shooting a wink toward Kim. “But you’re gonna owe me one.”

“One what?” DeeDeed demanded, interjecting herself into the conversation. “What’s she gonna owe you? Is it something naughty?”

Kim and Mel shared another chuckle before Kim responded. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

“That’s enough o’ that fer now,” Fran said over her shoulder as she put the finishing touches on her signature sausage gravy, seasoning it with just enough black pepper to tickle the nostrils and make the edges of one’s tongue tingle. “Y’all need t’ at least wait’ll we’re done with breakfast ‘fore startin’ all ‘at kinda talk.”

“Yes ma’am,” DeeDee reluctantly mumbled. “Can I go with you to the mall?” the teen asked her mother. “There are a couple o’ stores I wanna go and see ... ya’ know ... just to browse.”

Kim opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Fran. “Not t’day, sugar,” the woman noted, still stirring the gravy. “You an’ me gotta do a little cleaning while them two ‘re out.”

DeeDee rolled her eyes and let out a short, muted grunt of disappointment, crossing her arms under her braless, burgeoning young C-cups. Suddenly, Mel could clearly see that the girl had not donned a bra that morning ... same as her mother and grandmother. The thought of Kim and DeeDee’s chest charms swaying freely under their thin shirts made Mel’s cock begin to thicken. He even caught himself wondering what Fran’s gargantuan knockers might look like uncovered. Shaking his head to clear these lurid notions, he shifted the focus back to shopping.

“I’m telling you right now,” he warned Kim, “I have a specific number in mind that I’m willing to spend on clothes for myself, and I’m not gonna go over that number.”

“Do you plan to tell me what that number is?” Kim asked with a playful smirk.

Mel shook his head. “Nope.” In truth, he had no earthly idea how much a decent suit would cost, but in his mind, it was probably a lot. “Just know that if I’m not comfortable with the price, there won’t be a sale. It won’t matter how much you try to change my mind.”

“Sounds just like yer daddy used t’,” Fran observed with a chortle, shooting a glance at Kim.

~~~ The meal was, unsurprisingly, delicious. Simple and filling, each forkful of Fran’s tasty cooking went down Mel’s throat with a hum of appreciation. When everyone had consumed their fill, without a word needed between them, all three ladies went about their clean-up tasks with practiced ease. Mel, slowly learning his lesson, did not ask if he could help. Instead, he thanked Fran for the lovely meal, kissed Kim on the lips briefly, then gave DeeDee a quick smooch before he made his way to the bathroom. “I might as well go ahead and get cleaned up,” he thought.

After a refreshing, steam-filled shower, he shaved the stubble from his face and got dressed in clean clothes. According to the newspaper he’d seen on the Formica table the previous afternoon, the afternoon temperature was expected to be in the high 50’s. He wouldn’t need a jacket ... just a long-sleeve shirt. As he tied the laces on his work boots, Mel heard the sounds of a television down the hall.

He made his way toward the sounds and found both DeeDee and Fran sitting on the sofa. At opposite ends and each with their feet tucked under them, they watched with apparent fascination as the morning news ended and a soap opera began. Mel had absolutely zero interest in soaps, so he began trying to sneak away without being seen, but Fran noticed him before he could duck away.

“Hey there, Mel,” the woman called to him, her face beaming. “Me an’ DeeDee ‘re gonna watch some TV ‘fore we start t’ cleanin’ ... you wanna join us?”

As Mel opened his mouth to reply, hoping to decline tactfully, DeeDee interrupted.

“He won’t watch this kinda show, Nana,” the teen announced. “I can barely even get Momma to watch ‘em with me.”

“Suit yerself,” Fran said with a shrug. “By th’ way, ya’ll ‘re gonna take Jimmy’s ol’ Chevy ain’t ya’?”

Mel was taken aback by her question. Certainly, he’d admired the car since he’d first seen it the day before. But Kim had made it sound like the vehicle was a precious heirloom, so he hadn’t dared to ask if he’d be allowed to drive it.

“Uhm,” he stammered.

“Oh it’s alright,” Fran assured him with a wave of an empty hand. “Somebody oughta take it out an’ get it cleaned up anyways ... Lord knows it needs it. An’ I fig’re you an’ Kim’ll take good care of it. She tol’ me how much you liked that ol’ car...”

“Uhm, okay,” Mel answered.

“Momma will probably be ready pretty soon,” DeeDee interjected. “She’s in Nana’s bathroom, but she didn’t wanna use up the hot water before you had a chance to finish your shower.” The teen turned her face back toward the television screen before calling over her shoulder, “Oh! And I put today’s paper on the kitchen table, if you wanna read it.”

Mel gave a muted nod before making his way to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. While there, he sat and perused the newspaper, only skimming the headlines, focusing instead on the weather forecast and the funny pages. Just as he found the Sports section, Kim stepped into the kitchen, looking radiant as ever. She’d already dressed in a pair of Capri pants and what looked like a cashmere sweater. On her feet, she wore slip-on flats that accentuated her slender legs and small feet. To Mel, she looked like a dancer ... or like Mary Tyler Moore used to on the Dick Van Dyke show ... but with sandy blonde hair and much, much larger breasts. Where Ms. Moore’s slight torso clearly had been accentuated by one of those torpedo-style bras, Kim’s could not be contained or managed with such a garment and had to be wrangled into a much more substantial, almost industrial, F-cup brassiere. The effect made her sweater much more interesting than the pointed, angular lines of ‘Mrs. Petrie’. Mel suppressed a groan, but only barely, as his eyes devoured Kim’s curves.

“You almost ready?” she asked.

“Uhm,” still a bit tongue-tied just from eyeing her shape, Mel stammered for a moment, “ ... yeah. Just gonna down the rest of this coffee and we can go. By the way, your mom said we should take the Chevy.”

“My dad’s old car?” Kim asked with a slight gasp. “She never lets anyone else drive that thing...”

Mel shrugged and replied, “She said it needed to be cleaned up and seemed to think that the two of us would take good care of the car in the process.”

“Wow,” Kim whispered while shaking her head in disbelief. “Well ... okay then. I know where there’s a car wash. We can take it there before we drive to the mall.”

“Perfect,” Mel said with a smile before downing the rest of his coffee in one gulp and rising to place the cup in the sink.

~~~ The Chevy Bel Air had been sitting idle for several months, and didn’t want to start initially. After ensuring that the battery had enough charge to do its job, Mel went about the process of troubleshooting. “Might be some bad gas sitting in the lines,” Mel opined, mostly to himself, “or it could just need to be force-fed some fuel into the carburetor.” With that, he went to Kim’s station wagon and retrieved the spray bottle of starter fluid he’d used previously on her car and brought it back to the garage. After a few quick spritzes from the can directed straight into the carb, he asked Kim to turn the key and the ol’ car sputtered to life once more. Sure, there was a fair amount of smoke from the tailpipe at first, but thankfully, he’d had the foresight to open the garage door, so it quickly cleared. Soon after, with Kim at the wheel, the two were motoring toward a car wash.

Mel was more than a little surprised that the car wash was even open, given the near-freezing overnight temps in Visalia, but the place was positively abuzz with activity. “So, let me get this straight,” Mel said with a dubious sound in his voice, “ ... you just pay a couple dollars, then drive through this building where a bunch of spinning brushes clean the car, and when you come out the other side, a bunch of people dry off the car? That’s it?”

It was Kim’s turn to be surprised. Had he honestly never seen an automated car wash before? She nodded while shooting him a skeptical expression. “Um ... yeah...,” she answered.

“Wow,” Mel whispered as he craned his neck to see as much of the machinery as possible. He was, in short, amazed by the whole operation. He shook his head in disbelief as Kim paid the attendant then inched the car forward into the wash. As the rolling, spinning brushes began to swing into place and the vehicle was doused with a soapy mixture, Mel sat slack-jawed, lost in wonder – like a child walking through an amusement park. He had seen a car washed by other people ... that sort of thing happened all the time; Generally when some group wanted to raise money for a cause. You’d see them holding signs in a parking lot somewhere, the girls clad in bikini tops and the boys busy sloppily sloshing suds on the cars. In Mel’s experience, it always seemed to be a high school sports team or something similar, trying to raise funds for new uniforms, or new equipment, or any of a thousand other things. Personally, he’d always washed his own vehicles, whether he owned it himself or it was owned by the park. The notion that a person could take advantage of such a simple, automated, mess-free method was a mind-blower for him.

It only took a handful of minutes for the old Chevy to make its way along the conveyor belt and back into the bright sunshine, where three people descended on it with large drying rags. Once their jobs were complete, Kim offered them each a 50 cent tip, then pulled forward again. “I need to make sure nothing was damaged during the wash,” she told Mel before putting the car in park and exiting.

Mel joined her outside the vehicle and walked around the vehicle, carefully inspecting the lines of it to ensure there were no new dents, no chrome trim missing, and that the wash itself seemed adequate. Yes, there were a few small spots where Mel noticed some smudging and dried soap scum, but they were barely noticeable. Taking a step back so he could see the entire car, he marveled again at the automated service that had just been performed, but mostly, he was fully gobsmacked by the shining car.

Growing up, Mel’s own father had always hinted that he might buy a Chevy one day. “I like the way they look,” the man had commented on several occasions, “and I hear good things about the reliability of ‘em.” However, the man never was able to save enough money to be able to buy a new car – or even a well-treated used car. So, the whole family schlepped around town in a beat up old Packard instead. Standing there, admiring the Bel Air that Kim’s father had purchased new so many years before, Mel began to understand how the man could have prized the car /almost/ as much as he loved his wife.

All too soon, his reverie was broken by the lovely Kim. “We better get going so we have time to shop around for your suit,” she said, prompting a weary groan from Mel, who did little to suppress his feelings about the prospect of shopping.

~~~ The mall was, thankfully, of the open-air variety. Dozens of stores were aligned side by side in a very large rectangle. In the center of this rectangle, there were shade trees and pebbled walkways and small benches so the patrons could relax. All in all, it was a welcoming space, Mel thought, begrudgingly. Still, there were far too many people milling around aimlessly for Mel’s taste.

But Kim had no interest in dawdling outside the stores, grabbing his hand and pulling him directly toward a menswear establishment. There were suited mannequins in the window, along with an impressive array of ties and shoes and fabric swatches and God only knows what else. Kim didn’t allow him to lolligag while checking out the display, pulling him insistently behind her as she entered the store.

They were immediately met by an older gentleman with an almost predatory smile wearing what appeared to be a very expensive suit, sans jacket. “Welcome. My name is Patrick,” he said while alternating his gaze between Kim and Mel. “How can I help you today?”

“He needs a good suit,” Kim answered, motioning toward Mel. “But nothing too fancy, since he won’t be wearing it too often.” She smirked over her shoulder at him. Mel wasn’t sure if she was referring to the fact that he didn’t need to wear a suit often in his daily life – or if she was hinting at getting him disrobed. He was fine with either reason.

“Well then,” Patrick began, “ ... let’s get some measurements, so we know what sizes we’re looking for.” With that, he gestured for Mel to hold his arms out to his sides before sliding a tape measure around Mel’s waist. Then, with practiced ease, Patrick dropped to his knees and ran the tape from the floor to Mel’s crotch, causing Mel to flinch momentarily. He’d never had another man get close to his junk – and it just didn’t feel right. Not even a little bit. Once Patrick was satisfied that he had Mel’s waist and inseam numbers, he stood once again before measuring the span of Mel’s shoulders, then wrapping the tape around Mel’s neck to measure it. With a curt nod, Patrick then turned and walked toward a couple of racks full of suit jackets and pants.

“Anything on these two racks should fit him,” Patrick said, “after some tailoring, of course.”

Mel hadn’t considered that. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well,” Patrick began, obviously exasperated at having to explain these basic things to such a yokel. “Usually, the jacket will fit right off the rack, but the pants will have to be hemmed to suit your measurements.” Looking at his wristwatch, he added, “If you purchase before noon today, we can have your tailored suit ready for pickup before noon tomorrow.”

Through all this, Kim had been thumbing through the suits on the first rack, seemingly uninspired by the majority of what she saw. She even wrinkled her nose cutely at a couple of them, but she never said a word. In her mind, she felt that Mel needed to be the one in charge, for his own sake. It wouldn’t do for her to try bossing him around in public, telling him what he should buy, and she knew it. She would, however, give her opinion on which ones she liked most.

Finally, Patrick disengaged and moved away from them. Mel joined Kim and nervously asked, “Do you have any idea what we’re supposed to be looking for? To me, it’s just a whole bunch of the same thing in different colors. I don’t know where to even start.”

Kim offered him a gentle, warming smile before replying. “Tell you what ... how about I pick out a few that I think would look good on you, then you can try them on?” She pointed toward a couple of changing rooms not far away and waited for his response. Having no better ideas, Mel agreed.

“Okay,” he said, his voice dripping with uncertainty, “ ... that’s certainly a better plan than mine.”

“And what was your plan?” Kim asked.

“I was just going to say a color and wait for Patrick to bring me a suit with the lowest price,” Mel replied with a shrug.

Kim chuckled sweetly. “It’s a good thing I’m here then, huh?”

“Always,” he said with a quick wink.

They spent the next little while perusing the options available, slowly making their way through the two racks that had jackets of the proper size. Eventually, Kim had selected three different suits for Mel to try on. “Go ahead,” she urged him, “go try ‘em on and come out so I can see how they look on you.”

Mel took the armload of clothing and walked toward the changing rooms.

“And no looking at the price tags,” she cautioned him, “not yet anyway.”

Mel didn’t know if he had the mental fortitude /not/ to look at the tags. After all, it was his money and he didn’t want to squander it on finery he’d rarely wear. But she’d already done so much for him, and he loved her for all of it. If she asked him to do anything at all, he felt the need to comply.

Under the guise of ensuring that no inventory ‘walked’ out of the store, Patrick had been furtively watching the couple. In truth, he was just a nosy queen that got through each workday gleaning as much personal info as he could about the people around him. When he got together with friends after work, he would then dish gossip about the customers he’d seen that day. It was predatory, selfish and just downright catty. Though he disguised his true nature fairly well by carefully ensuring that he didn’t use effeminate gestures or ‘swish’ when he walked, Patrick was a dyed in the wool gray-haired twink.

The only things he’d been able to learn about the couple thus far were: 1. The man obviously didn’t want to be there, but the woman had coerced him into shopping for a suit. This wasn’t all that unusual in his store, but it was plainly evident to his eyes that she was the one who’d made the decision to bring him there. 2. They weren’t married. He was pretty sure of that since either of them wore a wedding band. And yet, they both seemed more like love-struck teenagers than the 30-somethings they were. 3. The man (Mel) had flinched when Patrick had measured his inseam. Again, this wasn’t unusual – most men weren’t familiar with having a tailor touch their thighs ... and higher. No, what got Patrick’s attention was the fact that Mel’s flaccid dong, though still covered by his pants, was thickly and clearly hanging below the bottom of his boxers.

Patrick entertained some impure thoughts of what he might do with such a powerful piece of man meat, but wisely decided he wouldn’t try to act on them.

On the other side of the store, Mel emerged from the changing room nervously. Clad in a dark blue jacket and matching bell bottom pants that completely covered his feet, he waited for Kim’s verdict.

“Okay,” Kim said, “now try the next one.”

And so he did. Once he’d shown her the way a black suit looked on him, she wanted to see the next one. So, finally, he put on a tan suit, and that one made Kim’s eyes brighten. “Yep,” she said, nodding, “ ... that’s the one.” Even though Mel wasn’t wearing a dress shirt or tie ... or shoes ... the way the fabric draped over his broad shoulders gave her a tiny dose of goosebumps. “We just need to find a dress shirt, some dress shoes and a matching belt,” Kim told him, “plus a couple of ties that’ll go with that color.”

Seemingly from nowhere, Patrick reappeared. “I may be able to help with that,” he offered before turning toward Mel. “What size shoes do you normally wear?” he asked.

“Twelve,” Mel answered.

“Ah ... okay ... let’s see what we have in stock,” Patrick answered before buzzing away toward a stack of shoe boxes that lined another wall. Over his shoulder, he told Mel, “Keep the suit pants on – we’ll want to see how they look with the shoes.” Kim tried to be sneaky as she briefly slipped away to pick out a couple new pairs of boxers for her lover, as she’d promised.

Shrugging, Mel followed Patrick. Soon enough, Patrick found a pair of black dress shoes that were not overly ornate, suiting Mel’s general vibe. “If we match these shoes with a belt of the same color,” Patrick said to Kim as she returned, holding 2 pairs of men’s undershorts in one of her hands. “He’ll look great,” the foppish Patrick continued. Kim nodded her agreement, causing Patrick to scurry away and return with a matching belt. “Now, we just need to get a white dress shirt,” Patrick said mostly to himself, “ ... and a couple of ties that’ll work with the tan jacket...”

All told, they had spent less than an hour in the store by the time Patrick rang up Mel’s purchase. For some reason, Mel hadn’t been expecting to need shoes and and a new leather belt and ties, so the total cost exceeded the number he’d planned to spend ... but not by too much. He rolled his eyes when Patrick read the total to him, but when Kim offered a sweet smile, Mel nodded before forking over the money.

While Patrick packaged Mel’s new shoes, belt and ties, Kim paid for the men’s boxers she’d selected for Mel, causing Patrick’s eyebrows to raise momentarily. Once her purchase was completed, she hugged Mel from the side, asking, “So, what do you wanna do next?”

Mel shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about it. What do /you/ wanna do next?”

“How ‘bout a movie?” Kim asked. “It’s been ages since I went to a matinee.”

“Okay,” Mel nodded, “let’s see what’s playing.”

As they exited the store, packages in hand, Patrick called out, “Don’t forget – your suit will be ready to pickup tomorrow afternoon!”

Mel acknowledged the comment with a wave over his shoulder before using the same hand to grasp one of Kim’s. The two walked toward the parking lot, oblivious to the annoying crowd of other shoppers while a subtle grin seemed to be etched on Kim’s lovely face.

~~~ Kim handed the car keys to Mel as they approached the parked Chevy, her eyes shining as his lit up with excitement. “Are you sure?” He asked. “I mean ... I know how much this car meant to your father and now to Fran. Are you sure it’s okay for me to drive it?”

Kim gave a minor shrug as she pressed the keys into his hand. “Well, mom did say that we should take the car. So, I assume she thought you’d be driving it at some point.”

“Ho-kay,” Mel answered with a whisper. Once again, he stood by the vehicle and took in its lines; The graceful swoop of the tail fins, the gleam of the chrome. Steadying his hands, he unlocked the passenger door and held it open for Kim, thankful that he’d remembered to do the gentlemanly thing. Then, with growing anticipation, he rounded the car and let himself in the driver’s side.

Once the car was running, Kim gave him directions to the cinema. Mel savored the way the machine felt with his hands on the steering wheel; The suspension was a bit bouncier than the vehicles he’d driven, and the turning radius seemed to be about four city blocks, but Mel felt so fine driving that car that he had to consciously remind himself to listen for Kim’s directions, since he could easily have drifted away mentally.

~~~ When they got to the ticket booth, the realized the scheduled matinee was a holdover from several years prior; A Shot in the Dark. “Oh, I remember this one,” Kim had gushed with her face alight. “Have you seen it before?”

Mel shook his head. The last time he’d seen a movie in a theater, it had been to see the Hitchcock classic, ‘Psycho’, and that had been quite a few years ago. Honestly, throughout high school and his early 20’s, it was so rare for him to have a date that he didn’t often consider going out to the movies, opting instead to stay in and read.

“No?” Kim asked, surprised. “Well, I think you’ll really like it. It’s all centered around this French police detective played by Peter Sellers. That’s him on the poster. Anyway, there’s a rich family and someone gets murdered, and this policeman has to investigate. But the only real suspect is a cute blonde, who the policeman wants to get in the sack. There’s lots of pratfalls and silliness though, so like I said, I think you’ll like it.”

Mel smiled and shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” In truth, as long as he could stay near her, he would have been up for almost anything Kim wanted to do. Their timing was pretty good too – since the movie would be starting in less than 30 minutes.