Chapter 19: What Now?

Lara was relaxing in her rocking chair, cradling Lucy in her arms while giving her a bottle. Davis pulled up a chair nearby, and took a few photos using his phone.

“You’re looking very happy, these pictures will be precious to us all in a few years.”

“Can I see?”

“Here you go. Look how pretty you are!”

“Yeah, right. Hey, while you’re up here, take some of Lucy’s little face, too. Good. So, Davis, why are you wearing clothes, do you have to go out somewhere?”

“No, Lara, I just wanted to have a little chat. I’m going to grab a chair and just sit with you and Lucy, if that’s all right.”

“Sure.”

“Tell me, are you feeling OK? It’s not that you’re looking sad, or sick. You are obviously thrilled and joyful to have Lucy, as we all are. I don’t have any words to dance around this, though.

“You don’t have any interest or tolerance for sex since the baby. At least, not with us. That’s a big change, Lara.

“What have I done, please tell me! Have I offended or angered you? I love you, Lara, and I miss you. We both miss having you with us in the big bed. Even just to cuddle.

“Oh, no, Davis, do you want me to go? You understand Lucy has to leave with me.”

“Lara! Absolutely NOT! Your permanent home is with us, with our baby. Never doubt that. So, tell me, please. What can we do to bring back our intimate relationship?”

“I’m not sure. I knew this conversation was going to happen, but I just kept putting it off. Let me be honest with you. I love you, Davis. I love Celia. That hasn’t changed.

“But between your legs, your beautiful dick that I used to love so much—now it terrifies me. All I can think about is any little drop from the tip could have the sperm that would make me pregnant again. That one thought completely stops any sexual feelings I might have. My pussy goes dry as dust. The anxiety and tension are overwhelming.

“Until my periods restarted, I was a wreck, thinking I might somehow be getting pregnant again. There was no legitimate reason for that fear, but I still felt it.

“I don’t remember if I ever told you this: I have never had any good orgasms from masturbating. And I haven’t touched myself at all for a long, long time.

“Davis, right now, I don’t believe I will ever want to have sex again, with anyone. As you know, sexually, I’m not interested in women, and I’m too frightened by men.”

“From when you were in the hospital, Lara?”

“From when I died there, yes. At least, I thought I did, and I was ready to go. I passed the point of no return.

“Davis, before that day, I had never been really sick. Never broke a bone, never had my tonsils out, never been inside a hospital room. I was completely unprepared.

“You could spend days on the internet, and not see any stories like the agony I went through. At least, in the developed, modern world.

“Obviously, some women do much better at birthing. Most have a second baby, or more, if they can. A substantial proportion of women manage labor without drugs.

“Not me. I needed help, and I didn’t get it. I love my baby, but I can NEVER go through that horror again.”

Tears were running down Lara’s face. It was fortunate that the baby was sleeping and not being disturbed by her mother’s upset.

“I hope you can explain this to Celia. I really don’t want to repeat myself.”

“I’ll talk to her. And, I promise, you are safe here in your home. You should be absolutely confident, I will keep my physical distance, wear clothes, and not cause you any nervousness.

“Another time, in the future, we can talk some more. I think as time goes on, you will be open to getting some therapy, just to tamp down the anxiety, perhaps.

“I also think we need to consider filing a malpractice suit, for the medieval ‘treatment’ you received in their so-called ‘Birthing Center.’ Because you were clearly damaged by your experience, and perhaps we can get some money to put aside for Lucy’s future.

“Lara, I love you. Please always tell me if there’s anything I can do to help you. Thank you for confiding in me. I’ll let you and Lucy rest now.”