“I’m sorry, Craig, but it’s Ferdinand that I love.”

My wife’s hand was inside the Eurotrash’s shirt, one of those open, rippling blouses the guys on her romance novel covers wear. He had long black hair, dark eyes, and a smoldering look that reminded me of nothing so much as Derek Zoolander’s Blue Steel.

“I understand, Jess.” What? No I didn’t.

My wife’s pretty green eyes showed so much relief at this. “You’ve been a good husband and provider, Craig. I hope you know that. And you’ve been ... fine, I suppose, in bed, but Ferdinand has a ten inch cock, and he’s so ... virile.” Jess tossed her head to the side as she laughed happily, her chestnut hair cascading down her back.

“Sí, Craig. I have already impregnated her with the third child, the one you will never give her.” Wait, third child? But what about our second?

Jess pouted at me. “Oh, baby, I can see you’re confused. But in addition to his twelve inch cock, Ferdinand has a doctorate in temporal physics. He went back in time and gave me my second child a year ago. And I’m thrilled to say, he went back even farther; Millie’s isn’t yours, either, Craig.”

The smoldering physics professor-slash-underwear model adjusted his glasses. “You are quite a man, Craig. Not in the ways that matter, of course, but in the way that you can provide for a family fiscally. Gracias for taking care of my woman and my children.”

“Honey, I’ll always care for you, but I just need Ferdinand’s sixteen inch dick. It just gets sooooo deep inside me. Always puts the sperm right into my womb.” Wait, sixteen?

Mrs. Robinson, my sixth grade math teacher stepped out from behind a column with a yardstick. “Yes, Craig, eighteen. Whip it out, Ferdinand.” He reached into his pants and–

“Aaah!”

Jess rolled over. “Baby?” She blinked the sleep from her eyes. “Are you okay?” Her hand rubbed my chest, trying to soothe me.

We were in our bed, not on a terrace in the French Riviera. There was neither an ethnic stereotype Time Lord nor a terrifying matronly math teacher in the room with us. My breathing eased. “Yeah, Jess. Yeah, just a nightmare.”

My darling wife cuddled up to me, nuzzling into my neck. It was early, but not too early, a little after five according to the clock. “Mmm, you want to talk about it?”

I chuckled. “No, it was ... it was silly.” It was, but also disquieting in a way I couldn’t put my finger on. I wasn’t worried about Jess cheating; she was the most loyal, loving wife a man could ask for. I’d watched her knee a guy in the balls, one that looked about as hot as Ferdinand, for touching her shoulder after she’d told him she was married one time.

She kissed my chest. “It can’t have been that silly if you woke up shouting, baby.” Propped up on one elbow, she said, “Why don’t you tell me about it?”

Because I felt like an idiot. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

Jess giggled. “Not with a preface like that, no.” She kissed me sweetly. “But I promise that, after I’m done, I’ll help you through it. Good enough?”

She did, in fact, laugh quite a lot. The thing that tickled her the most seemed to be the ever-increasing dimensions of Ferdinand’s cock, although the time traveling insemination made her guffaw, too. Wiping a tear from her eye, she said, “Oh, babe. I love you. But your dreams are really not subtle at all, are they? Ferdinand? The bull?”

I sighed. “No, not really.”

My lovely wife delicately touched my cock. “I love this dick, Craig. Love the man it’s attached to. Love everything about it and him.” She kissed me softly. “But that’s not what it’s really about, is it?”

“No. And I don’t think it’s about ... You got pregnant with Millie really fast. I’m not worried about this second go around, either. Not really.” I laughed. “Been enjoying it immensely in fact.”

My dick twitched, and Jess laughed. “Mmm, me too.” She started to run her finger up and down it. “So it’s about the other?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Her expression was sympathetic, but I knew she was tired of talking about it. Jess loved me, though. “Babe, I told you, you don’t have to get the vasectomy.”

I didn’t cringe at the thought anymore, at least not outwardly. “No, I don’t have to, but it makes the most sense. You only want to have two kids...”

She raised an eyebrow. “Me? I thought ‘we.’”

“I dunno. I kind of want three. But it’s your body, and you want two.” She opened her mouth. “It doesn’t matter. Either way, eventually we’re going to want to be done. And when it’s time to be done, well ... I know we’re not going to stop fucking, that’s for sure.”

She bit her lower lip in that way that reminded me exactly why we weren’t going to stop fucking anytime soon. Most men look at my Jess and see a very attractive, desirable woman. But I know what’s going on in her head, and to me? She’s absolute sex on a stick when she does that, when she shows me that she wants me as much as I want her.

I continued, thoroughly distracted. “We both hate condoms, and the pill is ... I appreciate that you use it, but I know it makes you kind of miserable. And...” I chuckled.

Jess kissed my neck and whispered in my ear. “ ... And when I’m off the pill, I want to fuck you every night like we did when we first met.”

“I mean, yeah. That’s, ah, that’s a big incentive.” I kissed her again, a little longer than I should have if we were going to finish this conversation before we got to giving Millie a sibling. “But none of the other options are great, either. So it’s surgery for you or for me, and it’s just a lot safer, statistically, for me to get it done.”

She nodded sadly. “Babe, I love you. You can be as logical as you want about it, but I get it. I know it’s bothering you. I know that, even if you never wanted to get another woman pregnant–” My wife growled, “– and you better not, mister– it’s still a thing that feels like a biological imperative. Like you’re almost betraying yourself by making it so that you can’t do it. Like you’re...” She sighed. “Like you’ll feel less like a man.”

Jess climbed on top of me, stroking my cock. I was already hard, but she really liked to go that extra mile. “I get it, babe. I do. I’d feel ... relieved somewhat, but also weird if I got my tubes tied. But I just want to keep reminding you of something.” She leaned over and kissed me, then kept her face close to mine. “You’re about to knock your wife up for the second time. You’re sexy as fuck. You’re the best man I’ve ever met, with a thick, hard, fuck me until I scream cock. And a vasectomy? Ain’t gonna change any of that.”

She kneeled upright again, taking my dick and rubbing it along her labia. “I love you, Craig.” My beautiful wife slid down my shaft, her eyes closed, a quiet, happy sigh escaping her lips as she filled herself. “And I love this fucking cock.” Looking down at me, with a blissful smile on her face, she stroked my cheek as she began to move. “S- so good, babe. So ha-hard.”

I crossed my hands behind my head. Jess always loved to begin this way when she was on top, in control for a little bit; I did, too. It would change soon, our coupling would, but for now, I just wanted to watch this incredibly sexy woman use me for her pleasure, even as she gave it in return. Her breasts swayed tantalizingly, making me want to take one of the lovely thick nipples in my mouth, but I resisted. “You’re so beautiful, Jess.”

If she hadn’t been riding me, grinding her clit against my pubic bone and moaning my name softly, I’d have said the grin on her face now was shy. But there was nothing shy about her; certainly not her need, which was now growing at an almost exponential rate. I knew what she wanted, but it was just so much fun to tease her, especially after she laughed at my anxiety dream. I moved just a little bit, throwing off her rhythm, and she whined. “Did you need something, babe?”

Her nails dug into my chest suddenly. “A– aahhh asshole!” Well, if she insisted. My hands moved to her hip, then past and around, a finger teasing her tight, virgin anus; my fingers or a small toy were fine there, welcome even. But she was far too frightened of something as thick as my cock. “Eep!” She jumped just a bit, then started laughing. “You know what I m– mean! Fuck me, you bastard!”

“Oooooh, I get it now.” I grabbed her hips. “And you will too, love.”

Her voice turned incoherent as I began to thrust up into her, slamming into her in the way that she preferred. Jess loved for me to be rough as her orgasm approached, and from the way her pussy was fluttering around my cock, I knew this one would be incredible.

She did not disappoint.

Her incoherent sounds grew louder and louder, shifting from a low groan to a quiet wail. She shuddered violently, falling forward and bracing herself on my chest as I continued to pump into her. “Good girl. Good girl. Come for me, Jess. Do it. Fucking love watching you come, baby.” I don’t know if my words were what tipped her over the edge, but her motion, both in her limbs and inside her, became more energetic, then her pussy clamped down on me as she howled loudly.

I kept at her, slowing only slightly, trying to extend her pleasure. As she gained control of herself again, she pleaded. “F-fuck Craig. Please, p– please. Cum. Cum, Craig, please cum, fucking knock me up babe, I want your baby, please–!” She closed her eyes, reveling in the heat she felt inside, spurting up into her body, splashing against her cervix. “Ooooohhhh babe, it’s so much. So fucking much. Love it. Love you.” She slumped down on me and nuzzled into my chest. “Love you, Craig. Such a good Daddy. Gonna ... mmm. Gonna make me a Mommy again.”

It was very early in the morning, long before our alarms would go off. We probably should have had her roll off and lay with her legs up for a bit, but if it didn’t happen this time, that would be fine. This was the fun part; we both knew our equipment was working, and we’d agreed to not stress about it like we had with Millie. Instead, she fell asleep on my chest, with me still inside of her. We took advantage of that in the morning as well.

I’d like to say that talking with her eased my concerns. It did, a little, but we’d already had variations on that talk before; not ones that concluded in such a fun way, but still. When it came down to it, I was opting to get surgery on my junk, and that surgery would make it so that I couldn’t ever have another kid. There was a sense of anxiety with the first and loss with the second, even if, rationally, I knew it was the right choice.

I’d done plenty of research, and I knew how tiny the risks were. But I had also read horror stories. And the problem with people in general, and me in specific? We’re really, really vulnerable to anecdotal evidence, especially if the anecdotes sway us towards something we already want. I wanted to not have scalpels near my dick; that’s about as close to a universal male experience as you’re going to get.

There were guys at my work and friends that had gotten vasectomies; none of them had any complications. That helped. Even the recovery wasn’t supposed to be too bad. But still. Scalpel. Dick.

Jess, bless her, got it. I already didn’t like hospitals or doctors. Hated the idea of any kind of surgery. She didn’t push about it at all, because she knew, ultimately, I’d make the right decision. I’d made the right decision. I just had to follow through when the time came; I comforted myself with the knowledge that I had at least nine months to get off my ass, but that also meant I had nine months to dwell.

The rest of that week went by pretty fast. I loved my wife, liked my job, absolutely adored my daughter. It’s not like I was constantly thinking about it, but I did have one more visit from Ferdinand and his thirty-two inch dick. My teeth also fell out in that dream; not sure what that was about.

Jess and I were “trying” hard that week, her most fertile window, and I was giddy at what would come at the end of it. Thankfully, unlike a lot of couples that were trying to conceive, it hadn’t been too hard for us the first time, and we were able to keep it fun. Jess usually did something special at the end of each cycle to celebrate, and I was looking forward to seeing what she had planned.

When I came in, the house was quiet. That was different; Millie was two now, old enough to run to me and slam into my legs for a hug. It didn’t happen this time, and I felt a little sad. But that only lasted for a minute.

“Hey, babe.” My lovely wife was dressed for date night. Well, mostly dressed for it. No shoes, just a short dress that showed her curves off. One tight enough to show the lack of panty lines. “Millie’s at your folks’ tonight. I told them we wanted to have a little grownup time.” She slunk towards me and gave me a deep, loving kiss. “Hungry?”