Chapter 3

Throughout my workday I checked in on Luis, using my phone. I saw him eat the salt & vinegar potato chips I’d left him. I saw him spinning the combination lock, pulling at the lever, lamely trying to break into my gun safe. I also witnessed him attempt lunging kicks at the door, trying to batter the door with his uninjured shoulder. At one point he looked like a little sumo wrestler or an offensive lineman the way he crouched and pushed at the door, tried to wedge it from its frame. I also observed him as he bunched up into a fetal ball, shaking as he cried. That part I recorded, took screenshots of ... Just in case I needed to (or just felt like) extorting him later.

But, alas, I never saw him pick up the Bible, Koran, Sam Harris or Buddha book. It saddens me that these kids aren’t reading these days. Fucking rapscallion wouldn’t even pick up a book when being held captive in a closet for over 18 hours...

Then I remembered an Australian comedian I’d seen, Jim Jefferies. He’d been bragging, in his act, about how he’d only read one book in his whole life. Only one book. All this to the roaring applause of the crowd. Not reading, not reading books, I’d posit, should be something people ought to be embarrassed to admit. Maybe if Luis read more books, he wouldn’t have gotten taken hostage. But maybe he can be a standup comedian.

As for my guest ... What should I do with him? I’d kill him if I had to, but didn’t really want to, and it was too late to call the cops...

I briefly pondered selling him into slavery of some sort. That might teach him a good work ethic. I could auction off Luis J. Gomez’s services on the Dark Web...

But then I stumbled upon the perfect punishment. The perfect dessert to follow the awful entrée of shit I’d already served.

On my way back from work, I stopped by a hunting supply store and bought a blowgun and bag of tranquilizer darts. When I got home, I checked the guestroom cam on my phone and saw that Luis was sitting balled up in the corner, looking passed out. The bump on his head had really swelled up too ... Fucker almost looking like a hammerhead shark...

Quickly I opened the door and shot Luis in the arm with a tranquilizer dart. Then I recoiled at the pungent stench of Luis’s body odor coupled with the reek of his excrement in the bucket. But I wasted no time following through with my plan...

On TV and in movies, especially Dexter, if you stick someone with a syringe or shoot someone with a tranquilizer dart, they instantly crumple, pass out.

But it’s not usually like that in real life.

The fellow with the long beard at the hunting shop explained that it takes at least a minute or two for the tranquilizer to set in. Could be up to a few minutes, the larger the animal, he’d warned. So, after blasting Luis, I slammed shut and locked the closet door, waited about 10 minutes, played a couple hands of online poker on my phone and then returned. By that point he was definitely out.