Chapter 1

All the thoughts and doubts about his family rushed back with a vengeance as soon as Andrew got back home. The only person that seemed pleased to see him was Scott, everyone else was ready for a moan and he hadn’t even put his bag down yet. The big issue for Rowan, his father and his mother, in that order of faux outrage, was that Andrew had removed the power cord from his amplifier. It was sitting in the boot of his car at that very moment. He listened to the ridiculous guff coming from the them and was oddly calm. Even the classic line from his father of ‘if you are going to live under my roof then you will treat your family properly’ didn’t get a reaction. The one-sidedness of it all was what struck him and stayed with him. Ever more regularly Andrew was left wondering why he was less of a member of the family than Rowan. It seemed like his parents didn’t actually like him very much, and were forced to tolerate him or something. For Andrew that was the missing piece, the neglect and borderline antipathy of his parents. His father was a lost cause and had been for years but his mother had changed since the birth of Scott. It was as if she wanted a completely obedient child that did what he was told and didn’t answer back or fight with his sister. Andrew escaped to his room and surveyed the disorder. It wasn’t a mess, nothing was broken, but it was as clear as day that Rowan had been snooping around his room while he had been away. The final straw was at dinner.

“It won’t be possible to have your party on the 17^th. We are going to be away and you are not having a party here without us.”

Andrew had been looking forward to the party, a chance to see family and friends before heading off to university. It was clear that this petty retaliation was his father’s attempt to assert control. A torrent of rage flowed in Andrew’s mind but his only response was resigned scowl. Bridges were being burned left and right. He went through to his room and sorted out his bags from Rome and just shoved all the crap with his parents to the side. He was fed up worrying about it all. What a shitshow.

Suzanne had called it correctly though. He was up the following morning at his usual time of 5.45 and after exercising headed out for a two hour run. Andrew had been consistent in doing his sit ups and push ups while he was away, although not necessarily first thing in the morning, but had not run or swum for the whole two weeks. He knew the first day would be a challenge so set a very moderate pace on the way out but was determined to get back into his routine. The hour out from the house was okay and the first half hour back was manageable but he was struggling for the final 40 minutes. Andrew slowed so much that it took him an hour and 10 minutes to return after an hour out. He walked round the block a couple of times as he recovered and let his heart rate slow and oxygen intake regularise. It was probably stupid to go so hard as soon as he returned but it was good to start to reclaim his routine. After a huge breakfast Andrew jumped in the car and went over to see his grandmother. He ended up being dragooned into walking to church with her, the first time he had been in church in several years. He could think of only one other time since he recovered from cancer, the same circumstance, accompanying Grandma on a Sunday morning. He survived the experience and was dutifully polite as she introduced him to what seemed like half the congregation after the service. After he walked her back to her flat Andrew headed over to the Food Bank.

As he lugged boxes around at the warehouse on that warm Sunday afternoon he thought about the last 24 hours. When he returned home there was a pile of correspondence waiting for him. His exam results had arrived the Monday after he left for Rome and so they had been waiting for him for nearly two weeks. When Andrew opened the envelope from the Scottish exam board he saw he had received 4 ‘A’s in his three Maths papers and Physics. That meant he was going to Cambridge, although that excitement was tempered by an envelope from Trinity College waiting in the pile as well. He quickly opened the envelope with the A level in History, which came from one of the English exam boards. Scotland and England still maintained separate education systems and so his CSYS results were separate from the A-level History one. He discovered he had only got a ‘B’ in the History A-level. He had a momentary pang of disappointment but then put it aside. Next, he opened the acceptance letter from Trinity College which was stuffed full of forms he needed to complete, most urgently his accommodation request form. This was all fairly standard and Andrew had gone through it all that evening ready to mail it all off on the Monday morning, but at the last minute he put in the other information section he was 6’5” or approximately 195cms. He had bought a longer bed for himself once he was 6’3” and still growing and so he needed to make sure that the College had a chance to assign him to a room with a sufficiently long bed.

Saturday night went from exciting and nervous over the results to mundane form-filling very quickly. The package of information from the College including information from the Student’s Union at the College, the Engineering Faculty of the University as well as a large sheaf of info from Trinity College itself. Thinking back on it all Andrew had no stand out memories of the induction papers, it was all swallowed up a month later by the reality. Cambridge run an (overly) complicated term system with archaic names and as a Fresher it was not clear at first when term actually started for students, as opposed to when it officially started in the eyes of the University. However, carefully reading of all the information clarified it. Freshers were expected the weekend before lectures started the following Thursday. The confusion was that this was the second Thursday of the term in the eyes of the University. So for Andrew he would be moving in on Saturday October 1^st for five days of induction and Fresher’s events before classes started on the 6^th. Returning students would be arriving on the 3^rd or 4^th. He had a month left to prepare.

It was these thoughts that kept Andrew mentally distracted that Sunday afternoon. He was working on autopilot and was in his own little world. Andrew thought about what he had to do during these final four weeks. Clearly the last week was packing and preparing for the trip down south, so he had three weeks left to kill. It felt very much like the start of the summer all over again, hanging around unsure what to do. Other than the party on the 17^th the rest of the time was his own, and even that had been cancelled by his father. Andrew was still thinking about this when he arrived at the Campbell’s after finishing up at the Food Bank.

It was just one more indication that life was changing; Julian was there as well as Leslie and her parents. It was great to see them all and the conversation flowed freely as he talked about Rome and the pair of them updated him on their life as they chatted with Mary and Brian. After dinner they sat in Leslie’s room, the scene of countless heart to hearts for him over the years, and talked in more detail about the last month and the coming year.

“Both sets of parents are very happy about our relationship.”

Leslie started the chat off.

“Julian’s folks have been really nice to me and you can see how Mum and Dad are with Julian.”

Andrew nodded as Julian piped up with his agreement.

“I think they both see how serious we are about each other. The good thing is that we have known both parents as friends for years before we changed our relationship.”

The two of them chirped away about their relationship, parents, university and just their overall feeling of happiness. It was wonderful to see but at the same time there was a self-absorption to it as well. They were totally into each other at present. Andrew headed home relatively early and let them be. Before he left he remembered about the cancelled party and figured he might as well tell Brian and Mary.

“I thought I would let you know. The party I was planning to have has been cancelled.”

“What happened? We were looking forward to it.”

Andrew had to pause and think about his words carefully, and try and keep the tone calm.

“Mum and Dad are going to be away and don’t want me to hold a party in the house when they are not there.”

That sentence invited many responses and questions but other than a quick glance between them neither Brian nor Mary said anything. What Brian did say shocked Andrew.

“Why don’t you have it here? Leslie and Julian will know three quarters of the people and Mary and I will know a good few as well.”

Middle class manners burst forth but Brian waved away all Andrew’s worries.

“You were getting it catered, yes?”

Andrew nodded.

“All they have to do is come to different house, two miles away, not an issue.”

Before Andrew knew it, everything had been agreed. His party 13 days hence, would be at the Campbell’s house, not his own parent’s. He thanked both Brian and Mary profusely and went on his way. Andrew lay on his bed that night thinking about Brian’s gesture as well as the next three weeks. He felt sad and conflicted that his parents thought so little of him, yet the Campbells were prepared to host a party for 40 people, a lot of whom they didn’t know. It would have been nice to have the chance to talk to Leslie about the summer and the upcoming term at Cambridge but as Andrew lay there he thought about life at Cambridge and realised he needed to stand on his own. It was too late to be doing a full evaluation of his goals but there was more to it than just his plan. Andrew thought about where he was going to live, thinking back to some of the conversations with Suzanne during their holiday. It was time to move out, but did he want to buy a house or flat of his own in Edinburgh? As he thought of that it popped into his head that it didn’t even need to be in Edinburgh, he could get a place anywhere. Did he want to get a flat in Cambridge? Sleep took a long time coming that night as Andrew lay thinking about everything.

He dragged his tired carcass out of bed at 6.30 the following morning and did his usual routine before heading over to Warrender to meet Suzanne. Andrew was on total autopilot as he swam thinking about everything going on in his life and what his options were. It took Suzanne grabbing his arm as he went past to jerk him out of his contemplation.

“Wow, you were off in your own world again there Andrew. Come on, let’s change and find somewhere for a quick cup of coffee.”

Half an hour later they were sitting in one of the numerous small cafes on Marchmont Road.

“Alright, what is up with you? You only zone out like that if you are doing some serious thinking.”

“Just a continuation of the feeling that everything is changing, that’s all. I was over at the Campbell’s last night and Julian was there with Leslie and the dynamic has changed quite markedly. I have been used to bouncing ideas off of Leslie but the chance never came up. And I have been thinking about buying a flat, either here or in Cambridge. I am feeling somewhat rootless this summer, all the changes, moving away, it is making me question a lot of things that I took for granted. When we talked last week about coming back home and our parents’ reaction to each other staying over, it struck a chord with me. I never talk to my parents about anything. Here I am thinking about buying a flat or a house in Cambridge, essentially leaving home and unlikely to return other than on a short holiday, and it never occurs to me to talk to Mum and Dad about it.”

Andrew gave Suzanne an edited version of his welcome home on Saturday night.

“The lack of structure of my summer has thrown me more than I can explain.”

Suzanne looked at him and smiled sadly.

“You are out of sorts, aren’t you? Well let’s knock some of these off and get you back on track. After the holiday I can see the benefit of having your own place, especially now that I know you can afford it. My opinion is that it is too soon to get a place in Cambridge, you will want a break from there, so go ahead and get a flat here in Edinburgh. Once we have finished up, let’s walk the neighbourhood and see what is listed and go and look at an estate agents, see what is available and when. It is a good time to be buying, before the students all get back. That is what I would do, but then I am biased and want you here rather than in England.”

She smiled at him, before lowering her head and biting her bottom lip. Andrew’s Pavlovian reaction was entirely predictable. He laughed and leaned over and kissed her.

“Bad Suzanne. You are right, there is no harm and walking around and seeing if there is anything that catches my eye. And the point about escaping from Cambridge is also a good one, at least until I know what life there is like.”

“It is good to see you smile. You also need to find someone to talk to, someone that you can bounce ideas off, a surrogate father figure if you don’t want to talk to your own parents. Leslie’s Dad?”

Andrew thought about that and what the alternatives were.

“Maybe, I will think about that some more, although he is the obvious choice. Just talking to you is helping calm me down. I don’t know that I need to talk to anyone right now because there is way too much guesswork. I think the conversations will be more meaningful in December after I have had a term at Cambridge. A lot of my doubts are just driven by having too much time on my hands. It sounds silly but I think I need to learn how to do nothing. Come on, let’s go for a wander and see if there are any flats for sale.”

For someone who thought of himself as a solitary person, all Andrew needed was a sounding board and the chance to bounce ideas off them and he was immediately more positive and balanced. It was also a startling revelation that Suzanne had clearly replaced Leslie in that role, there was no doubt she was his closest friend. He parked that for further thought later and concentrated on the task at hand. Hand in hand they walked for an hour or so around the area and Andrew jotted down the addresses of several places that had for sale signs outside. There was an estate agent close by and they walked over and he got details of the various flats. Andrew quickly whittled the list down to three, all top flats meaning there would be no noisy neighbours above him. He made appointments to view for the following two days and by lunchtime he was well on the way to buying something himself for the very first time. He drove Suzanne back into the centre of the city and headed over to Mhairi’s office to give her the heads up. Andrew left a message with her secretary and then headed over to see Tony feeling much calmer.